by Prairie Song
She knelt at the small circle of rocks across from him and looked up.
Großvater held a rock midair as if he were weighing it. A frown dulled his eyes. “I wish I could bear it all for you.”
Anna didn’t know for certain what Großvater meant, but she nodded anyway. She guessed that he was referring to Mutter. That he’d make life better for both of them, if it were in his power to do so.
“But you and I both know I can’t carry your burdens.” He added the rock to the ring and peered up at her. “Any more than you can bear your mutter’s sorrow.”
Anna sat back on her heels. “I know I can’t take care of her, not the way I wish I could. But she is doing better.”
“And if it doesn’t last? Then what will you do?”
Tears stung her eyes. “How can you give up on your own daughter?”
Großvater’s sigh tore at her heart. “I won’t ever give up on my Wilma, but I have no say if she’s given up on herself.”
The tears rolled down her chin.
“Anna, don’t throw away your life.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“Isn’t it?” He stared at her, into her, his face solemn. “What about Caleb? He’s the first man I’ve seen you take a fancy to, and you’ve turned him away.”
“You don’t know all there is to know about him.”
“I don’t think you do either.”
“I know enough.”
“You know enough to make a judgment, but not enough to hear him out?” He twisted a rock into the circle, making it fit.
“He’s been talking to you?”
“He tried, desperate to know what he did or said that hurt you.” Großvater pushed himself up from the ground, taking the sack with him. “You’re not going to tell me what he did to end up on your bad side?”
“It’s just better this way. He has a job to do. We don’t need his help any longer. And I don’t need the distraction.”
She took over for Großvater and began to stack rocks more forcefully than she needed to, trying to convince herself she didn’t need Caleb, didn’t want him in her life. It was best for her to concentrate on Mutter’s well-being; success in that area was all she truly needed.
Garrett pounded a tent stake into the root-bound soil. As of today, the Boone’s Lick Company had been on the road one month. Slowed down by the fording of several streams this afternoon, the wagons hadn’t covered as much ground today, but they were still making good time. He moved to the far side of the tent and set another stake. If they kept this pace, they’d arrive at Fort Kearney in less than three weeks.
The last two Sundays had been his favorite days on the road thus far. The day after tomorrow would be his third Sunday horseback ride with Caroline Milburn, and he couldn’t wait. She had a way about her that had him caught—hook, line, and sinker. A perplexing blend of compassion and spiritedness, independence and appreciation for society. Her porcelain-doll looks pitted against an iron will. Crossing to the third stake, Garrett realized that if he didn’t pull himself out of his daydreams, he was sure to pound a thumb.
“Boss!”
He followed Frank’s nod. The redhead of his dreams marched toward him, her skirts pinched and raised to the tops of her boots.
“It’s Davonna.”
“Again?” Garrett blew out a breath. “What is she upset about now?”
“She’s missing!”
His mouth went dry.
“She left camp to fetch a bucket of water from the stream. I thought it would be okay. It isn’t that far.”
“When did she go?”
“Just over an hour ago.”
“I’m sure she’s fine. Probably just decided to sit and enjoy some peace and quiet.” At least he hoped so.
“About thirty minutes ago, Ian went to the stream and walked it a ways but didn’t find her. We’re all worried.”
“Understandably.” He shared their concerns that something wasn’t right with Davonna. “Where is Ian now?”
“He went back out with a candle lantern.”
“Tiny and Isaac are out scouting,” Garrett said, his mind searching for a solution.
“The sun is nearly down. We have to find her before something terrible happens.”
“I agree. I’ll get a search party together.”
“I’m going to look for her too.”
The intensity in Caroline’s green eyes told him any objection would only delay her involvement.
“All right, but you’ll stay with me.” He faced Frank. “Send Caleb out. Then you and Boney round up several teams of two and three. Make sure each team has a rifle with them.”
“Will do, Boss.”
While Frank took quick steps to the chuck wagon, Garrett went to the sycamore where he’d tethered his stallion and met Caroline’s gaze. “We’ll walk, but I want to have a horse with us in case Davonna is injured or ill.”
Caroline squeezed his hand, and they set off into the twilight together.
36
Caleb tromped upstream through waist-high prairie grass. He carried a medical kit over his shoulder and gripped a candle lantern and his rifle. Staying on the bank just above the stream for a better view of the surrounding area, he searched the grass for any sign of disturbance. Anna’s mother had been easier to track in the draw. He’d seen her leave the camp.
Wilma Goben and now Davonna Kamden. Garrett was right. Women weren’t designed for the trail. That was all there was to it. The day-in-and-day-out demands were too rigorous and emotionally taxing for the female constitution.
An image suddenly confronted him—Anna sitting peacefully on the quilt under the tree, her Bible laying open on her lap. He’d have to count Anna as an exception to the rule. He’d hate to consider this trip without having her along, even if she was angry with him and wouldn’t say why.
When Caleb reached a stand of trees, he stilled his steps, listening. “Mrs. Kamden?”
“Caleb?”
It wasn’t a woman’s voice, but it did have a Scottish ring to it. “Ian?”
The broad-shouldered man stepped out from between some trees. “I can’t find her either.” He pressed his hand to his forehead. “Mither’s not right. My wife tried to tell me. Miss Caroline too. But—”
“There’s a search party out looking.” Caleb hadn’t heard much come from Ian’s mouth before now, let alone detected any emotion. It made him miss his own mother all the more. He clapped Ian on the shoulder. “We’ll find her, Ian. Much of the party is covering both sides of the creek. Why don’t you loop back around toward camp?”
“In case she comes back on her own. Good idea.”
Caleb hooked his thumb on the rifle at his shoulder. “We’ll fire one shot to say we found her. Another to say she’s unharmed.”
Ian nodded before walking away.
Caleb started farther up the hill, praying someone found Davonna soon. First, the Zanzucchi boy’s broken arm, then Otto’s fever, Rhoda Kamden’s recurring pain, and Wilma’s near-drowning. The Company was already on edge.
An owl hooted from a far-off perch, a family of prairie dogs whistled nearby, and coyotes yipped and howled in the distance—all a part of a prairie song. But no hint of Davonna Kamden.
He’d only walked another thirty yards or so when he heard another song familiar in the prairie—a woman’s cry.
At least it sounded like a woman. Or was it only wishful thinking?
Caleb held the lantern up behind him for light to scan the area. “Mrs. Kamden? Davonna?”
Silence. If she wasn’t here, where was she?
Then the cry turned to wailing. It had to be her. Caleb made his way toward a bluff at a crook in the stream. At its base stood a clump of dogwood trees. A silhouette lay in a heap beneath them, her body trembling with her sobs. A shawl covered her head.
“Ma’am?” He didn’t see any threat to her, but still she cried and trembled. He took careful steps toward the trees. “Mrs. Kamden, it’s Caleb Reger.”
Finally, she lifted her head. Tears streamed down her blotchy face, and her eyes were swollen.
He swung the pack to the ground and knelt beside her. “Are you hurt? Did you fall?”
She shook her head, her wails rising. “Look!” She ran her hand over the dirt in front of her.
Caleb noticed the rock beyond her knee and the freshly plucked bundle of sunflowers beside it. A piece of paper stuck out from under a jagged edge. She had stumbled upon a grave.
“Mrs. Kamden, I need to fire my rifle to let Ian know I’ve found you.” He pulled the rifle from the scabbard and fired a shot. The second shot was to let Garrett know she was unharmed and he could return her to camp on his own.
She reared up on her knees. “Shush.” Pressing a finger to her lips, the disheveled woman shook her head. “Quiet!” She spoke in a whisper. “A bairn … only a wee bairn. And now he’s a boy asleep in God’s arms.”
Caleb nodded, fighting the emotion clogging his throat. He knelt beside her and pulled the water-stained slip of paper from under the rock. Sitting on his legs, Caleb unfolded the crinkled note and read in silence.
Here lies my precious son Michael Eugene Stetson. Gone far too soon at six days, but now cradled in God’s loving arms. I am made to travel on without him. Please leave flowers of beauty as you pass.
From a bereaved mother, thankful for the time she had with her boy, but ever hungry for more. Pauline Stetson.
Davonna Kamden patted the heads of the wildflowers as one would stroke a newborn’s soft curls. “I picked these for Michael. Every one of them.”
Caleb nodded then refolded the note and tucked it back under the rock. They should get back to camp. But with his heart equally heavy, he couldn’t budge.
“Mr. Caleb?” Her lips quivered.
“Yes ma’am.”
“Why do babies have to die?”
His whole body trembling, Caleb looked away from her pleading eyes. Cupping his face in his hands, he finally allowed himself to shed tears for Billy and the other eight men in his squad.
Anna trudged through tall grasses along the stream a few feet behind Hattie and her brother. A candle lantern hung at her side, but she hadn’t lit it yet. Hopefully someone in the search party would find Davonna Kamden soon so they could all return to camp before dark.
A glance at the sinking sun told her that wasn’t likely.
“Something isn’t right with that woman.” Charles spoke over his shoulder. “Seems a bit daft to me. Probably wandered off and can’t find her way back.”
“That is why we have to find her.” Hattie marched ahead of her brother. “Imagine what could befall her if we don’t.”
Three of them bunched together looking for her wouldn’t do much good, but Anna couldn’t sit back at camp and do nothing. Not when that poor woman was out here somewhere. Alone. She could have fallen and hurt herself.
Sadly, Anna found herself in agreement with Charles’s theory, if not his exact description. At first, she thought the elder Mrs. Kamden just a little peculiar. Back in Saint Charles, she’d known a few folks considered different from other folks. The trapper back at Little Blue River would definitely qualify as such. Indeed, his differences were obvious and had frightened her.
That day, Caleb had kissed her. Stepping around a rock, Anna pressed her fingers to her lips. That day, she’d kissed him. That day she’d been so sure she’d found a man she could love.
Anna shook her head. She’d been wrong.
And this evening wasn’t about Caleb Reger. It was about Davonna Kamden. That was who she needed to think about. That was why she was out here, to help find Mrs. Kamden.
Hattie stopped and raised her hand, signaling for Charles and Anna to stop and be quiet. They did, and after a few seconds she shook her head. “I thought I heard something.”
“Probably someone else in the search party.” Charles shifted his rifle to his other shoulder. “Awhile back, I thought I heard Caleb calling her name.”
Anna resumed her steps. She could do without hearing Caleb’s name again this evening. Picking up her pace, she caught up to Charles. “Davonna buried her husband in Memphis, then boarded a paddle wheeler bound for Missouri. Grief could be causing her odd behavior.”
Hattie glanced back at them. “Anna’s right. Drastic change can affect a person. The poor woman hadn’t been in Saint Charles but a few months before her son carried her off for parts unknown.”
Anna sighed. Like she’d done to her own mother.
A rifle blast stopped them all midstep. They remained frozen in place until a second shot.
Charles shifted the hat on his head. “That was the signal to say someone found Ian’s mother and that she isn’t harmed.”
“Thank You, God.”
Anna’s heart echoed Hattie’s short prayer.
Charles pointed to the right, up from the stream. “They’re not far away either.” He turned toward the shots.
“Since she’s all right, we can go back,” Hattie said.
“Best to see for ourselves, sis. Not harmed doesn’t mean they couldn’t use help.”
Hattie nodded and looked back at Anna.
Anna was ready to get back to camp before full darkness claimed the day, but she didn’t dare try to do it alone, lest she end up needing the search party herself. She pulled a match from her apron pocket and lit the candle lantern, then fell into step with the brother and sister. Within a few minutes, they’d reached a bluff at a crook in the stream and a cluster of dogwood trees. Charles stopped suddenly, quietly, and raised his hand. Hattie stopped, and Anna stepped up beside them.
She saw the silhouettes of two people sitting on the ground beneath one of the trees.
Anna took slow steps past the others. Stopping a few feet out, she lifted the candle toward Mrs. Kamden. “Are you all right, ma’am?”
“How can I be?” Mrs. Kamden shook her head. “A baby has died.”
“A baby?” They only had one baby in their midst. Evie Brenner. It couldn’t be her.
“Mrs. Kamden found a grave.” The man stood and helped Davonna to her feet, then, after dragging one forearm across his face, he pointed to the ground with the other.
“Caleb?” In the faint light from the candle, she could see that redness ringed his eyes.
Garrett and Caroline rushed toward them from the left, Ian Kamden from the right. “Mither! I was so worried.”
Davonna patted her son’s cheek. “I am well. Mr. Caleb is a very nice man, you know. The baby made him sad too.”
Ian shook Caleb’s hand. “Thank you for finding her. For taking care of her.”
Caleb nodded, looking straight at Anna but not saying a word.
He had told her the day he kissed her that he had something to tell her, something she needed to know. What if she was wrong not to hear him out?
She squared her shoulders. No.
No matter how desperate she was to believe Mutter could change—that her near-drowning would reform her—there was better chance that Mutter’s struggle would continue. No. She wasn’t judging Caleb. Not really. She just knew that hearing him out wouldn’t make a difference. She couldn’t give her heart to a man she knew would break it time and time again, as Mutter had. He’d make promises he couldn’t keep, regardless of his desire to do so. Because of alcohol.
“Anna?” Hattie laid her hand on Anna’s arm. “I asked if you wanted to walk back to camp with Caleb.”
“I don’t.”
She couldn’t.
37
Saturday morning, Anna walked the road with Maren Wainwright, whose plaited blond hair circled her head. The Danish immigrant suffered from what a doctor in Saint Charles referred to as Night Blindness, with no known cure. And yet Maren possessed a quiet strength and grace Anna desired for herself.
Little Gabi Wainwright and little Maisie Kamden skipped ahead of them, singing to their cloth doll and rabbit. The girls’ songs about the birds and rocks tickled Anna, but also pricked her heart. Would she for
ever be responsible for Mutter and Großvater, or would she one day marry and have a family of her own? She’d started to believe she might …
She shook her head. Never mind what she thought. Or felt.
It didn’t matter.
But still, last night’s image of Caleb on the ground with Davonna Kamden, mourning the loss of a baby he didn’t know, disturbed her. He hadn’t behaved like he’d been drinking. Instead, he’d seemed wrought with grief.
Anna brushed a blade of grass from her apron. Whatever happened to her resolve to lean on God’s understanding and to trust Him to direct her paths? She should be thankful God had allowed her to discover the truth about Caleb before she’d let her heart follow him. They’d already kissed. A mistake.
“Your mother? Is she well?” Maren tucked a windblown curl behind her ear and blinked feverishly.
Anna looked at her friend. “Yes. Thank you. She seems to be feeling better than she has in a long while.” Anna tugged the brim of her bonnet to better shade her eyes from the sun. “In fact, she’s been doing most of the cooking lately.”
“Yes.” Maren nodded. “She brought us some of her kartoffelpuffer this morning. Even better than Mother Brantenberg’s potato pancakes.” She pressed her finger to her mouth. “You know you can’t tell Elsa I said that.”
“Don’t worry, she won’t hear it from me.” Anna smiled. “But I know the secret ingredient.”
“Do tell.”
“She adds garlic to the hot oil. Says that’s what adds flavor. And wards off rheumatism.”
“Rutherford asked her for the receipt. Perhaps she can teach Gabi how to make them.”
“I’m sure she’d be happy to.”
And what a great idea to get Mutter involved with the others. Being around children was good for one’s spirit. One of the great blessings of being on the trail with all these families.
“Anna.” Maren looked at her, blinking. “You are a good daughter.”
Anna looked away, fighting the legions of doubts that plagued her.
“Even before we left Saint Charles, we all saw you.” Maren laid her tender hand on Anna’s sleeve. “Despite your own grief, you worked to provide for your family. And here on the road, you’ve done everything you can to care for your mother.”
