Beefcake & Retakes

by Fennell, Judi

  If only he didn’t.

  Tanner shifted in his seat and rested his hat on the bend in his knee. She wanted to brush the hair off his collar—to run her fingers through it. It was longer than when he’d lived here and she liked it.

  Then again, there wasn’t much she didn’t like about Tanner. Even his stubbornness in believing the worst of her. Tanner had a very strong moral code and she appreciated that. Had learned the value of having one.

  So once this subterfuge for her grandmother was over, she’d never tell another lie again.

  But she’d also never have Tanner again.

  Unless she could prove to him that she’d changed.

  Chapter Five

  “You haven’t asked me why I’m working in a strip club.” He hadn’t said anything for the past half hour—didn’t know what to say, but it hit him that she hadn’t laid into him about his choice of employment.

  Which was ironic given the fact that she’d been the one to get an MBA. Oh, he was working on one, hence stripping for tuition and living expenses since he hadn’t been able to count on using his trust fund. The hours fit his schedule and the pay was good. As for the working conditions and the guys… He’d be lying if he said it wasn’t fun. Gage and Bry ran a classy place so there was no stigma to working there. And if he’d wanted chicks, they would’ve been lined up at his dressing room door—well, maybe not there since the club had the no fraternization rule, but more than one phone number had made it into his g-string with the dollar bills.

  Too bad he hadn’t worn the g-string when she’d shown up—though, actually, he was glad she hadn’t seen him like that. He wasn’t embarrassed about what he did but there was something about someone he’d been so intimate with seeing him do publicly what he’d done in private that had made it uncomfortable.

  But Juliet just shrugged at his question—unusual for her. For all that they’d be inseparable in high school, Juliet had always been jealous. He’d liked it back then. Before he’d realized it’d meant she was insecure about their relationship. That she was so unsure that she’d do something foolish like get pregnant on purpose to make sure he stayed with her.

  God, if she’d just asked him, he would have told her he loved her. Hell, he had told her he loved her. Hell, he told anyone who’d listen that he loved her. He’d heard the things people said about him all the time: that he was gorgeous, the All-American boy, a dreamboat, every girl’s fantasy; he could have had any girl he’d wanted. He got it that his looks worked for the opposite sex, but the thing was, he’d only wanted Juliet. And he’d been just as much in awe of Juliet choosing him as she’d been that he’d chosen her. The difference was that he’d believed her when she’d said she’d love him forever.

  He ran his finger along the brim of his hat. If only she’d had the same faith and trust in him, the last eleven years would have been so different.

  “I don’t have any right to have any say in what you do for a living. I realize that.” She pulled into the left lane to go around the driver in front of them, gunning the engine to do so.

  Tanner was surprised; Juliet had always been afraid to drive on the highway. Said the speed scared her, so she’d always insisted that he drive.

  Then again, that’d been when they were in high school and then for the two weeks it’d taken her to convince him to take her back to bed after college and the three months they’d been together before the rest of it had happened.

  Not that he’d needed all that much convincing. Losing the baby had bound them together and he’d wanted to forgive her for getting pregnant because, in the end, after four years away from her, losing both of them had been too hard. Juliet had been his life, his future. Keegan a bonus. So he’d wanted to make it work with her. Had actually hadn’t minded that her father had caught them that night and had been so adamant about them getting married—right up until he’d overheard her tell Tricia what she’d done.

  He’d felt like a commodity. A piece of meat. It’d killed every soft emotion he’d felt for her.

  Or so he thought.

  He glanced at her. At that perfect profile. At the way her lips curved up in a natural smile. The high cheekbones, the long lashes Nature had gifted her with that so many women pasted on. The just-right wave to her long blonde hair that he remembered trailing over his thighs when she’d gone down on him—

  Shit. He didn’t need to remember that. Had tried to block it out and had succeeded. Or so he thought. All it took was a half hour in her presence and he was back to imagining her naked.

  “What, exactly, are you planning to say about me showing up now? And where am I supposed to stay? I’m not staying at the ranch with you.”

  “No, you’re not. I don’t live there anymore.”

  “I’m not staying with you, period, Juliet.”

  “Tanner, you have to if we want to make this look real.”

  He didn’t want to make it look real. He wished to God he’d never agreed to this. “How’s Nana been since last week?”

  Juliet glanced at him and the smile she gave him sucked the wind right out of him. Time had filled out her face, making the transition from girl to woman stunning.

  “When I told her you were coming, she perked up. Insisted we bring her home. We have visiting nurses, but she refused round-the-clock care. ‘That’s what your father is for,’ she says. But she’s so excited to see you. I knew this was a good idea.”

  “You told her? What if I hadn’t gotten on the plane at the last minute?” Like he’d thought about doing.

  “You wouldn’t do that. I knew you’d come.”

  It’d be easier to get angry if she had a smug look on her face, but she didn’t. Because she didn’t have to—he had come; there’d been no other option because he’d given his word.

  “I thought we’d get you settled in at my place, then go visit this afternoon. She tires easily and the best time is around three, right after her nap. Mornings are tough with the nurses and bathing and trying to get some food into her, then Dad likes to take her on a walk around the gardens out back. He brought in a landscaper to plant more of her favorite roses, and added a concrete path so he can push her wheelchair easily. Remember how she loved her garden?”

  Another memory torpedoed to the surface. They’d made love in the potting shed a few times. When Nana had moved in, she’d done some redecorating on the inside and the outside of the house. The gardens were her pride and joy. She’d been adamant that the landscapers not touch her flowers, so when she’d left the house to run errands, the garden shed was the one place he and Juliet had known they wouldn’t get caught. Their favorite picnic blanket had seen a lot of action inside that place, and to this day, Tanner couldn’t smell the scent of roses without remembering that shed.

  It’d killed him more than once over the past seven years.

  “Don’t they find it strange that I’m coming back now? Why wouldn’t I have come back right when it’d happened? That doesn’t show me in a great light.”

  “I told them I didn’t tell you. That I wanted you to want to be with me for me, not because of Nana.”

  “The exact opposite of the truth, Juliet. Which, I believe, is called a lie.”

  Her fingers tightened on the steering wheel and a muscle ticked in her jaw. She took a few seconds to answer him. “It’s a lie for a reason, Tan. Look, I’m doing this because of Nana. You told me what you’re going to do on your birthday—I could have just waited another month and a half and gotten the money for the mortgage and the divorce papers and let it all go then. Do you think I like seeing you, knowing what you think of me? After all we’d meant to each other and I screwed it up, do you really think I’d put myself in this position if it weren’t important? Nana has done so much for me; this is something I can do for her to ease her worry. If I could have manufactured another husband out of thin air, trust me, I would have. It would have been a lot easier on me than dragging you back into my life.”

  She was lying through her teeth.
Again. But this lie was about self-preservation. She could no more pretend to be with another man—let alone be with another man—than she could forget Tanner. He was everything to her. Always had been and, she realized, always would be. What they’d had—before she’d messed things up—had been the stuff fairy tales were made of.

  Unfortunately, her name wasn’t Cinderella and the only mice she’d seen were definitely not working on her behalf.

  She wanted the happy ending. She wanted Prince Charming.

  She wanted Tanner.

  The thing was, she should probably feel guilty about using Nana’s health, but she didn’t. It was what her grandmother wanted for her. Where Dad had hated Tanner from the moment he’d learned about her pregnancy, Nana just wanted her to be happy, and she knew that Tanner made her happy. And Tanner was good, and kind, and moral. That was why he’d left; he’d felt betrayed. Lied to. Couldn’t trust her. All things she understood.

  The irony being that, where her mother had betrayed her father by leaving, Juliet had done the same thing to Tanner by trying to hold onto him. She didn’t like the comparison to the worthless piece of air that was her mother at all. It’d been that, as much as a necessity to do something with her life, that had gotten her to apply for college. She was not going to be like her mother; Juliet had to become her own woman and someone Tanner could trust.

  Which is why she hadn’t told him about Nana’s stroke when it’d happened. She hadn’t wanted him to think she was using her grandmother’s health for her own purposes, but when Nana wasn’t making progress, Juliet had started to think she’d have to. Then Nana had said she’d wished Tanner could come back to ease some of Juliet’s burden, and it had given her a legitimate reason.

  “So then why am I here if not to make your grandmother happy? Jesus.” He exhaled and raked a hand through his hair. “This is lies on top of lies and I’m not going to be able to remember which is which to keep it all straight. You might regret this, Jules.”

  He slipped into his nickname for her so easily. She’d never let anyone shorten her name like that—except him. He usually said it softly into her ear when they were making love, or in a crowded place when he wanted her to know he was thinking about making love to her.

  Too bad that wasn’t on his mind now. She would definitely be up for that.

  “I said that we’re working things out. So just act in Nana’s best interest and you’ll be fine, Tan. We want her to think we’re reconciled and happy so that she can get better. This really scared all of us and we don’t know how much time she has left.”

  His fingers tightened on his knee. “Jesus, Jules. I’m sorry.”

  “Thanks.” She gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, his apology filling her with a warmth she was going to miss when this was all over. She had to remind herself that this was only pretend. Temporary. A lie.

  But if it gave her grandmother hope so she’d get better, it was worth it.

  And if it got Tanner to stay, even more so.

  ***

  “Are they here yet?” Penelope Chambers slipped her false teeth into her mouth and slid them in place with her tongue. She wanted to be ready for Tanner’s visit. It had to go well. “Burt? What did Juliet say?”

  Her son looked up from the tray table he was fixing for her. She’d finally had a reason to get out of her darn sick bed. It’d taken Juliet long enough to take the darn hint…

  “She said she was just pulling up to the airport. Give them some time, Mother.”

  “I might not have time.” Penelope looked away from her son. Guilt wasn’t a fun emotion, but someone had to do something for this family and, God help her—and He was, she was surely convinced of it with this little ol’ TIA—it was going to be her.

  That’d been her argument with Dr. Jackson, and while he hadn’t agreed to lie, he’d promised to keep his doctor-patient confidentiality oath front and center in his mind when dealing with her family. It was the only way she’d been able to milk her pitiful recuperation drama this long.

  As if a little blip could keep her down. Ha. She still had a lot of living left to do. And she was just the teensiest bit peeved that her own family didn’t know that about her. Still, it’d given her the perfect opportunity to play the invalid so Juliet would finally get off her duff and go after her own husband. Those two would never work things out if they weren’t in the same place.

  “Give them an hour or so. Depending on traffic, the drive could take a while, and then they’re going to drop his things off at Juliet’s house and then they’ll be here.”

  “I don’t see why they couldn’t stay here.”

  “Look, Mother. I know you’re excited that Juliet and Tanner have worked things out, but I’ll reserve judgment. That boy has let my daughter down more than once and I don’t trust him not to do it again. We can use the distance.”

  “You’re too hard on him.” Though Penelope certainly understood why. But Tanner wasn’t Elaine, thank-God-for-small-favors. Her ex-daughter-in-law was in a league all her own.

  “Apparently I wasn’t hard enough. Otherwise he would have been here for the past seven years instead of wasting both their lives.”

  Penelope settled her skirt over her knees again. She was of the mind that the past seven years were a waste only in that Juliet and Tanner hadn’t had more children, God-rest-little-Keegan’s-soul. But thirty wasn’t too old these days, and the growing up Juliet had done in the interim was worth every bit of the loneliness. Or at least a good portion of it. Penelope didn’t wish her granddaughter ill, but Juliet had needed to learn to do something other than traipse after Tanner as if he were a god. Women needed to stand on their own two feet, not ride someone else’s coattails. Or snuggle up inside of them like that whore of a mother Juliet had had.

  Penelope didn’t mince words. Well, when she thought them, that was. When voicing them… that was a whole other matter because there was no sense hurting Burt’s feelings more than Elaine already had. Penelope had known from the first time she’d met the little gold-digger that it’d only take someone with more money to come along and she’d be off. Thank God—again—the tramp had left Juliet behind. It’d given Penelope the daughter she’d never had.

  And she was proud of the woman Juliet had become. And of her son for allowing it—something else her TIA had hurried along since he’d been so hung up on Elaine abandoning them that he’d protected Juliet from any harsh reality of life he could. He hadn’t done either of them any favors, so Penelope had had to when this opportunity presented itself. That Tanner was being dragged into this was a bonus—one he’d see when he learned to appreciate the Juliet he would come to know instead of the child he’d left behind.

  Penelope ought to know; she’d put her William though his paces before she’d finally settled down with him. And look at the ride they’d had. It might not have been as long as she would have liked, but in every other aspect, her marriage had been perfect. Sometimes delayed gratification made the final outcome worth it.

  Now if only she could get out of this damn wheelchair. Already, the past week had made her antsy, but she’d suffer through it to give Juliet and Tanner the time to figure out they were meant to be together.

  Well, whatever it took, she’d do. Because this time around, there wasn’t going to be any courthouse quickie—she wanted to dance at their wedding.

  Chapter Six

  “This is your place?” Tanner looked at the tiny stone Cape Cod whose driveway Juliet had pulled up in. Juliet was the grandiose ballroom-type girl, not something that would fit in her childhood bathroom. “It’s not much bigger than your grandmother’s garden shed.”

  Shouldn’t have said that.

  The atmosphere in the car changed instantly. They were both remembering that garden shed—and they both knew the other one was thinking the same thing.

  Tanner jerked the handle. “It’s locked.”

  “Huh? Oh.” Juliet scrambled for the release latch. “Here you go.”

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nbsp; He grabbed his hat and his bag and got out of the car into the thick heat. There was a storm coming; he could smell it. Felt it in the air—hot and sultry, things he didn’t need to notice with visions of the garden shed and Juliet on top of him dancing around in his head.

  And now he was going to go into the tiny house in front of him with the woman next to him and have to pretend that he felt nothing for her—all the while pretending to feel something for her so her grandmother wouldn’t suspect they were lying.

  Shit. This gave him a headache.

  Juliet unlocked the front door and stepped inside.

  Tanner took a deep breath of hot air and followed her.

  The temperature dropped a good twenty degrees inside which gave him goose bumps—ones that had nothing to do with the fact that Juliet’s arm brushed his as she shut the door behind him.

  “You can have the guest bedroom. Obviously.” She darted a glance at him then tucked her hair behind her ears.

  The memory of her doing that when she was embarrassed washed over him as if he’d seen her do it yesterday. Damn, he’d forgotten just how well he did know her. And just how much he remembered. Like that birthmark on the inside of her right thigh that looked like a lip print. Her grandmother had said an angel had kissed her when she was born; he and Juliet said it was an X-marks-the-spot Nature had left for him to find.

  Shit. Now why’d he have to go and remember that?

  He allowed his bag to hang in front of him, hoping it’d shift his dick enough to let go of the memory and quiet down.

  No such luck.

  “It’s, uh, over there.” She pointed toward the room on the left side of the living room/dining room combo they were standing in. At the back, a half-wall separated this area from the tiny kitchen that was just big enough for the standard appliances and about two feet of counter space.