by Sandra Cole
I lay on the sheets of my cot bed, listening to the steady hum of others sleeping, the whole time my mind spinning. I couldn’t just go into a cyborg base alone and unarmed. I would need to have some sort of defense once inside their lair. They’d been made strong, fierce and intelligent.
Could I really do this? I’d never thought much of myself. I’d never seen myself as the sort of person who would go far or make a difference in the world. That was the main reason I never really tried hard at anything, but maybe I was wrong. For the first time I felt like I might actually have a purpose, I could actually do something good. It was crazy, for a nobody from a small town who lived a tiny life. But I was starting to convince myself that maybe I could really do it!
***
“I’ve been sent in here to clean,” I said quietly, with my eyes fixed on the floor. My heart raced frantically the whole time and I had to clasp my hands together to stop them from trembling, but it seemed like the officer was going to believe me.
“Right,” he snapped without even properly acknowledging me. “I’ll get out of your way then, just be sure to categorize the ammo in alphabetical order. The last guy mixed it all up and it took weeks to rearrange. I don’t want to have all that wasted time again.”
“Yes, Sir,” I had to force my lips to stay in a straight line, to stop them from curving up into a smile. The officer was so naive. He had no idea what I was up to. He had no reason to doubt me. All humanity was in favor of this anti-cyborg war. Cyborgs looked quite human on the surface, but there were enough differences between humans and cyborgs that it was easy to tell them apart on sight. Cyborgs had thin metallic streaks where their veins should be, and pale blue irises, almost white, and dark hair… always. There were supposed to be beautiful versions of humans, which in an objective way I could see, but at the same time they were a menace to society and that was that.
As soon as I was alone, I discarded the pretense and set about picking the weapons I wanted along with me on my mission. It felt so good to be taking such a bold step. There was an addictive, intoxicating exhilaration flying through my veins, making the whole thing feel like an amazing adventure.
I was finally doing something, rather than sitting back and only ever complaining and feeling bad. I was taking the Mike route to life, and I liked that.
I selected a knife that looked pretty badass, and stuffed it down my sock, being careful not to graze my skin. As I ran my fingers along the guns, I kept my ears pricked as well as I could. I didn’t think that I’d be caught out, but I wanted to be safe. I didn’t want my mission prevented before I’d even had a chance to get started with it.
The cool metal of the guns felt good against my skin, and as I picked a couple of them up I felt an instant strength and power coursing through me. Of course I didn’t know how to use any of them, I hadn’t been deemed worthy of weapons training, but I assumed that when it was a life and death situation, instinct would simply take over and the knowledge would just flood my brain.
Despite really wanting one of the bigger weapons, I ended up picking the smallest, most discrete one before matching the ammo to go with it. I had to select something that I could hide on my body, and that also wouldn’t be missed too quickly. It wouldn’t matter too much if it was discovered because I was leaving right away, but I didn’t want it to become instantly obvious that I was on a one-woman mission, just in case.
Once I’d packed everything on my body, I took one last look around, just to give myself a second to have a timeout. My heart was thumping and adrenaline was high. This was crazy, absolutely insane, and I wasn’t sure that I was totally ready for it. I knew that I had to do it, but still… It was intimidating.
Anyway, I had nothing holding me back and everything to gain by doing this. I just needed to get over this initial hump of fear.
Once I had sucked in a few deep, calming breaths of air, I tiptoed my way towards the window and I flung myself outside. Maybe I didn’t need to do it in such a dramatic way, but I wasn’t sure that I could get away with just walking out the front door.
Once my feet hit the concrete, I instantly broke out into a run, feeling an exhilarating rush as the wind raced through my long, dark flowing hair. I had only been trapped in that stifling place for a couple of months, but it felt like a lifetime and I was glad to be out.
Now that was step one done, I just had to figure out how to get caught by the cyborgs. I knew they were brutal, and they liked to have prisoners of war to use as bait, but I had no idea how to get caught. I hadn't thought this through as much as I'd thought I had.
Where should I go? Where were there cyborgs? I didn’t even know where I was, I’d been brought to the base under a shroud of secrecy. As I glanced my eyes from side to side, I couldn’t really see anything, never mind any kind of landmark to give me a clue.
A voice broke through the darkness, sending a cold chill down my back. “Well, hello there, little lady.” I had no idea who that was, but anyone catching me so close to base was a bad thing… it could only end in trouble.
“He… hello,” I stammered, trying to make out the blurry shape in front of me. “I’m lost, can you help me?” I decided to play the dumb card in hope that it might save me. “I don’t know where I am.”
“Oh, I think you do,” he replied casually, stepping closer to me. I could make out a male figure, one that loomed over me. “I think you know exactly where you are. The question is what are you doing out here, so far away from home?”
“I… I…” I racked my brain, desperately trying to come up with a comeback, but my mind remained frustratingly blank.
Then the man moved into the light, and I saw the pale eyes. I automatically fell backwards. This was no human, it was a cyborg. That was actually what I wanted, but now that it was happening I felt far too terrified to even think straight.
I needed to run, I needed to get away. This was all a big mistake. I should never have left, I should have just continued what I was doing!
Then I felt a sharp pain blow around the right side of my face, and everything went black.
***
What is that? Is that light? My eyes flickered open, but only for a brief second before the blackness consumed me once more.
Where am I? What’s going on? This time as I awoke, I blinked a few times, adjusting my vision to the whiteness. Where the hell was I? Nothing looked familiar, in fact I couldn’t even remember anything either. It was as if my brain had totally fogged over and I couldn’t sort it out however hard I tried. Was this a hangover or something…? Again I passed out.
What the fuck? This time as I woke up I tried to jump up out of bed, but I could not move. I still couldn’t recall anything, but I felt that something was very wrong. As the grogginess of sleep cleared, I realized that my arms were fixed in place, I couldn’t get my legs out from the position they were in, and there was something around my neck too. I couldn’t even look to see what was going on.
As panic knotted and danced around in my stomach, I racked my brain, trying to remember anything solid.
Hank… the war…
I could recall him calling me up, telling me about it, and the elation that I could get some revenge for Mike.
Mike… even thinking about Mike brought that stabbing pain back into my chest. I needed him, I wanted him back, I hated the fact that he was gone. That was why I needed to kill Craig…
Craig, of course. It was all there in my mind. I wanted to kill him, but the war wasn’t providing me with the opportunity that I wanted so I decided to go out there and do it by myself. I wanted to get kidnapped, I wanted to get caught… then I saw that horrible, intimidating man outside the base. And... I’d done it. I was actually inside. Of course it had turned out like this, of course they hadn’t just let me stroll in with my weapons by my side. They were smarter than humans, clearly a lot cleverer than me. I was an idiot not to imagine that something like this would happen!
Oh my God, now I was strapped here, stuck to some
sort of table, feeling very cold… yep, I felt naked. Shit, this was horrible, I felt so humiliated. I wanted to curl up and die. The panic turned into full blown terror, and I started to shake and rattle the chain, a scream building up in my chest.
“Shh, shh, shh,” said a voice. It was such a kind voice that it actually caught my attention and made me stop. “It’s okay, I know it all feels a little scary, but it’ll all be okay.”
“Who are you?” I gasped, my breaths coming out raspy and afraid. “What is this? What’s going on?” I already knew the answer to that, but I wanted it confirmed, just in case by some miracle it wasn’t as bad as I thought.
He stood up over me so that I could actually see him, and he made my heart skip a beat. He was definitely a cyborg. I could tell from the flecks of silver in his skin and the pale irises. But his hair was light blond, his cheekbones were high and well defined, and he seemed to have a whole lot of human expression on his face. I’d only really seen cyborgs in images before, so seeing one in real life, so close up was shocking, especially when he didn’t look anything like he should have.
“My name is Javier, I’m a new ‘S’ model, and I really need you to calm down.”
“How can I?” I all but screamed. “You have me trapped here, I’ve got no idea what you’ve been doing to me, I’m scared as all hell. Why would I be calm? Please just tell me?”
I felt him touch my hand and I was amazed at how warm he felt. I expected him to feel more metallic, definitely less human. It was so strange that it took me aback. I wanted to ask him why, but it felt really inappropriate to say so.
“You’re here, at our testing facility…”
“Testing?!” What the fuck? What was happening to me? Why did I not think this through?
“Shh, don’t worry, nothing has been done to you.” He didn’t need to say ‘yet’ because it was implied which sent sickness swirling around in my stomach. “You were brought in yesterday, and you’ve been here ever since.”
“Am I naked?” I whispered, my whole body flushing red with heat.
“You are,” he admitted coyly. “But I can throw a blanket over you if you like. Sorry, sometimes I forget how protective humans are over their bodies.”
“Blanket,” I gasped. “Yes please.” As the warmth hit my skin, a little bit of dignity came back. “Okay, so how long do I have to be here?” I asked. “Can you let me go?”
“I can’t do that,” he shook his head slowly. “I’m sorry, we have to be protective of where we are.”
“I won't tell,” I promised, clasping tightly onto his fingers, willing him to feel so sorry for me that he just complied with my wishes. “Just let me go.”
But he didn’t. He didn’t even bother to answer me, I just felt a sharp prick in my arm, making everything go woozy. My vision blurred, my brain swam, that sickness shot through me all over again. He’d given me something to send me back to sleep, and I couldn’t fight it however hard I tried. I desperately wanted to resist, to beat it with sheer willpower but of course that was never going to happen.
Shit, this was bad, this was really bad, if I went to sleep God knows what would happen to me, but my eyes were flickering closed regardless of what I wanted…
***
Where am I? I thought groggily, my eyes flickering around the vaguely familiar room. I stood up slowly, my legs wobbling beneath me and I moved my aching body towards the window. I knew that the image out there was fake, it was far too colorful to be real, plus it changed every single time I looked outside, but I liked to stare out there anyway. It was the one comfort in the endless stream of horror I'd had since being captured by the cyborgs.
This time as I gazed, there was a pink running stream, what looked like a blue rainbow, and bright yellow birds floating through the sky. It was like something from a dream, and in my drug induced haze it actually made me smile. Everything was hell, my body hurt all over, and I had no idea what had been done to it, but with this view in front of me I could forget it all.
“Hi,” came Javier's chocolaty smooth voice, prompting me to spin around to look at him. He was the only other thing in this place that made me smile. He might have been the one who was forcing me through all those horrible tests, but he had been ordered to do so – he told me so – and he was so kind to me that it made up for it.
I liked him, probably far too much, but I didn’t even care. How was I supposed to resist falling for this guy when he was the only communication I had all day long? How was I supposed to stop myself from liking this guy, when he had been designed to be so gorgeous? Everything about him was perfect, and even though I knew it wasn’t real, and that he wasn’t human so I couldn’t ever really like him, the fantasies helped me through the days.
Every time I got lonely, I imagined his lips pressed up against mine. When the pain got too much, I pretended his hands were all over my body. If things got too intense, to the point where I wanted to break down, I thought about him inside of me.
I didn’t care if it wasn’t appropriate. I was drugged up, very sad, and I needed something.
“How are you today?”
“Yeah, I’m okay,” I murmured lazily. There was no point in telling him the truth, that I hated everything about every single day because as I’d learned a while ago it wouldn’t get me anywhere. “How are you?” His expression contorted slightly, and he looked like he had thoughts buzzing through his brain. “I’m okay. So, unfortunately we have some more tests to do today…”
Those words made me feel sick, I hated hearing them, but I gulped down my fears and nodded sharply as if I didn’t really care. “Okay, whatever.”
“I’m sorry, you know I don’t like doing this to you.”
He lay me down on the bed, and as his fingers brushed passed my neck I felt electricity buzzing through my veins. It was almost as if he was really turning me on, but of course I couldn’t totally be sure because my body hadn’t been my own for a very long time now. This could have just been something that the drugs had created inside of me, a sensory simulation of sorts.
Then he jabbed a needle into my arm and I gasped loudly in shock. Agony radiated through my body, but I couldn’t move away, my muscles were too weak these days. Javier rubbed my arm, then brought his hand up to my cheek. “I know this hurts,” he said. “I wish… well, I wish so many things.”
I wanted to question him, to delve deeper into his brain and needs, but my mouth felt like it was filled with cotton and I just couldn’t form the words, so instead I studied his face closely instead.
I’d never really had a serious relationship, mostly because there had never been anyone to capture my attention for longer than a couple of months, but if I met a human that looked anything like Javier then it’d be very hard for me to resist. He looked like my dream guy, a man that I hadn’t even realized was everything that I wanted. Somewhere in my brain I wondered if he’d been created just for me, to encourage me to want to stay in this torture.
“I’m sorry to leave you right now,” he said apologetically. “But I have to… get the rest of my work done. I’ll be back once my shift is over to check on you, if you’d like me to.” I nodded my head slowly and deliberately. “Okay, see you in a while then.”
Don’t leave me… stay… I’m scared, and I don’t want to be alone. My brain raced but my mouth remained silent. Instead I watched him leave with a heavy heart and wet eyes. This was the most pathetic that I’d ever been.
Once he was gone, I thought back over my life before I got to this point. I recalled my quiet, boring childhood, with the constant worry of having no money. I thought about my pointless adult life too. I never managed to find any iota of happiness, and to be honest I never seriously went looking for it. I’d wasted my whole existence and now I’d ended up here.
I was going to die having never had any real friends, with no family left in the country, never having experienced love… fantasizing over a cyborg who had me captured. I was a sad, pathetic mess of a woman, and that
made me want to weep.
The only problem was I didn’t have the energy for tears.
Now I was going to have to wait for Javier to come back, because I had nothing better to do, and I didn’t even have the energy anymore to get up and move back to the window.
I would just have to shut my eyes and imagine the view instead. Maybe that would work…
***
“Hey, Eve, are you okay?”
Just hearing Javier say my name was enough to have my eyes flickering open. I’d been dreaming about him, imagining him in all kinds of different ways, and that caused a bright smile to spread across my face. “I’m so sorry, I hate do all of this, it makes me feel terrible. Especially to you,” he said.
He perched on the end of my bed, giving me a sad look which made my heart melt. Whatever he’d given to me earlier had faded off while I was asleep, so I pushed myself into a sitting position, wanting to meet his gaze. I didn’t like being laid down with him in the room, it made me feel out of control for some reason. “Did you get all your work done?” I asked in a gravelly voice, shuffling into a position where I finally felt comfortable.
“Yeah, I did,” he said. He wouldn’t meet my eyes as he answered me, which suggested he really didn’t like any of this. What if he was just like me, hating the enemy humans, but not fond of his own kind either? I already felt like we had a lot in common, despite our obvious differences, and that would be another, major one. “So, are you feeling much better now?”
“I am…” I decided to go for it now, while Javier looked unsure about his life. If I was going to find anything out, then I needed to try now. “Can I ask what all these tests are? I mean, I know you can’t let me go or anything, but can I know what you’re doing to me? It’s my body… I just want to know what’s happening to it.”
He sighed deeply and stared into my eyes. “We just want to know what separates us, that’s all.” He was lying, I could already tell. Why didn’t he want me to know the truth? What was he going to do to me? I mean, there wasn’t any point in panicking, because there was nothing that I could do about it, but I did want to know what I was in for. “We want a chance to live ourselves, and since humans are so determined to wipe us out…”
