by Sandra Cole
“Look, I know this whole war thing sucks,” I interjected, unable to control myself. “But your kind attacked humans first. What we’re doing is only retaliation.” I still had my point of view about cyborgs, and I didn’t care whether Javier knew it or not. I liked him, but not enough to reel myself in completely.
“Humans were using us,” he shot back sharply. “They created us to be a part of their war games, and it wasn’t right. I don’t think that the leaders of the army knew that we had consciousness, but the scientist who created us did. He just let this happen. He knew that we could think and feel. He understood that we are individuals, with emotions and dreams just like humans, but he left it to happen anyway. That was wrong.”
I nodded slowly, feeling an ounce of sympathy. That was bad, I did agree with that, but I wasn’t sure they needed to go about it in the way that they had. Death didn’t have to be a part of this.
“I know we attacked, and I know things got messed up, but now we’re just defending our right to live.”
“My brother got killed in that uprising,” I told him through gritted teeth. Well, about as gritted as I could manage, I was still very weak. “I understand your right to live, but I don’t think humanity will ever go for it.”
“I know, it’s hopeless,” he said. He looked crestfallen, and I wished that I could make it better, but to be honest I didn’t think there was any simple solution either. There wasn’t anything I could say to make him feel any better, which hurt almost as much as constant, horrible injections.
We had a bond, we had an affinity, but that didn’t change anything about how I felt or what I wanted to do. Unfortunately however nice Javier was, however much I liked him in every single way, he was still my enemy and he always would be. I had to defend humanity, I needed to fight for my own kind, in any way I could.
However, as he lay down on the sheets next to me, causing me to flop down beside him, and his arms wrapped around my body, all of that flew from my mind. It felt wonderful to have his warmth next to me, and I could feel his heart racing against my chest. Maybe it was artificial, but in that moment it felt more real than anything I’d ever felt before.
This whole thing was strange, but it felt good, it felt right, so I wanted to cling onto it. I tugged on Javier’s hands and pulled them tighter around me, really losing myself in his touch. It was the closest thing to a human connection that I’d felt in so long, and I didn’t want to let it go. I loved feeling wanted, feeling needed, which was something that I’d seemingly give up the moment Mike died.
I’d spent such a long time thinking about dying myself, not worrying about living at all, but ironically now that death was imminent I wanted life more than anything in the world.
“It isn’t hopeless,” I told him quietly, not really thinking about the words coming out of my mouth. “Nothing is hopeless. You just need to want it, to fight hard for it.” I had no idea what I was even referring to, I was just speaking for the sake of it.
Javier murmured something as a reply, but my brain had gone foggy again and my ears were buzzing. I wanted to know what he was telling me. I had the feeling it was very important, but again I had no control over myself. My body seemed to be doing whatever it wanted.
***
“Come on, come on, it has to be now,” came a voice. I felt my body violently shaking, sending the bones rattling through my body. The voice said, “Come on, we cannot wait another minute.”
“Huh?” I mumbled, my brain trying desperately to connect the dots. I realized the voice was Javier's. He sounded desperate… but why? What had happened? The last thing I could remember was a vaguely deep conversation that I'd drifted off in the middle of, so clearly I’d missed something somewhere along the line. “What?”
“I know this might be hard for you to understand if your brain is foggy, but I really need you to get up. If we don’t move now, this will never happen.”
I wasn’t sure why, but I trusted him. Of course, it didn’t make any sense for me to do so considering he was the one putting my body through all kinds of torture, but there was something so… genuine about him. He was the person I was closest to, the only one I spoke to in here, and if he was telling me to go then I really didn’t have any choice but to listen.
My vision was blurry, my legs wobbly, but I forced my body to comply. “What’s going on?” I whispered to Javier, allowing my body to slump against him.
“They know,” he said. Somehow, even though his body was made of metal, I could sense the stress etched into his features. “They know that I haven’t been giving you the proper chemicals, that I haven’t been treating you like the others, and now they’re mad.”
“They? Mad?” I understood the words, but something about the order of them didn’t quite make sense.
“I can’t explain, not now, there isn’t enough time.” He tugged at my arm and I couldn’t help but fall along with him. “But I can show you, it’s on the way out anyway.”
Out… did that mean what I thought it did? Was I getting out of here? It was ironic that I needed to leave so badly, considering how hard I’d fought to get in, but it had all fallen apart so quickly. This solo revenge mission had been a massive mistake. If I was going to get to Craig, then it sure as hell wouldn’t be here.
My heart started to pound as we tumbled quietly down endless, odd looking hallways. I wasn’t totally sure what was happening, where we were, where we were headed, but it was better than that bed. Sure I felt far too exhausted for a mission as active as this, my brain wasn’t really with it, but I could get over that if it meant freedom! I could almost taste the fresh, cool air outside this cyborg compound. I needed it, I was almost gasping painfully for it... As we moved stealthily into the next room, my heart stopped dead in my chest at a horrific sight. This wasn’t what I was expecting at all, I didn’t even know how to process any of it.
"What the hell..?" I said.
“This… this is what I’m trying to protect you from,” said Javier.
Humans, bodies, limbs, parts, all hanging up along the walls and the ceiling like something out of a butchery or a horror movie. I gulped down as the fear rose up high… was this what the cyborgs were doing with humans? Was this the fate that I'd volunteered for?
Was this was Javier now brought me in for?
I turned to face him, terror in my gaze, but as soon as I spotted his crestfallen, sad face I could see exactly what he was trying to tell me. “Is this what you were supposed to do with me?”
“It is, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t give you any of the testing stuff, I simply gave you something to knock you out instead… and I wish I hadn't even done that. I'm so sorry for all of it.”
He kept me alive, and he was apologizing? “Why me?” I asked with tension knotting through my veins. “Why did you save me?”
He gave me a look, one that I felt I was probably supposed to decipher, but with my mushy brain I could barely think, never mind look for coded meanings. I cocked my head to one side, trying to make him see that I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind, but the moment was wrecked by a loud crashing sound behind us.
“Come on, let’s go,” he said. He grabbed my hand and tore towards the exit. I gladly went with him, needing to be as far from that hell hole as possible.
Eventually though, he pulled me into a nearby storage cupboard, not the outside at all. “What’s this?” I asked with terror as we cramped our bodies into the small space. “I thought we were getting out.”
“We can’t go yet, not until it’s empty.” He shook his head vigorously, shutting down every retaliation I had. Obviously he knew what he was doing far better than me. “We need to be smart, we need to wait for these assholes to quieten down. If we get caught, there’s no telling what they’ll do to us.”
I felt bad then. Clearly he was risking a whole lot for me, and while I didn’t understand it, I felt grateful all the same. I slipped my hand over his arm and shot him a smile.
“I hate them,”
he continued, his eyes fixing down on the ground. “I hate all of them. I don’t agree with anything that they’re doing, and now… well, I’m just ashamed of myself that it took me so long to get away from them. I should have gone sooner. It took you and your words to make me go for it, so for that I thank you. You said, ‘Nothing is hopeless. You just need to want it, to fight hard for it.’ You’re right, that’s what I need to do, and I know exactly where to go.”
***
“Wh… where, Javier?” I stammered, for some reason a little fearful now. “What’s your plan?” I didn’t know if his plan was just for him or me as well, and I needed to know. Would the humans accept me back so readily or would I be seen as a traitor? There were definitely no guarantees, and I didn’t know how long I’d be able to survive out there alone. The drugs were slowly, very slowly, starting to fade, but I didn’t want to end up captured all over again.
Without Javier, I would definitely end up in that horrible room of limbs and corpses.
“There’s a group of us, a revolution. They hate what the cyborgs are doing, humans too, to be honest. All they want is peace, and that’s what I want too. It’s my exact mentality, I’ve just always been too afraid to go with them.” He gave me a look, and I opened my eyes wider at him. I tried my best to mentally convey to him that I still needed him, and luckily he seemed to get it. “Would you like to come with me? I mean, I’m not necessarily bringing you to stay with me, but if you want to…”
“I do, I really do,” I gasped happily. As I leaned in closer to him I suddenly became acutely aware of how close we were, how cramped we’d gotten in the cupboard, and it weirdly made me feel all squishy inside. I wasn’t sure if it was the drugs or not, but I just didn’t quite feel right. It was a good feeling though, just a strange one that I’d never had before. “Thank you.”
“Okay, so the cyborg who runs it is someone you’ll love. He’s great, charismatic, powerful, an action taker. Craig BX9765G, he’s called.”
“So, how do you know where to find him?” I said. I was still distracted, not really paying any attention.
“I know. Anyone who Craig lets in knows.”
Wait… Craig? My blood ran cold. “Craig BX9765G, did you say?” I felt terror fill my veins, an iciness trickle up and down my spine, all of a sudden I forgot about all the cyborgs and potential threats outside, and I couldn’t recall the human bodies. The whole world zoned right down into me and Javier.
“Have you heard of him?” he said. Javier still didn’t seem bothered. He was almost pleased that I might have known him. My breaths became short and labored, my chest tight, this was the worst thing that I’d ever heard in my life. The monster that killed my brother was the only one fighting for peace, the only potential savior for all of us. It was like some sort of horrible joke.
“He… he killed my brother. He killed Mike,” I said.
Javier held me as everything fell apart. My mind swam, my body shattered, my heart fell from my chest. Craig was the one cyborg that I’d been focusing on forever, the very one I needed to kill for revenge. I wanted to get to him, I needed to get to him, but not like this.
“I’m sorry,” Javier murmured into my ear. “I’m sorry that your brother was killed in the war. Lots of people have been lost, and that must be so hard for you.” I wanted to block out his generic words, but they kept filtering into my brain regardless. “But I can promise you that Craig is one of the good guys. I understand if you want to go our separate ways, if this is too hard for you, but I think if you’ll meet him you will see the truth.”
What should I do? Should I take this as a hard lesson, give up the revenge fantasy and take this opportunity that was presented to me? Should I go back home and try and figure out my life. Or should I fight? Well, following Craig would never be an option, but destroying him still could be. I could get close to him this way, and kill him when I had the chance. Of course, I would have to hide that from Javier, the man who risked everything for me, but I felt like I could do it. I'd have my revenge.
I forced my body to slow down, my heart rate to calm, I made myself appear more normal. I didn’t like lying, it didn’t feel good, but it was a means to an end. “No, it’s okay,” I told him deliberately. “I trust you, I’ll come with you.”
“Are you sure?” he said. His eyes flickered over my face, examining me closely, and my heart scattered as he did. I felt weirdly scrutinized under his intense gaze, and that sensation caused me to bite down on my lip whilst my body flipped out. He was built to be good looking, of course I would see that, but there was something else too.
This man was my hero.
“I’m sure, I just want to get out of here and I want an end to the war too.” That part was at least true, just not quite in the way I was suggesting it to be. “When do you think we can escape?”
He listened intently, then his eyes flickered shut and I got the impression something was going on inside of him, something that only cyborgs could do, and it was only in that moment I started to wonder how they really worked. When I thought of them as monsters, it was easy to forget that they had a consciousness, just like humans. But when I thought of them as humans it was hard to remember that they were machines. It was crazy.
“Okay, I think it’s time,” he nodded sharply. “Just give me a second to look outside.”
As he crept from the cupboard, I suddenly felt his absence acutely. I yearned for him, needed him back. There was no way that I felt brave enough to tackle Craig, even if I was one step closer to him. I tried to think about that part, about actually facing my brother’s killer, just to get me through, but it wasn’t easy. Not when I was so damn scared.
“Okay,” Javier grabbed me quickly. “Let’s go.”
***
The air felt so good against my skin, even if it was a little cold. The brightness of the sunshine burned onto my retinas, but in the best way possible. The dampness of the very early morning ground seeping a little bit through my shoes was the best sensation I could have asked for. It all meant that we’d done it, that I’d escaped and managed to find my freedom.
Okay, so we were still running and I was panting and breathless whereas Javier, the machine, could still keep racing along with ease, but it was still very worth it. My body would recover anyway, soon enough all the drugs would be out of my system. After a good sleep, I’d be feeling more ready to fight.
More prepared to take on Craig.
Javier turned to face me with concern plastered across his expression. “I think we should find somewhere to camp out and hide for a couple of days while they look for us,” he said. He seemed to sense my weakness and I didn’t want that to be the thing that held us back and got us killed.
“I… can… keep going…” I blurted out through the exhaustion. “I just… want to… get away…”
“This isn’t because of you,” he did his best to reassure me, but I found his argument unconvincing. “This is because we need to be safe. I think they will be looking further away.”
“What if they’re… relentless?” I grabbed onto my knees, willing my lungs to restock themselves much quicker. “What if they never give up?”
“I don’t think I’m that important to them,” Javier seemed to smile secretly to himself at that comment. “I’m just another easily replaceable cog in the machine.”
“Oh…” I said. I didn’t know how to react to that one. Was it good or bad news? I couldn’t quite tell. “Okay, well whatever you think then.”
He walked, this time much slower and with me by his side, until he came across what looked like a small, rundown shed. “Here,” he exclaimed happily. “It doesn’t look like much, no one will come looking for us.”
I didn’t like to say that I wouldn’t bother looking here either because it didn’t seem to offer any protection. In all honesty I wouldn’t have even noticed it if he hadn’t pointed it out. I forced a fake smile on my face and nodded, all the while starting to doubt Javier’s judgment. Maybe cyborgs d
idn’t need comfort to rest, maybe they didn’t need solid brick walls to make them feel safe, but I sure as hell did.
Although admittedly as we stepped inside, I felt my mood do a total one-eighty. “What is this place?” I gasped in a much happier amazement. “There’s a bed and everything.”
“Food and drink supplies too. It’s been set up by the revolution for people on the road like us.”
The revolution… Craig… Thinking of him certainly soured things for me. Of course I couldn’t say that, not if I wanted to keep up the pretense that everything was fine. “Oh well that’s… great,” I said, smiling as brightly as I could muster. “But I think I’m just tried for now.”
My stomach might have betrayed me by growling at the mere sound of the word ‘food’, but I didn’t give in and ask for something to eat. Javier seemed to either not hear my stomach, or ignore it.
I climbed into the bed, getting under the sheets that were much scratchier than I was used to. But I didn't care. At least I wasn't back in there. I was so tired. I needed to rest.
“The drugs will be out of your system soon,” Javier told me seriously. “You will be back to yourself in no time.”
I almost retorted something inadvertently and gave the whole plan away, but then Javier completely swept that thought from my mind by sliding into the bed beside me and wrapping his arms tightly around me. There was another bed in the room, he had another option, yet he chose to be beside me. What did that mean?
Deep down, my brain could guess what it meant, but rationality wasn’t about ready to accept that just yet. Okay so Javier might not have been the enemy that most cyborgs were; he’d proven that by saving my life. And though I'd fantasized about him, I couldn’t imagine him as anything other than just a friend in real life. How could I? It would be unnatural.
