by Sandra Cole
“I know!” he said. He sounded about as frustrated as I felt now, this was going round and round in circles, “I know and I’m sorry, I just didn’t feel like I could leave here. Craig saved me and he’s created something amazing here. I had to stay and help.”
“You couldn’t just let me know?” I said. Sarcasm was dripping off my tongue. I just couldn’t stop myself. This was all too much.
“Do you think people would accept me like this?” he said, indicating up and down his body. “I didn’t even think you would. I had to stay in hiding. Maybe I was just thinking about me, but it seemed like the safest solution available to me.”
Okay, I hated to admit it but that actually made a lot of sense. If I hadn’t had such a crazy time with Javier, if I hadn’t gotten to know him and understand him, then I probably would’ve rejected and hated him. It was sad to think that I used to be so close-minded, but it was the truth.
“So, what next? What do we do next?” I said. I’d been fighting for so long, trying to defend Mike’s honor and the whole time he was just fine. “Where do we go from here?”
“These people want peace. Isn’t that what you want too?”
Of course I didn’t want this war to continue. So many people had been lost it was insane, but what would we do? The humans had done wrong. They’d created and then killed off many cyborgs. They’d started all of this. But the cyborgs weren’t perfect either. They were performing experiments on humans and killing them off, for reasons I still didn't comprehend. Javier had been a part of that – not that he’d wanted to – and he’d rescued me from it. But, still they weren’t in the right either.
There was no clear right side here, no obvious answer. No one was right.
“What makes you think that Craig has all the answers?” I said. I glanced up at Craig, the cyborg I’d spent so long hating, the one I’d come here to kill. I already knew that everyone in this resistance thought that he was the answer, that he’d somehow save everyone, but I couldn’t stop the hot rage from boiling through my system at him because of what he had done. Things might have been different, but my emotions were still the same. “What makes you so sure that he’s the one who can fix everything?”
“Have you seen what he has here? He’s the only one seeing straight. All he wants is to create a world where cyborgs and humans can live in peace. Isn’t that what you want too? Don’t you want a world without fighting anymore?”
I just couldn’t think of a way to answer that properly. I wasn’t sure what I wanted anymore. I rose slowly, still feeling a little unsteady. I glared at everyone in turn.
“You’re no better than everyone else,” I sneered, still feeling like what had happened to my brother was an abomination. “You disgust me.” I stormed out, anger burning in my heart. I didn't want to look at them. I couldn’t stand it. None of it made any sense. I hated that Craig might not be the bad guy, I detested what Mike had become, I just wanted to wake up in my bed alone once more, where everything made sense.
Things sucked before. They were so horrible, but this? This wasn’t any better! Why couldn’t my life just be normal? Why couldn’t I ever just have a carefree life?
“Hey!” Javier called out from behind me, his voice setting off uninvited feelings in me, adding another level of confusion. “Hey, Eve, wait up!”
***
I didn’t want to stop and talk to Javier, I wasn’t in the mood to speak to anyone, but he grabbed me before I could get away and he pulled me in for a hug. As he held me close and his human-like warmth flowed through me I felt even more confused than before.
It was so easy to get mixed up with Javier. He was the most human man I’d ever connected with. We’d built up a bond, an intense connection, I felt like I had more in common with him that I ever had anyone else, and that mixed me up.
What did it mean that I felt more connected to a cyborg than I did any other human? What did it say about me? And now I had a half cyborg brother. The whole world was topsy-turvy. Where did I even go from here?
“Are you okay?” said Javier. He held me to his chest and I felt myself shaking with sobs. My face was wet with tears. My emotions were on a roller coaster and I didn’t know what to feel anymore. This was all too much! Javier said, “Is there anything I can do?”
He was being so sweet, so caring, that it brought my mind back to that night. I recalled the way he'd pressed his lips up against mine and made my heart explode with happiness. After that… well after that things happened.
Things that probably shouldn’t have, looking back. It might have felt incredible at the time, but now I could see that it never should have happened. We'd made love, and it had been a mind-blowing, exciting experience like no other, but that was probably the taboo thrill that came from it all being so damn wrong.
It wasn’t natural for a human and a cyborg to be together. That was what everyone thought and just accepted. Just because cyborgs looked and felt like humans and they had their own emotions didn’t mean I should be jumping into bed with one. Maybe I was as bad as Craig, thinking things could easily be sorted out. Maybe, by giving into temptation with Javier, I’d overstepped the boundaries too.
“I… I don’t know,” I stammered, shaking my head against him, shock and sickness swirling through me. “This is wrong, it’s all wrong. I can’t be here, I need to be… I don’t know, not here.”
“What’s wrong?" said Javier. "What Craig is creating? Do you want to see more of it? I can show you around if you'd like,” he said, indicating wildly. He didn't understand me at all. He thought that I was feeling overwhelmed because of the resistance camp… couldn’t he see the real reason I was so freaked out?
“No, no, it's not Craig… well, yes Craig, but it's us too,” I said. He was staring at me wide eyed and surprised, but this felt right. I needed to take a step back from everyone and everything while I tried to come to terms with all the changes that’d been loaded on me at once. “We’re wrong. We made love but we shouldn't have. You're a cyborg and I'm a human. You… you confuse me, you make me feel things… things I shouldn’t. You’re even making me feel things right now. I like you, but I can’t like you. We can never be anything and the sooner we both come to terms with that, the better.”
I was backing away from him, and I could see him reaching out to me, wanting to embrace me once more. All I wanted to do was tumble back into his arms but I couldn’t. I said, “We can’t be anything. I’m a human, you’re a cyborg! Whatever all the fantasists here want to believe, this can only end in one way. One side will have to win out, too much has happened for everyone to just get along.”
“You don’t believe that,” he told me through pursed lips. “You don’t really feel that way. You’re just saying that because of what happened with Craig…”
I knew what he was getting at. I had been thinking about peace before, but only until I saw the current state of my brother. Nothing was the same anymore. “He turned Mike into a freak!” I screamed. “He’s all messed up, half human, half machine. He will never have a place in the world.” I threw my hands up in the air, despair flooding me. “He will never fit into human society. Craig might think he’s helped him, but in the long run he’ll end up outcast and killed. There isn’t any happy ending for Mike. Craig hasn’t saved him, he’s just prolonged his agony.”
“No,” said Javier, firmly. He stepped a little closer to me, and his warm aura was almost enough to comfort me. “No, Mike won’t be treated badly, he will have his life again. Not if we win this and we can get peace and coexistence between humans and cyborgs! This is all we want, a way for us all to live!”
“Don’t be naïve,” I whispered, nastiness dripping from my voice. “This will never work.” I let the bitterness inside me take hold, pushing Javier away. I said, “Now just leave me alone! I need to find a way out of here. I need to get home. I need to be in a place where things makes sense because all of this is a nightmare!”
I stormed off, half expecting him to follow m
e, but luckily he seemed to sense the intense mood coursing through my veins and he left me to it. I felt bad, knowing that I’d taken out my temper on the wrong person, but what was I supposed to do?
No one was my enemy anymore, yet everyone was my enemy. I didn’t have anyone who understood me, and I didn’t have anyone who understood my confusion, and that made me feel lonelier than ever. I’d spent my entire life being lazy and unpassionate about anyone or anything. Then finally I found a cause and it was the wrong one. I’d fought to avenge Mike, and now he didn’t want revenge. Instead he idolized the man who had sentence him to a life of misery. Could he not see that for himself?
I staggered past everyone, ignoring the people calling out to me, and I made my way to an area that looked isolated. I just wanted to be alone until my head stopped spinning. I didn’t want to speak to a single person until I knew what to say.
I felt like I needed to walk and be alone until the cool, crisp air cleared my head. This situation couldn’t all be as hopeless as it currently felt. There had to be some answer somewhere! I just needed to find it...
***
I wandered aimlessly through a quiet woodland area, my mind becoming muddier and more confused by my constant thoughts as I walked. I'd thought some time alone would help me, but instead I was growing more twisted up by the second. I couldn’t find any clear answer, and it was driving me crazy.
“Hi.”
I jumped as a distinctly female voice called out from behind me, totally stunning me.
“Are you… okay?” she said.
I found myself looking at a cute, adorable lady with a soft round face staring back at me. She smiled widely, her blue eyes crinkling, and for some reason the incredible urge to talk to her overcame me. Maybe it was because I was desperate, or maybe it was because I’d never had a real friend and I really needed one. Either way, I responded to her, despite my black mood.
“Hello?” I said.
“You look a little sad,” she said. She stepped closer to me and extended a hand for me to shake. “My name is Rachel, and… well, I guess it’s nice to see another human around here.”
I sighed deeply, relief flowing from me. “I thought you were human. Wow, it’s great to meet you. What are you doing here?”
So far all I’d seen was cyborgs, so this was something of a pleasant surprise. “Oh, I live here for the moment, with my husband Flint. I mean, we’re staying until the resistance starts fighting. Then we’ll fight alongside them.” She shrugged casually, and continued with a shocking statement. “We want to live in a world where our love is accepted.”
“W… why wouldn’t your love be accepted anyway?” I wasn’t sure if my brain was being purposely obtuse, but I didn’t understand what she was saying yet.
She smiled to herself, happiness shining through in her eyes. “Because he’s a cyborg and I’m human. I guess a lot of people think that isn’t valid as love.”
I gulped, unable to have any kind of opinion on that. After all I’d been falling for Javier hard, and then I’d just tossed him to one side because he was a cyborg and we could never be. “Oh, right,” I eventually rasped. “I see.”
“But Flint isn’t anything different to any guy I’ve dated. If anything, he’s better. He treats me like a princess.”
I considered Javier, and the way he was so good to me. Not that I’d had a lot of experience with human guys, but from what I knew they were prone to being dishonest about their feelings, having a very wandering eye, and generally leaving partners confused.
It was me that kept being doubtful about our relationship, not Javier. Javier had been straight with me the whole time.
“So, how long have you been with Flint?” I asked Rachel curiously. This was the first person who could possibly give me some of the answers I so desperately needed. Okay, so she didn’t actually know which way the war was going to go, but she did have some insight into human/cyborg relationships.
“Ever since it became clear that the cyborgs had a consciousness,” she said, nodding happily. “A fight broke out in the town I lived in, and Flint held me to protect me.” Her eyes grew misty as the memory flooded her. “He said he saw me across the street, and he just knew I was the one he wanted to love.”
“Did you not think it was weird?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“I did have my reservations at first, but when you know, you know.”
“Wow.” Did I know with Javier? Was I that certain? I had felt totally sure about him before all of this craziness kicked in.
Rachel said, “Humans and cyborgs alike need to find a way to be more open minded. We have a beautiful thing here, a true pure love.”
Rachel was so matter-of-fact about things, and she seemed so normal too. Nothing like the sort of crazy person you’d expect to be in love with a cyborg. Maybe I wasn’t so crazy myself.
“So, what do you think about Craig?” I said. I was delving in deep now. I wanted to know as much as possible. Rachel had more knowledge about all of this than me. “Do you really believe he’s a savior?”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” she said, cocking her head to one side thoughtfully. “But I think if we all work together, we can make a better life for all of us.”
“Maybe you’re right,” I nodded slowly, the fog from my brain clearing. “Maybe it isn’t all down to one person.” I bit down on my lip, having just one more question for her. “Have you met Mike? Craig changed him into a half cyborg…”
“I know Mike, he’s great. One of the best doctors around,” said Rachel.
My heart sank. Clearly there were some crossed wired here. “Oh no, Mike’s a solider.”
“He was but Craig retrained him. Now he does some amazing work. Didn’t he tell you all about it when you saw him?”
A cold harsh shame washed over me at that point, but I needed to be honest if I wanted to get some real advice from Rachel. “I didn’t really give him the chance,” I admitted a little shyly. “I got mad and stormed out. I guess it was all such a shock. I'd spent so long thinking he was dead, and hating cyborgs because of it. I even joined the army to get revenge.”
“So how did you end up here?” said Rachel. She furrowed her eyebrows at me, clearly confused.
“It’s a long story," I said, thinking I'd better hold off on some of the details of my trip here. Maybe I’d tell Rachel at a later date if she were to become my friend. "I got kidnapped, then saved. It was all a little insane. And now, I’m a little stuck.”
“So, why don’t we go and see the hospital? That way you can see your brother in action. Maybe that will help clarify things.” Rachel seemed to get that I didn’t want to talk about it, which made me like her more. She understood me, which I really needed. Being understood made all the difference in the world.
I certainly didn’t have anything else to do, and admittedly I was very intrigued, so I nodded and let her lead me away.
***
My heart rate kicked up a notch as we neared a large building that Rachel told me was the hospital. I hadn’t expected to come back into the camp. I thought I was going to run far away, but Rachel had me convinced that the revolutionaries and their dream of coexistence wasn't so crazy after all. She was smart, switched on, and just happened to be in love with a cyborg.
I didn’t really feel judgmental about her, so why was I being so hard on myself? She’d fallen in love without having the isolated life I’d had. I’d always kept to myself. Javier had sort of made me open up, so it was no wonder we had a connection.
If I stopped thinking of it as strange, then I could see it for how beautiful it really was. We’d found each other in this crazy, mixed-up world. Okay, I wasn’t totally ready to go and speak to him again, but I knew that when I did my heart would be much wider open.
“So, not only are cyborgs treated here, but any humans are looked after too… if we manage to rescue them after a battle before anyone else does. Right now, it’s hard for us to get everyone, but we do what we can.”r />
“Are all humans rescued in the way Mike was?” I asked. If they were creating an army of hybrids then maybe I’d have something to say on the matter. I just couldn’t see any situation where such an army would ever be okay.
“Sometimes they need small bits intertwined with their human skin, but not often. No one has been quite treated the way that Mike has. I guess Craig was willing to do anything at that point, because he felt so bad for what he’d done.”
Urgh, damn it! Why did everyone have to make it so hard for me to keep hating Craig? I couldn’t fully let go of my temper just yet, and I wasn’t fully ready to. I’d have to get there eventually but now wasn’t that moment,
“Yeah, I see,” I murmured quietly, as shock worked its way up my body. I was staring out over a wondrous room, one that had me absolutely captivated. There were doctors everywhere, fixing up people in what seemed to be a fully functioning hospital. “This is incredible.”
“Yeah I know, they help the cyborgs over this side where all the equipment is,” she said. I followed her eyeline, impressed by the compassion and the technology. “And the humans are taken care of there.” The humans lined up in the beds had clearly suffered terrible battle wounds, but they looked to be in relatively good health. Whatever was happening here was working well. “Oh, and there’s your brother.”
My eyes almost popped out of my head as I saw him administering some kind of treatment to someone. He looked happy, alive, like he had a clear purpose. I’d never seen such contentment in his face before. He genuinely looked like the world was at his feet.
Clearly his new life had given him a new lease. He certainly didn’t look downtrodden, as though he knew death was coming for him eventually. I’d never seen his eyes light up so much, his body so animated. He was happy here. He really did want this life.
As Rachel moved away to greet a very gorgeous cyborg with a loving kiss. It must be Flint, I thought. Meanwhile, stood back and silently watched Mike in action. Not only did he seem to love was he was doing, but it looked like everyone adored him too.