I’ve got these excuses
They’re tired and lame
I don’t need a pardon
There’s no one left to blame
I’m leaving the table
I’m out of the game
IF I DIDN’T HAVE YOUR LOVE
If the sun would lose its light
And we lived an endless night
And there was nothing left
That you could feel
That’s how it would be
What the world would seem to me
If I didn’t have your love
To make it real
If the stars were all unpinned
And a cold and bitter wind
Swallowed up the world
Without a trace
Well that’s where I would be
What my life would seem to me
If I couldn’t lift the veil
And see your face
If no leaves were on the tree
And no water in the sea
And the break of day
Had nothing to reveal
That’s how broken I would be
What my life would seem to me
If I didn’t have your love
To make it real
If the sun would lose its light
And we lived an endless night
And there was nothing left
That you could feel
If the sea were sand alone
And the flowers made of stone
And no one that you hurt
Could ever heal
That’s how broken I would be
What my life would seem to me
If I didn’t have your love
To make it real
TRAVELING LIGHT
I’m traveling light
It’s au revoir
My once so bright
My fallen star
I’m running late
They’ll close the bar
I used to play
One mean guitar
I guess I’m just
Somebody who
Has given up
On the me and you
I’m not alone
I’ve met a few
Traveling light like
We used to do
Goodnight goodnight
My fallen star
I guess you’re right
You always are
I know you’re right
About the blues
You live some life
You’d never choose
I’m just a fool
A dreamer who
Forgot to dream
Of the me and you
I am not alone
I’ve met a few
Traveling light like
We used to do
Traveling light
It’s au revoir
My once so bright
My fallen star
I’m running late
They’ll close the bar
I used to play
One mean guitar
I guess I’m just
Somebody who
Has given up
On the me and you
I’m not alone
I’ve met a few
Traveling light like
We used to do
But if the road
Leads back to you
Must I forget
The things I knew
When I was friends
With one or two
Traveling light like
We used to do
I’m traveling light
IT SEEMED THE BETTER WAY
It seemed the better way
When first I heard him speak
But now it’s much too late
To turn the other cheek
Sounded like the truth
Seemed the better way
Sounded like the truth
But it’s not the truth today
I wonder what it was
I wonder what it meant
At first he touched on love
But then he touched on death
I better hold my tongue
I better take my place
Lift this glass of blood
Try to say the grace
STEER YOUR WAY
Steer your way through the ruins of the Altar and the Mall
Steer your way through the fables of Creation and The Fall
Steer your way past the Palaces that rise above the rot
Year by year
Month by month
Day by day
Thought by thought
Steer your heart past the Truth you believed in yesterday
Such as Fundamental Goodness and the Wisdom of the Way
Steer your heart, precious heart, past the women whom you bought
Year by year
Month by month
Day by day
Thought by thought
Steer your way through the pain that is far more real than you
That has smashed the Cosmic Model that has blinded every View
And please don’t make me go there, tho’ there be a God or not
Year by year
Month by month
Day by day
Thought by thought
They whisper still, the injured stones, the blunted mountains weep
As he died to make men holy, let us die to make things cheap
And say the Mea Culpa, which you’ve probably forgot
Year by year
Month by month
Day by day
Thought by thought
Steer your way, O my heart, tho’ I have no right to ask,
To the one who was never, never equal to the task
Who knows he’s been convicted, who knows he will be shot
Year by year
Month by month
Day by day
Thought by thought
Leonard and Peter
Peter Dale Scott (b. 1929), a poet and scholar, is Professor Emeritus at the University of California, Berkeley. He is the son of Canadian poet F. R. Scott, who was Cohen’s tutor at McGill University. Scott sent Cohen an inscribed copy of his most recent volume of poems, Walking on Darkness. The subsequent e-mail exchange is recorded here, courtesy of Scott. The final text message is courtesy of Rebecca De Mornay.
Leonard (from “You Want It Darker,” September 21, 2016):
You want it darker / We kill the flame.…
Peter (inscription in Walking on Darkness, October 1, 2016):
If you want it darker
This book is not for you
I have always wanted it lighter
And I think God does too
Leonard (October 3, 2016):
who says “i” want it darker?
who says the “you” is “me”?
god saved you in your harbor
while millions died at sea
you and god are buddies
you know his wishes now
here’s broken Job all bloodied
who met him brow to brow
there is a voice so powerful
so easily unheard
those that hear may hate it all
but follow every word
if you have not been asked
to squat above the dead
be happy that you’re deaf
not something worse instead
he will make it darker
he will make it light
according to his torah
which leonard did not write
Peter (October 4, 2016):
Who says I know God’s wishes?
I’ve not met brow to brow
never had a chance to glimpse him
and never hope to now
But we who were raised in harbors
while others burned from war
have been free to choose which voices
made us what we are.
Leonard (October 4, 2016):
That was great fun.
Be well, dear friends.
Much love,
Eliezer
Leonard (November 6, 2016, 3 p.m., in response to a photo of Peter and Sophia De Mornay-O’Neal):
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
SELECTIONS FROM THE NOTEBOOKS
but the times are long
it’s all a long time gone
when I had an honest job
and Annie called me darling
***
I don’t want to greet
the morning light
with a night like this
in my heart soul
Have mercy on those shadows
that fall in love with shadows
***
You’re going to fall some day
into a wild embrace
with one who turns away
so you cannot see his face
You won’t know who you are
You won’t know who he is
There’s no one there to know
a love so wild as this
He won’t be there before you
He won’t be here within
There’ll be no border to the heart
or boundary to the skin
He isn’t there before you
isn’t here within
No border to the heart
or boundary to the skin
***
When we are apart
and the moon is full
My longing
paints your hands
on the full moon
If you read this by candlelight
as it was written
if you are alone in a room
as I am
you will know that I love you
dear and distant wife
***
Formless dinosaurs
Ignorant of our stern judgement
the dinosaurs graze on stars
in the fields of night
I have no sorrow left
I neglected you a long time
but I neglected myself even longer
This night will never end
The morning will come to wash it away
with sunlight and commotion
I have no sorrow left
The stars are too dim for the night
I have no sorrow left
for the dinosaur
grazing on stars
in the fields of night
***
I loved my friends
I talked to them
for hours and hours
and I began
to want to be beautiful
and I grew
to hate beauty in others
Mind you
a monster
is not always beautiful
***
and here is a voice
I have been listening to
for a long time
it says: O G-d, I love you
it says: Child, I love you back
***
Wednesday 17th May 00
Thanks for turning me on
with your hatred of sex and men
and your drunken kisses
which were like someone
trying to eat my voice raw
like a living oyster
The Tibetan fairy-tales
of coming back
in a brand-new sack
to finish off your dinner
right to the end I wanted you
right to the bitter end
your breath like a morgue
your flesh undone
your juices gone
I was still sifting through
your boring conversation
for traces, for hints
that you ever thought of me
with longing
and found none
Thank you Heather
thanks for turning me on
and after a while I gave up
trying to satisfy you
I just wanted to stick it in
under any circumstances
self-respect, tenderness
every mask was torn
just a hunger with an arm
thanks for turning me on
just to be inside of you
just to know
for one fraction of a measure
that we were in
the world together
thank you, Beloved
for turning me off
and for turning me on
I thank the nameless one
and I thank the nameless many
***
L.A.
Friday August 5[?], 2000
I wanted you to love me
I needed you to love me
I had to have you love me
but what I meant
or who I meant
I still don’t have a clue
except that I was lonely
and there was only you
***
9 am Sunday, Aug 7, 2000
If they never played the game
how could they know the score
Don’t go down to Westmount Station
Those trains don’t run no more
The bullet trains of Tokyo
The monorail
The TGV
They’ll let you know
what transportation’s for
But don’t go down to Westm’t Station
Those old trains don’t run no more
Those stories that your father knows
***
Friday August 11 [?]
I came to you with sorrow
and I promised more tomorrow
you said, Come to Me with bread
I said, Lord, I am a victim
I cannot make a living
That’s why you employed me with the dead
***
she loved me
I’m only quoting her
she’s gone now
I feel much quieter
no beauty
but then neither am I
alone now
***
he wasn’t as lean as Bogart
or short as Alan Ladd
but his songs would last forever
and some already had
I could have been the Ace of Spades
if I was only black
I could have been the Prince of Peace
but Jesus’s coming back
I could have been the Beauty Queen
but I had too much hair
I could have stood where Moses stood
but he was standing there
I could have been a millionaire
but money ruined my life
I could have been the Master [?]
I didn’t want your wife
As a child I had the dream
that I might speak in the highest name
and gather many broken {noble} hearts
to homeward [?]
and I was judged by those
who spoke more sweetly than I could
and I was judged by those
whose suffering made them dumb
The judgement was, Be silent, child
be silent in the world of men
O bitter silence that I held
while omens burned the gypsy [?] dust
and wires cut the {faithful} {widow?} riders down
and every holy word was turned
to serve the greed and muting of mind
O bitter silence, bitter calm I spread
while every soul {law} was drowned
below the poison tide and now the vile
abominations rose to rule and regulate
the very breathing of the soul
and still the judgement was
Be silent, Child, you are too weak {you are too rich},
you are too young
and this world came, and men like you and me, gold in the tooth, gold in the tas
te, gold in the brain, and great champions of silence came, missionaries of the void, and someone said, and someone said there’s nothing left, there’s nothing next, be human in the human world, be calm, be calm, and in my heart I hated this vast tyranny of peace. I could not hear the judgement and I fell in love with everyone who fell in love with me
***
Simple Songs
with everybody singing
and someone saying
sing us “Born to Lose”
and Hershorn takes
his daughter’s ukulele
and everybody listens
to the news
Simple songs with everybody singing
I forget them soon I let them go
The anthems & the prayers of lonely people
***
It is going to be like this
Sitting at a bar in Geneva
or is it Zurich
I can never tell which
Carolina, Carolina
I can never tell which
Bridge
It is a nice place here
They don’t mind you smoking either
Everybody’s smoking & drinking
in Geneva or Zurich
Carolina, Carolina
are we ever
going to get together again
Sometimes I think so
Sometimes I don’t
I don’t think I do tonight
I think I don’t
Carolina, Carolina,
in Zurich or Geneva
I don’t think we’re going
to get together ever again
***
This time, baby, gonna ask for the moon
gonna ask the rainbow to deliver
the treasure right now, not later, not soon
If it rains, the rain’s got to be silver
got to hear it in the arms of my lover
no other place will do. I want it all,
the whole fucking cross, not just a splinter.
I don’t just want my kick, I want the ball
and if it’s got to be a stone, I want the wall.
Take my gloves
Take my helmet
take my belt
my forty-five
I don’t need them
where I’m going
you don’t have to talk no more
you can rest awhile
There ain’t no words
where you are going
O my fathers
I have listened
to your whispering
in the air
I have heard you
talk all morning
Midnight I have
heard your prayer
Take my knife
my silver bullets
take the woman
by my side
I can’t have her,
where I’m going
I can’t even
tell her why
***
all those broken hearts
& you ain’t gonna stop it
when it starts
***
Baby, I can’t speak {talk} about
the hundred thousand darknesses
that go around insisting
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