they’re my heart
I can talk about the weather
I don’t think it’s going to rain
but if you ask me how I am:
I can’t complain
You can say
it’s all been written
but I cannot read the text
It’s love alone distracts me
from one moment to the next
I’d never seen the day so new
the green so green, the blue so blue
and all you lost was
only to renew you
I tried to make a joyful now
Surely the ocean will part her lips
for the widow watching
Surely the nighttime
will yield another song
Surely the ocean
will let the men undrown
Surely the widow
will give another chance
to the widow who’s been
watching all the ships
Surely the morning light
will let the man return
and the wolf go back
to moonlight
Surely the moonlight
will hold another face
The heart of love is covered up
& the heart of labour too
There’s no one else
There’s nothing else
can move the dust but you
all the bad examples of my uncles
and my friends
still I could not fight it
or wrong or even right it
I didn’t even know
what I’d done
Now Bobby left his body
in a Hong Kong Hotel
He never even told us where
to find it
I was looking for the needle
I was looking high & low
for the needle that I used to sew
my coat of many colours long ago
that I lost so long ago
I’ve been waiting
many years now
for a climate
such as this
for the cold to
be so clear now
that nobody even
talks about the spring
Here comes the morning boat
here comes the evening train
here comes Marianne now
to say goodbye again
***
Athens Inter, C. July 30
a dream a couple of nights ago
a fierce god came thru the door
almost broke down the door
my house was a frail affair
***
Sept 17, 2008
you who have fallen
beneath all contempt
whose {your} pockets are {full swollen}
but you’re living in debt
and dead to the culture
that murdered your {heart} pride
you pick through the scriptures
for somewhere to hide
***
Oct 16
There was so little to say
All my prophecies
were coming true
I was old
My work was done
Then you began
to undress for me
on Skype
And I had to think
about my life again
It was a good hotel
Thick double curtain
sealed the room in darkness
any time of the day
I lay on my {the} bed
in my free time
thinking of her {you}
as if {I was} meditating
***
Geneva dressing rm. Oct 26 2008
a few nights ago
in a dream
you said: “Come along
to the sunny beach”
I thought you meant
“just you and me”
but it turned out
you were with a handsome young man
named Coran
and I was, as you said,
welcome to “come along”
and that was that
***
Dream Brighton Nov 28[?]
Tom Waits singing—I hear him
I’m in a theatre—I’ve given
a show to a large audience
My show went well—I can’t
see him—I’m in my dressing
room—but I can hear him—
his music begin—it is so
beautiful and original and
sophisticated—so much better
than mine—some mélange
of harshness and sweetness—
modern and sentimental all
at once—even Kitsch used
so skillfully—I wish I
could do that—then he
starts to sing—so great—
I go down to hear him—
expecting a great
adoring crowd—but
he’s singing in a half full
small theatre—a kind
of afterthought of a
theatre—we leave together
he puts his arm around
my shoulder—he looks
good—a bit beat up—
a bit older—but in full
possession of himself
***
I gave you my children
you said they were starving
and I gave you my knife
and the meat I was carving
Once I sang the ancient
now I sing the old
once I sang the sacrament
now I sing the mould
Old people roll their stockings up
while sitting on their beds
I need them on my mountain
I need their empty heads
Last year you dreamed
this year you killed
and now you are the ruler
of the kingdom that you willed
your love has traveled to the towns
you wanted her to leave for
and since you sent her there yourself
there’s nothing left to grieve for
and, lovers of the future,
I know what I have done
I’m looking in the mirror
of the gun machine
yes baby
you’re the queen of hearts.
You took my ring
and threw it in the garbage
I’ve been looking thru
the garbage ever since
if you find yourself
beside the city dump sometime
you’ll find it covered
with my fingerprints
Your black suit
gleaming in my eye
like licorice
When you have broken down
you’ll find me then
you’ll find me on my knees
Fifth Avenue was an Indian path
& all of this was trees
Is this the way you wanted it
Did you choose to fall like this
with so little majesty
Rest here a little, pilgrim
I’ve been where it is summer
The crystals in your hair reveal
your road goes through the winter
the scratches on her movie
like rain that children draw
smiling to herself for herself
her own histories
her own grandmother
remembering the incorruptible
formula of her mouth
in nineteen sixty seven
You took my love
and left it in the trash can
I’ve been looking thru
the orange peels ever since
If some time you happen
by the city dump
You’ll find it covered
with my fingerprints
***
Saturday Morning
and the lea
ves are shining
and my small disease
is climbing the knob
Saturday Morning
and the ruins of Moscow
and the dark cement
is getting my job
Saturday Morning
and I’m sitting at the table
where I wrote
The Tower of Song
Saturday Morning
and I got nothing going
nothing going
nothing is wrong
All my secrets
I’ve told to the pillow
like a teenage girl
in a Motown song
And I’m burning
I’m burning to follow
my secrets
to the City of Death
on the outskirts of town
Saturday Morning
what was I saying
before the birds
interrupted my thought
I was thinking
of a room in Westminster
room
with a woman from Hell
who thought she was hot
Saturday Morning
how long can I {you} wait
when it’s clear that
you’re serving your terror
and you’re loving
all that you hate.
Saturday Morning
in the wonderful window
where the palm trees
tickle the wind
Saturday Morning
don’t give up your courage
just breathe
and the worst will be over
but look it’s coming again
I’m writing in the book that
you gave me
I’m so happy that we never
made love
***
I’ve driven a pin through your footprint
to make you stumble and swoon
I’ve covered it all with a detail
from somebody’s old honeymoon
Nobody calls you who calls you
Nobody calls you but me
Nobody wants you who wants you
Nobody wants you but me
I’m lost in a shell with the ocean
I’m locked in an old honeymoon
You’ve driven a pin through my footprint
You’ve come after me with a tune
I’ve driven a shell through the ocean
I’m locked in an old honeymoon
I left some rain in your footprint
You gave me the words & the tune
lost in a spell that I started
to turn myself into a bone
locked in a room with the details
of somebody’s old honeymoon
Lost in a spell that I started to
turn myself into a bone
you know that I’m just one of many
I hope you don’t think I’m alone
Nobody wants you who wants you
Nobody wants you but me
The moon is after you, darling
It’s wandered away from the sea
***
And O my heart
my lonely heart
how sweet
how sweet you sing
I knew that you
were lying
but I never
called you on it.
I told my brother
what I heard
and he began to weep
I told my sister who whispered
“hush the baby is asleep”
I told the angels of the Lord,
they covered me with light
I told my heart, my heart did say:
“Be still with me tonight.”
***
Oct 10, 2005
leave me out of all your histories
that’s okay with me
I am as patient as the climate
I change when I am told
Thank you for
your gracious hospitality
my heart is light
when I recall the years
we have been together
as if you ever thought
that you were some kind
of a teacher
when did that stupid idea
take root?
when you had no other way
to reach her?
***
Campanile Nov 1, 2005
I just came back to say goodbye
It’s true, it’s true, we won
The bodies piled up tidal high
It wasn’t that much fun
Been raining almost every day
We came here for the sun
We had that earthquake in L.A.
It wasn’t that much fun
***
Nov 6, 2005
I was second to none
but I was never best
I was old and broke
so l could not rest
You can call it luck
be it good or bad
but you don’t give up
when your heart is dead
it had to make you crazy
when you no longer had the money
or the youth
to bribe the referee
***
Soho Metro April 8, 2006
Toronto
can’t even tie your shoe
I look away
and cry for you
a mouse
with two matchsticks
and a bottle cap
is the drummer
for me
singing by myself
all morning
singing to myself
about Vanessa
I kissed you {once} hard
as if I were young
and you were so kind
to pretend that I was
and always that room
that window so wide
there was nothing beyond it
& no one inside
the story’s been written
it’s signed & it’s sealed
you gave me a lily
but now it’s a field
I don’t know what happened
but who could have guessed
you’d leave us all hanging
that night that you left
Why didn’t you tell me
that you had to leave
O noble departure
in silence and grief
***
May 27, 2006
and with me still
my darling friend
whose lips the decades
won’t amend
my comfort in
the coming dusk
where hands can’t feel
but memory must
my comfort in
the rising dust
where hands can’t
so memory must
where flesh can’t do
what memory must
the thrill of skin
in memory’s trust
and even here
and even now
I can’t regret
I don’t know how
where lips can’t drink
so memory must
your will to live
was too intense
you cut it down
it made no sense
when life betrayed you
with a yawn
you cut it down
lest it go on
I can’t look back
or I will fall
time’s good trick
reverse it all
lest suffering {torture} wear
its hideous grin
and bodies tear
and boredom wins
you cut away
the rotting wood
as any careful
gardener should
you kept your word
your deep concern
the winter’s cold
the wood won’t burn
you kept your word
your deep concern
fuck this valley
fuck this hill
where nothing works
and nothing will
fuck the bed
we lay upon
where nothing turned
my body on
baby you been gone a long time now
but you come to me in moments of unrest
and you hold my heart against
your burning lips
and you tell me that my love
has passed the test
You never really
beat me up
but now and then
you threatened
you were six foot two
and some
and I was five foot
seven
***
gonna live awhile
before I die
very peaceful
in the MRI
The moon is full tonight
if only we could see it
and the garden
filled with fragrance
if only we could
breathe it
Every time I try to speak
It just doesn’t come out right
Everything I try to say
it just sounds something like
that you were gone forever
and by your own dear hand
***
when I studied with the serpent
and sang confession to the trees
trying many sacraments from any hand
finding teachers anywhere
in all disguises insisting that I listen
to their daily talk
for the mystery it must disclose
and be left standing while
everyone else got high
The waitress came from Newfoundland
She said she knew the sea
I took her on a lonesome trip
until she cut me free
O darling you’re waiting
for somebody’s child
and once he was free
but now he is wild
And now that you’re planning
to follow the sun
like a shadow of birds
or a crook on the run
you’re travelling too light
for the seas you must swim
your thoughts are too deep
and your smile is too grim
You’ve broken the promise
you said in the barn
when you worried all night
while the killers were born
and your father did laugh
as he poured you some wine
then you shut the big doors
and lay down with the blind
You’ve broken the promise
you swore through your teeth
when you saw the words end
and the photographs weep
and nobody blames you
as the train pulls away
with its cargo of snow
for those glass paperweights
You’ve broken the promise
you said you would keep
but the paragraphs end
and the pictures still weep
like the sound of a storm
in a round paperweight
& nobody blames you
as the train pulls away
with the sound of a storm
in a round paperweight
***
after the poem
a little quieter
The Flame Page 9
