Defining Human (Only Human Book 4)

by Candace Blevins

  “Abbott could come back from that? From having his head blown up?”

  “The Abbott has come back from worse,” said Ryan.

  “You can tell me secrets that aren’t yours to tell.”

  “I don’t fall under the Concilio’s demesne.”

  “Anything else I need to know about last night? I take it the Celrau and Strigorii were in cahoots?”

  “Possibly, though we can’t be sure. Personally, I believe the Strigorii planned it so we’d be fighting the Celrau when they arrived, but I’m not sure the Celrau were aware of the Strigorii’s plans. We took out some of the Celrau, the others left through a portal to another dimension, which is assumed to be Hell.” He shrugged. “Nothing else of note. We got rid of them, another bus arrived, we left. The gazelles are going to have some interesting gossip.”

  “How long until we leave for the airport?”

  “Two hours.”

  Chapter 18

  Our connecting flights were through London and Charlotte this time. I’d put a few movies on my laptop, and I went back and forth from reading books to watching movies. I slept some, but I was once again beyond exhausted after twenty-seven hours of constant flying.

  Ryan saw us to our gate in Charlotte, because he was flying god-knew-where instead of back to Chattanooga.

  It was late afternoon when we finally made it to the Chattanooga airport, but I was still tempted to go home and fall into bed. However, Nathan was waiting for us in the baggage claim area, and he looked like a pissed off lion even in human form.

  “Damn.” Cora didn’t need to say anything else. One word said it all.

  “How was your flight?” He was trying to be casual, but I could feel his strain.

  “Uneventful, thank goodness.” I touched his hand, ran my fingers up his arm, and took a step back when I wasn’t sure how much public affection I should show. “I’m okay. I’m wiped from travel and can’t wait to commune with the trees in my backyard, but I’m good.”

  He shook his head. “At least two vampires can control you through a blood link. You aren’t okay.”

  “Point, but they aren’t here right now, and I can’t deal with that just yet.”

  “Cora will sleep with you, and I’ll camp out on your sofa a few nights. If you’re comfortable with Kane, he can stay on your sofa when I need to be somewhere else.”

  I glanced at Tyson and Kane, and back to Nathan. “We’ll figure it out.” I didn’t want to argue about it while standing in the airport. I was tired.

  “I’ve hired Kendra to consult, and she’s received permission from Abbott.”

  I looked at my feet and counted to eight. It wasn’t enough, so I did it again. Finally, I met his gaze. “Okay. You’re worried, and it’s possible I’m screwed. Point made. I need to go home. I’m going to put a bathing suit on, get in the pool, and talk to my trees. I’ll come in and get dressed in time to greet Lauren when she gets home from work. Tomorrow, when she goes to work, we’ll figure all this out. I can’t deal with it now.”

  He grinned and flipped my ponytail. “I’m not sure, but I think I hear you saying you can’t handle anything more than simple greetings right now.”

  I tipped forward and leaned into him. I didn’t give a shit about public appearances in that moment — I needed a hug. His arms went around me, and I gave myself a dozen heartbeats to enjoy his energy and embrace before I pulled away.

  “That was nice. Thanks.”

  “It’s possible I needed it as much as you. You really are wiped. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. Travel always drains me, and I was tired before I ever got on a plane. Let’s get out of here.”

  Cora and I both hugged Tyson and Kane, and told them to have a safe trip back to Atlanta. They looked to Nathan before telling me, “We’ll be in town until tomorrow, possibly longer.”

  I looked at Nathan. “You will not punish them. It wasn’t their fault.”

  “You don’t get to tell me what to do with my cats.”

  I shook my head. “If you ever want me to let your cats help protect me again, you can’t hold them responsible when something isn’t their fault. This isn’t up for negotiation.”

  He shook his head. “We need to debrief, but that doesn’t change the fact you don’t get to dictate how I handle my people.”

  I looked at him a second, deciding. “Okay. I trust you not to be stupid.”

  He chuckled. “Damned shrink-talk. Yeah, I won’t be stupid.”

  He tossed keys to Tyson and pointed to a Drake vehicle. “Address is in the GPS. Hands off my lionesses, but there’s a few cheetahs staying with them you’re welcome to, if they’re amenable. One’s new — be gentle with her.”

  I waited until we were in his Sherpa before saying, “You know I’ll be pissed if you make me off-limits to anyone except your lions, right?”

  “Then I should tell you I also told Martin he isn’t allowed to contact you without Aaron or me present, and as a result, he’s made all of his people off-limits to you.”

  “Martin’s an asshole, so you probably did me a favor there.” I sighed. “Okay, again, I’ll just say I trust you won’t be stupid.”

  Nathan looked into the rearview mirror. “You’re quiet, Cora. Anything I need to know that you don’t think Kirsten’s told me?”

  “I’m hoping she’ll be up for a trip to Randall’s, so I can change and run. Probably not today, but tomorrow would be great. I was going to suggest we pull Gavin in since she won’t want Abbott in her head, but I trust Kendra more and she’s just as capable, so I approve. Kirsten goes back to work the day after tomorrow. Do we have anyone in town who can do what Hami did?”

  “Me, Randall, Abbott, Aaron. Mordecai’s gone again. Lou might be able to…” He shook his head. “I’ll talk to him and set something up, so we can see. Horses are odd ducks to start with, and Lou is odder than most.”

  “No. He’s a behind-the-scenes guy. If he’s with me, he’s in danger.”

  “Mordecai says you find teachers in unlikely places, and we should put you with people we think can help you, even if we have doubts. We won’t put him in danger, but I’d like to see if he can do what Hami did. Horses are stubborn and they have some impressive shielding.”

  “Cats are stubborn, and you have impressive shielding, too.”

  “I can protect my cats, but I’ve never been able to extend it to anyone else.”

  My first thought was that he hadn’t protected Becca, but I didn’t say it out loud.

  He must’ve known my thoughts, though. Barely an hour later, I was floating on pool noodles while he sat on the diving board, his jeans pushed up his calves and his feet dangling in the water, and he said, “My lionesses are, for the most part, the problem women from other Prides. The leader is a scary bitch, but she’s loyal to me and we have mutual respect. She takes care of me. She feeds me — or she tells one of the other women to, but she usually personally makes sure I eat, and she has a knack for knowing what I want. It isn’t love, but mutual respect between partners can go a long way. Yes, she runs the women and keeps everyone happy so I don’t have to. However, I stay on top of what’s happening, too. I rarely step in, but I sometimes aim her in a different direction. Because I choose those times carefully, she almost always lets me redirect her without arguing. They gave Becca a chance, but she pissed everyone off within forty-eight hours of her arrival, and I’m not sure anyone can come back from that.” He sighed. “She couldn’t stay, but I didn’t want to see her dead.”

  “You have to watch your lionesses grow old and die.”

  “I do, though it doesn’t happen as quickly for them as it will for you.” He looked so unbelievably sad, I wanted to cry for him.

  “So, you don’t choose your women? How does that work? You bring the rejects here and let them figure out who’s on top?”

  “Mostly, yeah. I have to get rough with nearly all of them at first, and some of them I can never be gentle with.” He shrugged. “It works f
or me. I don’t have time to micromanage them, but it’s still a form of what you’d describe as TPE. I’m hands off about some things, heavy-handed about others.” He blew out a breath. “You’re going to need to meet them, probably sooner rather than later. RaeLynn has picked up on the fact I care about you, and she’s curious. If I don’t introduce you, she’ll find a way to meet you without me there to supervise. She knows she’ll be punished if she does, but when she sets her mind to something, she often decides whatever consequences I mete out are worth it.”

  “I thought they knew you had sex with other people? This feels a little like having to meet the wife.”

  “They’re aware I fuck whoever I want, whenever I want. However, they’re mine. They bend over for me or whoever I order them to bend over for. If the ones I keep closest want to be with someone else, they ask permission with the knowledge they’ll likely have to move out before I’ll grant it.” He shrugged. “I didn’t cheat, and you have no reason to feel guilty. They’re curious. RaeLynn is happy when I’m happy — she isn’t going to be pissed.”

  “How many women are in your local Pride?”

  “Twenty-three, but only six currently live in the home I keep for my closest. The other seventeen keep their own homes and apartments, and can have sex with humans and non-feline shapeshifters without checking in with me. They only need permission to fuck another cat. Some are in monogamous relationships, though their partners have to be okay with me stepping in. I generally do everyone at least twice a year, some a little more frequently. RaeLynn helps me with the outliers, too. She has lunch with them, keeps in touch, and lets me know if I need to check in on them.”

  “And the six closest? Can they fuck non-felines?”

  “Not without permission, and in some cases permission is only granted once they’ve moved out. They’re mine while they’re invited to live under my roof, even if it isn’t where I choose to live. As I said, it’s what you’d call TPE, but it works for them — I’d find another place for them if it didn’t. The women are close. We have a bed big enough for all seven of us, when I need them around me as a unit.”

  “What’s the deal with the two cheetahs?”

  “One was turned without being told ahead of time. She’s a college professor, and a young cheetah decided he’d cure her of her cancer so she didn’t have to keep getting chemo. He didn’t like the way it smelled, or the fact it made her sick. I moved her in with my lionesses, and brought another cheetah in for more specific help while she learns to control her cat.”

  “Any chance I can meet RaeLynn on neutral territory before I walk into a house full of lions and cheetahs?”

  He chuckled. “Yeah, we can do that.”

  “How are things handled at the house? You own it, you make the rules. You say they’re close, but I understand how TPE works. Are they close because you order it?”

  At first, I didn’t think he’d answer, but about fifteen seconds later, he said, “It’s a five-bedroom house with an office suite and a mother-in-law apartment at the back of the property. RaeLynn uses the office area as her bedroom suite, which means there are six bedrooms, three of which are designed to house two women. The mother-in-law building is reserved for guests, and it’s where Kane and Tyson will sleep.” He made little splashing sounds with his big toes. “I have a closet in RaeLynn’s suite, and my things are in several bathrooms, but I don’t keep a bedroom. When I’m there, I’m in someone else’s bed. My home is about five miles away. Three lionesses have access so they can clean it and keep it stocked, but they never spend the night in my home.”

  “You told me more than I expected, but you didn’t answer the question.”

  “RaeLynn’s in charge when I’m not around. She’s the queen bitch and she doesn’t tolerate a lot of drama. If someone truly doesn’t fit in, they won’t last long.”

  Which made the prospect of meeting RaeLynn even more nerve-wracking, but I figured I should keep asking questions while he felt like answering. “Do you call the room with the equipment and toys a dungeon or a playroom?”

  He grinned. “There’s a punishment room in the basement, complete with ten cages strong enough to hold ten lions. Stocks, chains, O-rings bolted into concrete. No one wants me to take them into that room. The main den has O-rings in the walls, and a cabinet with whips and such — that’s where we play, usually, unless I take someone to their room to play with them. We don’t really have a name for the punishment room. I frequently tell RaeLynn to take someone to the basement, and she knows it means to put them in a cage in there. Once they’re in a cage, they know they’ll be there until I have time to deal with them.”

  “Do they go willingly?”

  “Some do, because they know they’re already in enough trouble without making it worse. I have access to video cameras in every room of the house. They never know when I might be watching.” He moved his feet around the in the water and watched the ripples. “RaeLynn can pull on my energy, and I almost always allow it because I trust her not to abuse the privilege. She can act on my behalf, and my lions know I rarely undermine her orders. She’s careful to only command what she knows I’ll agree with.”

  “It’s important she likes me, isn’t it?”

  “She’ll like you because I do. Probably. I try to keep my work life and personal life separate, but you’re bridging the two.” His gaze met mine and I had a hard time reading it. “You’ve kept things light with Dawg. I know the two of you fuck a few times a month, and you don’t call him and demand he tells you where he is. You don’t keep up with the other people he fucks.”

  “I don’t work with Dawg.”

  He nodded. “Okay then. We’ll keep you on retainer so our employees can continue to make appointments and you’ll work them in within a week or two, sooner if they’re critical, but you haven’t really worked for us in months, so maybe we should make that official.”

  “You’re not funny.”

  “I’m aware. No one’s ever accused me of having a sense of humor.”

  I shook my head. “What are you saying? You want us to date? Sleep together? Be fuck-buddies?”

  “Honestly? I don’t know. I can never offer you more than one night a week, and probably not every week. Best I can tell, you aren’t interested in a relationship, so maybe that can work?”

  “Men don’t stay here. I’ve had Dawg here twice when Lauren was away, but we’re usually either at his house or at the clubhouse.”

  “You’re getting hung up on details.”

  I breathed in energy and thanked my trees for grounding me. When they can ground you while you float in water, it’s exceptionally good.

  “This feels more like a business negotiation than… whatever it is.” I sighed. “What is it?”

  “Still on the details?” His smile was gentle, and I returned it. He was hurting, and going out on a limb he wasn’t sure of, but I wasn’t sure I could risk my heart with him.

  “You’d think being King would mean you get to make the rules.”

  “Some can’t be changed, but I wonder if I might alter some of them. The fact I can feel the panther in your soul might help me bend some rules, or perhaps make new ones. I don’t know, but I hope you’re up for helping me try.”

  My brows furrowed. Surely he couldn’t be saying… No.

  “Give me a minute.”

  I turned my back to him and took a breath. Two years earlier, a patient came to me who had adopted as a single mom. She claimed to want to find someone to share her life with, but she sabotaged every relationship that had a chance. She only spent time with men she couldn’t possibly get involved with — married men, traveling salesmen who lived in other cities, asshole jocks who weren’t looking to settle down. During the years I worked with her, I saw pieces of myself in her. Nathan had been safe when a relationship wasn’t possible, but now the thoughts he might make it possible… I was terrified. I wanted to say I was frightened because of the chance we’d try to make it work and then couldn’t. In tr
uth, it’s possible I was terrified because it might work.

  I turned back to Nathan. “My intention was not to get serious with anyone while raising Lauren. She’ll graduate in less than a year, but it sounds like it’ll take longer than that for you to try to rework the rules.”

  “Why do you smell scared?”

  “Because if we try this and it doesn’t work, I’m not sure if my heart will survive another round of super-glue. It’s already got this hard shell on it from the last time.” I wasn’t sure I understood the other possible reasons — no way could I talk about my other fears yet.

  “Denny? That was a long time ago.”

  “It’s been broken since him.” I shrugged. “I’m not saying no. Please don’t look sad.”

  “If you’re willing, I’m up for taking a really big step. I have guest bedrooms. I’d like you, Lauren, and Cora to stay at my house until we figure out what’s going on with Griffin. Not in my bedroom, but only because I know you don’t want Lauren seeing you have casual sex with men. I’ll give the three of you the passcode to get in, and you can come and go as needed.”

  “And this way when you have me over later, it won’t be the first time I’ve stayed at your house.”

  “Right.”

  Was I brave enough to do this? The answer came to me all-at-once. I couldn’t not try. If Nathan wanted to make it work badly enough to try to bend or break or rewrite some rules, I’d step off the cliff with him and see where it took us. I wasn’t going to overanalyze the shit out of it before we even got started. We’d take it one day at a time, and we’d both be grownups.

  “Okay. There are feelings on both sides and I have no idea how this might look if it works, but I can’t say no just because I’m scared.” I took a breath and changed the subject. “Talk to me about Griffin.”