Defining Human (Only Human Book 4)

by Candace Blevins

  “He’s rough with his people when they don’t toe the line, and yet he engenders loyalty and love. He’s a good Amakhosi. We don’t want to lose him.”

  “He’d die if he gave up the title, right?”

  “Every Amakhosi before him has died when they lost the power of the office.”

  I shook my head and got us back on track. “What do I need to do so you can tell me how many vampires can control me?”

  “Let’s have a seat.”

  She pointed me towards a comfortable reading chair, and I assumed Nathan used this room when he needed to shut the rest of the world out.

  “First, relax. If you’ll let me in, I’ll help you find a twilight sleep. Not really meditation, but close. You’ll see what I’m seeing from a distance, as if you’re watching me watch you. Make sense?”

  I breathed out in relief. “If I can see what you’re seeing, and remember it all, I’ll feel better about this.”

  “Just so you don’t think I misled you — I could make you forget portions if I wanted. I don’t intend to, but you should know I could.”

  I nodded. “And I know Abbott can have access to any of this. He’s your Master and while I don’t totally understand the relationship, I respect the loyalty you have for him.”

  I felt her at my shields and let her in without dropping them. I hadn’t known how to do this when I dated Abbott. I’d learned much from Mordecai.

  I heard her hearing my thoughts and the echo was odd, but seconds later she helped me find a meditative state, which stopped me from thinking so I was merely the observer.

  Kendra went straight for my relationships — Lauren, my parents, Xiaolan, Lauren’s friends, Cora, Master James, Aaron, Nathan, Dawg, Tyler, Patrick, Randall… I hadn’t realized Dawg would be ranked so high, but there were no thoughts in that moment.

  She breezed past those to the connection to Myrddin, since he’d done my blood bond, binding me to the supernatural secrets I knew. I saw a thin connection to Abbott, and a stronger connection to Aquila and his minion, plus three threads leading off to people I didn’t recognize.

  Those were blood threads.

  She moved to an area of… energy threads? I hadn’t understood the impact of the energy transfer I received and gave to Mordecai, Aaron, Nathan, and Cora. Adonis was in there, and a few others, but they were tangential. The four people I regularly exchanged energy with, or accepted energy from, were a huge part of my aura, my vibration, my frequency. They were connected to my entire being though, and not into the willpower center of my brain and my very thoughts the way the blood bonds were.

  This one feels like Griffin, which may or may not have transferred to his Second, Kendra pulled me out of my meditation by speaking to me, but not fully. Carefully try to heat the thread. Pay attention and stop if I tell you to — you can easily injure yourself doing this, but the goal is to burn it away.

  My instinct was to burn the thread as far away from my brain as possible. I followed the thread and gave a mental toss to the heat I put out, so it went toward the being on the other end. I felt the heat in my head, but it was over as soon as it started.

  The recoil, however, fucking hurt.

  Are you okay? The farther out you burn it, the less heat but the more recoil. I didn’t intend for you to toss a ball of fire at it!

  I held my head and breathed through the pain. I think so. Mostly.

  You might want to try to burn it closer, next time. Balance how much heat you can stand with the amount of recoil you’ll get. The farther away, the harder the snap will be.

  Aquila’s has a Y in it, where it goes to both him and his minion. Does that mean there’ll be more recoil?

  Yes.

  I’m going to do it anyway. What’s the worst that can happen?

  Brain damage and death.

  Well, fuck.

  Burn it closer. Aquila and his minion are going to know. It’ll hurt them. A lot. They’ll heal, but they’re going to be pissed.

  Can I use it to find them?

  You shouldn’t be able to, but Abbott says not to assume you can only do what humans can. Give it a try.

  Before I could talk myself out of it or overthink it, I followed the blood-burgundy thread, and gasped when I ended up in Aquila’s head, looking out of his eyes. He instantly knew I was there and booted me back into my head. I felt his visceral rage, and terror took hold of every cell in my body. I lobbed heat towards the strand going to Aquila and the thread burned away, but it also seared my own brain. I screamed in agony and grabbed my head seconds before the recoil added insult to injury. I wasn’t totally in control of my body, and my bladder threatened to release. Unable to stay upright, I crashed to the floor, paralyzed with pain.

  You’re okay. Kendra’s calming voice sounded in my head. Breathe through it. I’m looking at your brain and everything I see with damage will heal. No memories lost. No brain power gone. Breathe, Kirsten. In and out. Deep. Count it in and out.

  “Would it be better to do this in the pool next time?” I gasped, wishing I could put ice inside my skull.

  “Cold shower, if the symbolism will help, but I’d worry about you accidentally drowning in the pool.”

  I was no longer where I could see the strands, and I tried to go back in to look. I hurt, but I didn’t want anyone with a way into my head.

  “No,” said Kendra. “You’re okay, but any more damage and you might not be. We’ll wait a week to ten days before you attempt to burn away the other two leading off to Griffin’s cronies.”

  “And the one to Abbott?”

  She sighed. “I’ll need to check with him before I can help you with it. It’ll hurt you both and he’ll need to be ready and waiting. It’s thin, which means it’s weak. It’s possible he thinks he got rid of it, and what we saw is the ghost of what he originally established.”

  I didn’t believe that for a second. However, arguing with her about Abbott was pointless, so I changed the subject. “Tell me about the energy ties.”

  “All are healthy. Nothing to worry about. I’m surprised Mordecai has allowed one to form so strongly, but there’s nothing detrimental about it.” She stood, paced, sat back down. “I know where Aquila was. It’s just outside of New Orleans, though I doubt he’ll stay. You likely injured him when you cut the bond, and I’m certain you freaked him out by getting into his head. I don’t think he realized I helped, which will play in your favor as well.”

  My head was hurting worse with every passing second, and I telepathed to Cora, Can you bring an ice pack in, please? And some Excedrin? I have a killer headache.

  I didn’t get a response and couldn’t sense her. Couldn’t feel her. I stood and ran from the room despite my throbbing head.

  Cora was unconscious, on the floor. Blood was coming out of her right ear while Nathan desperately tried to revive her. I grabbed my phone and called Randall. “Turn Cora to wolf. Fuck, Randall, please. Fast.”

  Cora shifted to wolf before my eyes, and the animal shook her head in confusion. I breathed in relief, and Randall said, “I found her body to change, but she wasn’t in it. I feel her again. Is she okay?”

  “She seems to be. She’s standing and breathing, but she looks confused.”

  “That’s normal after I instituted the change. Tell me what the fuck just happened?”

  I looked to Kendra, who shrugged. I had to tell him something, so I went with the most obvious. “Some vampires bit me and exchanged blood while I was unconscious in Africa. I went into my head and disconnected the blood bond they created. The heat and recoil hurt, and I need to ice my head and take something for it, but I’m mostly okay. It seems to have hurt Cora more than me. Do you know why?”

  “Did she know what you were doing?”

  “Not specifically.”

  “She needs to be part of it in the future. The two of you are bound close. If there was recoil, there’s no telling where it hit her, and she wasn’t prepared. It might actually be best for her to be in wolf form if y
ou do it again. Help the wolf out of the clothes and feed her.”

  Nathan handed me scissors and I cut the pants away but pulled the shirt off — she liked the blouse and I knew she’d appreciate me saving it.

  Nathan headed to the kitchen, but I didn’t want to assume anything. “Are you putting food out for her?”

  “Yes.”

  I found my phone on a side table and put it back to my ear. “Okay, the clothes are off and Nathan’s feeding her. I can’t feel her. Do you think we finally broke our connection?”

  “I don’t know. I’d like to see the two of you in the morning.”

  Kendra shook her head, but I told him, “We’ll talk tomorrow and figure out whether it’s feasible. I want answers, too, but I need to be sure we’re safe.”

  “I can come to you if it isn’t safe for you to leave.”

  “We’ll talk tomorrow. Thanks again for your help.”

  He wasn’t pleased with my evasion, but he wished me a good evening and told me to let him know if Cora or I needed him again.

  The wolf ate noisily in the kitchen, padded past us to the bedroom, and returned as Cora in human form with clothes on. Meanwhile, Nathan had brought me an icepack for my head and I was feeling a little better, though nauseated and wishing I had ginger tea.

  “I can’t feel you,” I told her.

  “I can’t feel you, either. You should eat. I need food, too. Even after two changes, my head hurts.”

  We debriefed while we ate, and we all headed to bed. Cora and I touched in our sleep because we couldn’t feel each other and it was disconcerting.

  Chapter 21

  I awoke with the realization there hadn’t been a burgundy thread leading to Cora — only the energy thread. Cora stirred, and I telepathed, Stay drowsy. Meditate. Let me look at us?

  I can hear you. That means we’re still connected, but I can’t feel you.

  I sank into myself and looked for the place Kendra had taken me. It took a while, but I eventually found it, and I looked at the connections again. The one to Abbott was much thinner than the others and Kendra may have been right, but I had a feeling the Master Vampire had purposely left enough he could find his way back. Instead of burning it, I touched it with appreciation. I valued the time I’d spent with him, and while I’d been pissed at him for his deceit, I kind of understood why he’d done it. It meant we couldn’t be together, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t still my friend.

  I caressed it and imagined it gently dissipating, and the thin strand evaporated in my mental hands with no pain. The stronger, ropier threads still led to the overseas vampires, and I left them for the time being.

  Anything you see in your inner mind is full of symbolism, and I tried to evaluate why my energy connection to Cora looked like fluorite, with purple, green, white, and silver energy moving and swirling without mixing.

  My connection to Mordecai was silver with a touch of lavender in places, my connection to Aaron was orange with hints of yellow. Nathan’s was mostly red and orange with touches of indigo and purple.

  Nathan and Cora had more colors — could it be because I was connected to both the human and the animal? Aaron’s a dragon, but he insists he’s always the dragon, even when he looks like a man. He isn’t two-natured like most shapeshifters.

  I stepped into the energy leading to Cora and mentally invited her. Somehow, I pulled her in, much the same way Kendra had brought me here, but once Cora had joined me, I saw the connections in both our heads, not just mine — and I saw both her brain and the wolf’s brain, layered one over the other like two holographic images.

  The act of pulling her in slid everything back into place. I watched the energy go from barely touching her aura to merging back into her brains. Somehow, the backlash had disrupted… No.

  When I focused on her wolf, I saw a leash. Leather, with stitching, which meant the symbolism was that of a leashed dog. The leash came out of the wolf’s head and then hit a Y, much like the one leading from me to Aquila had, but this one branched to both me and Randall.

  We were fighting for control of her?

  Did you know? I asked her.

  Yes, though it’s interesting to see it for real. The one leading to you is bigger around. If he fights you, he threatens to lose his hold on me. He has to back off if you want something he doesn’t, because he risks losing me altogether if he goes against what you want.

  I don’t want this.

  I know. It’s okay.

  It isn’t.

  I love you. I adore you. My wolf wants to be with you all the time, and she was terrified when she couldn’t feel you.

  I breathed in her essence, my soul at peace because I could feel her again.

  The energy was still there, it was just connected at our auras instead of in our heads. It’s connected at the aura level for others I share energy with. I looked everything over again and asked Cora, Randall used blood so we could telepath. Why isn’t there a blood connection with him?

  He didn’t drink your blood. Look at your friend connections and compare them.

  I compared his bond to the ones I had to Patrick and Tyler, and I could see the difference. It was red tinted, and I could see the connection to Randall as a human and wolf. It was more than twice as thick, and I sensed the ability to speak to him telepathically within the connection. Abbott had warned me any connection came with risks both directions, and I understood more of what he’d tried to explain. Just as I’d used the connection Aquila had formed against him, I sensed I could hurt Randall with our connection, too.

  I backed away from all of them and brought my awareness back into the bedroom we were sharing in Nathan’s home.

  “I feel you again.” It felt important to say it out loud.

  “Yes. Thank goodness. That was… enlightening.”

  “Yeah. Kendra showed me the connections last night, but I don’t believe she intended me to be able to go back without her help.”

  I didn’t know if Abbott would realize I’d cut our connection when he rose in the next seven or eight hours, or whether he’d realize the next time he tried to use it. I was tempted to text or email him, so he’d see a message from me when he awakened, but I didn’t. With a sigh, I sat up and reached for my phone.

  “I’m kind of surprised I didn’t hear from Aquila. Kendra said he won’t stay put, so there’s no need in traveling to New Orleans to look for him, but I have a feeling she’ll send people to check.”

  “Agreed. We should call Randall.”

  “I know. Do you need to run?”

  “No. Let’s offer to meet him for breakfast at Waffle House. I’m assuming Nathan went to work.”

  I shook my head. “I feel him. He isn’t far.”

  “You shouldn’t be able to feel him.”

  “I know, but I’m not fighting it. I have no idea what’s happening with us, but I’m going to let it.”

  The alarm on my phone went off and I chuckled. “Lauren’s phone should be waking her. Are we sure she’ll be safe at work?”

  Lauren had been hired as a lifeguard at the YMCA, and she also taught swim classes. One of Nathan’s lions usually works with her, though Lauren doesn’t know what he is. A few werewolves work in the weight room, and they all keep an eye on her, but I still worried.

  “We’ll drive her and pick her up today. I’ve seen the schedule for the next two weeks, and there are people there to make sure she’s safe.”

  I shook my head. “She won’t be safe from a Strigorii. Wolves and lions are susceptible to mind control.”

  “We can’t lock her up.”

  “I know. I don’t hear movement. I should check on her.”

  She was sitting on the side of her bed, texting, and I looked out the window while she finished typing.

  “I had strange dreams,” she said, “What did ya’ll do once I went to bed?”

  “I found the connection to the vampires. I cut the thread and it hurt, and Kendra says I need to heal from that before I can cut more
threads. I feel them more now, though. I think maybe they can’t be used against me as easily.”

  “Nathan’s a freaking lion.” She sighed. “And I’m not sure what’s going on between you, but don’t tell me it’s nothing.”

  “It isn’t nothing, but it isn’t really something, either. Lions in the wild have a Pride of females, and he’s kind of locked into that because of his position. I’m not sure there can be anything between us.”

  “That sucks.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m not surprised about Cora. I mean, it feels as if I knew already, even though I didn’t.”

  “Maybe you did. I hope you don’t see her any differently than you have in the past.”

  “I’m not afraid of her — or Nathan either.” She shivered and rubbed her arms. “Kendra scares me though.”

  “Kendra’s a friend and I’m not afraid of her, but I agree she’s scary. She’s really old. Like, thousands of years old, and I don’t think she’s always been good. I get the feeling she was in a bad place, controlled by bad people, when Abbott took her in.”

  “Abbott terrifies me.”

  “Anyone who makes you feel like Abbott or Kendra, focus on keeping them out of your head. You seem to have an inner vampire sensor, so use it.”

  She nodded. “I need to get in the shower. Shaving every day for a bathing suit is a pain in the tuckus.”

  I laughed, glad she wasn’t shaving to have sex with someone, but knew better than to point that out. “Cora and I will drive you and pick you up. You should be safe at work.”

  She stared at me as realization struck. “Nick’s a lion.”

  I shrugged. “Ask Nathan about lion stuff.”

  Nathan had transformed his living room into an office. The big screen television looked like a whiteboard with schedules, diagrams, blueprints, and pictures. His tablet was on the coffee table with a spreadsheet on the monitor, his cellphone was in a holder, and he was on a video call with Sophia. I stopped in the doorway, unsure whether I should intrude.