Not An Angel (A Poryria Vampire Novel (Book 1))

by Dawn Chartier

  Her face warmed. Did people blush in their dreams?

  He was handsome, startlingly so. His sexy shaped lips fit him just right, but his skin ran a little on the pale side. The gorgeous angel grinned again. He knew he was hot and she couldn’t help but stare. Wait, had he said something?

  The fog disappeared around them and she realized they walked side by side in a luxurious garden with goddess statues surrounding them. Is this heaven? He gestured toward a bench, and she sat.

  “I was worried about you.”

  Her stomach clenched. She found her voice. “Don’t worry.”

  “I do. I feel your pain as my own.” His gaze lowered, lingered over her body, then returned to her face. Her skin warmed under his gaze. Glancing down herself, she remembered what she wore. Her breasts felt heavier. Tender. Exposed.

  This angel intrigued her. Was he supposed to be checking her out, too? She supposed in her dream she could make him do whatever she pleased. If he touched her right now, she would be thrilled beyond words.

  What would a friendly flirtation hurt anyway? It had been excessively long since she allowed herself to fantasize about anything. Especially, a man. This man was too handsome not to, and the way he stared at her… Her breath caught in her throat.

  He held out his hand. “You want me to touch you.”

  She hesitated for only a second, before she slid her hand into his. His large one swallowed hers. He had a strong grip, but he didn’t crush her. She liked how he stroked her palm with his fingers.

  “I can’t imagine why a beautiful woman would try to end her life.”

  Wait. She would not allow him to bring that up. “No!” She shook her head. “Let’s not talk about that. I want to know about you.” Even in her dream she didn’t want to discuss her life. Anything about him would be nice. Sitting with him made her feel like a woman again. The way his eyes took in her body made her feel wanted.

  He released her hand and then toyed with the ends of her hair. “As you wish, but there is nothing interesting about me. I’m as old and boring as time.”

  She smiled at the tingles raised by his fingertips grazing her scalp. “You don’t look past twenty-five.” Yet…he felt older.

  “Nor do you.”

  “Thank you, but I am. Or I was.” Was she still alive? Could she be dreaming like this if she weren’t?

  “You still are.” He brushed her cheek gently.

  “Thanks for clearing that up. So, tell me more, old wise man.” She enjoyed teasing him in her dream. She hadn’t experienced any emotions other than pain in so long.

  So real.

  He laughed. Deep dimples appeared on his cheeks along with a sly smile. She thought she caught a glimpse of the devil hiding behind his dark eyes. This angel had less than honorable thoughts on his mind. She could feel it.

  Intrigued, she leaned into him. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. “I like this,” she said.

  His hard muscles hadn’t over powered her. He held her gently, as if she were a kitten. Was it possible? That God had forgiven her and sent her to heaven anyway?

  “I’m glad. I like this too.” He leaned back. His arms around her stirred sensations she hadn’t felt in a long time. She wanted more.

  He released one arm from her waist. “Look at those two swans.” He pointed at a pond that formed before her eyes.

  The swan’s necks intertwined and they drifted peacefully together. “I wish I were like them.”

  “Why is that?” He turned slightly toward her and searched her eyes.

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. They seem so in love. The peace that surrounds them...” She shook her head. “They’re beautiful.” She closed her eyes.

  His fingers brushed beneath her chin. “Look at me.” His deep blue eyes held her captive. “Don’t give up. You can have that too.” His lips tightened. “And sweet lady, you are the most beautiful human I’ve ever met.”

  “Thanks.” Well, it was her dream, and he said all the right things.

  “So, what happened?”

  “No. You changed the subject again. Please let’s talk about you.”

  “You wouldn’t like me if I told you more about me.” He turned his head.

  Why would he say that? Odd. “I would. I promise.”

  “I’m not like you. I live in an entirely different world from you. My life is based on hiding, yet blending in.” He faced her. “Not a life for you.”

  If only he knew. It sounded exactly like her life.

  Nevertheless, she dreamed this so she would just go with it. “Okay. Are you a spy or something?”

  He tilted his head. “Yes or something.”

  Kira laughed again and cuddled at the brush of his velvet voice. As if, she’d known him all her life. Yet she knew so little. “So what do you do exactly? Besides saving damsels in distress?”

  It took him a moment to answer. “Sometimes I show up at meetings for my father’s company. Well, it’s not his anymore. I own it.” He paused. “Sometimes I make bad guys go away.”

  She liked the sound of him making bad guys leave. If he were real, she could use him to make Jeff disappear. “Sounds interesting.”

  “Not anymore. I’ve been doing it for hundreds of years. It’s old, like everything else. Except you.” Something red flashed in his eyes.

  “And teaching my brother… seeing things like new again through his eyes helps me get through the day-to-day boredom.”

  “I understand.” Things were easier for her, too, when Bre and Steve were alive. They kept her busy. She sighed. Her life meant something with them in it.

  He leaned into her, took her hand and brushed his lips softly against her knuckles. “It will get better. I promise.” He caressed her fingers and stroked her fingertips with his thumb.

  “Will I see you again?” She regretted the second she pulled her hand free.

  He paused as though fighting with his answer, then stood and bowed. “Yes, my beautiful lady in red.”

  A smile tugged at her mouth, because he called her beautiful. No one had said that to her in a very long time. “Wait, old wise one. I’m wearing ivory.”

  His brows arched. “Not anymore.”

  She glanced down and gasped at the scarlet red dress she now wore, her pale skin glowing beneath the thin fabric.

  A devilish grin twitched at the corner of this mouth.

  She tucked her hair behind her ear nervously. “What is your name?”

  “Trace.”

  She stood next to him. She liked him a lot. Well, as much as you could like a man from your dreams. His smile. His eyes. His touch. Oh God, imagine what he could do with those hands if they were real.

  She heard her name. She twisted around, then back again. Trace was gone.

  ********

  “Kira? Sweetheart, can you hear me?”

  She knew that voice. It sounded so far away. Where was she? “Steve?” Oh God, how she’d missed Steve. Her mind fought to surface. The urge to find him grew. Her eyes opened desperately wanting to see him again.

  “No. It’s Jeff.”

  She shook her head and the room spun. No. Not him. “What happened? Where am I?”

  He didn’t answer her. “Did you try to kill yourself?” Jeff gripped her hand and she tugged it away.

  “Jeff, leave. I want to be alone.”

  Kira cringed at the memory of him demanding to take care of her after his brother, her husband, had died. The way Jeff stared at her, talked down to her, touched her, made her skin crawl. She shivered

  Jeff had hurt and insulted her by trying to fill Steve’s shoes. No one could fill Steve’s place in her heart. Jeff was jealous of the relationship she and Steve had. Why else would he have come on to her while Steve mourned the death of their child?

  It took only seconds for thoughts of baby Bre to enter her mind. Her heart raced. The dam she’d built shattered. She blinked trying to hold them back and regain composure. Why had she allowed her weakness to slip
in front of him, of all people? She hated him.

  “I can’t leave you alone, Kira.” Jeff sat next to her on the bed. She flinched as he placed his icy hand underneath the covers to stroke her leg. “You are my family.” His smile didn’t reach his cold glare.

  Chills raced down her back. She noticed the food tray sitting on the edge of the table near her foot. With enough force to tip it, she kicked, causing food and drink to spill down his pants. She glanced away, satisfied.

  “What the—” Jeff jumped off the bed, glaring at her.

  “You are not my family.” She turned her head toward the door, fighting to keep herself calm. She wished the cold drink she’d spilled on him were burning hot coffee.

  “I’m all you have left. You should be grateful you have me.”

  She would never accept him as anything except the leech that he was. “Steve and Bre are dead. Just pretend I am too. Now get out.”

  “You don’t mean that.”

  A nurse came into the room. “Look who woke up.” Her eyes widened as they landed on the mess on the floor. “What happened, dear?”

  Kira closed her eyes. “An accident. I need to rest. Please make him leave.”

  The nurse gave Kira a knowing glance, then strode toward Jeff and whispered loud enough for her to hear. “She needs sleep and I need to clean this up.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “I’ll be back tomorrow. Get some rest, sweetheart.” She shivered after the door closed behind him. He would be back, and with his connections in this community, he’d get whatever he asked for. She had to make sure she would be gone before he arrived.

  She glanced at the nurse. “Do you have the necklace that I had on when I arrived?” The necklace sling was her only defense. Her only weapon.

  The nurse nodded. “It’s in the drawer, hon.” She paused. “Listen, if you don’t want him around I’ll handle him for you.” The nurse said as she checked her vitals and gave her a pill.

  “Thanks.” Kira couldn’t involve the nurse. Jeff had enough pull to get the woman fired. The room quieted once the nurse left, disturbed only by the occasional calls through the intercom system. She scrubbed her hands across her face and sighed. Then she remembered her dream. Her beautiful angel, Trace. She hoped he would be there again. A little while later the sleeping pill kicked in and took her under. She slept on and off throughout the rest of the day.

  *******

  He appeared for the second night in a row. He was robed in all white, his dark black hair spilling from beneath a hood, and his deep, soulful eyes penetrating her. His lips were from heaven and made her desire something she hadn’t had in a long, long time.

  “Why did you do it?” he asked.

  No. This wasn’t the dream she’d waited for. “Don’t ask me that.” Her eyes filled, and a single tear slid down her cheek. She swiped it with force. “I was scared, alone…confused.”

  He lifted her chin with his finger so he could look directly at her. His eyes narrowed. Frustrated. “Do you still want to die?” His tone cold. The word die echoed several times.

  What happened to the understanding angel from the night before? “No. I want to live. I never really wanted to die.”

  “Do you mean that?”

  “Yes.”

  He brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. “I had to know.” Trace lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Sleep peacefully.”

  His form began to dissolve.

  “Wait. Don’t go.” I need you.

  She stepped toward him, and he pulled her into his arms.

  He growled barely loud enough for her to hear. “You need rest.” He sighed. “A few minutes more.”

  “Thank you,” she said. Then she thought about it. She felt rested. She felt at peace.

  The sound of waves washing on the shore had her pulling away from him and turning around. Sugar-white sand swept across her feet and tickled between her toes. “I’ve never stood on a beach before.” I’ve always been afraid of drowning. The smell of salt air filled the air around her. She heard seagulls in the distance. Where had her dream taken her? Her imagination was in overdrive, but she liked it.

  “I love the sound of the water at night.” He sat on a blanket in the sand and held his hand out to her. She accepted his offer and sat next to him. He reclined on his back with his arms crossed behind his head. “The stars are plentiful tonight.

  She lowered herself next to him and took in the amazing clear view. “This is so peaceful. I wish I lived in a place this.” With less water.

  He uncrossed his arms, took her hand and held it tight. “I’m glad you like it.”

  She shifted toward him and couldn’t resist staring into his eyes. She felt hypnotized, realizing he’d been watching her. Imagine what it would feel like to really be in his arms. Her heart pounded at the thought. She wanted to learn so much more about the angel of her dreams. If only he were really here right now. This is a dream. He is not real.

  He took a deep breath, staring at her with obvious lust. Her flesh tingled and heat warmed her ears. God, what a shame he’s not real.

  “Who says I’m not?”

  *******

  Kira woke with her heart beating hard, like a child banging on pots and pans. She closed her eyes. So real. She sighed. The truth that she’d made a terrible mistake ate at her. She knew she’d been depressed, but she had never wanted to die. How had she ended up on the railing of death?

  She pictured herself falling from the bridge, and in the next vision, her angel carried her to safety. Kira wrapped her arms around her stomach and trembled as the realization hit her. Why did it happen? She’d been dealing with the deaths as best she could. But the will to die took hold of her somehow. It squeezed its bony, cold fingers around her mind and wouldn’t let up.

  Tears streaked down her cheeks as pain sliced through her. Some strange powerful urge had made her want to die. How had she gotten to that point? She’d always been strong. She wiped the wetness from her face with the back of her hand. Truly, she hadn’t wanted that to happen. The pain, the voice in her head, wouldn’t let up until she gave in to it.

  Moments later, exhausted and thinking of the angel, Trace, she fell back to sleep.

  *******

  For the third consecutive night, Trace crouched in the dark corner of the hospital room watching over the woman. His non-beating heart deliberated as he listened to her cry herself to sleep. His hands fisted in his hair. Instead of helping her, he’d caused her more pain and unhappiness.

  A low growl vibrated in his chest. The thought of hurting her more angered him. Why was she so unhappy? He stood and moved next to her bed. His thumb stroked her hand in delicate circles. “Who hurt you, sweet human? Who made you want to kill yourself?”

  The woman had a strong will to live. He felt it. It made no sense.

  And his dreams. He couldn’t stop thinking about her. For several nights, he had dreamt of showing her places. It comforted him. She never wanted to talk about herself in his dreams. But last night, he’d forced her to. If she couldn’t talk to him in person, he’d at least get some satisfaction of dreaming that he was getting the answers he needed to hear. He closed his eyes surprised at how real his dreams had felt.

  He looked at her and took in her oval face and chestnut-colored hair and then shook his head. “Whoever hurt you is a fool.”

  Trace had never been so drawn to someone. It wasn’t because she resembled Jessica. It was much more than that. Something much deeper. But, the fact that she was human caused a problem. His kind didn’t mix well with humans. Especially since humans didn’t know they existed. Well with the exception of a few.

  The darkness of his kind didn’t like being around mortals, but he couldn’t help returning each night to her. She’d made him smile, and he hadn’t experienced such emotions in a long time. She reminded him that there was more to life than just hunting and existing. The lure of the dreams made it seem so real and would bring him back again tomorrow night even though he
knew it was wrong.

  She moaned and his thumb froze. He eased back and cloaked himself from her view. “Sleep peacefully,” he whispered. “You will feel better in the morning. I promise.”

  It was the least he could do. One ability he possessed was to ease the minds of others. He could make her forget the entire night if he wanted, but she needed to remember that she’d been given another chance at life. Hopefully, this time she’d cherish it. A tremor vibrated within him. Could she have been placed in his life for a reason? Could this be his second—no. It wasn’t, and he couldn’t allow himself to think that way.

  “Trace,” she moaned. “Where are you?”

  Trace became very still. His gut clenched. How did she know his name?

  The door opened and a medical student strolled into the room. “Mrs. McCoy,” he called out in a booming voice.

  Trace stood invisible in the corner and glared at the small man. The idiot. Couldn’t he see she needed her rest?

  The woman stirred. The intern tapped her arm with his pen. “Mrs. McCoy. I need to speak to you.”

  Trace pinned himself to the wall. The urge to rip the doctor’s head off filled him. She blinked. Her hazel eyes focused on the human. “Hmm.”

  The short man perched his clipboard on his stomach and began to write. “On a scale of one to ten, ten being the greatest level of pain, can you please tell me where your pain level is?”

  She sighed. “Um. I–”

  He cut her off. “Just pick a number. One through ten.” He tapped his pen on the metal clip.

  When she didn’t answer he continued. “How long have you been taking Nortriptyline?”

  Kira’s mouth fell open. “What are you talking about? I don’t know what that is.”

  The doctor frowned. “We found large traces of it in your blood.”

  “I don’t understand. I didn’t take that.”

  The doctor noted more things in the chart, but didn’t answer right away. What the hell was his problem? “Not according to your blood test results. But, understand this: with the Nortriptyline in your system, you are lucky to be alive.”