HAPPY PANTS CAFE (THE HAPPY PANTS SERIES)

by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

  “I lost my dog,” he said. “Have you seen him?”

  She instinctively stepped back. “No. What’s he look like?”

  “He’s a golden retriever. I let him out to go to the bathroom, but he ran off.”

  Her body surged with sharp prickles that told her to get the heck out of there. “Haven’t seen him.” She turned away, ready to run for her life, but the man grabbed her arm.

  Before she could let out a yelp, the man had twisted her around and held a knife to her throat.

  “Just be quiet, and I won’t hurt you.” He began pulling her toward the awaiting van only twenty feet away.

  Harper had no idea what to do, but she knew he was lying. She knew he would hurt her, because nice men didn’t go around putting knives to people’s throats.

  Still wearing her backpack loaded with bulky plastic toy guns, she grabbed the man’s arm and pushed it away from her neck while pushing back with her body, using the backpack to create space between them. But the man was large and strong and gripped her upper arm tightly, still intent on dragging her to his vehicle.

  “Harper!” Austin’s voice rang out, and she caught a glimpse of him running down the sidewalk from the direction of his house. She instantly thought that she didn’t want him to come any closer, she didn’t want the man to hurt Austin. She’d rather die.

  “Harper!” Austin was just a few yards away as the man shoved Harper into the van. “Let her go!”

  The man released her inside the van and grunted. For a moment, she thought that Austin had tugged the man off of her, but then realized he’d jumped on the stranger’s back.

  “I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you! Let her go!” Austin yelled at the top of his lungs, pounding the man in the side of the neck.

  “Get the fuck off me!” grunted the stranger.

  Harper saw the knife, gripped firmly in the man’s hand with the tip pointing up, lift straight into the air, up over his head, and plunge behind him in an attempt to extract Austin from his back.

  There was a horrible cry from Austin as the knife missed his head but struck him. Where? Harper couldn’t see, but she screamed in terror and kicked the man as hard as she could with both feet straight in his groin.

  The man wailed, and she used that one fraction of a second to jump out of the van.

  “Austin!” she yelled. “Help. Someone help!” she screamed. Blood was everywhere.

  At that exact moment, a man in a jogging outfit spotted them and came running. “Get the fuck away from them!” He bolted toward them, screaming, “Someone call 911!” On a quiet Saturday morning like that, half the neighborhood had to have heard not just the jogger, but the commotion, too.

  The stranger jumped in his van and sped off before the jogger could reach them.

  Harper looked down at Austin, who lay in an awkward position on his back, arching his bleeding shoulder off the ground, moaning.

  “Ohmygod, Austin!” The look on his face terrified her. He was in pain but biting his cheeks, trying so hard not to cry.

  “Move out of the way,” said the jogger. “Go across the street and call 911.”

  “Okay. Okay.” She shook her head frantically. “I’ll be right back. Don’t die, please don’t die,” she begged.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he said, grinding out his words, and she remembered thinking in that moment how he didn’t sound like a boy, but a man. Sure. Tough. Confident. Unafraid of anything.

  And that was the moment she realized she loved him and would never love anyone else. Ever.

  ~~

  Still parked on the side of the country road, cell phone pressed to her ear, Harper wiped the tears from her eyes. “How could I forget this, Mom?”

  “I have no idea, sweetie,” her mother responded in a melancholy tone. “But you woke up the next morning acting like nothing ever happened. At first, I thought you just didn’t want to talk about it, and the psychologist at the police station told me it would take time for you to deal with what happened. But when Austin came home from the hospital, you asked him what happened.”

  Strangely, Harper remembered that. Austin had responded by saying he had a really awesome fight at the park, but that he’d won. Harper also remembered feeling kind of mad that Austin hadn’t invited her, but then he’d flashed one of his goofy grins, instantly making her feel all dopey and happy.

  “Anyway,” her mother continued, “you never brought it up. The psychologist said that as long as you were behaving normally and sleeping without issue, to leave it alone; you’d deal with it when you were ready.”

  Boy, I guess it took me a really, really long time to be ready.

  “I can’t believe I forgot all of that,” Harper said with a sigh. Because now she remembered how terrified she’d felt, not just for her, but for Austin, too.

  “Well, I couldn’t,” her mother said. “I couldn’t stand to live there anymore or think about what that man would have done to you. Even after the police caught him, I still didn’t feel safe in that neighborhood. I don’t know, maybe it was the baby hormones.”

  Her mother had been pregnant at the time, and so they moved away, using her new baby brother as an excuse. No wonder it had all seemed so abrupt. Harper thought her parents had been planning the move for months but hadn’t said anything in order to avoid the drama because they had known she wouldn’t have wanted to leave.

  Harper took a deep breath.

  “Are you okay, honey?” her mom asked.

  “Yeah. I just need to digest all this. Can I call you later?”

  “Sure, honey. And do tell Austin I send my love. I’ll never forget what he did to save you.”

  Crazy little shit almost got himself killed!

  “Will do. Love you, Mom. Bye.”

  Harper ended the call and stared at the long and lonely stretch of road ahead, wondering how the hell she could’ve suppressed such a crazy, horrifying event or how no one had ever brought it up. But now everything began to make so much sense—her strong emotional ties to Austin and, how after all these years, she’d never been able to forget him.

  Harper blew out another breath. Crap. This is going to take years of wine therapy to unravel. But she already knew that this new memory had been the real pea under her mattress, upon which all other layers of her life were built. Could this be the reason her feelings about relationships and love were so completely different from everyone else’s?

  But what’s changed, really?

  Not much, actually.

  She still loved her job, and it meant more to her than anything in the world besides her family. She still needed a story in order to keep it, and her feelings toward Austin remained just as confusing as ever. One thing was for certain, though: Her deep sense of appreciation for that man had just increased tenfold. She owed him a thank you, and she definitely owed him an apology for ever having treated him badly.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  When Harper arrived back at the ranch, wearing a clean outfit and armed with a change of clothes in her car just in case there was another pig-tastrophy, she didn’t see Austin anywhere, which was probably a good thing. Bottom line, she needed a little more time to think things through. She was still in a jam with her boss; however, she no longer felt right competing with Austin. Not now. Not after remembering what he’d once done for her. Maybe she should throw in the towel and let him have the story, she thought. But then…well, she wasn’t really ready to leave the farm exactly. She wanted to talk to Austin this evening about everything. Yes. This is good. Get everything out in the open.

  And in any case, Alberto would probably get mad and throw her in jail again if she tried to leave. So that settled it; she’d stick it out.

  Wearing a pair of army-green shorts and a black tank top, Harper opened the creaky gate to Ms. Luci’s special garden, ready to get to work. Some of the plants were ten feet tall, giving the garden a secluded, creepy vibe. Or maybe you’ve seen one too many horror movies of people lost in jungles, forests, and othe
r natural settings.

  Come to think of it, she always did feel skittish around excess amounts of vegetation. Even salad bars gave her the heebie-jeebies, and all veggie intake happened in smoothies or stir-fry situations where the green was adequately subdued into a nonthreatening state.

  Whoa…She scratched her ear. She’d always thought that her weird aversion was just one of her little quirks, but now, she had to wonder if it was connected to “the incident.”

  Shit. I’m completely screwed up and never even knew it!

  Well, enough of that shit. Today, she would face her fear and demolish any other “peas” she came across.

  Luckily, slugs were not on her list of aversions. They were kind of cute with their fat little bodies and antennae like eyes. They kind of reminded her of Austin when he was little. Just focus on that, then. Cute little slugs.

  She grabbed a clean plastic bucket she found sitting next to the gate and decided to start in the corner where Ms. Luci had tomatoes growing and a strawberry patch. She would work her way back toward the more dense brush as she went.

  Harper got on her hands and knees in the dirt, the hot sun pounding on her back as she plucked the little buggers from underneath any moist, cool spots.

  “Having fun?” said a stern, male voice.

  Harper looked over her shoulder at the handsome, still shirtless Austin glistening with sweat.

  Oh God. He took her breath away. Juan had nothing on this man. Other than Juan didn’t look so pissed off.

  “Well, hi there. What crawled up your pink boxers and bit cha?” she asked cheerfully, completely joking.

  His hazel eyes narrowed for a moment. “You went through my stuff?” he asked, obviously referring to the fact that she knew the color of his underwear.

  Was that why he was so mad?

  “Yes. I took pictures, too. You now have five people on Instagram following your scandalous froufrou man-knickers.”

  Austin did not laugh. “I didn’t pack anything to come up here, so I stopped at a Target along the way. That style happens to be the only one I can wear without restricting circulation in a very large and important spot on my body, and pink was the only color they had.”

  Harper swallowed, imagining his nether region. “Oh. Well, I like the pink.” Even better if you’re wearing it.

  “And I see you found clothes of your own to wear?”

  He’d seen her wearing his T-shirt and jeans earlier when they’d had the nonverbal exchange that had made her knees knock.

  “Yes. And I put your clothes to wash back at the B and B. I’ll bring them in the morning.”

  I’m keeping the underwear, though. Those babies are comfy!

  Never mind that, Harp. You need to talk to him and tell him—

  “Thanks,” he said curtly. “I appreciate it. By the way, was Juan a good back washer?”

  “Huh?” What was he talking about?

  He smiled, but in a way that gave her the impression he was trying not to show how angry he felt. It wasn’t working.

  “I saw him,” he said, “coming from the bedroom, carrying your clothes. All of your clothes.”

  Wait. He thinks I let Juan see me naked? Was this the reason he’d given her that look earlier? He’d been jealous? The realization accelerated Harper’s pulse, but at the same time, she really had to wonder why when he’d also told her early today that he had no interest.

  Oh, look! Another screwed-up person! They really, really were two peas in a pod.

  Harper stood, dusted off her hands, and tugged down her tank top. “Oh, Juan was fantastic. My skin feels as soft as a baby’s. Especially my ass. That man knows how to work a loofa.” In Harper’s mind, every word came out as blatant horse pucky, but the rage-red covering Austin’s face was a clear sign that he’d not picked up on her sarcastic intonation.

  He grunted something unintelligible and walked off, giving her an exquisite view of his muscled back and perfectly formed ass hidden by a worn pair of jeans with just a sliver of pinky undies showing at his waistline.

  Wow…That man should come equipped with a bucket of ice water; he’s so damned hot.

  She shook her head. “Wait! Austin,” she called out. “I was just jok…” Austin disappeared around the corner of the house, probably heading toward the barn.

  Harper blew out a breath. It seemed like they were destined to continuously cross signals. But why? Why did they make each other so…Oh, what’s the phrase? Batshit crazy!

  Harper thought about it for a moment. I’ll clear the air tonight after I thank him. That would give him a little time to cool off, too. Then she’d let him know the truth: she didn’t have a thing for Juan, who hadn’t seen her nude or helped her with the shower, and that while she now realized why she had deep sentimental feelings for Austin and felt outrageously attracted to him, she could never—

  What? Harper? You could never what?

  She had to stop and think about it. Well, I guess I don’t see the point in pursuing a womanizer. Not that I’m judging him. If he’s happy living that way, then good for him! I want him to be happy.

  But then, why does thinking of him being with all of those women make you feel so pissy?

  Look who’s jealous now!

  Harper dropped to her knees again and stared at a big juicy slug taking refuge from the late afternoon sun under a moist leaf. She picked it up and stared at it. “I bet slugs don’t have these kinds of problems. Because you’re smarter than us, aren’t you?”

  ~~

  After Austin saw Harper in the garden, he thought he’d be able to let his anger go, but it seemed to only worsen. What was with him? He never acted like this. But Harper had definitely got under his skin. Especially the way she flaunted that body. Damned woman was like a walking, talking kill switch for his brain.

  But then again, she hadn’t had that body back when they were kids—an image of an ironing board came to mind—yet, he’d still felt the same way. That was how he’d gotten the huge scar on his shoulder blade. Forty stitches that had hurt worse than the knife. But he hadn’t thought twice about trying to save Harper that day, and he’d barely given the consequences a second thought afterwards. Knowing that he’d kept her safe had been the only thing that mattered.

  Yeah, you were a badass even back then. He chuckled to himself.

  Funny, though, how it had been years since he’d given all of that any thought. Maybe because everything had gotten so messed up after that day, including her family abruptly moving away.

  At the time, he thought he would never recover from losing his best friend or from the fact that she hadn’t bothered to say good-bye. Of course, he now knew why, but at the time, he’d harbored innocent, childhood misconceptions that they would always be together. In his mind, it had been a fact. And her leaving like she had, had left a mark.

  Yeah, but you got over it.

  Or had he?

  Austin pushed all of those heavy thoughts away—the past was the past—and went back to mowing that damned football field (reminded him of his summer job in college doing landscaping for the university) until Don Sebastian called him inside just after dark for dinner.

  Austin went inside, took a shower, and changed—I could have sworn I had another pair of underwear in the package. When he came into the kitchen, he found Ms. Luci, with the three tiny pyros, a woman who looked like a middle-aged version of Luci, and another young lady.

  “Ah, Austin,” said Ms. Luci cheerfully, “I’d like you to meet my daughter Josefina and my granddaughter, Jodiann.”

  Jodiann, who looked to be in her early twenties, smiled brightly. She had big brown eyes, long brown hair, and a perky nose.

  “Nice to meet you, Austin,” said Jodiann. “Abuelita Luci told me all about you.” They shook hands.

  “Jodiann has a degree in journalism and is writing for our local paper,” said her mother. “Maybe you can give her the ‘inside scoop’ on what it’s like to work for a big paper.” Josefina chuckled, amused by her
little pun.

  “The Oakland Examiner isn’t really a big paper,” he said, looking at Jodiann, “but I’d be happy to talk to you. Harper would be another good resource; she works for the SF Tribune.”

  “Thanks.” Jodiann gave him a flirty smile. “Can I get you a beer? I saw you working out in the field earlier. You looked hot.”

  Ms. Luci flashed an irritated look at Jodiann. “You go get the table set, gatita!”

  Jodiann’s eyes ticked for a moment. “I am not a gatita!” She smiled at Austin. “See you at dinner.”

  “What’s a gatita?” he asked.

  “An inappropriate word to call someone’s granddaughter,” Jodiann’s mother scolded Luci.

  All right then.

  “Can I help with anything?” he asked Luci, who was chopping vegetables for a salad.

  “You can pull dinner from the take-out container and put on the serving dish.” She glanced down at the enormous foil-covered aluminum tray, the sort one might use to bake a Thanksgiving turkey. He peeled away the top, only to find a cooked cow’s head. The eyes looked like something out of a horror flick and the tongue sort of lay to one side.

  “What’s that?” he asked.

  “Dinner,” Luci replied. “We’re having tacos de cabeza. It is delicious. You pick the meat off the skull and make tacos. My favorite is the tongue.”

  Austin started to chuckle. He couldn’t wait to see Harper’s face when they unveiled this.

  “I’ve never tried it, but looks good.” If you like eyeballs. “I’ll go set this out on the table. Uh…where will Harper be sitting?”

  Ms. Luci narrowed her eyes a bit. “In the middle, I suppose. Why do you ask?”

  “No reason.” He grinned.

  ~~

  When the family sat down to eat, Harper couldn’t help but notice Austin’s suspicious grin. He kept looking over at her as if waiting for something.

  When the foil came off the large serving tray in the center of the table, Harper immediately understood why. Oh, boy.

  “Mmmm…cabeza,” she said, rubbing her tummy. “My favorite.”