Emily drew in a sharp breath, her gaze never leaving his. “Stop saying you’re so horrible. You’re not. You’re a good person.”
He let out a sigh and lowered his gaze. “People thought prison changed me,” he whispered, staring down at his plate. “I suppose it did in some ways. But no one knew why I’d become an addict in the first place. No one knows about the son-of-a-bitch who spawned me, how he fucked me up so bad I don’t even know who the real me is anymore.”
A long silence stretched. Emily waited, watching him, hoping he’d reveal more.
“Prior to going to prison, I’d sworn off acting, vowed I’d never do it again. It only offered a temporary escape. When I was playing the role of a different character, I didn’t have to be me. I could pretend to be someone else. But three years is a long time behind bars. I spent that time thinking about my future and what I wanted to do with my life when I got out. I wanted to do something good. I wanted to open an animal rescue. I wanted to save things.”
He lifted his gaze to hers.
“The first role I was offered—the only role—was that of a bad guy. I was reluctant to accept it at first. I’d always played the good guy, the handsome hero, the one the ladies’ loved. I’d played the type of man I wanted to be in real life. But a villain? Fuck no. I didn’t want to be the villain. I despised men like that. They reminded me of my father.”
Emily reached across the table and squeezed his hand. He swallowed, lowered his gaze again.
“After that role, I realized I was good at playing the bad guy. I had darkness in me. Demons inside. It wasn’t difficult to act when the role I was playing wasn’t much different than I was. I didn’t want to admit it, but I was corrupt. I had evil in me. I made a good villain.”
His gaze darted back to hers.
“You’re a brilliant actor, Sebastian, no matter what role you play. You’ve received awards for your performances. You even won an Academy Award last year.”
He snorted. “Yeah, for my portrayal of a sadistic bastard consumed by dark desires who stalked a woman, abducted her, and forced her to become his sex slave.” He flinched. “I’m sorry…”
She touched his arm. “It’s all right. I’ll admit I hated you in that movie. It brought back painful memories for me. But that just shows how brilliant of an actor you are. You’re not like that character, Sebastian. Not even close.”
He sighed. “But if I won an award playing such an evil bastard, what does that say about me?”
“That you’re very talented. Nothing more.”
He let out a soft groan. “I still have darkness in me, I still have anger swirling inside. Some days it takes every ounce of my self-control to keep from using again. Sometimes the urge to get high is so strong it nearly smothers me.” Color crept up his neck into his face. “But when I’m around you, you make me forget about the pain and anger. You make me want to be good.”
“I’m glad,” she whispered. “I’ll always be here for you. I promise.”
Another silence stretched.
Sebastian picked up his fork and finished eating. Then he leaned back in his chair. “I imagine you’re exhausted. I’m sorry I dragged you all the way here. It was selfish of me. There’s four bedrooms here. They’re all made up. Just pick whichever room you want and get settled in. I’m going outside for a walk.”
He rose, his chair sliding across the tile floor.
Emily jumped to her feet. “I’m…not tired.”
His gaze darted to hers, searching. “You want to check out the beach with me? No one else should be around at this time of night.”
“That…sounds nice.”
Emily followed him out back. Neither spoke as Sebastian led the way down to the beach. He reached the water’s edge, just barely out of reach of the waves as the water rolled up the sand.
“Have you ever gotten your feet wet?” He turned to her.
Emily stopped beside him, looking out at the dark sea. “No.” The ocean was scary up close like this in the dark, a powerful beast waiting to snare anything within reach and drag it away.
She felt Sebastian’s gaze on her. “Does it scare you?”
Heat rushed into her cheeks. Was he talking about the water, or something else? She turned and met his gaze. “A little.”
“Wanna get wet with me?”
She held his gaze. Her pulse quickened. Holy crap. She was scared of water. Especially unpredictable black ocean water. The thought of huge waves crashing over her terrified her.
Sebastian kicked off his shoes and removed his socks. He unbuttoned his cocktail shirt and tossed it aside. He turned back to her, dressed in nothing but his jeans. The light from his backyard gave off just enough illumination to outline his muscular torso, but it was too dark to make out the details of his lean, sculpted body, though she was well aware of how beautiful he was.
Her heart thundered harder, louder.
He held his hand out to her. “Do you trust me?”
“I…don’t have a swimming suit.”
He smiled. “You don’t need one.” He watched her eyes. “Trust me?”
Emily stared up into his beautiful face. She slipped her hand in his. “Yes.”
He pulled her toward the water. “Come on.”
Emily bent to remove her own shoes and socks, but that was all she was removing. She wasn’t about to give him an eyeful.
He dragged her into the water.
She let out a soft gasp as the waves crashed against her calves. “It’s cold.”
Sebastian chuckled. “Not really. You’ll get used to it.” He pulled her out into deeper water.
The waves sucked at her waist, trying to drag her farther out.
“Sebastian.” She latched onto Sebastian’s arms, terrified. “I…it’s scary.”
“I’ve got you.” He drew her closer, wrapping his arms around her, as the waves crashed around them. “Let your legs go. Relax. It’s okay. You’ll float.”
Emily hesitated, then bent her knees. The water picked her up and slammed her into Sebastian, sucking them farther out to sea. She let out a little squeal of terror.
His arms tightened around her. He grinned. “See, it’s fun.”
She wanted her legs beneath her. She needed some kind of control. This was scary. The floating made her nervous. She tried to stand up, but the ocean had pulled them out into deeper water. She could no longer touch the bottom.
Panic gripped her. “I…can’t touch the bottom.” She squirmed in Sebastian’s arms, trying to turn toward the shore. “I’m scared.”
“Emily.” His gentle voice halted her struggles. “It’s all right. I’ve got you. Trust me.”
She glanced up into his face. Swallowed hard.
He tucked a lock of wet hair behind her ear. “Trust me?”
She stared into his eyes. Nodded.
“Wrap your arms around me,” he whispered. “I’ve got you.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist, very aware of the sleek, hard muscles beneath her hands. He was rock hard. Everywhere. The knowledge of who she was with, and where they were at, made her light-headed. Sebastian tightened his arms around her, drawing her even closer. His face was so close. Just inches away. His hard, sexy body pressed into hers, making her overly aware of his maleness. His strength.
Water splashed around them. She gasped as it drenched her face. She sputtered, clinging tighter to him. Sebastian’s mouth curved into a smile.
“I like this,” he said softly, gazing down at her. “Me and you and the water. You make me relax. I could do this for hours.”
Emily cleared it throat. While it was nice being close to Sebastian like this, it was still scary. The water made her nervous.
“Can we…go back now?”
His gaze searched hers. “This scares you, doesn’t it?”
She nodded. “I don’t like water. The ocean’s…powerful. Dangerous. Unpredictable.”
“It is,” he agreed. With obvious reluctance, he kicked toward shore
, taking Emily with him. The waves helped push them back toward the beach. Moments later, her feet touched the bottom. He let go of her and she hurried out of the water and onto the sand. Sebastian took his time following. She sensed she’d disappointed him. Did her fears and her lack of adventure make her unexciting to him?
Though it was a warm evening, being soaking wet made Emily shiver. Sebastian bent to scoop up his shirt. Instead of pulling it on, he placed it across Emily’s shoulders.
“Thank you,” she whispered. Wasn’t he cold? He didn’t appear to be.
He stood beside her. “You and I are so different,” he said softly. “You’re careful and cautious, afraid of the unknown, while I dare death—sometimes beg it—to try to take me.”
Emily turned and met his gaze. “Yes.”
“You don’t feel safe unless you’re in control, not that I blame you after what you went through. Me, on the other hand, I’m reckless and daring, always taking the unknown path, going as fast as possible, testing the limits.”
“Nothing scares you, while I need…to feel safe.”
Sadness filled his eyes. “I know.” He hesitated. “Hopping onto my motorcycle was probably the most daring thing you’ve ever done, right?”
She let out a soft laugh. “Yes. But after I got over my fear, it was exhilarating.”
He smiled. “It is exhilarating.” His gaze searched hers. “Maybe I can help you be less afraid and you can help me be more cautious.”
She stared into his eyes. “I think we could probably do that.”
He looked at the water for a moment, then turned back to her. “Do you…feel safe with me?”
Did she feel safe with Sebastian? Though he was a bit reckless, he’d never done anything to hurt her. Sebastian was helping her with her overly cautious nature. She’d ridden on the back of his motorcycle at crazy speeds. She’d floated out into the ocean with him where it was too deep to touch bottom. He made her feel alive for the first time in years.
“Yes.”
He glanced back out at the water. No one spoke for a long moment. They just stood side by side and watched the waves.
“I was at another beach in Alabama about a month ago. I have a rental property there on Dauphin Island.” He cleared his throat. “There was a tropical storm brewing. Waves crashing, wind billowing, heavy rain battering down…”
Emily waited, but he said no more. “Why were you in Alabama?”
He glanced back at her. “My father summoned me.” There was bitterness in his words. He sighed, glanced back out at the sea. “I wanted to end this thing with him once and for all, get him off my back. I wanted to be free of him.” He choked out a humorless laugh. “But there’s no being free of him. He’s got me by the balls. The only way I’ll be free is if he’s dead.”
A tense silence followed, the only sound that of the waves crashing along the beach and crawling up the sand toward them. Emily waited patiently. Sebastian was opening up to her more and more. She didn’t dare speak for fear he would clam up.
“I tried to get him off my back, tried to bribe him with my last dollar, told him he could have everything I owned, but that’s not want he wants.”
Her stomach twisted. “What does he want?”
Sebastian snorted. “Control. Of me.”
“What?” She stepped in front of him, her feet sinking into the wet sand, water sloshing around her. She barely noticed. “Why?”
Sebastian shrugged, his gaze coming back to hers. “Because he considers me his property.”
Emily’s heart clenched. What the hell? “What exactly does he want you to do?”
Sebastian stared out at the waves. He didn’t answer.
Maybe he wasn’t ready to talk about that yet. Whatever his father was making him do, he obviously didn’t like doing it. She cleared her throat. “So… what happened at the beach in Alabama?”
He glanced down at her. “We got into an argument. I told him to fuck off. I refused to do what he wanted. I told him I was done. He reminded me what would happen if I didn’t do what he wanted, essentially tightening the noose around my neck. I went back to my beach house and stared out at the storm…” He trailed off, lifted his gaze to the ocean. “I came to the conclusion I couldn’t fight him anymore, that I would never win. So I kicked off my shoes and walked outside. I headed toward the water. The sea called to me. Said it would erase all my pain if I just gave in. So I decided to let the ocean take me.”
Oh my God. She clutched his arm. “What…stopped you?”
He swallowed hard. “Scar. He broke through the screen on the back door and rushed after me.” Sebastian choked out a laugh. “Damn dog always knew what I was feeling. He dived fearlessly into the churning waves, risking his life to save me.” He snorted. “I realized I couldn’t leave him. He was all I had.” He let out a long sigh. “And now I have nothing.” He bowed his head.
Her chest tightened. “Sebastian. You’re not alone. You have me.” She wished he would tell her everything, not just bits and pieces like this. How could she help him if she only knew half of what was going on? What was he keeping from her?
He lifted his head, his gaze seeking hers. He cupped her face in his hand, gently rubbed a thumb along her cheekbone.
“Emily.” Sebastian closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. He pulled her against him, squeezing her tight. “I don’t know what I would do without you. I’ve never had…anyone before. God, I need you. So fucking much.”
She squeezed him back, then leaned away and stared up into his eyes. She needed him too. Though he didn’t know it, he was helping her face her own fears. He made her forget about her terror of letting a man touch her. He made her want to get closer to him, he made her crave his touch. Something she’d never thought would happen.
The truth was that they needed each other. As scary as it was to admit, it was true.
She held his gaze. “I need you too.”
He groaned softly, his gaze searching hers. “You’re not…just saying that?”
“No. Sebastian, I…care about you.” The admission came easier than she’d expected. She’d never told anyone that before. Perhaps the best way for him to finally be able to give in and trust her completely would be if she gave in and trusted him completely. “You don’t know how special you are, how good you are. We’ll get through this. We won’t let your father win. I promise I’ll be here for you, no matter what.”
Their gazes locked. There was a question in his eyes.
Can I kiss you?
Yes. Oh, yes.
Then she did what she’d been too scared to do before.
She leaned up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Sebastian had longed for true love, for a girl as sweet and giving as Emily, for as long as he could remember. But he’d never believed he deserved true love, never believed he was loveable. His father was a criminal. Sebastian had grown up around crime, committing crimes. He was ashamed of his childhood, of his upbringing. Ashamed of his father and his barbaric ways. That was why he’d fled. That was why he’d tried to wipe himself clean of his past. But his father had found him. The past had caught up with him. There was no escaping what he’d done. There was no denying his roots.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
No, I’m not like him. I’m not.
Emily’s words came back to him, filling him with hope: You don’t know how special you are, how good you are.
Emily.
She made him forget how worthless and pathetic he was. She made him feel wanted, needed. Could she truly care about him? Was it possible she might someday love him?
Emily didn’t know why he’d never had a committed relationship with a woman before, why he’d never let his heart get involved. She didn’t know why he kept himself aloof.
It wasn’t fair to her to keep it a secret any longer. Some things he preferred to keep a secret from her, but not this. She needed to know why he was the way he was
. She needed to know the danger she would be in if she pursued this relationship with him. He needed to warn her.
Even if the thought of losing her hurt so much he didn’t think he’d be able to bear it.
Her tentative kiss, her soft, sweet mouth turned him on more than he would have thought possible. He wrapped his arms around her, pressing her against him, and kissed her back. God, she felt so good in his arms, she tasted so good against his lips. She was the balm to soothe his wounded soul. She might be the only thing that could heal him.
The simple press of lips against lips quickly turned into something more powerful, something desperate and needy. Their tongues met, tangled in an erotic dance. Heat shot through him, igniting a fire in his loins and burning a path through his bloodstream. He didn’t want to stop. He wanted to devour her. All of her. He wanted to lock them in his beach house and shut the world out. Forget about everything but her.
Breaths ragged, hearts pounding, they finally drew back. Sebastian stared down at her. Her eyes were dark and clouded with passion, her cheeks flushed, her lips rosy and wet. His shirt had fallen off her shoulders and lay in the sand at their feet. Her clothes clung to her like a second skin, wet from the ocean, her beautiful breasts outlined against the thin fabric of her shirt. Her nipples jutted out eagerly, begging for his touch.
He kissed her again, hungrily, his hand closing around her breast, his fingers tweaking a hard nipple. She gasped. Fuck, she had perfect breasts. He wanted to strip her wet clothes off and feel her naked skin beneath his hands. Taste her. Suck her nipple into his mouth, make her moan and squirm with desire.
He wanted her. So damn much.
She pressed her hands against his chest, pulling her mouth from his. “Sebastian.”
Her breathless voice jerked him out of his lust-filled haze.
Reality crashed home.
Slow down, man. Don’t scare her away.
He groaned and stepped back, gazing down at her. “I’m sorry.”
“No.” She held his gaze. “Don’t be sorry. I like it when you kiss me. Just…slow down a bit, okay? I’m still a little overwhelmed by what’s between us. It’s kind of scary. I need time to adjust.”
Scarred (Unlikely Heroes Book 5) Page 17
