“Sebastian.” His name came out sounding breathless and needy. “Please.”
He lifted his head, his mouth claiming hers again. His hand slipped down her torso, his fingers stroking along her ribcage, then lower as he fumbled with the clasp of her jeans.
Touch me. Please.
Lifting his head again, he gazed into her eyes. “You sure?”
Had she spoken out loud again? Her cheeks flamed. Crap, had she just begged him to touch her? She lowered her gaze as embarrassed heat swamped her.
“Emily.” He cupped her chin, waiting until she lifted her gaze to his. “Do you want to stop?”
“No.” Her voice was so soft, it was barely a whisper.
But he heard.
Something hot flared in his eyes as he lowered his mouth to hers again. He kissed her softly. So softly. Then he slipped his hand along the front of her jeans. She was vaguely aware of the zipper sliding down, then cold air brushing along her skin as he slipped the jeans down her legs. His mouth never left hers, distracting her with his wonderful, skillful lips. Emily moaned, her hands pressing against his hard chest, wanting him to remove his shirt, wanting to feel his smooth hard muscles, his bare skin next to hers.
His kisses made her dizzy with longing. She wanted more. So much more.
His hand moved down her torso until he found what he was seeking, his fingers intimately stroking her. She let out a soft gasp against his lips. His tongue delved into her mouth again, and again and again. Emily arched against his hand, seeking release, wanting, needing more. Needing…Sebastian.
She whimpered, arching against his hand again.
Kissing, kissing.
So much wonderful kissing.
His mouth left hers to trail down her torso again. He nuzzled one breast, then the other.
He kissed lower.
And lower.
His mouth closed over her through her panties, his hot breath tickling her, making her burn. Emily let out a startled gasp. She clutched at the blankets, her fingers tightening, twisting, and arched up against him.
When he’d said he wanted to kiss her everywhere, she’d never imagined he’d meant down there.
Heat scorched her cheeks. Oh. My. God.
Before her shocked mind could contemplate what he was doing, he slipped the panties off her hips, down her legs. His mouth settled over her again, his wet tongue flicking out, over and over, licking, swirling, making her moan and arch against him.
Pressure built, intensified. She wanted…more.
“S-Sebastian…” She bit back a scream. Her breathing quickened until she was panting and thrusting against his mouth, seeking release from the exquisite torture. She burned with a need so powerful it consumed her. And then…
She exploded in a cloud of pure rapture, wave after wave of intense pleasure rolling over her, through her. She gasped and fell back against the bed in a state of semi-shock at what had just happened.
Sebastian lifted his head. His heated gaze sought hers. “You okay?”
Her cheeks flamed. “I…uh…I didn’t know you were going to do…that.”
He studied her face. “Did you like it?”
Emily swallowed hard, her face growing hotter. “Was that…what an orgasm is like?”
A smug look crossed his face. “Yes. I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time. I can give you plenty more orgasms if you’d like.”
Her inner muscles clenched longingly, her body still pulsing in the aftermath of the incredible orgasm. Oh. My. God. She wanted more. More. She wanted all of him. She wanted to feel him inside her. She ached for him to finish this, to take her all the way.
But fear hovered on the edge, trying to creep in, trying to drag her away from him.
Sebastian rose above her, gently grabbed her chin. “Don’t think about that. Don’t let what he did to you ruin what’s between us. Focus on me, Emily. Me. I can make you feel like that when I’m inside you. I promise.”
“You c-can?”
“Yes.”
He stared into her eyes. Then slowly lowered his mouth to hers again.
And she lost herself in him, let herself go in his touch, let herself focus on the way he made her feel.
They kissed and kissed.
And kissed.
His hands stroked down her body, making her ache and squirm beneath him.
I want to touch, too. I want to feel him.
She grabbed at his cocktail shirt, pulled. She tore her mouth from his. “Off. Take it off. I want to feel you.” She reached for the top button. Sebastian rose into a sitting position and helped her unbutton his shirt. He pulled it open and tossed it aside.
Emily stared. Lean and muscular, he had a splendid torso, rock hard abs. No chest hair. She’d always liked smooth, muscular chests. He was absolutely beautiful. A tattoo of an eagle or some kind of falcon sailed over his right pectoral muscle, starting at the top of his shoulder and spanning down around his nipple, its wings spread in flight. On his left lower abdomen raced a cheetah, its body elongated as it sprinted across his stomach. What did the tattoos mean?
She pulled her gaze up to his. He watched her from beneath lowered lashes, not saying a word. Emily lifted a hand to gently stroke around his eagle tattoo, feeling along the detailed feathers in the wings, the realistic talons, across the bird’s head and over its sharp curved beak. Sebastian’s muscles quivered beneath her touch.
She trailed a finger down his stomach to the cheetah tattoo, ran her fingertip over the cat’s gleaming yellow coat, pausing at the end of the tail where it stopped just beneath his naval. He hissed in a breath.
She swallowed, staring at the rock hard abs beneath her fingers, at the light dusting of hair that disappeared into his jeans.
She knew what she would find if she unzipped his jeans. She’d overheard girls in college talking about a man’s treasure and how it could give them so much pleasure. She’d never understood because that part of a man had only given her pain. She’d found no “treasure” down there.
Sebastian won’t hurt you. He’s not Ian.
He grasped her wrist, pressing her palm against his lips.
“I don’t think you’re ready for that,” he whispered. “I have some more work to do first.”
He kissed her again, deeply, his tongue tangling with hers. Emily moaned and pressed into him, letting out a soft gasp at the exquisite feel of his hard naked chest against her breasts.
He gently laid her back on the bed, kissed down her torso again, nuzzled her breasts, his hands and lips making her breathless with longing. Sebastian crawled down her body, slowly, then back up, kissing her everywhere. He hadn’t been joking when he’d said he’d wanted to kiss her everywhere. She didn’t think he left a single patch of her skin untouched.
His mouth closed over hers again. He kissed her hotly, deeply. She sensed, from the urgency in his kiss, that it wouldn’t be long now before he finished this. She was on fire. She burned everywhere he touched her. Sebastian made her want the very thing she’d sworn she’d never do with a man ever again.
He settled against her. Skin against skin. The throbbing heat of his erection pulsed at the junction of her thighs, bringing her crashing back down to earth, bringing what was about to happen to the center of her thoughts. When had he removed his jeans?
When he was kissing you, you fool. He kept you occupied with his mouth so you wouldn’t notice.
Her cheeks flamed. She wanted to touch, but…couldn’t. She was afraid it might trigger a bad memory.
Don’t think about that. This is Sebastian, remember?
Sebastian lifted his mouth from hers. Concern crossed his features. “You okay?”
Emily nodded.
I think so.
He twisted away from her, reaching for something on the nightstand.
The sound of a foil wrapper tearing filled the silent room.
A condom.
He was putting on a condom.
Her brain catapulted her back in time…
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“Touch me, Emily. There’s a good girl. Yes, just like that.”
Squeezing her eyes shut, Emily did as he instructed, trying not to vomit at the feel of his thick, disgusting thing between her hands.
Go somewhere else, Emily. Think of something else.
Sebastian Wolfe. He’s so beautiful. He’s kissing me now, touching me, oh God, making me feel so good...
“Put a condom on me, Emily. Hurry.”
He thrust a foil packet into her hand. She cringed. No, not that. Please, not that.
“No.” Her breath hitched. “I don’t want to. Please don’t make me.”
He smacked her across the cheek. “Do it, Emily. You don’t want to get pregnant, do you?”
Emily struggled with the packet, finally managed to pull the condom free. Her stomach churning, she rolled it down his disgusting thing.
He grabbed her waist, lifting her up, and down on top of him, forcing himself deep. He let out a deep groan of pleasure.
Emily fought back a gag. With silent tears streaming down her cheeks, she went to another place, pretended she was with Sebastian Wolfe, pretended she wasn’t being raped...
“Emily?”
Emily jerked her eyes open with a start, stared up at Sebastian’s beautiful face. He drew her into his arms, cradling her against him.
“It’s all right,” he whispered, brushing away a tear. “I’m sorry. I went too fast. I’m so sorry.”
She hitched in a breath. It wasn’t Sebastian’s fault. It was hers. He’d done everything perfect. She’d stupidly let her mind travel back to the nightmare of her past, letting it intrude in their moment. It was her fault. Hers. Not his.
“No.” She swallowed hard, forcing back a sob. “It wasn’t you. You did everything perfect. It was me. It was the condom. It…freaked me out. He always made me put a condom on him. I’m…sorry.”
“Shh.” He brushed a kiss against her forehead.
She didn’t want to ruin it like this. Didn’t want to taint what she and Sebastian had with the horror of what she’d endured in the past. It wasn’t fair to Sebastian. He didn’t deserve this.
Emily lifted her mouth to his, brushing her lips against his. She tangled her fingers in his hair, pulling him closer. She couldn’t let it end like this. It had been going so well until she’d ruined it.
Sebastian gently set her away, his gaze filled with sadness. “Emily...don’t force it. If you’re not ready, it’s okay.” He brushed a lock of hair behind her ear.
“I am ready. I am. I want you to make love to me. Just…no condoms. Please. The sound of the foil wrapper must have triggered the memory. But I…want you to finish this. Please.”
Sebastian leaned back against the pillows and gathered her close. “Let’s rest for a bit. Later, if you truly feel like pursuing this, we can give it another try, okay?”
Give it another try. God, was she that pathetic? Why couldn’t she get over the trauma of what Ian had done to her? Why couldn’t she let it go?
She hitched in another breath and laid her head on his chest, curling her body against his. Before she’d met Sebastian, she’d never thought she would want to have sex with a man, not after what Ian had done to her. Whenever she thought about getting that close to a man, the nightmare would flash through her mind, the pain, the horror, the shame of what she’d endured.
But she wanted to be with Sebastian so much. She liked it when he kissed her. She liked it when he touched her. He made her feel things she hadn’t known were possible. Sebastian made her want to experience the physical side of love that she’d known existed but had never experienced herself. Sex wasn’t supposed to be painful. Sebastian would never hurt her. And he made her feel so wonderful when he touched her.
So why had she allowed the memory to intrude?
Sebastian had to be frustrated with her. Yet he was so patient and understanding. He wasn’t complaining.
Perhaps she wasn’t quite ready yet.
What if she was never ready? What if she could never overcome the trauma of her past?
Would Sebastian get tired of waiting and give up on her?
Her throat thickened with emotion. What if she was forever ruined?
Sebastian grabbed the edge of the covers and yanked the blankets over them. He kissed her forehead. “Sleep,” he murmured. “It’s going to be all right. I promise.”
Emily snuggled closer. She believed him. He would make everything all right.
Gradually, sleep claimed her. But before she fell completely under, she was struck with the realization that she’d fallen in love with Sebastian Wolfe, the big-screen actor, the playboy.
The one man who had the ability to break her heart.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Man, he’d sure fucked that up.
Sebastian lay awake while Emily slept beside him, her head resting on his chest, her body snuggled against his.
He sighed.
He’d thought he was doing everything right. He’d never been so intent on making a woman happy before, observing her reaction to every touch, every kiss, watching to see if she showed signs of pleasure or if she appeared uncomfortable. Emily had seemed as into it as he’d been, which had turned him on immensely. He’d never wanted to please a woman so badly before. Never wanted a woman so much.
He should have slowed it down a bit. The last thing he wanted was to remind her of what had happened to her. His intent had been to get her to focus on him so much that she couldn’t think about anything else.
But he’d slipped up with the condom. He always used a condom. Always. He’d never even considered not using one with Emily. An unwanted pregnancy was not going to happen.
No condoms.
It was hard to believe the sound of the condom wrapper tearing had triggered her flashback.
If she didn’t want to use condoms, then so be it. They would have to use some other form of contraceptive.
Assuming she ever wanted to try that again.
He may have screwed it all up for good.
Sebastian stared up the ceiling for hours, his mind swirling with turmoil. When he’d decided to embark on this “experiment” with Emily, he’d never imagined his emotions would get so involved. Hell, he’d never even planned to touch her, but his plan had been shot to hell not long after he met her. What was she doing to him? His heart had been a cold, empty shell for so long. He hadn’t thought he had any emotions left. But Emily stirred something deep inside him, brought long-suppressed feelings to the surface. She made him “feel” for the first time in more years than he could count. The demons were slowly breaking loose, slipping away, freeing him from their cruel embrace. Thanks to Emily, he was starting to heal. Thanks to Emily, there might be hope for him yet.
Though he was scared to admit it, scared to even think about the “L” word, he suspected he was falling in l-l-l-ov—he cringed, unable to say it. Fuck, he couldn’t even say the “L” word without getting antsy and wanting to flee. But how could any living, breathing male not be in l-love with her? She was sweet and kind and giving and so beautiful. She was a gift he didn’t deserve but desperately wanted to keep. He’d grown way too attached to her in the short time he’d known her. He couldn’t imagine not having her in his life.
She made him forget about the nightmare of his father, lurking close by, waiting to strike.
She made him want to be a better person.
For her.
Nothing would make him happier than a future with Emily. Did he dare hope for a happily ever after with her? Did he even deserve a chance with her? He was vile and corrupt and ashamed of things he’d done. He flat out didn’t deserve her. She was way too good for him.
But he couldn’t give up hope that someday she might fall in love with him, that someday he might actually deserve her love.
Somehow he had to help her overcome the trauma that had come between them tonight. They’d been so close—so close—to making love before he’d screwed it all up. He would have to do things di
fferently the next time. Move slower. No condoms.
He didn’t know how long he sat there, deep in thought, staring into the darkness at nothing.
Emily stirred next to him. Sebastian glanced down, coming out of his reverie. The sun was rising, its soft rays peeking through the cracks in the blinds.
Emily’s soft, pretty brown eyes opened. Her lips curved into a gentle smile. “Is it morning?”
“Yeah, it looks that way.”
She studied him for a moment. “Did you sleep at all?”
It would be easy to lie and say yes. But he’d promised her he would never lie to her again. Though there were some things he might never be able to tell her, he would do his best to keep that promise. “No.”
She lifted up on her elbow, her gaze searching his. “I’m sorry I messed things up last nig–”
He pressed a finger against her lips, silencing her. “Stop saying that. It wasn’t your fault.”
She lowered her gaze. “Do you think maybe we can, um, try it again?”
His pulse quickened. He’d been afraid she’d never want to try it again. “Sure. Whenever you’re ready.”
Her gaze delved into his. “I’m ready now.”
“Now?” He searched her eyes, but found nothing but truth there. She wanted to try again now? Seriously? His blood heated, anticipation curling through his veins. His body responded, hardening with need. Down boy. Take it slow.
He cleared his throat. “You sure?”
She slid over on top of him, lowered her mouth to his, gently brushed her lips against his, back and forth. He groaned.
She was sure.
He wrapped his arms around her, deepening the kiss. It hadn’t been easy lying next to her, his body throbbing with unspent need all night, but he’d done it. For her. Now, did he dare hope she was truly ready? Would she ever be truly ready?
Take it slow. Don’t rush it. Seduce her slowly.
But she was the one doing the seducing this time.
He lay there while she trailed kisses down his torso, back up his neck, nipped at his earlobe, then kissed him again, her tongue delving deep, tangling with his. Hell, she was a fast learner. Her hands stroked over his chest, circling his nipples, then ventured lower, slowly exploring. Afraid he might do something to scare her, Sebastian didn’t dare move. He lay there, aching, burning with need, while she innocently seduced him.
Scarred (Unlikely Heroes Book 5) Page 19
