Sugar

by Seressia Glass

  “Never. At least, not without a good reason.”

  “Exactly. If you’re serious about this guy, you need to let Charlie know. After all, he told you guys about me when he got serious about me.” Siobhan paused. “Are you serious about this guy?”

  “I think so.”

  “Think so?”

  Lorelei blushed. “I am.”

  Concern grew, kicking Siobhan’s maternal instincts to wakefulness. “How serious is serious, Lorelei?”

  A blush stained her cheeks. “We haven’t had sex yet, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  Siobhan rubbed at her forehead, knowing that she’d willingly stepped into the deep end with this conversation. Now she had no choice but to tread water. “Yeah, that’s what I was asking. You’re thinking about it though, aren’t you?”

  Lorelei sighed again. “Stephen’s such a good kisser. And he’s funny, and hot, and twenty.” She straightened. “Charlie will kill me if he finds out. When we had the talk he only said seven words: ‘You have sex, I’ll strangle the guy.’ I don’t think he was kidding.”

  “Knowing Charlie, he probably wasn’t.” Siobhan reached across the table. “As you said, you’re an adult now. Talk to Charlie about this the way you talked us back together. Ask for adult rules and negotiate without reverting to your thirteen-year-old self.”

  She squeezed the young woman’s hand. “If you need to talk about protection options or have a buddy go to the clinic with you, just let me know. Some things need to be just between us girls.”

  “You are awesome!” Siobhan found herself engulfed in an enthusiastic bear hug. “Thank you. Thank you!”

  Flustered, Siobhan extricated herself from the younger woman’s exuberant embrace. “Just talk to Charlie, all right? Just because I believe you should be protected doesn’t mean I think you should keep this from your brother. Besides, you should know I don’t plan to keep anything from him if I can help it, and I have no intention of picking sides. So, if you want to be treated as an adult, you need to put on your big-girl panties and deal. Got it?”

  “Loud and clear.” Lorelei gave her a bright grin. “I knew talking to you would be a good idea.”

  “Glad I could help,” Siobhan said softly, pleasure wafting through her. “I’m glad you felt that you could come to me.”

  “Well, you’re almost like a female version of Charlie,” Lorelei said with a light laugh. “At least your brain is. You’re way prettier than he is, though.”

  “At least I have that going for me,” Siobhan murmured, her voice wry.

  “You know what I mean. Charlie’s our big brother, and if things keep going like they’re going, you’ll be our big sister. You already know Charlie well enough to know how he’d react and you gave me good advice because of it.”

  “Maybe, but I’m still learning.” Siobhan forced herself not to focus on what Lorelei had said about becoming her big sister. She and Charlie were nowhere near that, and she wasn’t sure if the idea terrified or comforted her. “I’m sure there’s more to uncover. For instance, I’d like to do something nice for him for his birthday, but I don’t have a clue what to get him. I’m sure Kyle has the cake covered, but I can’t think of anything that I know he’d really like. I’m not getting him a tie or a gift certificate for the café. I’m open to suggestions.”

  “You’re kidding, right?” Lorelei laughed. “This should be easy.”

  “If it was easy, I wouldn’t be asking for help. You should know his favorite food. Is blue really his favorite color? Is there anything he’d like for his office? Does he have another hobby besides surfing?”

  Lorelei leaned forward. “There’s only one thing that Charlie wants from you for his birthday. You.”

  Heat singed Siobhan’s ears. “Um, well. We’re already dating, so I think he’s already got me in that respect. I don’t think there’s anything I can do more than that—and certainly not anything I’m going to tell you.”

  “Ewww. Can you say gross?” Lorelei made a face at the thought, then her expression dimmed into seriousness again. “I’m not buttering you up when I say you’re the best thing that’s happened to Charlie in a long time. You’re good for him. Keep on being good to him. That’s the best present you can give him.”

  Siobhan lowered her gaze, not wanting Lorelei to see anything she wasn’t ready to reveal. It couldn’t be that easy. She doubted she was the best thing to happen to Charlie, just as she doubted that she was good for him. Not in the long run. Sure, they had good times together, and the sex was way off the chain. Yet she knew she hadn’t been good for anyone in a long time, and despite the changes she’d made to her life, her failures reminded her that that wasn’t going to change anytime soon.

  “Siobhan? Are you okay?”

  “Yeah.” She dredged up a smile. “I still want to give Charlie a present. A real present.”

  The young blonde released a long-suffering sigh. “If you don’t like my first suggestion, you can always make him a meal. Charlie loves to eat, so you can always cook him a birthday dinner over at your place before coming home for the cookout. Anything with meat in it will work. Or . . .”

  “Or what?”

  “You could do one of your dances for him. You know, in private.”

  Siobhan could only manage a blank stare. “What?”

  Lorelei snorted. “I’m not so self-involved that I don’t know what the Crimson Bay Bombshells are about. You guys do more than car shows. I can’t wait until I’m old enough to get into Club Tatas. Maybe I could—”

  “Absolutely not.”

  “You don’t know what I was about to say,” Lorelei pointed out, frowning.

  “I don’t need to know what you were going to say. You’re not going to say it. We’re going to pretend this part of our conversation never happened.”

  Lorelei rolled her eyes. “Geez, you sound just like Charlie.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

  “I didn’t mean right now anyway,” Lorelei said, descending into a pout. “I meant like after college. I’ll be twenty-two then. Maybe I’ll even have a chest by then.”

  “How do you do that?” Siobhan wondered.

  “Do what?”

  “Switch from eighteen to twenty-eight, then back again.” Siobhan shook her head slowly. “You give me whiplash, young lady.”

  Lorelei bestowed her with an innocent smile. “It’s a gift.” She glanced at her watch. “I’d better get going. Will you at least think about the dance idea? I think that would blow Charlie’s mind.”

  “I’ll think about it,” Siobhan promised. She’d never tell Lorelei that a private striptease had kick-started her relationship with Charlie. She still wasn’t comfortable with the idea of doing the do in their house, even with a floor separating them from Lorelei and the boys. “You think about what I said too.”

  Lorelei rolled her eyes. “Yes, Mom.” She waved and left.

  Blindsided, Siobhan sat back in her chair. She knew Lorelei had meant the words to tease but they still hit her hard, leaving her momentarily floundering.

  Regret exploded in Siobhan’s heart. Lowering her head, she gripped the corners of the table, the sharp edges digging into her palms erecting a barrier against the emotional pain threatening to devour her. This was how she and her daughter were supposed to be, sitting here in her café on a beautiful summer day, laughing and bonding over boy talk. Remorse boiled over into excruciating guilt, sadness, and for a moment, blinding loneliness.

  Pulling out her phone, she thumbed to her contacts then dialed Colleen’s number. She’d bought a smartphone for Colleen the summer her daughter had come to work at the café, the summer she’d believed things were finally turning around.

  As usual her call went to voicemail. “Hi, honey, it’s your mother.” She drew a ragged breath. “I haven’t seen you since your graduation and I just wanted to call you to see what your plans were for the rest of the summer and after. Call me when you can. Love you.”

&nb
sp; She disconnected the call, thought about placing one to her own mother. She quickly discarded the idea. As much as she appreciated the details her mother shared about Colleen, Mary Malloy made her only daughter do backflips for each nugget of information, and Siobhan didn’t want to choke down the serving of guilt that came with every conversation with her mother.

  She was in danger of using Lorelei as a surrogate daughter. That wouldn’t be fair to Lorelei or to Colleen. Charlie’s sister would never be her daughter, no matter how close Siobhan and Charlie became. She’d probably gone too far, presumed too much in her conversation with Lorelei.

  She wasn’t the girl’s mother. Nor was she Lorelei’s older sister. She had no right to insert herself into family decisions, especially if they went counter to what Charlie thought was best. She’d have to come clean with him and hope it didn’t upset him. Then she’d have to manage the family’s expectation when it came to her presence in their lives.

  “Hey, that’s not the expression you should be wearing right now.”

  Audie slid into the chair that Lorelei had recently vacated. “Hey, Audie, what are you doing here in the middle of a non-Tuesday?”

  “A follow-up with Sergey about my case,” the redhead explained. “I’m supposed to meet with him as soon as he’s done moving in upstairs.”

  Audie cocked her head, her expression quizzical. “It looked like things were going well with you and Charlie’s sister, so why are you sitting here looking like you were one number off on winning the lottery?”

  “I’m having a difficult time looking at Lorelei and not comparing her to Colleen,” Siobhan confessed. “They lost their parents eight years ago, but she hasn’t let that turn her bitter or angry. Maybe she has Charlie to thank for that. As for Colleen—she was a few years older than that when the accident happened but we’d had a good relationship up to that point. At the very least she didn’t hate me then like she does now.”

  She shook her head. “I know I was in a drug-induced stupor that day. I know that I caused a lot of damage. What I haven’t been able to wrap my mind around is, what happened that day so unforgiveable for her that she hates me so intensely? It was an accident—a horrible, terrible accident, but no one died. No one got hurt. The fire didn’t even cause significant damage from what I understand. So why can’t my daughter stand the sight of me?”

  “My mother hates me because I’m a reminder of a very bad moment in her life,” Audie said, her usual bright personality dimmed. “I’m the cross she bore, literally and figuratively. Nothing I did, nothing I tried could change that. Now, I think maybe she felt that way because she had no other choice, that her response was what was expected of her because of the environment she lived in. Eventually that became the only way she knew to relate to me.”

  Siobhan considered Audie’s words. “So you’re saying that Colleen hates me because everyone else in my family does.”

  “Fuck, I’m sorry.” Color raced across Audie’s nose and cheeks. “That’s way harsh when you put it like that. Think about it though. Your ex was certainly furious about what happened, furious enough to file for divorce and full custody, right? And your parents, especially your dad, are something else. From what you’ve told us about them in our Tuesday meet-ups, I wouldn’t put it past them to turn Colleen against you.”

  Siobhan wanted to protest, but didn’t bother. Not when the same thought had crossed her mind more than once. “I thought reaching out to her would help, but it hasn’t. She was even hostile when I went to her graduation. I don’t know what to do.”

  Audie rubbed her shoulder. “Yeah, you do. You just don’t want to admit it.”

  Plopping her elbows on the table, Siobhan covered her face with her hands. “I can’t give up on them,” she moaned. “They’re my family.”

  “I know. More than anyone else, I know.” Audie squeezed her shoulder, then released it. “I also know that you reach a point where you have to get off the merry-go-round and say you’re not going to let them keep spinning you around like that. They’re your born family and you can’t change that. No one’s asking you stop loving them. I’m just saying maybe it’s time to take a step back and stop allowing them to keep hurting you. Maybe it’s time to focus on your chosen family.”

  Siobhan shook her head again. “I don’t think I can do that. I’m already in danger of viewing Lorelei as a surrogate daughter. It wouldn’t be fair to try to substitute Charlie and his family for my own.”

  Audie gave her a knowing smile. “I was talking about me, Vanessa, Nadia, and the rest of your friends, not just the O’Hallorans,” the redhead said. “Since you brought them up, I noticed that you and Lorelei seem to be pretty close now. How long has it been since you officially met the family?”

  “Almost a month.”

  “You didn’t ask me, but I for one think they’re good for you. I think you need them. I also think they need you. Obviously Lorelei appreciates you. That was some prime-time bonding going on right there.”

  “I care about them, all of them. I’m spending almost every weekend with them.” Siobhan blew out a breath. “I know it can’t be all hearts and flowers forever, but right now, it’s good. It’s really, really good.”

  “Maybe that should tell you something.”

  “Like what?”

  Audie held her gaze. “Like you’re not the one with the problem.”

  Shock jolted through her. For years she’d known she was the problem, the reason why her family had rejected her. The reason why her father hadn’t spoken to her long before her last rehab visit, the reason why Mike and her mother ignored her or made her guilty, the reason why Colleen hated her. For years she’d thought it was her fault for being the failure. Years. So many years it was hard to believe anything else, any way else. She couldn’t make that leap.

  “I hear what you’re saying, Audie, and I thank you for saying it. I’ll think about it, but I’m not ready to turn my back on them just yet.”

  “I understand,” Audie said, the sheen in her eyes conveying that she actually did know. “Giving up on family is hard. I do think that you should focus on what you have here in Crimson Bay, though. Friends, friends that are like family, and a great relationship with a great guy and his siblings. Isn’t that the type of life you wanted when you got out of rehab?”

  Siobhan eyed the redhead, wondering when they’d done a role reversal. “You’ve really changed in the last couple of months.”

  “Getting the shit beat out of you has a way of putting things into perspective,” Audie said, then flashed her trademark cheeky grin. “So does therapy. I’m making better choices when it comes to sex. I’m surprised how well that’s working out.”

  Siobhan smiled with relief. She’d long worried about Audie’s penchant for one-night stands without vetting her partners. If the redhead was getting her needs taken care of in a safe environment, Siobhan wouldn’t ask for more. “I suppose Vanessa’s still helping you with that?”

  “She is.” Another cheeky grin. “You’d be surprised at how much of a naughty streak Ms. Prim and Proper has. But that’s not my story to tell.”

  “Maybe she’ll get around to letting us in during one of our Bitch Talk sessions. Personally, I think it’s good that all of us are getting some in a safe way.” Siobhan was curious about Audie and Vanessa’s Girls’ Night Out trips to a private sex club. She’d even thought about joining them a time or two. At least she’d considered it before a certain blond sex god made her see stars on her desk.

  “You’re looking mighty flushed there, Sugar,” Audie teased. “What are you thinking about? Or should I say, who are you thinking about?”

  Siobhan fought her blush. “Lorelei told me Charlie’s got a birthday coming up, and I’m wondering what to get him.”

  “How about you and a container of frosting?” Audie suggested. “Or maybe you could whip up a sexy birthday cake outfit for your burlesque show?”

  “Not you too?” Heat burned Siobhan’s ears as she remembered
the fun she and Charlie had experienced with honey and chocolate syrup. “Other than fixing him a good meal, I don’t know what else to do.”

  “Trust me, Siobhan, that man would rather have you for dessert than any meal you could whip up. I say you do a special routine for him during one of the Crimson Bay Bombshells shows, then take him home for some extracurricular activities. I’m sure he’ll think it’s the best birthday present ever.”

  “Okay, so that’s two votes for food and sexy times.” Siobhan shook her head ruefully. “Well, at least those are two things I know I’m good at.”

  “Well, there you go.” Audie straightened. “Looks like Sergey’s here. Let me know if you need help planning your present. I may have a sexy cheerleader outfit you can borrow.”

  “Thanks, I think I’ve got costumes covered.” Siobhan pulled out her phone as Audie and Nadia’s brother took an out-of-the-way table in the nearly empty café. It was nearly closing time, and their regulars always seemed to wrap up half an hour before closing, giving Siobhan plenty of time to set things to right in the back while Rosie and Jas took care of the front of the shop.

  Thumbing through her contacts, Siobhan quickly found Lola’s number and connected. “Hey, chica, what’s up?”

  “I need help creating a special one-off routine. Can I swing by the studio later?”

  “You can swing by the studio whenever you want,” the troupe leader answered. “Tell me about this special routine.”

  “Charlie’s got a birthday coming up and I’d like to pull him onstage for a special dance.” She hesitated, then plunged ahead. “I think it will be a great way to end Sugar’s stage career.”

  “Aww, honey. I had a feeling you were thinking about it. I just didn’t think you’d pull the trigger so soon.” Disappointment filled Lola’s tone.

  “I hadn’t planned on it, but this is as good a time as any. We’ve been going easy on my routines and practices, but my recovery time is getting longer and longer. And since I’m not going to take anything to manage the pain . . .”

  “Not only that, but you’ve been finding other ways to get your exercise in,” Lola observed, then burst into her trademark boisterous laugh. “I guess this means things are getting serious.”