Sad Love

by Mj Fields

  “Jose did you kill anything today?” Tessa asked as she handed out bowls of popcorn.

  “No,” Jose laughed, “I got a tree though.”

  “Good job!”

  They sat and talked for a while longer as she fought to stay awake. When everyone finished she took the bowls out and washed them.

  “Tess, are you feeling better? You didn’t eat much,” Ben asked quietly setting an empty bowl by the sink.

  “See what I mean,” she laughed and shoved him with her hip.

  The boys were leaving for camp and Tessa was giving Alex containers full of food. Lucas hugged her, as everyone else walked out the door.

  “I miss you, baby.”

  “You have fun, I’ll see you tomorrow” she kissed him.

  “I should stay,” he hugged her tighter.

  “No, go have fun with Jose, I get the weekend though,” she smiled.

  “Yes you do,” he kissed her.

  She closed her eyes, “Go now please”

  “I love you,” he smiled.

  “I love you, too.”

  ~

  Tessa woke up in the morning, leapt from her bed, ran to the bathroom, and threw up again. Ben walked in.

  “Hey I forgot to grab,” he stopped and looked her up and down. “Tess are you on the pill?”

  Tessa looked at him confused and threw up again.

  He let out an exasperated breath, squatted down, pulled her blonde curls away from her face, and rubbed her back.

  “Tessa when did you have your period last?” Ben asked softly.

  She looked back at him and wiped her mouth, stood up, washed her face, used mouthwash, and then brushed her teeth. She looked at him expressionless. Ben knew she was scared. He shook his head and walked out, leaving her alone.

  Ben walked back in the house fifteen minutes later with a bag and handed it to her.

  “Go do this…now,” he looked away quickly.

  She walked in the bathroom; he sat on the couch and waited. When she walked out and looked at him. He watched her eyes fill up and she started crying.

  “Oh God, Tess,” he hugged her.

  He led her to the couch, and she lay on his lap sobbing as he rubbed her back.

  “You’re going to be fine,” he said, and she looked up at him.

  “I can’t do this Ben, I never thought for a minute this would be my life. You must be so disgusted by me,” she began crying even harder.

  “Tess, you don’t have a choice, and I’m not disgusted. Disappointed maybe,” he said. “Why aren’t you on birth control?”

  “I was I stopped because… I was done with him. We’ve used condoms since then, I was going to start as soon as I got it,” she continued to cry.

  “Oh Tess, please stop crying,” Ben continued to rub her back.

  “No, this is insane,” she said. “Please don’t tell anyone Ben, I don’t want Lucas to know.”

  “Don’t want me to know what?” Lucas asked standing with his arms across his chest. “What the fuck is going on here Tessa? Is this why you didn’t want me to stay last night are you fucking Ben now? You know what I don’t fucking care, I’m out, have fun with her Ben!”

  Lucas turned and started to walk out.

  “This has nothing to do with me. It’s all you Links. Tess, I’m going to leave you two alone. If you need me for anything you have my number. I love you girl, and you’re going to be fine,” he kissed her cheek and stood up to leave.

  “Thank you Ben.”

  Lucas was livid as Ben pushed past him, “Do you need to fucking tell me something Tessa?”

  “Fuck you! Not when you’re acting like that,” she ran outside.

  He stormed after her, “You can’t do that, you can’t walk away from me.”

  “Oh yes I can. I should have never stopped last time you fucked me over,” she yelled.

  “Fuck you, Tessa,” he yelled.

  She walked passed him back into the house and went in her bathroom. Lucas followed her in she sat on the floor crying and rocking herself.

  He looked at her and took a deep breath, “Tessa you need to tell me what is going on because right now I am thinking of so many different things, and I can’t do this.”

  She threw him the test, she couldn’t look at him, he was going to hate her, and she couldn’t deal with it right now.

  She heard him take a deep breath and then he sat next to her.

  “Might be wrong right?” he asked calmly

  “And it might be right,” she hugged her knees. “How am I supposed to do this? How could this happen?”

  “You’re nineteen and moving out in a month. You’ll figure it out,” he rubbed her back.

  “I’ll figure it out? She hissed.

  “I didn’t mean it like that, baby,” Lucas hugged her.

  “Please don’t touch me!”

  “Oh wow,” he put his hands in the air.

  She stopped crying when she heard Chewy bark.

  “I need to get out of here.”

  “Where can I take you?”

  “You can go, I need to be alone,” she snapped.

  “You’re going to be FUN,” he laughed.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” she snapped, “Fuck you, LUCAS!”

  He shook his head and smiled, “Can we please go somewhere and talk Tessa?”

  “Fine,” she picked up the bag, wrappers, and test.

  She brushed her teeth and washed her face and walked of the bathroom.

  “Hi guys-- Lucas and I will be back soon,” she breezed past Kendall and Jake and out the door.

  They drove to the park and got out and she started walking. They sat in the pavilion.

  “What is there to talk about?”

  “I don’t know,” he sat behind her on the picnic table.

  “Okay… so I fucked you after a pretty nasty break up and now I’m a fucking teen statistic. That about covers it right?”

  He laughed, “Sure Tessa, and hey I’m on a full football scholarship and kicking ass I got a girl knocked up does that cover it? Oh wait that’s three for me.”

  “Four if you count the fake one,” she looked up at him.

  He hugged her, “What a mess.”

  “Yeah I guess so,” she touched her belly and cried.

  He hugged her. “So that would be next summer right?”

  “Yep,” she tried to calm her breathing

  “We can do this Tessa; you’re going to be a great mom. You can stay home until she’s in school, I can work, we can have more,” he smiled as he kidded with her.

  “Lucas you're finishing school and I’m going to work.”

  “That’s not going to happen,” he laughed and kissed her.

  She stood up and paced back and forth, “Yes it is, you can work summers. We can figure it out, just spend money wisely. I’m still going to school.”

  Tessa stopped and put her hands on her hips.

  “Let’s not fight about this Tessa. We have time to figure it out,” he grabbed her and hugged her.

  “You’ll finish at SU and play football, or I'm not doing this.”

  He laughed rolling his eyes, “Oh--okay”

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You and your crazy ass hormones,” he grinned and looked at her breast, “I can’t wait till those things get bigger.”

  “How am I going to explain this to my parents?”

  “I can tell them,” he offered.

  “You’re going to have a hard enough time telling yours” she smiled a bit.

  “Yeah, thank God Mom lives with a shrink,” he laughed.

  “Oh Lucas, will it ever be easy?”

  “Sure, after reading those books you gave me and thinking about my youth it should be in about twenty years,” he laughed and hugged her. “See Tessa Ross, we’re meant to be together, forever.”

  She hugged him and laughed, “How are you going to go a lifetime without a blow job?”

  He smiled, “How are going to su
rvive a lifetime without giving one?”

  “Do you think I LIKE doing that?” She asked annoyed.

  “Yeah I do” he laughed harder.

  She loved happy Lucas and oddly he seemed very happy, “Can we wait for twelve weeks to tell people?”

  “Yes, I think that’s a good idea.”

  “Good, can you stay with me tonight?” She asked holding his hand as they walked to the Jeep.

  “Depends,” he gave her a shit ass grin.

  “On what?”

  "Oh, I don't know," he looked down and ran his finger along her lower lip.

  “What if I throw up on you?”

  “You can lick it up baby.”

  She glared at him and stomped ahead of him, “No then.”

  “Your ass looks fine Tessa Ross,” he yelled from behind her.

  “It’s going to look a lot bigger in a few months,” she yelled back.

  “That’s alright with me; I’ll work it off you after.”

  She turned around and looked at him, he ran up and picked her up and kissed her, “God I have missed you… and now--you are stuck with me forever.”

  “I guess I am,” she said quietly in his ear.

  He pulled back a little and looked into her eyes, “You alright with that Tessa?”

  “Don’t hurt me Lucas, please don’t hurt me again,” Tessa buried her head in his chest and at that moment she understood why Sadi had made the hardest decision anyone ever would have to.

  “I promise. So I get a say in the apartment now?”

  “No.”

  “Oh yes I do we’re not living in the hood with a baby,” he laughed. “And it will be at least three bedrooms.”

  “Why three?” She asked, “You’re not going to sleep with me anymore?”

  “Of course I am. We need a guest room, I’m sure we will have grandparents and siblings around. Tessa, she is going to be beautiful” he said and kissed her.

  Tessa cried, “I’m so sorry. I can’t believe this happened. My God I hated Sadi for trapping you and now I feel like…I didn’t mean for this to happen Lucas. I hope you know that I would never. DAMN IT! Of course I wouldn’t …I can’t do this. This is not cool, this is—I’m sorry Lucas.”

  “Hey if anyone should be sorry it’s me,” he rubbed her cheek and kissed her again. “Tessa, I’m very okay with this, I love you.”

  “I love you.”

  “I have a question Tessa, but I don’t want to argue or fight right now okay?” he asked.

  She shook her head, “Go ahead.”

  “Why did you go to him, and not me?”

  She looked up at him. “Lucas, I didn’t, I would never. He saw me get sick when I came home yesterday morning; he was walking out of the barn with rope. This morning I threw up, and he walked in,” she told him the story. “I said ‘don’t tell Lucas’ because I was scared. I would’ve told you Lucas, I just didn’t want to disappoint you.”

  “You are more perfect every day. Listen-- you need to stop trying to take care of me. I want to take care of YOU Tessa, and our child.” Lucas hugged her, and she cried.

  They went to the drug store, and he bought vitamins and folic acid. He came out and got in the SUV and handed her the bag. Tessa smiled, closed her eyes, and sat back.

  CHAPTER 8

  Lucas played well in his game. As always Tessa waited outside the locker rooms. He came out and walked past Jenny and crew and looked grinned at Tessa.

  “Hey rock star,” Tessa kissed him.

  Lucas’s eyes were smoldering,

  “Hey baby,” he kissed her again and gently grabbed the back of her head.

  “I need you now,” he said in a deep voice.

  Her eyes widened, and she smiled, “Right here?”

  He picked her up and carried her to the Jeep as she laughed and held tightly to his bulging biceps.

  He drove to the dorm in silence. He rubbed her hand with his the entire time. When they arrived he jumped out. He opened her door and took her hand. The ride to his floor was a silent. The elevator door opened, and they walked quickly towards his room. Tessa closed her eyes, she was worried and even for a moment thought he was going to tell her he wasn’t sure about them anymore. That he was going to fuck her and then confess that there was more that she didn’t know about Jenny or maybe even more girls. She was afraid, terrified-- that her insecurity, her weakness for him, made him look at her different, like she was no different than Sadi or any other girl that his whole life had given him whatever he needed, wanted just to have him. Afraid that he would treat her the same way he had Sadi. That for the rest of her life she was going to be hurt because like everyone, she had failed Lucas.

  He sat her on the bed. He took a box out of the desk drawer, and knelt down.

  “Tessa Ross I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up to you every morning and go to sleep next to you every night, I want to raise a family together, and love you forever. Baby, will you marry me?”

  She stared down at him and searched his eyes. She looked at his beautiful face, and his perfect lips, his green eyes that sparkled when he looked at her.

  “You’re sure? I mean …” Lucas closed his eyes and his browse knit together, “Of course I will. Yes Lucas-- I’ll marry you.”

  Lucas took her face in his hand and kissed her gently. Everything about him was gentler now. His kiss, his touchy, and the way he looked at her.

  He rubbed her gently spreading her as he kissed and nibbled down her throat. He gently took her nipple between his lips as his tongue teasingly licked her.

  “God, I love you,” he whispered as he raised his body over hers and held himself rubbing gently against her wet warmth.

  He pushed in tenderly. His teeth clenched, eyes shut tightly, breath hissing as he pushed into her over and over and over again.

  When they finished he lay beside her and kissed her.

  “I am the luckiest man on the planet Tessa Ross. I love you.”

  Tessa laughed, “Lucas Links, you’re so sweet, I love you.”

  ~

  As they drove towards home, Tessa was looking out the window deep in thought.

  “Lucas you know you didn’t have to do that because I’m pregnant,” Tessa looked at the ring.

  It was beautiful, much like the last one but bigger and shinier.

  “Tessa, the ring has been in my drawer for two weeks now” he laughed. “I was going to wait until Christmas Eve or the day we moved into our new apartment, which by the way we’re going to see now.”

  “Hold on what did you just say?”

  “I found a place, that’s available on the fifteenth of December, it’s a safe neighborhood, and it is beautiful Tessa. Please don’t be mad,” he grabbed her hand.

  She didn’t pull it away. She had more than her to worry about now.

  “Did you already get it Lucas?”

  “Would you be angry if I did?”

  “I wouldn’t say angry, annoyed possibly,” she said still admiring the ring and smiling. She was so happy she was wrong, he did love her and she couldn’t doubt it again—it hurt too much.

  ~

  He pulled in and parked in front of a row of townhouses. He jumped out and opened the door.

  “Come look, Baby,” he was so excited, like a kid on Christmas Eve.

  She took his hand and couldn’t help but smile. Lucas smile was contagious and could change the world, she was sure of it, it changed hers.

  They walked in the front door into a small foyer. There were hardwood floors throughout, the kitchen was in the back, and straight ahead to the left was a den and the right a dining room. It was bright and new and freshly painted. Off of the kitchen was the living room with a fireplace and a bathroom. The kitchen was completely modern and beautiful. There were French doors leading to a deck and a fenced in backyard.

  He watched her as she looked around trying to anticipate what she was thinking, how she would react. She walked upstairs without saying
a word. There were two small bedrooms and a bathroom between them. Across the hall was the master suite which was amazing and resembled Lucas’s bedroom back home.

  She took a deep breath and hugged herself looking around. He put his arms around her.

  “Is this okay?”

  “It’s beautiful, but Lucas we can’t afford this,” she said. “We have to be smart with money.”

  “Tessa, I made enough money this summer to cover this,” he kissed her check.

  “I want you to finish college Lucas, please.”

  “Why is that so important to you?”

  “You worked hard for it. I don’t want to take that away from you ever, I wouldn’t ever be alright with that. Do you understand that?” she turned around and looked at him.

  “Tessa if I promise you I’ll finish school, will you promise me we can live here?”

  “No,” she shook her head. “I won’t let your father help us.”

  “I won’t ask for his help. I have asked him once for my mother, that’s it. I’ll even give him back the credit card if you want.”

  “Well then how?”

  “I have money Tessa. I told you I’ve worked. I have a college fund that I haven’t even touched yet because of my scholarship, we” he said and touched her stomach and smiled. “We will all be fine.”

  “I want to see that in black and white before I agree. I’ll get a job-- two to pay my own way.”

  He smiled. “Let me take care of you. Come on Tessa, don’t be stubborn. Tell me you like it.”

  “I like it,” she said, “But I can be just as happy somewhere far less extravagant.”

  “Tessa say yes-- let me off the hook here, baby,” Lucas pleaded.

  “Okay yes, but after I know what half of everything is.”

  He picked her up and spun her around. He handed her the other key and smiled.

  “You’re such a jerk,” she playfully smacked him in the arm.

  He kissed her, and they made love on the bedroom floor.

  She lay there and started to fall asleep.

  “You’re tired Tessa.”

  “Yes, I have been a lot lately,” she said quietly as she forced herself to sit up and get dressed.

  As they drove home he handed her his checkbook. She shook her head as she looked at the balance, and again when she saw that he had already paid six months worth of rent.