Sad Love

by Mj Fields

“Nothing it’s just cramps. Go back to sleep,” she got up to go to the bathroom.

  Lucas looked down and saw blood on the bed.

  He jumped up, and she looked at him, “Go back to bed Lucas, I’m sorry.”

  “Tessa baby, we need to go to the hospital.”

  “Lucas I’m fine go to sleep,” she smiled and she flipped on the light and sat on the toilet.

  She looked down.

  “No, no no,” she said over and over.

  He grabbed clothes from her dresser and ran in the bathroom. They didn’t even have pad’s there.

  “Tessa,” he watched as tears fell down her cheek and she shook her head no. “Look at me.”

  She didn’t. He took her underwear off and put the new ones on. He handed her a wash cloth.

  “Tessa I am going to see if Jade has any pads.”

  “No, don’t you leave me,” she cried and hugged him.

  “Okay Tessa,” he said and pulled her up and threw clothes on her, “We need to go, baby.”

  He picked her up and walked down the stairs. Jade was in the kitchen.

  “What’s going on?” she asked, “Tessa what’s wrong?”

  “I’m pregnant,” she said and cried. “I have a baby in my belly. I’m pregnant. Lucas!”

  Tessa buried her head in Lucas’s neck.

  “Jade do you have any pads?” he asked.

  “Yes, but...” she started.

  “GET ONE!” he yelled.

  Jade saw the pain in his eyes, and she ran and came back down. He was in the bathroom with her Jade handed it through the crack in the door. He set her down and started to pull down her pants.

  “I’ve got it,” Tessa snapped.

  He stepped back and looked at her she pulled her pants back up and looked at him.

  “I’m so sorry Lucas,” she said, “I didn’t mean to...”

  He kissed her, “Let’s go baby, Jade we will be back later, no one knows about this okay?”

  ~

  They waited in the room for the doctor to come back. She had been taken down for an ultra sound, Lucas didn’t leave her side.

  “The results showed exactly what I thought, you have miscarried, I’m so sorry,” the ER doctor said softly.

  “There isn’t anything you can do?” Lucas asked looking at him as if it was his fault.

  “No, Mr. Links I’m sorry.”

  Tessa softly cried, and Lucas hugged her, “Was it because we had sex? I mean does too much cause this to happen?”

  “No, not at all and the ultra sound showed that it was a tubal pregnancy, which means that this pregnancy would not have been viable,” He said. “We’re going to send you home with some pain medication for the cramping. You will bleed for a few days a week at most. You need to call your OBGYN later and make a follow up appointment. They will check to see that everything has passed if it hasn’t you’ll need to have a procedure called a DNC to take care of the rest. I’m very sorry.”

  When he left the room, Lucas looked at Tessa who was now sitting with her knees to her chest rocking back and forth with her head buried. He grabbed her shirt and gently put it over her head. He looked at her eyes that were red and still shedding tears. He pulled the robe off of her arms and she put her arms in the shirt, still looking down.

  “Tessa, please look at me,” he whispered.

  She wrapped her arms around him, and they both cried. “I love you.”

  “I’m so sorry,” she cried, “Lucas I am so, so, sorry.”

  He pulled back and looked at her.

  “You didn’t do this Tessa, God baby, don’t you pull away from me,” he held her tighter.

  The nurse walked in and gave her discharge papers and instructions. Tessa didn’t even look at her. Lucas asked questions and took the paperwork. She gave her pain medication, and they left.

  They walked in the house, and Jade and Ryan looked at them. Tessa looked at the floor, and Lucas explained what had happened. Jade hugged Tessa and asked her what she could do.

  “Nothing Jade, I’ll get through this,” she looked at Lucas nervously, “Right? We’ll get through this, won’t we?”

  “Of course Tessa, this…Tessa remember this,” he kissed her ring.

  "I made breakfast it just has to go in the oven for forty five minutes," Tessa walked towards the kitchen.

  She stopped when she heard baby Luke cry. She touched her belly and took a deep breath.

  “I’m sorry Tessa,” Jade went to get him.

  “No,” Tessa said, “Don’t you be sorry. Jade, please don’t you be sorry.”

  "Okay Tessa," she hugged her. “Okay, come with me?”

  “Yes,” Tessa nodded

  Lucas closed his eyes, and Ryan gave him a quick hug, “You okay man?”

  “I’ll be fine, I just don’t know what to expect out of her.”

  They walked in the living room and Tessa and Jade were on the couch making silly faces at Lukie. Luke smiled at Tessa.

  “He smiled at you, Ryan he smiled,” Jade laughed. “Tessa, that was a first.”

  “He probably has gas Jade.”

  “Oh right, do it again,” Tessa made the same face and noise and he smiled again. “See he loves you, don’t you buddy? You love Auntie Tessa.”

  Lucas watched Tessa look at the baby, and her smile wasn’t forced, it was genuine. She loved that little guy. He sat next to her, and she stiffened up. He took a deep breath. She knew she had upset him. She turned and finally looked at him.

  “Lucas, I love you.”

  “I love you,” he hugged her.

  “I’m getting tired,” she said, “I’m sorry.”

  “They gave you medication that will make you tired, don’t apologize, please,” he said.

  “Okay,” she said. “He is perfect Jade.”

  “You need to go lay down Tessa,” Jade smiled sadly.

  “Okay.”

  ~

  She woke up in bed and went to the bathroom. Gross, she thought.

  She ran down the stairs, and Lucas was sitting at the counter with his hands in his hair. She hugged him from behind, and he jumped,

  “Shit Tessa, you scared me,” he reached back rubbed her head.

  “What do you want to do today?” She asked and walked to the refrigerator and grabbed a soda.

  She turned around and saw him giving her a questioning look. She smiled and jumped on his lap.

  “You want to hang out here?” she kissed him.

  “Slow down,” he rubbed his hand down her cheek.

  “Oh… okay,” she stepped off him.

  “Sit Tessa, we need to talk.”

  Her eyes widened, and she sat down. He grabbed the paperwork and explained everything that she had missed when she tuned out the discharge nurse. The fact that sex was a no go for awhile and that she may need to have a procedure got the biggest reaction.

  “Okay I get it,” she said, “Lucas can we please get out of here and do something?”

  “What would you like to do?”

  “Something fun, I don’t want to sit here and be sad. I don’t want you or I to overanalyze what happened or try to tiptoe around each others hurt feelings. It sucks really badly. But I want us to be okay, I love you, and if I can’t have my way with you for awhile, I need to keep busy somehow,” she blushed.

  He smiled, “Your full of it Tessa. You don’t want to go anywhere, you’re in pain, and you’re sad and you’re just trying to make this better for me.”

  “Lucas, I am trying to make it better for both of us,” she looked down.

  “Okay I get it, but your body is in the process of miscarrying our child.” He said with hurt in his voice. “The doctor wants you to relax for awhile and then after your doctor says it’s alright then we can go crazy on each other every day for the rest of our lives.”

  “Fine then,” she crossed her arms. “Shall we sit and cry?”

  “If that’s what you want to do,” Lucas hugged her.

  “I want to escape,” s
he said quietly.

  “We should go get some really stupid movies and a whole bunch of junk food.”

  “You're being such a girl,” she smiled.

  “Am I?” he picked her up and spun her.

  “Ouch,” she laughed.

  “Oh, sorry baby,” he said gently putting her down.

  “It’s no big deal,” she laughed.

  “You ready for your medication?”

  “No, I can handle this,” she said. “Can we go buy some board games?”

  “You mean like monopoly?”

  “I was thinking scrabble.”

  “Tessa-- I will kick your ass,” he laughed.

  “We shall see,” she smirked

  “Okay, I can go,” he said and kissed her, “You stay here and relax.”

  “No, I want to be with you,” she closed her eyes.

  “Alright then,” he smiled.

  ~

  They sat at the coffee table and Tessa giggled, “I really am sorry about all this.”

  “All of what, Baby?”

  “All this ass kicking you’re going to get,” Tessa smiled, looking at her scrabble pieces.

  “Oh Baby, you know I love you right?”

  “You better,” Tessa smirked at him.

  “You go first,” he pointed to the board.

  Tessa laid down her first word.

  “Baby what kind of word is that?” Lucas laughed.

  “Urination is a word Lucas,” Tessa raised her eyebrows and he laughed.

  After an hour Lucas was behind. Tessa was killing him, her words Buggery was one he objected to until she showed him in the dictionary what it meant and his dirty little mind shown through his deep dark green eyes.

  “Not going to happen,” Tessa smacked him in his shoulder.

  “Baby, I thought you were a good girl,” Lucas laughed as he looked at the board.

  Smegma, copulate, anus, asshole, fellate, fellated, fellatio all Tessa’s words.

  “I am a good girl Lucas. I just kicked your ass too,” Tessa laughed.

  “Nah, I got one more,” he grinned.

  “C. U. N…” Lucas laughed loudly when she cleared the board.

  “That’s a nasty nasty word Lucas,” Tessa laughed.

  “I like this game,” he chuckled.

  “Dirty scrabble champ,” Tessa raised her hands in the air victoriously as he clapped and whistled.

  “Baby, we can’t play that again for awhile.”

  They spent the next four days together, talking and still playing scrabble and other games when he got too worked up.

  ~

  Lucas was going to work with Ryan for the next two weeks before classes began. She had signed up for classes and was going to take a C N A class so that she could work. Lucas was not happy about her decision to work but understood there was no fighting with her about it. They planned to go to Mexico in the summer and had decided to go visit Troy on spring break. They went to the doctors together, and everything looked fine. She decided the birth control shot was her best option and Lucas thought that was not a good idea. He wanted to try again, but she convinced him that they should wait until he was done with school. He agreed but only if they could get married in the winter before his last semester of school and that she go off of birth control then.

  He agreed…for now.

  CHAPTER 10

  On Valentine's Day, she woke him. It had been six weeks, and she wanted him almost as much as he wanted her. The beauty of the shot was that she wouldn’t get her period only once every three months. His eyes opened when he felt her under the covers.

  “Good morning Tessa, get up here,” he pulled her up towards him.

  “I’m not done with you,” she laughed.

  He kissed her and they slowly began exploring each other. She was scared, and he was very gentle. It didn’t hurt like she was afraid it would. It felt great.

  He had classes until two and wanted to go out to dinner that night. When he got home she met him at the door in a deep red outfit and had made a picnic.

  "I thought we were going out," he handed her flowers, yellow roses and white daisies.

  “I thought we should stay in.”

  “Are you sure you’re up to this?”

  She laughed, “Yes, I am.”

  “Good,” he lifted her up.

  When they were finished Tessa went to the bathroom. Lucas ran downstairs to get a drink, and her phone rang on the counter He answered it.

  “Hello Lucas, it’s Ben.”

  “Okay-- what’s up,” Lucas asked.

  “Well Tessa messaged me earlier to tell me that what happened. I wanted to know that she was alright and to tell you both that I was sorry.”

  Tessa came downstairs in one of his t-shirts.

  “Thanks, here she is,” he handed the phone to her.

  “Who is it?” she asked.

  “Your friend,” he said coldly and walked in the other room.

  “Hello?” she said not knowing who it was.

  “Hey Tess I just got your message are you alright?” Ben asked.

  “Ya, I’m fine” she her voice cracked. She hadn’t talked to him in a few months. “I just wanted you to know.”

  “Okay, is there anything I can do for you?” he asked sincerely.

  “No,” she said quietly.

  “Alright then, Happy Valentine’s Day.”

  “You too Ben, thanks for calling.”

  “Are you sure Tess?”

  “Yes, I am” she said and tears poured down her face.

  “Don’t cry.”

  “Okay”

  Ben gave her a few minute to calm herself down.

  “How’s married life?”

  “Well… we aren’t married yet,” she smiled.

  “Good to hear,” he said with a smile in his voice.

  “But it’s been good, he has been amazing.”

  “Not so good to hear,” he laughed. “But I’m glad you’re happy, I really am.”

  “Are you Ben?”

  “Always Tess, girl you know that,” he said being silly.

  “Okay I’m glad so… I’ll talk to you soon?”

  “Whenever you need me.”

  She hung up and walked into the living room. Lucas was sitting on the couch and was clearly annoyed.

  “Hey Lucas,” she sat next to him. “Are you mad at me?”

  “I just don’t know why you had to call him.”

  “I just wanted him to know. Lucas he was the only other person who knew,” she said softly.

  “Why today?”

  “I don’t know, I guess the thought never crossed my mind until now. And I didn’t call him, I sent him a message,” she said defending herself.

  “Interesting,” he stood up. “I’m tired, we both have early classes tomorrow, and I’m going to bed.”

  She cleaned up the kitchen and grabbed a bowl of ice cream and sat in front of the TV. She ate until she was full, comforted, not feeling guilty and then, she fell asleep on the couch.

  “Tessa,” he said touching her head.

  She opened her eyes and looked confused.

  “It’s three in the morning, are you coming to bed?”

  “Yes,” she stood up.

  She took her bowl to the kitchen and went upstairs.

  “Lucas I love you, please don’t be mad at me”

  "Goodnight Tessa," he snuggled into her.

  He was in the shower when she woke, she brushed her teeth.

  “May I come in?”

  “Good morning,” he smiled, “yes, please do.”

  They got out and dried off.

  “Are you mad at me Lucas?”

  “No, I just don’t get it,” he admitted.

  “There’s nothing to get after you left yesterday I was happy. I got on my facebook account and checked my messages. He had sent one and I thought he should know. He was the only person that knew. I just thought he should know. I’m sorry” she looked down.

  “I
hate facebook Tessa, who else sends you messages?”

  She grabbed the laptop and went to sign in.

  “Okay you can put in my password, I have nothing to hide from you” she said and sat next to him.

  “Alright what is it?”

  “It’s your name,” her face turned red, and he smiled. “And LYA.”

  “Love you anyway,” he smiled.

  “I love you.”

  “Forever?”

  “Nothing less.”

  “Okay, I trust you Tessa. I need to get to school so do you,” he kissed her.

  “I’ll be up there in our bed when you get home,” she said and touched his stomach.

  He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, “Sounds good, baby.”

  ~

  The next few weeks had been busy. She was taking sixteen credits: three classes at school and one online. Tessa was working three days a week and one night every other weekend. Lucas was irritated by this, but didn’t argue. He spent his evenings alone with the guys at their place. Tessa always made dinner and munchies for them… the guys often played cards and drank.

  When she got home on those nights she was usually tired and his friends normally stayed. He was always a bit rougher those nights, and normally she didn’t mind at all.

  She walked into a house full of people the week before Spring break. She had gotten out an hour early, not feeling well. Lucas was nowhere to be found. No one noticed she had walked in. The music was loud, and she was shocked to see some of Jenny’s friends there. She ran upstairs to their room and he was in the bathroom throwing up and Jenny was sitting on the edge of the garden tub laughing at him.

  “What’s going on?” she asked.

  “Hey baby,” he said laughing. “I think I drank too much.”

  He and Jenny both laughed.

  “You need to leave,” Tessa said to Jenny.

  “I don’t think that’s up to you,” Jenny laughed.

  “She has drank a lot too baby, I don’t think she should drive,” he stood up, stumbled, and brushed his teeth.

  She looked at him and walked out. He followed her.

  “You pissed?”

  “That’s an understatement, Genius!” she walked into the closet and grabbed some clothes.

  “Tessa it’s been months… I got over you messaging Benny boy I think you can deal with this,” he tried to hug her.

  “No, it’s not the same thing,” she walked passed him.

  “Get the fuck out of my bedroom—bitch!” she yelled at Jenny.