Sad Love

by Mj Fields

  Tessa felt sick again, and as she shook and cried Leia jumped up and licked her, and she pet her. She fell asleep crying hugging her dog tightly

  ~.

  Over the next month Tessa worked twelve hour shifts. She spent a lot of time with her family. Lucas stopped texting her with daily updates, and she was able to feel half way human again. She got an apartment in Syracuse not far from where she and Lucas had lived, and she took piano lessons once a week with Adam. She didn’t sing as much and she ran with Leia most every day.

  Tessa didn’t fill her void with a man she had work and piano. She and Adam occasionally went out for dinner and talked about his crazy life and his daughter. He had started dating someone and their dinners came to an end.

  Kendall came and stayed with her one weekend, and Tessa took Kendall’s phone out of pure desperation, wanting to know that Lucas was alright.

  Jose had texted Kendall that Lucas was a handful and that Tessa deserved better. Jose loved the guy, but he would never understand what demons he must be fighting that the love of that girl had not been able to drive out of him.

  Lucas had a group of favorites, his new dirty dozen Tessa thought, that he rotated between. He had missed this lifestyle and was enjoying it to the fullest. He had called John and told him he was going to put the house on the market, he had no reason to come back there he wanted no more than he had spent building it. John had the insurance money from Camp and was considering using it to buy the house. Lucas and John had decided they would discuss it further at the end of Lucas ’s first season.

  Jade called Tessa and told her that there was a scrimmage at the Meadowlands and that she and Ryan were going to see Lucas play. Tessa offered to watch the kids for the weekend, and Jade accepted.

  Tessa played in the pool with them and laughed a lot. Molly and Sydney came up and stayed with them. Molly and Cory were considering trying to have another child. Little Lukie had taken over Lucas’s old bedroom. It was beautifully decorated. He insisted that she lay with him until he fell asleep. Tessa sent a picture of the two of them in a tent on his floor.

  -Me and Lukie camping…Tessa

  Her phone chimed it was Lucas

  -very distracting, seeing you in my old room…Lucas

  She didn’t respond. She couldn’t. Half an hour later her phone chimed again

  -Have you lost your sense of humor Tessa?...Lucas

  -Nope, something’s are just not funny…Tessa

  -You miss me don’t you?...Lucas

  -Please don’t Lucas…Tessa

  -Well I miss you, all of you…Lucas

  -I am sure you have kept yourself very occupied…. Tessa

  -I heard you moved to Syracuse, I am sure you are doing the same…Lucas

  -Yeah I’m out whoring it up every night…Tessa

  -Nice, how is Adam?...Lucas

  -The same as he always has been, my friend and teacher, he has a great new girlfriend…Tessa

  -Is it you?...Lucas

  -No Lucas , I haven’t been with anyone. I am healing form a very nasty and devastating break up, you should try doing the same. But as I told you weeks ago, this is none of your business. And I don’t want to know how many people it took to fill the void. I just hope you're happy and safe Lucas , nothing more or less…Tessa

  -Void is not fully satisfied…yet, but I am working on it. Yeah the happiness lasts about an hour and then there you are in my head fucking things up…Lucas

  -Sorry to hear that. Goodnight Lucas …Tessa

  Tessa walked outside and cried. Molly came out and hugged her.

  “You are going to be alright Tessa, I am so sorry you're going through all of this,” Molly comforted her.

  Tessa wiped her face and smiled, “Better now than five more years and kids in the picture”

  ~

  Her phone rang, and it was him.

  “Hello,” she answered.

  “Hey perfect how are you?” he asked and she didn’t answer. “Tessa?”

  “Yes I’m… is everything alright Lucas.”

  “Yes, I want to see you. I’m going to come home for a day, can we talk?”

  “I don’t know Lucas , I’m trying to ..” she stopped. “No, I don’t think it’s a good idea”

  “I need to see you, not fuck you Tessa,” he snapped.

  “Fine.”

  “You off Monday?”

  “Yes,” she answered.

  “Good see you then,” he hung up.

  The next day she took the kids to the park and said goodbye to Sydney and Molly. She laid the kids down for a nap and did her nails and feet. She was a mess, and she would see him again tomorrow. Not that it mattered she would never touch him again.

  Chapter 29

  “Hello,” Tessa answered the phone.

  “Tessa… Lucas got pretty beat up today, he is in surgery now. He’s alright, but his arm is broken and they’re going to see what the rest of the damage is,” Jade explained.

  “Oh no, what happened?”

  “The Jets were very rough on him,” Jade sighed.

  “Please keep me updated. God Jade,” Tessa started crying.

  “Tessa this is not your problem now. I wouldn’t have told you if I wasn’t going to ask that you stay with the kids if you can’t I’ll call the Lanes.”

  “No, we… we’ll be fine,” Tessa said, “Please make sure he is alright, tell him I’m sorry.”

  “You’re seeing him tomorrow, you can tell him,” Jade said stiffly.

  ~

  The next day Tessa and the kids were in the pool, and Ryan and Jade pulled in. Riley and Lukie were happy to see their Momma.

  “Is he okay Jade?” Tessa’s tears started falling.

  “Ask him yourself,” Lucas walked from behind Jade smiling, and hugged Tessa. “Look at you.”

  “You’re okay?” Tessa hugged him back.

  “Of course I am,” Lucas looked her up and down and shook his head.

  Tessa handed Jackson to Jade and picked up Riley who was stuck to her leg like glue.

  “Wow Tessa, you are stunning,” Lucas grinned.

  “Okay let’s go inside and change so you guys can tell your Mom and Dad all about our crazy weekend,” Tessa laughed wiping her eyes. “Thanks for the warning Jade.”

  Tessa got dressed, and Jade hugged her babies. The house was full of baked goods and craft projects. Lucas smiled as he saw the house full of what he thought must have been a very busy fun weekend for those three little people who got to spend three days with Tessa.

  Tessa made lunch as Ryan and Jade took turns playing with the kids and unpacking.

  Tessa was standing against the counter thinking about the day Lucas first proposed to her. It was here while she sat laughing after he had brought her in from her streaking across his lawn that he gave her a ring, and she accepted. It was here that she had forgiven him for Sadi, and it was here that she had made love to Lucas Links for the first time. It's not just home, it’s everywhere. I will never be able to escape this pain she thought.

  “You need any help?” Lucas asked breaking her from her thoughts.

  “No, but can you give me an assessment of your situation?” Tessa asked quickly.

  He laughed, “I got my ass kicked, I came home to an amazing woman draped in three little angels, a house full of cookies and cakes and happy little crafts everywhere.”

  He laughed, and she didn’t look up at him.

  “Medically, what is wrong with you?”

  “Two broken bones in this arm, my Rotator cuff is torn, I have a brain injury that must have been there since birth to have ever walked away from you. The good news is I’m off for the season so maybe we could work this out.”

  She looked at him and felt numb. She took a deep breath and walked away.

  “Lunch is done,” she yelled.

  They sat and ate, and Tessa pushed her food around as Lucas watched her the whole time.

  Tessa and Jade cleaned up. Lucas was in obvious pain. Jade han
ded Tessa Lucas’ Meds, “I’m not sure what to give him and when.”

  Tessa read his discharge instructions and gave him his pill.

  “If it’s not too much to ask could you take me to my place? I’ll take them there. If not I will probably pass out here and Jade has three little ones to take care of. She doesn’t need me,” his brows creased.

  ~

  They walked in the door, and Tessa carried in his bags as he sat on the couch and watched her. She grabbed him some water and handed him his medicine. He took his pill.

  “Can you stay?”

  “I will, but Lucas I can’t do this.”

  “I don’t expect anything Tessa. It’s not like that, I haven’t found Jesus yet. I haven’t even looked,” his eyes got heavy, and she helped him lay down.

  “I’m going to the store for a few things, is there anything you need or want?”

  “No, this is perfect,” he fell asleep.

  Tessa walked in carrying in all the necessities. She grabbed groceries, toilet paper, and deodorant, everything to fill his house so that he didn’t have to worry about it. She cooked and cleaned, and he slept for four hours. He woke up to music and the smell of a home cooked meal.

  “Hey,” he hugged her. “Thank you.”

  “Sit and eat, those pills are very hard on your belly,” she said. “You’re also going to need to get a lot of fiber because the pain Meds will constipate you.”

  “Thank you,” Lucas sat and ate.

  She put a bowl of cereal in front of him and smiled. Lucas thought about all the times she had taken care of him and how good it felt to have someone who loved him enough to do that. Not even his parents had ever done that, put him first. Tessa always did, and here she was doing it again, I don’t deserve this from her he thought.

  “What’s this nasty stuff for?”

  “Fiber,” she laughed. “Trust me you’ll be much happier that way.”

  He ate it, and she handed him a glass of water. He looked at her and shook his head.“You don’t have to.”

  “Well right now you don’t have a choice, Audrianna and the girls will be up Thursday night, I don’t want to worry your Mom, so you’re stuck with me,” she gave him a fake smile.

  “I wouldn’t want anyone else here Tessa. I know that’s completely selfish, sorry.”

  “I like to take care of people Lucas,” Tessa smiled. “You’re due for your pills”

  “I slept that long?” he said and got up and opened the refrigerator and laughed.”I guess so, you’ve been cooking. Who brought all this stuff up?”

  “I went to the store, you should be good on household items for a few weeks. Your sheets are on the line so when you’re ready to go upstairs you’ll have clean sheets.”

  “When did I get a clothes line?”

  “This afternoon.”

  "Thank you," hugged her. “Will you sit with me?”

  “No, I’m going to get the rooms ready for your family, but if you need something I’m here.”

  He woke up at ten, and she gave him his Meds.

  “I need a shower,” he was in pain.

  “First your Meds, ok?” she rubbed the back of his head.

  She grabbed a garbage bag to wrap his arm and helped him upstairs, “You’re going to take a bath.”

  She drew the bath and put in bubbles. Tessa saw him trying to take off him shirt and laughed.

  “You won’t be laughing when you have to undress my sorry ass,” he was annoyed.

  “I’m a professional, I think I can handle it,” she took his shirt off and did her best not the check him out.

  “To the bathroom, Lucas,” she undid his pants avoiding eye contact.

  Lucas pushed her hair away from her face and watched as she unzipped them.

  Tessa pulled his pants down and walked out, “You’re going to have to do the rest.”

  Fuck! She screamed in her head as she grabbed a pillow and held it tightly to her face. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Lucas was a house, he had bulked up so much. If possible he was even more beautiful.

  Tessa heard a bang, and she open the door he was pissed.

  “I can’t fucking do this!”

  She helped him up and got him in the tub, and he looked up at her and thanked her again. She washed his back and his hair.

  “You got the rest?”

  "Yep.”

  “Call me in when you’re ready to get out,” she said and walked out of the bathroom and hugged herself tightly.

  Lucas yelled for her to help and he was angry.

  Tessa went in and had to stand in the bathtub to help lift him up. God, she closed her eyes tightly when she looked at his ass. When she got out she paid no attention to his manhood. He noticed her looking up and away from him, and it annoyed him.

  “Are you okay, you look pissed.”

  “I can’t even take a bath, and there you are taking care of me. I wasn’t trying to make things better for us!” Lucas snapped.

  “You can stop beating yourself up Lucas. I’m here because I care about my friend. I’m going away in a couple weeks. I’m not trying to make things better for us either. I’m going to take care of me.”

  “You’re really going to take a month off?”

  “Yes, I need a break from life, actually I am taking five weeks off. I plan to hang out with my buddy Lucas until his family gets here,” she laughed.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Not really sure yet and your internet isn’t on, or your cable by the way so I will figure it out at the end of the week,” Tessa helped him into bed. “I’m going to take your vitals, and then you need to sleep.”

  “Will you stay in here with me?”

  “No Lucas.” She wanted to, and if it were any other friend in the world she would but not him…not now.

  Her alarm went off every three and a half hours, and she would get him something to eat and his meds. He was awake in pain most of the time and it broke her heart. Each time she went in she stayed a little longer trying to comfort him.

  By morning he had the cable and internet back on, and she set up appointments for him for physical therapy. He didn’t answer many phone calls, and they made small chit chat. She finished up a class she was taking and searched for destinations for her upcoming trip. Nothing felt right.

  Lucas asked for help starting a facebook page, and she laughed. He sent her a friend request from the couch, and she denied it, he laughed and sent another. By day three, he felt better, and she was exhausted. She fell asleep in his bed that night, and he held her and woke up before she did. He was downstairs when she came down.

  “Thanks for last night,” he laughed.

  “Funny,” she rolled her eyes, “You should have woke me up.”

  “I feel better, will you take me to the store today I want to get out,” he asked changing the subject.

  “Sure.”

  They went shopping, and he bought a video game system and a few Disney movies and Barbie dolls to occupy the girls and his self for the next week.

  “The dolls for you Lucas?” Tessa asked, and he looked confused, “That store up there might sell blow up dolls.”

  They both laughed.

  He looked at Victoria Secret and asked, “Need anything for your trip?”

  “No, I don’t wear underwear anymore.”

  “Never?” he jaw dropped.

  She laughed and kept walking.

  ~

  They came home, and he went upstairs and asked for his Meds. She brought them up.

  “Hey Tessa can we talk?”

  “Sure.”

  “Well first thank you for everything.”

  “You’re welcome,” she smiled softly.

  “I also want you to know I’m sorry for all of it,” he said and looked down.

  “We are past that, I forgive you and hope you have done the same for me,” she said and smiled.

  “Okay I am not sure for what, but okay,” he said. “I can tell by you being here you still love me, an
d I have never stopped. But I hope you can figure out whatever it is you need to when you’re gone to wherever it is your going. I also need you to know when I get through this I’m going to therapy. I know that you’re exactly perfect for me but don’t expect you to accept that overnight. I want you to do whatever it is you need to do to find yourself again. But please don’t change. I’m going to get better for me first then for us.”

  “For you Lucas, and I will figure it out for me.”

  “What about us?” he asked

  “Lucas we need to figure ourselves out. I don’t know--I can’t plan on that, and either can you. You’re going to be off for a long time, and your idol little mind is going to be running wild,” she laughed.

  “Actually I am going back to work for Dad in three weeks, bossing people around will be great fun after being screamed at by all those coaches for years,” he smiled. “When I worked for him life was good.”

  She smiled, “Good Lucas, you’ll be using your degree.”

  “The one you made me finish,” he hugged her.

  They talked about where he would be working and the things she had planned. He asked about her place in Syracuse and her piano lessons. She told him everything about the past few weeks.

  “Forgive me for not asking about yours. I just don’t want all the gory details. But you can tell me everything else.”

  He told her that it was fun for a couple weeks, but he wasn’t happy. He liked working for his dad much better, and he was not planning to go back. All his dreams had already come true as far as the game went but when he gave himself time to think it wasn’t the game he missed it was family, friends, and home, “It hurt like hell getting my ass kicked everyday. I really admire the guys though, just not for me. High school and College football was awesome. NFL --fucking brutal.”

  Tessa loved hearing him talk about his passions. He was holding her hand and eventually she was leaning against him. She fell asleep mid sentence and he watched her. When he knew she was asleep he kissed her. She woke up to his kiss.

  “Lucas, please don’t, things are just getting better,” she whispered.

  “I’ve missed you Baby. Sorry,” Lucas pulled her back against his chest. “Go to sleep I won’t do it again.”

  Audrianna and the kids came, and she made dinner for them. The girls loved all the stuff Lucas had bought, and he looked happy.