Hey! Who Stole the Toilet?

by Nancy Krulik

  Sage tapped George on the shoulder. “I like your skeleton T-shirt,” she said, looking at George’s black-and-white T-shirt. “It’s so macho!”

  “We’re…uh…kind of in the middle of something,” George told the girls. “Beaver Scout talk.”

  “We’re planning for our campout next weekend,” Alex explained.

  “I love camping,” Julianna said. “My family has been taking me camping since I was a baby.”

  “Being surrounded by nature is so beautiful,” Sage added. “Don’t you think so, Georgie?”

  Georgie…er…George groaned. “It’s not a beautiful kind of trip,” he explained. “It’s a mud-sliding, mosquito-biting, no-showering kind of trip.”

  “Not to mention scary stories,” Louie added from his seat across the room. “Wait until you hear the one about the monster that lives by the Bahka Wahka Ocka River. Sam told me that one a long time ago.”

  “Yeah right.” Julianna rolled her eyes. “I’m not scared of monsters.”

  “Of course not,” Louie told her. “Everyone knows there’s no such thing as monsters.”

  For once, George had to agree with Louie. No one in fourth grade believed in monsters anymore.

  A moment later, Mr. Tarantella came by with two pizzas. Yum!

  “I wish we could come on the trip,” Julianna said.

  What? Did Julianna mean Sage and her? George was taking his first bite of pizza and practically choked.

  “Well, no way is that gonna happen. This trip is just for Beaver Scouts,” Louie told Julianna. “You’re not a scout. Tough luck.”

  “Sage and I used to be Nature Girl Scouts,” Julianna told the boys. “But then our troop leader moved. Doesn’t that count?”

  “No,” Louie told her.

  Julianna looked mad. Sage looked sad. Without another word they walked off and took a booth in the far corner of the restaurant.

  “Now don’t forget,” Alex said as he watched George eat, “you gotta chew each bite a hundred times.”

  George nodded. He opened his mouth and took another bite. Then he started to chew. And chew. And chew some more.

  The pizza turned into a mushy glob of tomato, cheese, sausage, pepperoni, and meatball goo in his mouth.

  Chew. Chew. Pizza grease and pepperoni juice slipped out the sides of his mouth.

  Chew. Chew. Red sauce ran out of George’s mouth like blood. Little slimy bits of sausage came sliding out and landed on George’s T-shirt. He was a mess, but it was for a good cause!

  And then, suddenly, George felt something brewing in the bottom of his belly. Something bing-bongy. And ping-pongy. The super burp was back. And all the chewing in the world wasn’t keeping it down.

  “Dude, not again,” Alex said nervously.

  Yes, again. But before George could even nod, his mouth burst open. Gooey, chewy pizza slime drooled all over him. And then…

  Mamma mia! That was one loud burp!

  Chapter 3

  George opened his mouth to say, “Excuse me.” But that’s not what came out. Instead, George’s mouth shouted, “Time to make some pizza!”

  Before George knew what was happening, his legs started running across the restaurant behind the counter where Carlo tossed the dough.

  “George, no running in the restaurant,” Mr. Tarantella said as he brought out more pies for customers.

  “Watch out! George is acting goofy again,” Louie said. “That kid is so weird.”

  “The weirdest,” Max agreed.

  “The goofy weirdest,” Mike added.

  George jumped onto the counter. His hands reached down and picked up a big blob of white, squishy dough.

  “Hey, you can’t do that!” Carlo yelled at George.

  “No? Just watch me!” Then George started throwing the dough up in the air and catching it. Soon the dough began to spread into a circle. He tossed the pie-shaped dough over and over, higher and higher.

  “Dude, come on. You have to stop,” Alex called.

  But George didn’t stop. He couldn’t. He wasn’t in charge anymore. It was like he was one of those old-fashioned puppets and someone else was pulling the strings.

  “Woo-hoo!” George’s mouth shouted out. “Who wants a piece a pizza?”

  George’s hands reached up to catch the flying dough on its way down and…missed! The big blob of dough landed right on George’s head and oozed down over his face. George poked two holes out for his eyes.

  “George Brown, stop it right now!” Mr. Tarantella shouted at him.

  “I knew it. I knew he’d freak out!” Louie kept shouting.

  Suddenly, George felt something go pop in his belly. It was like someone had just stuck a needle in a balloon. All the air rushed right out of him.

  The super burp was gone. Everyone was staring at him like he was out of his mind. Then he opened his mouth to say, “I’m sorry.” And that was exactly what came out.

  “I can’t believe Mr. Tarantella threw us all out,” Louie groaned. “I didn’t even do anything. It’s all your fault, George.” Louie started up the street. Then he turned back. “I’m warning you. You better not pull anything goofy on our camping trip. I don’t want to be sent home early from that, too.”

  George gulped. Was there any chance at all that the super burp would stay away for a whole weekend? Somehow, he doubted it.

  “I’m sorry you didn’t get to eat your pizza. I owe you, dude,” George said to Alex as they walked home.

  “It wasn’t a total waste. I got two pieces of chewed gum from under the table,” Alex said. Alex was trying to break the Schminess Book of World Records for the largest ABC gum ball.

  George wished he could be happy for Alex. But he was too upset about what had just happened. He was so embarrassed, he didn’t think he could ever show his face at the Pizza Palace again. Grr…first the burp had made him freak out at Ernie’s and now the Pizza Palace. If this kept happening, George wouldn’t be able to go into any restaurants in Beaver Brook. He’d probably starve to death.

  “I thought you were doing a really good job tossing that pizza dough,” Sage told George. “At least until it landed on your head.”

  “It was pretty funny. You looked like a ghost made out of dough,” Julianna said.

  “Thanks.” Then George mumbled under his breath to Alex, “The chewing didn’t work.”

  “It’s okay, dude. I’m working on it,” Alex whispered to him. “I’ll come up with something.”

  “Boy, George, you just can’t stop getting in trouble,” Julianna said. “I wish I were going on the camping trip—just to see what kind of trouble you get into.”

  George groaned. There was nothing funny about the super burp—at least not to him.

  Chapter 4

  “A Beaver Scout is honest and true.

  A Beaver Scout knows what to do.

  A Beaver Scout is a loyal friend.

  He’ll be your friend right to the end.

  A scout is strong, and a scout is tough.

  We are Beaver Scouts, and that’s enough.”

  George said the Beaver Scout oath along with his pals at the troop meeting on Wednesday night. He was really excited. This was an important meeting. They were there to discuss Saturday’s big camping trip!

  “Okay, scouts.” Troop Leader Buttonwood sat in the middle of a big circle in a room at the community center. “I have big news. Two new scouts are joining our troop. They’ll be here any minute! I know you’re going to give them all a big Beaver Scout welcome.”

  “Who are they?” George asked.

  The door to the room burst open.

  “I’m sorry, are we late?”

  Julianna and Sage were dressed in Beaver Scout uniforms and carrying Beaver Scout guidebooks.

  “Hi, guys,” Julianna said to the scouts.

  “Hi,” Sage added. “Did I surprise you, Georgie?”

  George was so surprised, he couldn’t answer.

  “You don’t belong here,” Louie said. “We’
re having our Beaver Scout troop meeting.”

  “We’re Beaver Scouts,” Julianna told him. “See? We have the uniforms and the guidebooks.”

  “Yeah, we bought them yesterday,” Sage added.

  “Girls can’t be Beaver Scouts,” Louie told Julianna and Sage.

  “Who says?” Julianna asked him.

  “It’s in the guidebook,” Louie told them.

  “Wrong!” Julianna held up her guidebook.

  “Actually, the girls are right. The new guidebook was changed. Now a Beaver Scout doesn’t have to be a boy,” Troop Leader Buttonwood told everyone. “It just says a Beaver Scout has to be between the ages of eight and eleven and work to earn badges. Welcome to Troop 307, girls!”

  Louie was so mad, it looked like steam was going to come out of his ears. “This is so wrong!” he shouted. “My dad is going to be really mad when he hears about it. He’s gonna sue. And he can, because he’s a lawyer. He’ll take this case all the way up to the Supreme Court if he has to.”

  “Well, until he does, the girls are part of our troop,” Troop Leader Buttonwood told Louie. “And we will treat them with respect like any other scouts.”

  Julianna and Sage smiled and sat down in the circle. Julianna tried to sit next to George, but Sage squeezed in between them.

  “Isn’t this great, Georgie?” Sage asked George. She batted her eyelashes at him. “We’re going to spend the whole weekend together on a camping trip.”

  George didn’t answer. He had really been looking forward to the camping trip. Now, between the super burp and Sage, so much could go wrong.

  Beaver Scouts were supposed to be prepared. So George spent the next few days preparing for the campout in his own way. He did everything he could think of to put an end to the magic burps. He didn’t drink any soda. He didn’t eat beans. He chewed each mouthful of food he ate one hundred times. He figured that maybe Alex’s “cure” needed longer to work. It took forever to get through a meal, and his jaws ached like crazy. Still, he hadn’t burped once in three days. That was a good sign, wasn’t it?

  Or was the burp hiding, waiting to pop out on the camping trip?

  “You’re sure you have everything?” George’s mom asked as she said good-bye to George at the campgrounds on Saturday morning.

  “Yep, I’m good,” George said. “Dad helped me pack last night.”

  “You have an extra sweatshirt in case it gets chilly at night?” his mom asked.

  “Yep. And my toothbrush,” George said. “I told you that in the car.”

  “Okay,” his mom said. “I’m going to leave then. Have a great weekend.”

  As his mom drove off, George lugged his gear over to where Alex and Chris were.

  “Cool stuff,” Chris said. “Is it all genuine army?”

  “Yep,” George said proudly. He looked down at his dad’s old camouflage-print sleeping bag and his regulation US Army water canteen. Having a dad in the army was pretty cool sometimes.

  “I got my sleeping bag from my aunt for my birthday last year,” Chris said. Chris’s sleeping bag had comic superheroes all over it.

  “Mine’s just a regular sleeping bag,” Alex said. “But the guy at the store said it would keep me warm. And I brought my binoculars, too.”

  Just then, Louie drove up in a limo. He got out, carrying his guitar—and that was it. He didn’t have any gear at all. Weird.

  A minute later, Max and Mike arrived. From the back of a van, they got out lots and lots of gear. You practically couldn’t even see them underneath the pile of sleeping bags, battery-operated fans, plastic folding lawn chairs, a blow-up mattress, and big cans of bug spray.

  “Louie! Hey, Louie!” Mike shouted. “We brought everything you said. No worries!”

  Just then, George felt someone clap their hands over his eyes.

  “Guess who?” a voice behind him asked.

  George might not have been able to see anything, but he could hear just fine. “It’s you, Sage,” he grumbled.

  “Yes,” Sage said, taking her hands away from George’s face. “I’m here and ready to go camping.”

  George kicked at the ground and frowned.

  “Hey, guys,” Julianna said, walking up the hill just behind Sage. “Ready to go?” Julianna’s backpack was really cool. It was covered with patches from all over the world.

  “France, Spain, Argentina, Egypt, Israel, South Africa, Nigeria.” George read the names of the countries on the patches. “Hey, how do you say this one?” he asked, pointing to the patch that read KYRGYZSTAN.

  “I don’t know,” Julianna answered. “My parents brought it back from a trip.” She fingered the compass she was wearing on a rope around her neck. “They brought this back from the rain forest in Costa Rica.”

  “Did you see my new boots, Georgie?” Sage asked.

  Sage was wearing bright pink rubber boots.

  “Why are you wearing rain boots?” he asked her. “It’s not supposed to rain.”

  Sage shrugged. “Julianna told me I needed boots.”

  “Hiking boots,” Julianna said. “Not rain boots.”

  “But these were prettier,” Sage said. “Hiking boots only come in black or brown. And these pink boots match my necklace and my bracelet.”

  George rolled his eyes. What kind of Beaver Scout wore pink boots and jewelry? A Sage kind of Beaver Scout.

  Just then, Troop Leader Buttonwood started to run over to where the scouts were standing. Bam! A minute later he was on the ground. He’d tripped over one of the laces on his hiking boots.

  “I’m okay. I’m okay,” he told the scouts. “I meant to do that. Just wanted you all to make sure you tied your bootlaces.”

  “I don’t have laces,” Sage said. “Rain boots don’t have laces.” She turned to George. “But your boots do. Better double knot the bunny ears so you don’t get hurt, Georgie.”

  Louie and his Echoes started to laugh. George wondered if there was a badge for being annoying on a camping trip—because it sure seemed like Sage was doing her best to earn it!

  Chapter 5

  Thump!

  Bump!

  Plop!

  “Oh no, not again,” George groaned as his tent fell down on top of him…again. He crawled out from under the thick, green tent tarp and looked up at Alex and Chris. “Why can’t we get this thing to stay up?”

  “That last time it should have worked,” Alex said. “It shouldn’t have collapsed, at least not according to any rule of science.”

  “I don’t think science has anything to do with this,” Chris said.

  “Sure it does,” Alex said. “It’s physics because…”

  George had already stopped listening to Alex, right around the time he said science. It was good to have a really smart friend. But right now, Alex’s science smarts weren’t helping at all.

  “We have to try it again,” George said. He picked up the tent poles and started putting them back together.

  George and his buddies weren’t the only ones having a tough time with their tent. Louie, Max, and Mike were struggling, too. Well, Max and Mike were, anyhow. Louie was busy sitting on a folding chair, strumming his guitar.

  “Oomph,” Max groaned as he jabbed himself with a pole.

  Louie’s tent was huge. It had big flaps that went up and down on the sides and windows with netting to keep out mosquitoes.

  “Hurry up,” Louie said to Max and Mike. “I want to be first to get our tent all set up.”

  “Sorry,” Mike apologized. “We’ll try and work faster.”

  Max looked down at the instructions that came with Louie’s tent. “These aren’t in English,” he said. “Anyone here speak Japanese?”

  “There,” Julianna announced suddenly. “All finished.”

  George looked over to where Julianna and Sage were standing. Sure enough, their tent was set up.

  “You guys need any help?” Julianna asked, walking over to where George, Chris, and Alex were struggling.

 
“Yeah,” George said. “I can’t get the poles to stay together.”

  “That’s because you’ve got them upside down,” Julianna said. “Here, let me show you.” She picked up the poles and fit them together. Then she grabbed the tarp. In about five minutes, the boys’ tent was standing tall.

  “Aaaahhhh!” Suddenly Louie jumped out of his chair and started screaming. “Bug! Bug! Get that thing away from me!” He picked up two cans of bug spray and started spraying wildly in the air.

  “CUT THAT OUT!” Sage shouted. Everyone stopped and stared. Sage did a lot of goofy things. But she didn’t usually shout. “Bugs are living things,” she told Louie. “You can’t just kill them!”

  “Oh no?” Louie asked her. “Watch me.” He sprayed at the air again.

  “What did that bug ever do to you?” Sage asked Louie.

  “He bugged me,” Louie said.

  Max and Mike began to laugh.

  “The bug bugged him,” Max said. “Get it?”

  “Good one, Louie,” Mike added.

  “Bug spray isn’t good for the environment,” Julianna told Louie. “I’ve got something better.” She reached into her backpack and pulled out a candle.

  “A candle?” Louie asked. “What’s a candle gonna do?”

  “It’s a citronella candle,” Julianna corrected Louie. “It has a smell that keeps mosquitoes and bugs away without killing them.”

  “Great idea, Julianna,” Troop Leader Buttonwood told her. “You came prepared like a good Beaver Scout should. And because you did, you have earned the first badge of the camping trip—the Ecology badge. Congratulations!”

  Sage gave Julianna a hug. “The bugs all thank you,” she said.

  Louie just rolled his eyes. Then he turned to Max and Mike. They looked really proud because they had finally gotten the tent to stand.