All a Man Is

by Janice Kay Johnson

  “Got it.” How the hell he was sounding so unemotional with Julia watching him, he didn’t know. “I need to talk to Matt. Confirm he’s okay.”

  “We’ll call you back.” Dead air.

  Alec slowly set down his phone.

  “Number?” Colin asked.

  “Restricted.”

  The other man nodded and walked out of the room, already dialing. They had to try—but Alec was willing to bet the caller had used a throwaway or someone else’s phone, as he’d done in the first call from the tavern.

  “What did he say?” Julia asked in a stricken voice.

  “What we expected. If I refuse to testify against Perez and the trial goes on without me, at the end of it Matt will be released.”

  Her eyes asked the question.

  He shook his head and saw no surprise, only anguish.

  “Matt?”

  “They’re supposed to give me a call back so I can talk to him.”

  “Either the caller isn’t where they’re holding Matt,” Jane said, “or he wants you to think he isn’t.” She frowned. “Which do you think?”

  “Don’t know. I couldn’t hear any background noise.”

  He touched Julia’s shoulder, then started to pace. He was incapable of sitting and waiting.

  Eventually, when the phone didn’t ring, Jane stood and began to clear the table. Julia seemed oblivious. All she did was watch Alec, her complexion as pale as marble, her face as frozen. One hand was balled into a fist on her lap. The other clutched the rung of the chair.

  Alec tried to make himself think calmly. What could he ask Matt that would give them a clue? Was it realistic to hope Matt had any way of knowing where he was being held? Chances were good he’d been blindfolded or transported part of the way in the trunk of a car so that he couldn’t help even if Alec knew the right question to ask.

  Alec had dealt with hostage situations a few times. He’d empathized with the terrified parents, spouses, friends, waiting for this same kind of call. But he hadn’t really known until now.

  I’m not sure I can make the best decisions, he realized in agony. Only a couple months ago, he’d called Colin McAllister on the carpet for not stepping back when his sister was threatened. He’d been right—a cop needed to operate with a certain detachment—but he wasn’t going to do the right thing any more than Colin had been willing to then.

  His phone rang.

  Julia jumped. Or had she shuddered?

  Aware of Colin stepping back into the kitchen, Alec automatically checked the caller ID. This time a number showed. The number wasn’t local, and the fact that they hadn’t blocked it shouted throwaway.

  He closed his eyes for a moment, centered himself and answered, “Raynor.”

  “Uncle Alec?” Matt’s shaky voice said.

  “Matt.” Alec couldn’t look away from Julia. “Are you all right? Have they hurt you?”

  “Not really.” A gulp. “I mean, I guess I’m okay.”

  Somebody said something curt in the background.

  Alec hardened himself. “Tell me something that proves this really is Matt. Something no one else would know.”

  He prayed he hadn’t shocked the boy, who must know his uncle had no doubt about who he was talking to.

  “Um...you remember what I said about Sister Regina? How she can see, you know?”

  Out of the back of her head.

  “I remember.”

  “This place is okay,” he said hastily. “Liana would like it. Mom always says— Hey!”

  His last word was muffled. A different voice came on. Not muffled, not familiar. “We got a deal?”

  “We have a deal,” Alec made himself say. “But I need to talk to Matt every day, or it’s off. Understand?”

  “Yes.” The caller was gone.

  Alec verified that the call really had been dropped, then set his phone down. “He’s being held out somewhere on the back side of Angel Butte.”

  “How do you know that?” Colin asked.

  “I took Matt to see the angel up on the butte. The day we went hiking,” he added as an aside to Julia. “He said she reminded him of a Sister Regina he had as a teacher at the Catholic school he used to attend. The students were all sure she could see out of the back of her head, even wearing the wimple.” Alec repeated what Matt had told him, then looked again at Julia. “Another thing. Just before they took the phone from him, he got out something about how Liana would like where he’s being held, that Mom always says...?” He let the words hang out there.

  She barely whispered, “That Liana would rather live in a barn. That’s what I always say.”

  A harsh burst of air escaped Alec. Behind him, Colin said, “Ms. Raynor, you’ve got a smart boy.”

  A dry sob tore through her. She clamped a hand over her mouth.

  “Our jurisdiction doesn’t extend far that direction,” Alec said, trying to sound more composed than he felt.

  “Nobody will stop us from looking,” Colin said. “But we could use some help. Jane, do you know any deputies with the county you’d swear are honest?”

  “Three or four,” she said after only a brief hesitation.

  “I’d say the same.”

  They sat around the table again, discussing terrain, how to avoid being noticed, who knew that area best. Colin was able to go out to his 4Runner and return with a detailed map they all pored over. Jane had patrolled that edge of the city limits, albeit five or six years ago. None of the new growth in the county was taking place there. There were a couple dozen small ranches and more properties that had a pasture and small barn of some sort, Colin and Jane agreed. In one way, Alec was intensely focused, but, as if his mind had developed a split screen, he was also painfully aware of Julia’s every fleeting expression as she listened in silence.

  Eventually, the three of them began working their phones, handpicking their team and passing on instructions. Every officer they spoke to would drive a personal vehicle, not a marked one. No one would report on the police band—mobile phones only. Two deputies, one of whom had been the wrangler at the horse camp, would ride cross-country on horseback.

  The doorbell rang, surprising Alec, but Colin stood as if expecting someone. Nell, Alec saw a minute later.

  “I thought Julia could use some company,” Colin murmured as his wife went straight to Julia and hugged her.

  With the lump in his throat, it was a minute before Alec could speak. “Thank you,” he managed at last.

  Alec would ride along with Jane, they decided, in case Matt’s captors recognized his rental SUV or Julia’s VW. Best if both stayed visible here. Colin left; Jane waited while Alec went next door, changed clothes and added his backup weapon in an ankle holster.

  When he stepped back in, Nell was nowhere in sight and Vahalik hovered right by the front door, as if trying to allow him a private moment with Julia. She stood stiffly, waiting, arms crossed tightly. He went to her, gripped her upper arms and bent to rub his cheek against her head. “I’ll stay in touch,” he said softly. “Don’t panic. As long as they believe I’m cooperating, nothing will happen to Matt.”

  She tilted her head back. “Do they think you’re still in L.A.?”

  “I don’t know.” He’d wondered that himself. “They probably know there were no commercial flights I could have taken last night or yet this morning, and I arrived in the dark. It’s possible.”

  “Please—” she said, and her voice broke.

  The band squeezing his chest tightened, making it hard to breathe. What if he couldn’t bring Matt home to her alive and well?

  “I’d do anything for him,” he told her again, wishing he could make the promise she wanted but knowing there was too good a chance he wouldn’t be able to keep it.

  Her cheeks were wet. �
��You have to come home safe, too.”

  Blown away, he stared at her.

  “I love you,” he said hoarsely. “I’m so sorry. I never thought—”

  She only shook her head. “Forget blame. Just—” He could tell her throat had closed.

  “Yeah.” He kissed her more roughly than he should have, taking something from her that he needed if he was to get through the next hours.

  Then he left her, knowing her part was the hardest. He’d go crazy if he couldn’t do anything at all.

  * * *

  WHEN LIANA FINALLY made an appearance, rubbing her eyes, Julia had a minute of wondering if she could function at all as a mother. How could she pretend she believed everything would be fine? She wanted to go back to bed, pull her knees up to her chest and suck her thumb, become a floating, unconscious being who didn’t know love and pain.

  But she was a mother no matter what, so she held out a welcoming arm and hugged her daughter. “Hungry?”

  Liana searched her face anxiously. “I can get my own cereal.”

  “If you want something else, that’s okay. It gives me something to do.”

  “Can I have a waffle, then?”

  “Sure.”

  Nell had gone to the bathroom and now came into the kitchen. “Can I do anything?”

  “Have you had breakfast?” Julia asked. “I’m going to make waffles. Oh, Liana, did you meet Mrs. McAllister last night?”

  “Yes. Kind of.”

  “Nell,” the other woman said kindly. “I’ve only been a McAllister for, um, not even quite six months yet. It’s taking a little getting used to.”

  She poured Liana some orange juice and answered questions about why she was here and was her mister really that policeman. That made Nell chuckle.

  “Yes. He scared me the first time we met. I had secrets, and I thought he was seeing right through me.”

  Liana’s brow crinkled. “What kind of secrets?”

  Normally Julia would have intervened, but she guessed Nell had thrown that out there because she was willing to talk about her life to distract Liana.

  And me, too, probably.

  She’d have sworn she couldn’t be distracted, but Nell’s story was astonishing. Julia had never before met anyone who had suffered amnesia, even the fleeting variety, never mind the kind that had allowed a fifteen-year-old girl to create a new life out of whole cloth and live it until she was twenty-eight.

  “You really didn’t remember anything?” asked Liana, obviously fascinated.

  Nell looked pensive. “I did have memories, but they had no context. There were faces, voices, brief scenes, but I didn’t know for sure that the man I remembered was my father, or the woman my mother. What I finally realized was that I didn’t want to know. I hadn’t had a very good relationship with them, and when I desperately needed help, they didn’t listen, so I knew I couldn’t trust them. So I think I partly had real amnesia—when I was attacked, my skull was actually fractured—but partly I was afraid I’d be forced to go home if I remembered my name or who my parents were. The worst part was, I knew someone had tried to kill me, but I had no memory at all of who. I wasn’t even sure it wasn’t one of my parents.”

  Now Liana was aghast. “Was it?”

  Nell shook her head. “No, thank goodness. I’m still not close to my mother or father, but we do talk. And I’m really glad to have reunited with my brother. He’s one of my best friends now.”

  Julia had heard about Felix, but hadn’t met him yet.

  Nell had agreed that she might be able to eat a waffle, so she and Liana ate while Julia cleaned up and then poured herself yet another cup of coffee.

  She knew there were things Alec hadn’t said in her hearing. There had to have been threats. And how could Matt possibly know where he was? Would they really have driven him directly there, letting him see where he was being taken? If so, he must know they didn’t intend to let him go. Almost as terrifying was to wonder if he could be wrong and everyone was out looking for him in the wrong area altogether.

  And if he was right, hadn’t whoever was with him wondered about him talking about a Catholic sister and what she could see? But they couldn’t possibly relate that to the angel, could they? Please, God, no, she thought, because if they did, they would move him at the very least.

  “Mom?”

  Liana’s puzzled voice penetrated Julia’s agonized speculations. Clearly, this wasn’t the first time she’d tried to get her mother’s attention.

  “I’m sorry, honey.” Julia even managed a smile. “My mind was wandering.”

  “Do you think Uncle Alec will find Matt?”

  She leaned over to hug her daughter fiercely. “Yes. I know he will.”

  And as scared as she was, she discovered something she hadn’t known: she believed Alec could and would move mountains to save her son.

  * * *

  KNOWING THERE WAS even one dirty cop involved meant taking even greater precautions than they would otherwise have done.

  Every member of Alec’s team out prowling these country roads ran the risk of being recognized. The kidnappers, and especially any cops among them, were unlikely to believe a fellow officer just happened to be out for a midweek drive, taking the air today of all days. The last thing the searchers wanted to do was panic them.

  Alec felt at a particular disadvantage, because his high profile meant he’d be identified easily, while he doubted he’d recognize more than ten or fifteen sheriff’s deputies at a glance.

  He gave Jane an appraising glance. Before they drove away from the curb, she’d pulled her thick mass of curly hair into a jaunty ponytail that made her look ten years younger. She’d dug in her handbag and produced some makeup, too, that changed her look considerably. For him, she’d found a royal-blue Seattle Mariners baseball cap. With dark glasses, he doubted anyone would immediately know him.

  She’d asked him if he wanted to drive, but he had shaken his head. “You know the roads better than I do.”

  She didn’t slow as they passed driveways. Without turning his head any more than he could help, Alec scanned each homestead. They ruled out any house without an accompanying barn or with a crude lean-to instead of a closed structure. He got especially tense when he saw several vehicles parked around the home and barn. Only twice did they pass oncoming vehicles—once a woman was driving and he saw a baby in a car seat in the back, but the other time the driver was male and alone, and his head turned as he went by.

  Colin called Alec a couple of times. Then Jane’s phone rang. She answered and her expression tightened. “Just a minute,” she said and handed the phone to Alec. “Clay Renner. He wants to talk to you.”

  A sergeant with the sheriff’s department, Renner was one of the people Jane had suggested. He was directing his handful of people and wanted to report on the whereabouts of the two who’d started cross-country on a pair of quarter horses.

  “They won’t be able to get close to the barns,” Alec said, his frustration rising.

  “No, but they have binoculars. And a different perspective. The roads will be watched more closely than the open land behind the ranches.”

  “Stay in touch,” Alec said finally. He handed the phone back to Jane, scrutinizing her as he did so. “If you don’t like Renner, why did you recommend him?”

  She shot him a look. “Did I say I don’t like him?”

  He was too good an interrogator to comment.

  Color splashed across her cheeks. It was the first time he’d ever seen her discomposed. “We dated a few times last fall,” she said tautly. “And you’re right, I don’t like him. But he’s a good cop.”

  Alec weighed her tone.

  “He’s ex-military. Army ranger.”

  Didn’t mean he couldn’t be corrupted, but maybe lessened th
e chances. Alec nodded.

  The road they were driving ended at a T. Jane turned right and found a bumpy, half-overgrown dirt track to pull into. “We need to get a closer look at some of those places.”

  “It’s not going to be easy.” He’d thought about nothing else, including the advantages of waiting until nightfall.

  There were some he knew they couldn’t get near in broad daylight, but they agreed there’d been places she could drop him where there was enough cover for him to get a better look-see at some of the barns.

  “Or we can take turns,” she suggested.

  He shook his head. “If anybody notices the car coming and going, it better have the same driver. They’re more likely to dismiss you, too.”

  She grimaced. “Happens all the time.”

  She found a place to turn around and, wincing a couple of times as the brambles scraped the sides of her shiny GMC Yukon, inched back to the main road. The truck was black and loaded, he’d been mildly amused to note a few months ago when he was first assessing his personnel and was still capable of being amused. It was a hefty vehicle for a woman who didn’t top five feet five inches. Alec guessed the Yukon was a little bit of an equalizer, in her eyes.

  On the first pass, she’d spotted a house with a carport rather than a garage that they agreed looked deserted. They took a chance now and turned in. While Jane trotted up to the house to knock, her excuse prepared, Alec slipped out and headed into a stand of woods separating the property from the pasture that lay beyond it. The sparse undergrowth didn’t give as much cover as he’d like, but he had dressed much as he had the day he and Matt went hiking, in khaki trousers and a sage-green T-shirt. He took the too-colorful baseball cap off and stuffed it in a back pocket. When the pasture opened ahead of him, he crouched and lifted his binoculars.

  The barn was ramshackle enough that he could see straight through it in places. It appeared to hold a rusting tractor and not much else. The roof sagged and the whole structure leaned, making him suspect a good load of snow this winter would bring it down. No way was there a room inside it secure enough to hold a hostage, nor any sign horses had grazed this overgrown pasture in the recent past. Would Matt have said what he did if he hadn’t seen horses or smelled them, or at least a stack of hay or straw bales?