All a Man Is

by Janice Kay Johnson

  “I’ll come Saturday and talk to him.”

  Adam’s gaze held her captive for several tense seconds, making her heart pound as she listened in dread for June’s approaching footsteps.

  “You reverted to your maiden name,” Adam accused.

  “Yes, I...” How could she explain that she’d wanted to erase everything about her marriage to his brother? She couldn’t. “Look, I can’t invite you in. I have plans this evening.”

  A plan to clean cages, but that wasn’t how he interpreted it if the revulsion filling his eyes was any gauge. She didn’t enlighten him.

  “Make sure you show up. Here’s the address and my number.” He pulled a business card from his pocket and wrote on the back, then thrust it at her. He strode to the sedan and drove away just as June rounded the house.

  Madison sagged in relief, but the damage had been done. The scab had been ripped away. All she wanted to do was crawl into the farmhouse and tend her wound. She didn’t want to talk to anyone—not even a friend.

  “Who’s the hunk in the rental car?” the blond deputy asked.

  “Rental?” Madison dodged the question.

  “Sticker on the back bumper. Rental company license plate frame. Good-looking guy—where’d you find him? Not in Quincey, that’s for sure.”

  Should she claim he was someone who’d gotten lost and was asking for directions? No. She never lied to her friends. She just hadn’t always shared the whole truth. But how much should she tell June? Only the basics—

  “He’s my ex-brother-in-law.”

  June’s eyebrows lifted. “I didn’t know you were divorced.”

  Again Madison hesitated, but she trusted June as much as she trusted anyone. “Widowed. A long time ago.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry, Madison. I didn’t know. I haven’t seen him around before.”

  “We haven’t kept in touch.”

  Questions filled June’s eyes, and Madison scrambled to keep her from asking them. “Are you going to help me feed up tonight?”

  “Not a chance. I’m grabbing a quick shower, then heading over to babysit for Piper. What’d he want anyway?”

  So much for a distraction. “A favor. I have to go out of town Saturday. Can you watch the menagerie?”

  “Happy to. Not much else to do.” June scanned the empty driveway. “Is your truck in the shop again?”

  “Yes.”

  “You should’ve called me. I would’ve given you a ride home.”

  “I needed the exercise. It’s only a couple miles.”

  “You ran in this scorching heat?” Madison nodded and June’s gaze sharpened. “You should be flushed and sweaty, but you’re pale. Sure you’re okay?”

  Not even close to okay. “I’ll be fine. It’s been a long day. Mondays usually are.”

  And it was about to become an even longer week, knowing that at the end of it she would have to face the nightmare of her past.

  * * *

  SATURDAY MORNING MADISON steered her truck into the driveway of the unfamiliar address Adam had given her.

  She parked and her doubts surrounded her like a pack of snarling wild dogs, paralyzing her. The cedar siding and river rock home was set on a heavily wooded lot that sloped gently down to a pond. The neighbors’ houses were barely visible through the towering, dense pines, but the peaceful setting did nothing to soothe her jagged nerves.

  Had Danny and Helen moved from the place where they’d raised their boys? Had the memories been too much to bear? While Madison could understand the need for a fresh start, the possibility they’d sold the home where the boys’ growth had been marked on a door frame and by the trees they’d planted in the yard swamped her with a sense of loss that made leaving the truck very difficult.

  She’d spent nearly every holiday, school break and weekend in the Drakes’ sprawling ranch house from shortly after she’d met Andrew until her vet school graduation. But that fairy tale had been an illusion.

  How could she have been so completely blinded by love that she hadn’t seen Andrew’s narcissistic streak until the final months of their marriage? She’d attributed the change in his personality to the stress of her accidentally becoming pregnant, and she’d blamed herself for messing up her birth control and their five-year plan. But thanks to the alcohol he’d consumed at her graduation celebration, she’d discovered how wrong she’d been.

  How could she ever again trust her judgment when it came to men?

  She couldn’t. And because of that she’d vowed to remain single and limit herself to living with a menagerie of rejected pets. She wouldn’t let anyone get too close again, and not even the two women she considered her best friends knew the whole sordid story. She couldn’t risk them turning on her like the Drakes had.

  Nervousness dampened her palms and quickened her pulse. She forced her fingers to release the steering wheel, then flexed them in an attempt to ease the stiffness.

  The sooner you say your piece, the sooner you can go home.

  Bracing herself, she climbed from the cab and pointed her feet toward the front door. Emotions warred within her, adhering her feet to the concrete.

  Then she remembered she hadn’t locked her truck. In Quincey no one locked their doors, but Norcross was a suburb of Atlanta. Unlocked doors, even in a neighborhood as nice as this one appeared to be, were an invitation. And she had a lot of valuable vet equipment in her truck that she couldn’t risk losing. She pushed the pad on her key fob, and once that task was done she had no more excuses for stalling. But she still couldn’t make herself move.

  She inhaled so deeply she thought her lungs might explode, then slowly released the pent-up breath. She licked her dry lips, then she checked the buttons on her shirt and smoothed her hair. The strands clung to her damp palms.

  Stop procrastinating, Madison.

  The door opened and Danny Drake stepped out onto the long, covered porch stretching between the front gables. He descended the stairs and came toward her. Save a few more gray hairs, he’d barely changed. He was still tall and lean like Andrew, and his eyes, the same bluish-green as his sons’, crinkled in a smile as he silently lifted his open arms. “Madison, it’s so good to see you.”

  Confused by the familiar welcome when she’d expected hostility, Madison stumbled awkwardly into his embrace. He enfolded her, bringing the memories rushing back. She hadn’t expected this and hadn’t realized how much she’d missed Danny’s bear hugs. Tears stung her eyes and a sob rose in her throat. She gulped down her response and hugged him back.

  “Oooph.” He bowed his back, a grimace of pain pleating his face.

  “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

  “Long and boring story.” Holding her at arm’s length and assessing her, he shook his head. “You’re skin and bones, Maddie.”

  “I finally took up distance running.”

  “Good way to clear the head, but hell on the knees. I had to give it up a couple years back. I’m riding a bike now instead. Guess we won’t be running any races together the way Andrew had wanted.”

  A needle of pain slipped under her skin. “I guess not.”

  During school Madison had been too busy with her studies to accompany Andrew and Danny on their cross-country runs. She’d promised to join them after she graduated. Yet another plan that hadn’t come to fruition.

  Danny searched her face. “It’s good to have you home. I’ve tried to be patient and let you grieve at your own pace. I knew you’d come back when you were ready, but I can’t wait any longer. I need you now, Maddie.” His voice cracked.

  Her brain snagged on Danny’s words. He knew she’d come back? He meant come back to visit, right?

  Danny’s gaze shifted past her shoulder and his eyes widened, then filled with approval. “You’re still driving Andrew’s truck?”


  “Yes.” The pickup was her albatross, a reminder of what she’d had and lost. It was also paid for. Her car had been totaled in the wreck and she hadn’t wanted the burden of car payments. “It’s reliable.”

  Well, most of the time, thanks to Quincey’s genius mechanic and his love for his pack of hunting dogs.

  “Come inside.” He led her toward the house.

  “This is a beautiful place.”

  “Isn’t it? Helen has coffee ready. She suspected you’d be an early bird.”

  At the mention of her mother-in-law, Madison’s stomach resumed churning. Was it a good sign that Helen remembered Madison’s habits? Whenever Madison and Andrew had visited from university, Madison had risen early and driven in the predawn hours while Andrew slept in the passenger seat. They’d always arrived in time for breakfast to allow for a full day with his family, and Helen had never failed to greet them with an elaborate spread.

  After Andrew had finished vet school, moved back to Norcross and joined his father’s practice, Madison had remained near campus and continued the predawn drives, meeting Andrew at the Drakes’ home to begin their weekends together. Funny how it wasn’t until the blinders had been ripped away that she recalled the number of times Andrew had said she could give up the drives anytime she wanted if she moved home with him. But that would have meant quitting school. At the time she’d thought he was teasing, but in actuality, she’d been the living definition of blind and stupid. She quashed the memory.

  Back then excitement over seeing her husband had kept her awake and urged her to start the drive early. This time dread had caused her insomnia. She hadn’t been able to sleep, and at 1:00 a.m. she’d finally given up and decided to be productive rather than toss and turn. Fifteen minutes later she was on the road.

  In the past, anticipation of the feast had made Madison’s mouth water, but today her tongue was as desiccated as a hundred-year-old skeleton.

  Adam waited inside the foyer. Madison’s steps and heart stuttered. Each time she saw him it was like being slapped in the face with her highest and lowest moments simultaneously. “Hello, Adam.”

  “Mom’s in the kitchen.” He strode away without acknowledging her greeting.

  “Ignore his rudeness. He’s not taking my diagnosis well. I suspect his doctor friends have worried him unnecessarily with worst-case scenarios about cancer treatment.” Danny gestured for her to follow Adam.

  The arrogance of Adam taking the lead seemed out of character for the respectful man she’d once known. Andrew had been the irreverent one. But Adam’s attitude was the least of her worries. She fell into step behind him, taking in the way his shoulders and biceps stretched the seams of his polo shirt, and then her eyes drifted down the inverted triangle of his back, across his firm butt and to his thighs. When she realized where she was looking she jerked her gaze upward.

  Her involuntary scrutiny was merely a casual comparison of the differences between him and his lanky twin—Adam had more muscles—that was all.

  The bright, sunny kitchen at the back of the house resembled a spread from a cooking magazine. Golden oak cabinets with glossy gray granite countertops and top-of-the-line stainless steel appliances lined one wall. More cabinetry made up a crescent-shaped center island with barstools separating the kitchen from a large den with a river rock fireplace at the far end. French doors in each room emptied onto a screened-in porch overlooking the water.

  Knowing how much Helen had loved cooking for her family, Madison could see how she’d be happy here, but her mother-in-law didn’t look happy today. She stood by the glass-top stove, spatula in hand. She didn’t relinquish the utensil or make any move in Madison’s direction. Her flat brown eyes and tight, unsmiling mouth held no welcome.

  While Danny barely showed signs of the passage of time, Helen had not aged well. She looked at least fifteen years older.

  Madison forced a smile and felt her parched lips crack. This was the cold reception she’d expected. She wasn’t surprised or disappointed. “Good morning, Helen.”

  The hateful words her mother-in-law had said six years ago hung between them. A dozen tense, silent seconds ticked past.

  “Madison.” Helen hunched her shoulders, turned to the stove and flipped the pancakes.

  Adam shoved a mug of coffee in Madison’s direction. “Have a seat. Cream and sugar are on the table.”

  His barely civil tone brought a chill to the room. Danny pulled out a chair for her. Madison sat and wrapped her icy hands around the hot mug. She sipped and waited for someone to initiate conversation, but the uncomfortable lull stretched. Her pulse banged in her ears. Stalling wasn’t going to get the job done or get her on the road.

  “So, Danny...your wince outside? You said it was a long story...?”

  He shrugged gingerly. “We’re renovating the house. You know how I always need a project. I finally got around to tearing out that old paneling in the den and study like Helen always talked about. I fell off the ladder and cracked a rib. X-rays for that caught the spot on my lung.”

  Anxiety twined through her. “So you’ve not sold your home? Whose place is this?”

  “It’s Adam’s.”

  She scanned the space again, seeing it from a different perspective. The furnishings had cleaner lines than the fussy, cluttered style Helen had preferred, but none of it resembled the oversize leather man-cave furniture Andrew had chosen for the house he’d bought and furnished during Madison’s last year of vet school.

  You cold, selfish bitch. What kind of woman wouldn’t want to stay in a nice home like this and raise her child? What’s wrong with you?

  Was there something wrong with her?

  She blinked away the suffocating memory. “What’s your prognosis, Danny?”

  The words popped out before she could stop them, and then she cursed herself. She didn’t want to know Danny’s chances.

  “The tumor’s localized and appears to have clean edges. No sign of metastasizing into surrounding tissue.”

  “That’s good.” But cancer was still scary. Another awkward pall blanketed the room. A decade ago they would’ve been teasing, laughing and talking shop throughout the meal. Andrew would have found something humorous in the tense situation. But he wasn’t here. And that was her fault.

  Helen plopped a platter of pancakes, link sausages and hash browns onto the table with enough force that it was a wonder the cobalt stoneware didn’t crack. No one made a move. In the past they would have dug in, good-naturedly fork fencing over the feast.

  “When can you take over for me, Maddie?” Danny asked as he seated himself.

  Madison gulped coffee and scalded the back of her throat, then she looked at Adam, who stood by the window, his arms folded, expression rigid. He’d obviously not relayed her answer to Danny.

  Then she looked into the eyes of the man she’d respected more than any other, a man who’d shown her the practical side of veterinary medicine. He’d been a demanding but excellent teacher, better than any of her professors. She dredged her brain for the speech she’d practiced all the way down I-85.

  “I can’t, Danny. It’s a seven-hour drive each way. You need to hire someone from the service that offers substitute veterinarians. It’s a good group. They use only board-certified doctors. They’ll find someone for you.” She dug the sheet of paper from her pocket and smoothed it on the table in front of him. “I wrote down the contact information.”

  Danny’s face turned mutinous—an expression she’d seen on Andrew’s several times. He ignored the page. “I want you, Maddie. You know how I do things. I taught you my methods.”

  A boa constrictor of guilt wound around her. “I have a practice to run. People depend on me. I’m the only vet in a thirty-mile radius of Quincey.”

  “What happened to our plan to run the office together and for you to take over
when I retired?”

  He couldn’t possibly be hanging on to that, could he? But then she recalled what he’d said outside about her coming back when she was ready. He hadn’t meant for a visit.

  “Andrew and I were going to take over Drake Veterinary.” And her husband had made it clear on the night of the wreck that he had other plans for her. “That idea died with him. He was your flesh and blood. I’m not.”

  The Drakes had proved that point by staying at Andrew’s bedside until he died two days after the accident—not once stopping by to check on Madison who’d been only two floors away. She’d grieved for her child and then her husband alone. Their absence had demonstrated where she stood with the Drakes.

  “You’re still a Drake,” Danny insisted.

  “No, Dad, she’s not. Madison reverted to her maiden name.”

  Danny scowled at Adam, then refocused on Madison. “You’re never coming back?”

  “No, Danny. I’ve made a good place for myself in North Carolina.”

  He held her gaze and she had the sensation he was trying to compel her to change her mind—the way Andrew had whenever they’d disagreed. Back then she’d capitulated to her husband’s wishes more often than not to keep the peace.

  When she didn’t fold, resignation settled across Danny’s features. “Can’t blame a man for asking. Pass the pancakes.”

  “But—” Helen protested. Danny cut her off with a sharp glance. Helen knotted her fingers and bit her lip. Madison passed the platter and waited to see if her mother-in-law would finish what she’d begun to say, but Helen remained mute, her distress evident in each fidgety weight shift and in the fingers that pleated the dish towel.

  Madison looked at Adam and found him scowling at his father, then that arctic gaze shifted to her, freezing her clear to the bone. He hated her, and sitting in his kitchen, partaking of food he’d very likely paid for, suddenly seemed like an intrusion. Coming here had been a mistake.

  She rose shakily. “I have a long drive back. I’d better get started.” She took a step toward the door, eager to escape, then paused. “Danny, I’ll be rooting for you. Call the veterinary service.”