by Cathy Glass
‘Yes, that’s right. They’ll come here on Saturday for an hour and then you and I will go there on Sunday.’
He nodded contemplatively and was about to snuggle down when he realized he’d forgotten to choose a soft toy for the night. He climbed out, picked up the polar bear with its gaily striped scarf, then climbed back into bed.
‘Do you think James takes a cuddly to bed with him?’ he asked.
‘Possibly, I don’t know. You could ask him on Sunday.’
‘I might be too shy to ask,’ Alex said, and lay down.
‘James is likely to be shy too to begin with,’ I said. ‘Remember that. But you’ll soon get to know each other and relax.’ I tucked him in. ‘Would you like a goodnight kiss?’ I wondered if he might, as he’d been happy to have a hug earlier.
‘No, thank you,’ he said with a small, embarrassed smile. ‘I’m saving all my kisses for my mummy.’
‘I understand,’ I said, also smiling. ‘Night then, love. Sleep tight.’
He turned onto his side, and with one arm around the polar bear slipped the other under his pillow to rest on the album. With a little sigh of contentment he closed his eyes for sleep.
The following day Alex brought the album down to breakfast and then returned it to under his pillow before he went to school. Many children store their treasured possessions under their pillow; sometimes it’s the only safe place in their house. Jill, Debbie and Lin all telephoned that morning to see how the previous evening had gone, when I’d shown Alex the album and explained the timetable of introduction. I said it had gone very well indeed and that Alex was looking forward to meeting his adoptive family. I told them he treasured the album and had slept with it under his pillow. They were touched and pleased, as this positive start boded well for when they all met, and indeed for when Alex moved in. If a child is ambivalent or even negative towards their adoptive family at the beginning of the process, the parents can face a very unsettled few months when the child moves in, with challenging behaviour designed to test the parents’ love and commitment. Thankfully they are usually prepared for this, and with post-adoption support they can appreciate how difficult it must be for the child, with all the adjustments they have to make.
I telephoned my parents that morning. We usually spoke on the phone a couple of times a week and saw each other on alternate weekends, with either them visiting us or us them. They’re the typical loving grandparents who dote on and spoil their grandchildren. They also welcome any child or children I am fostering. We’d been due to see them this weekend, but I now realized that wasn’t going to be possible. Adrian and Paula were out with their father on Sunday and I would be taking Alex for his first visit to his new home. They could have come on Saturday afternoon, but I felt that would be too much for Alex. He would have met his parents for the first time that morning, and then to have to meet more new people (whom he probably wouldn’t see again) in the afternoon could have been confusing and unsettling. Dad was out, so I explained the situation to Mum. She was understanding and said we’d get together again as soon as possible.
The rest of the day passed much as usual. I did some work, collected Paula from nursery at lunchtime and the boys from school in the afternoon. The evening disappeared as most school-day evenings do with dinner, homework, stories, bath and bed. Alex had checked that his album was still under the pillow when he’d arrived home and had left it there for safe-keeping, periodically popping up to his room to take a peek. At bedtime he asked me to go through the photographs again and also the timetable of the introductions before I said goodnight, which I was happy to do.
The following day was Friday and Adrian was pleased it was the end of the school week and that he would be seeing his father on Sunday. Contact was something we’d all had to adjust to, and it was now working as well as could be expected, although the feeling that none of this should ever have happened in the first place stayed with me. Yes, I blamed John, but I kept it to myself so it didn’t affect the children’s relationship with him. Alex was obviously pleased the weekend was nearly here as he would be meeting his parents. In the post that morning was a letter from Debbie enclosing a copy of the timetable, and I put it with my diary.
Alex was quieter than usual that evening and I thought he was probably a little nervous, which was only natural; he had a lot to think about. I asked him a few times if he was all right and he said he was. As we didn’t have to be up early for school in the morning I let the boys stay up a little later, although I took Paula up at her usual bedtime as she needed more sleep at her age. At 7.30 the boys and I were in the living room playing a game of cards when the house phone rang. Leaving the game, I picked up the handset from the corner table. ‘Hello?’
A half-familiar male voice said, ‘Cathy?’
‘Yes.’
‘I hope I haven’t disturbed you. Is this a good time to speak to Alex? It’s Graham. We were told we should phone at the end of the week.’
‘Yes, of course. Debbie mentioned it. I’ll put him on. How are you?’
‘Fine, thanks. Sandy will speak to him too.’
‘OK. Just a minute.’ Lowering the phone, I said to Alex, ‘It’s Graham, he’d like to say hello.’
Alex was concentrating on the cards he held in his hand and, without looking up, shook his head.
‘Alex, it’s Graham and Sandy, your old foster carers. They’d like to talk to you.’ I saw his face set as he shook his head again. ‘Are you sure?’ He nodded and turned slightly away. ‘All right, I’ll tell him.’
I returned the phone to my ear, but before I spoke Graham said, ‘He doesn’t want to talk to us, does he?’
‘No. Sorry. There’s rather a lot going on for him right now, and he’s in the middle of a game. If he changes his mind we’ll phone you.’
‘OK,’ Graham said easily and, I thought, a little relieved. ‘Tell him good luck with his adoptive family.’
‘I will. Thank you for phoning.’
We said goodbye and I replaced the receiver. ‘Graham said good luck,’ I said to Alex. ‘If you change your mind and want to phone them let me know.’ I doubted he would. He was moving on from the past and looking to a brighter future with his forever family.
Chapter Six
Alex Meets His Parents
Unsurprisingly, Alex was awake early the following morning. I heard a noise in his bedroom at six o’clock, just as I was waking. I went round in my dressing gown to find him wide awake, sitting up in bed, surrounded by his soft toys and with the photograph album open on his lap.
‘Are you OK?’ I asked quietly, going in, and not wanting to wake Adrian and Paula.
‘I’m reminding myself of what my family look like,’ he said.
‘All right. That’s fine. I’ll tell you when it’s time to get dressed.’
Alex wasn’t unhappy so I left him to view his photographs in private.
Adrian and Paula woke just before eight o’clock and everyone was dressed and downstairs ready for breakfast by 8.15. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly children can get dressed at the weekends when there is no school and the promise of being able to play all day.
Alex brought his photograph album down to breakfast and placed it under his seat. But then he just toyed with his food and hardly ate a thing. I told him not to worry, that he could make up for it at lunch and that I, too, was feeling nervous and I was sure his mummy and daddy were as well. I then tried to distract him by arranging various toys and board games at the table and in the living room, and, encouraged by Adrian and Paula, he made a brave attempt to play with them. But over the next hour he grew quieter and more withdrawn. At 10.45, fifteen minutes before Edward and Rosemary were due to arrive, Alex went up to his bedroom and closed the door.
His behaviour didn’t surprise me. Alex wasn’t a confident child and the enormity of meeting his new parents had finally taken its toll. Leaving Adrian and Paula playing in the living room, I went upstairs, knocked on Alex’s door and went in. He was
in bed, fully clothed.
‘Alex, love, it’s not bedtime yet,’ I said lightly, going to his bedside. He had the duvet pulled up to his chin.
‘I know, but I like it in here,’ he said quietly. ‘It’s nice and safe and warm.’
‘Yes,’ I agreed. ‘It’s comforting being in bed, but you’ll be very hot in there.’
‘I don’t mind.’
I paused and looked at his little face peeping over the duvet, large eyes watching me cautiously. ‘Alex, I know you must be feeling anxious and worried. That’s only natural. This is a big day for you all, but is there anything in particular that is worrying you?’
He shook his head, but then said, ‘Yes.’
‘Can you tell me what it is?’
‘They might not like me,’ he said, clearly having been thinking about this for a while.
‘They’ll like you,’ I said. ‘I’m sure of it.’
‘But supposing they like me to begin with and then after a few months they change their minds and stop liking me? Like Graham and Sandy and the others did. I’d have to move all my things again and go to another new school.’
I knelt beside his bed so his face was level with mine. ‘Alex, this is very different to what’s happened in the past. They are going to adopt you. That is a commitment for life. When a child is adopted it’s the same as if the parents had the child. They will love and care for you just as they do James.’
‘But how can you be sure?’ he asked.
‘Because they will have spent a long, long time going through the adoption process, when they will have thought about and talked about what they are going to do. So they would have had plenty of time to change their minds. Also, they would have been seen by a social worker many, many times, and she would have asked them lots of questions to make sure they were right to adopt. It’s not easy to adopt and many people who want to can’t. Then there would be more time and meetings as the social worker matched them with you. All this can take two years, sometimes longer, so I know they are committed and are not going to change their minds.’
‘Oh, I see,’ Alex said thoughtfully. ‘I didn’t know that.’
‘It would have been going on without you knowing. But I expect Debbie talked to you about being adopted a while back and asked you if you’d like to be.’
He paused and then said, ‘Yes, but that was ages ago. I remember she asked me if I’d like a forever mummy and daddy and I said yes, and we talked about what they would be like.’
I nodded. ‘Yes, that’s right.’ Once the social worker has confirmed with the child that they would like to be adopted, they wouldn’t normally be given regular updates on what is a lengthy and laborious process until a suitable match is found. Not only would it be unsettling for the child, but it’s a sad fact that many children in care – especially older children – are never found adoptive homes and remain with foster carers until they reach eighteen (making them an adult in the eyes of the law) and have to leave care.
‘Well, since that day Debbie talked to you about being adopted she has been looking for suitable parents for you,’ I said. ‘Then when you were at Graham and Sandy’s she told you she’d found them.’
His face brightened a little. ‘Yes, I remember. So my new mummy and daddy won’t ever want to give me back?’
‘No, love, they won’t give you back. Adoption is for life.’
‘Even if I’m naughty?’
I smiled. ‘Even if you’re naughty.’
Alex smiled too and then gave a little shudder. ‘But I’m still nervous.’
‘That’s normal. So am I.’ I copied his shudder and he laughed.
‘Good boy, up you get then. They’ll be here soon.’ I glanced at the clock on the wall; it was 10.55.
He’d just got out of bed when the front doorbell rang. ‘Is that them?’ he asked, his eyes widening in alarm.
‘I expect so.’
He shot back into bed and pulled the duvet up and over his head.
‘Mum! Door!’ Adrian shouted unnecessarily from the foot of the stairs. He knew not to answer the door, even if we were expecting someone. It was part of our ‘safer caring policy’, which all foster carers work to.
‘I’ll be down!’ I called. Then to Alex, who was still under the duvet, ‘Can you come down with me?’
‘No,’ came the muffled reply. ‘I’m too scared.’
‘OK. Stay there for a few minutes while I go down and let them in. I’ll take them into the living room and once they’re settled I’ll come back up for you. How does that sound?’
‘I’ll try.’
‘Good boy.’
I came out, leaving his bedroom door open – I knew he’d be listening out for his parents’ voices – and returned downstairs. Adrian was now peering through the security spy hole in the front door. ‘It’s them,’ he said. ‘I recognize them from the photograph in Alex’s album. But they’re not wearing their best clothes.’
‘Adrian, don’t tell them that!’
He grinned cheekily and then stood beside me as I opened the front door. ‘Hello, lovely to see you again,’ I said, welcoming Edward and Rosemary.
‘And you, Cathy,’ Edward said. Then to Adrian, ‘Hello, young man.’
‘Hello,’ Adrian said politely.
‘He’s very different from his photographs,’ Rosemary said as they came in. ‘I wouldn’t have recognized him.’
‘Oh no, this isn’t Alex,’ I said. ‘This is Adrian, my son.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Rosemary said with an embarrassed laugh. But it broke the ice.
‘Come through and have a seat in the living room,’ I said. ‘I’ll fetch Alex down in a minute. He’s in his bedroom.’
‘Not still in bed, surely?’ Edward exclaimed jocularly. ‘James and I have been on a five-mile bike ride already.’
I smiled. ‘No, he’s not in bed, he’s just a bit nervous.’
‘Shall I go up and talk to him?’ Rosemary kindly offered.
‘I think it would be better if I persuaded him to come down,’ I said. We went into the living room and I introduced Rosemary and Edward to Paula.
‘Hello, dear,’ Rosemary said. ‘What are you doing? Playing?’
She gave a small, shy nod.
‘This is Alex’s mummy and daddy,’ I told Paula.
‘That’s nice,’ she said cutely.
‘What a sweet child,’ Rosemary said.
‘Not always,’ Adrian added quietly.
Edward laughed. ‘That’s girls for you, lad! Give me sons any day.’
‘Can I get you a tea or coffee?’ I offered as Edward and Rosemary sat on the sofa.
‘Not for me, thank you,’ Rosemary said.
‘What about you, Edward? Would you like a drink?’
‘No, thank you. I was rather hoping to meet Alex.’
‘There’s no rush,’ Rosemary said. ‘He’s bound to be shy to begin with.’ But Edward looked at me expectantly.
‘I’ll see if he’s ready to come down,’ I said, and left the room. I appreciated that Edward was probably as nervous as the rest of us and that we all showed it in different ways, but I hoped he would soften his manner a little when he spoke to Alex who, unfamiliar with Edward, might find it a little intimidating.
I was about to start up the stairs when Alex appeared, coming down, carrying his photograph album under one arm and his toy Simba under the other.
‘Well done, good boy,’ I said. I waited for him at the foot of the stairs and as he joined me he slipped his hand into mine. I gave it a reassuring squeeze.
‘Can I sit on your lap?’ he whispered.
‘Yes, of course.’
‘This is Alex,’ I said to Rosemary and Edward as we entered the living room. I went to the armchair and lifted him onto my lap.
‘Hello, Alex,’ Edward said. ‘I’m Edward and this is my wife, Rosemary.’ It was far too formal and distant, but I put it down to nerves.
‘This is your new mummy and daddy,’ I said to Ale
x.
Looking up at them from under a lowered head he managed a small, wary smile.
‘I see you’ve got the photograph album I made for you,’ Rosemary said. ‘Do you like it?’
Alex nodded. ‘He did, very much,’ I said. ‘We’ve all had a look.’ Adrian and Paula were sitting on the floor beside the toy boxes. They’d stopped playing and were now studying Alex’s parents.
‘We were very impressed by how smart you looked in your photograph,’ I said, making conversation.
‘Thank you,’ Rosemary said, and again smiled at Alex. ‘That’s kind of you. We saw a picture of you in your school uniform and you looked very smart too.’ Her manner was just right and she seemed more at ease than Edward, who clearly didn’t know what to say for the best. ‘And you like school?’
Alex managed another small nod.
‘So, Alex, what hobbies do you like?’ Edward asked.
Alex shrugged. Put on the spot, his mind had gone blank. I knew that feeling well.
‘You like lots of things, don’t you?’ I said, giving him a reassuring hug. ‘You like riding your bike, playing all sorts of games, drawing and painting, reading and watching some television.’
‘Chess?’ Edward asked. ‘I’m teaching James to play. Do you play chess?’ Alex shook his head.
‘You’ll be able to teach him, won’t you, love?’ Rosemary said to Edward. Then to Alex, ‘Would you like that?’
Alex nodded.
So we – the adults – continued making conversation, contrived and stilted, but no more than I’d expected for this first meeting. Alex sat on my lap, clutching his photograph album and Simba, and managing a small nod where appropriate and stealing glances at his parents. Then, after about ten minutes, he slid from my lap, placed the album and Simba on the floor and went over to join Adrian and Paula – a sign he was feeling more comfortable. The toys they were playing with were a mixture of Alex’s, Adrian’s and Paula’s. They were still sharing nicely, although we always separated them into their respective toy boxes when we cleared up at bedtime.
‘You’ve got some lovely toys, Alex,’ Rosemary said. ‘Do you have a favourite?’
