by Cathy Glass
‘This one,’ Alex said, finally able to talk to her and holding up the car transporter loaded with cars.
‘Wow, that looks good,’ Rosemary enthused. ‘James has cars too. Can I have a closer look?’
‘Show it to your mum,’ I encouraged.
Alex stood and went over to the sofa. Standing close to Rosemary but not quite touching, he proudly showed her the transporter. She admired it as any mother appreciated and praised their child’s interests. ‘Look at all those wheels,’ she said, pointing to its underside. ‘And all those different makes of car it’s carrying. I think that looks like a Jaguar. Wow. How does the back of the transporter lower to take the cars off?’
Alex set the transporter on her lap, unclipped the back and began rolling off the cars.
‘I think James had one just like this, didn’t he?’ Rosemary asked Edward, bringing him into the conversation.
Edward nodded. ‘He used to like playing with cars when he was little.’
Rosemary admired each car as Alex carefully ‘drove’ it off the transporter and onto her lap as Edward looked on. Then she helped Alex load them again. Alex was far more relaxed now he was playing with her. When they’d reloaded the cars Rosemary asked, ‘Can you show me what else you have in your toy box?’
‘Yes,’ Alex said. ‘But you’ll have to come and sit on the floor with us.’ Which she did, admiring not only Alex’s toys, but Adrian’s and Paula’s as well.
After about ten minutes, I became aware that the time was passing and I felt Edward needed to be more included, so I suggested that they might like to play a board game all together. Alex looked hopefully at his parents. ‘Yes, please,’ Rosemary said, and Edward nodded.
‘I’ll get my football game. It’s in my bedroom,’ Alex said excitedly. Jumping to his feet and smiling broadly, he ran out of the living room and upstairs.
‘How are we doing?’ Rosemary asked me anxiously.
‘Fine, don’t worry. He’s relaxing. It will be much easier tomorrow now you’ve met each other.’
‘This isn’t a long game, is it?’ Edward asked, glancing at the clock on the mantelpiece. ‘Only I’ve got a table booked for lunch at two o’clock.’
‘No, it won’t take long,’ I said. ‘And it’s important we stick to the hour for this visit.’
Alex ran back into the living room clutching his football board game, and I drew the coffee table over to the sofa. ‘If you sit on the sofa between your mum and dad you’ll all be able to reach the board,’ I said.
Rosemary and Edward quickly moved apart to make room for Alex, and he sat between them. It looked so right. Now more confident, he removed the lid from the box and then carefully took out the pieces, explaining what they were for and how the game was played, while his parents watched attentively. I saw Adrian glance over wishfully; he liked playing this game with Alex (it was too advanced for Paula), but he’d have to play another time. This was special for Alex and his parents, and playing together would help them bond. As they began to play I joined Adrian and Paula on the floor with their game.
Now that Edward was no longer obliged to make small talk he too relaxed and was soon enthusiastically playing the game, wanting to win as much as Alex did. As the cheers or sighs went up as a goal was scored or missed I relaxed as well. Sitting together on the sofa and enjoying the game, they already looked like a family. All they needed now was James.
Alex won the game by two points and we all clapped. ‘That’s a good game,’ Rosemary said. ‘Can you bring it with you tomorrow so we can all play it?’
‘Yes,’ Alex said enthusiastically. ‘I’ll put it by the front door ready. James can play as well.’
Well done, Rosemary, I thought. Just what was needed, and I knew tomorrow would go well.
Chapter Seven
Meeting James
Although Alex’s first meeting with his parents had been a success on Saturday, by the following morning some of his worries had returned. He was awake early again and I found him sitting up in bed poring over his photograph album. ‘Supposing James doesn’t like me?’ he asked anxiously.
‘He’ll like you,’ I said. ‘I know you’re a bit nervous and he will be too, but it will all be fine, really it will.’
‘I hope so,’ Alex said wistfully. ‘I know I will like James.’
‘And he’ll like you.’
But that morning Alex wasn’t the only one facing the day with a mixture of excitement and apprehension. Adrian, Paula and I were too. While contact with their father was working reasonably well, the situation still felt very uncomfortable, awkward and even upsetting, especially when I had to say goodbye to Adrian and Paula at the door and they went off on a family outing that I could never be part of again. I knew they struggled, and while they always enjoyed their days out with their father, parting from me at the start of the day and then having to say goodbye to their father at the end was as difficult now as it had been when the arrangements began. They dealt with it in their own ways. Adrian said a quick, manly goodbye, while Paula prolonged parting – from both me and her father – with lots of extra hugs and kisses. Whether John found it difficult I didn’t know, but given that it was his decision to leave us he could hardly complain, and if he had done he would have received little sympathy from me. He’s made his bed so he’ll have to lie in it, as my mother would have said.
No one wanted a cooked breakfast that morning, which we often enjoyed at the weekend, and once the children were dressed they couldn’t settle to much, so I switched on children’s television to keep them all occupied. John arrived promptly at 10.30 and I went with Adrian and Paula to see them off at the front door, where I greeted John politely. As usual Paula asked me if I could go out with them, and as usual it hurt to say no.
‘This is your special time with your father,’ I said.
She hugged and kissed me and then Adrian took her by the hand and followed their father to his car.
There were just twenty minutes before Alex and I had to leave, so I joined him in the living room to watch some television. He asked a couple of times how long it was before we had to leave but didn’t say much else. I reassured him again that meeting James would be fine and there was nothing to worry about. At 10.50 I told him it was time to put on our coats and shoes and, without saying anything, he obediently left the sofa and went down the hall, while I switched off the television and then checked the back door was locked. His football game was still in the hall where he’d left it ready to take, but now doubt set in and he began wavering as to whether he should take it or not. ‘James might not want to play it,’ he said, setting the box on the floor again. ‘I don’t think I’ll take it.’
‘It’s up to you, love, but if it was me I’d take it just in case. If the two of you decide you don’t want to play with it there’s nothing lost, but your mum thought James would like it.’
‘OK,’ he said, picking up the game again. ‘Can I leave it in the car?’
‘Yes, of course.’
He carried the box to the car and placed it beside him on the back seat. I checked his seat belt was fastened and then got in, with the route instructions and my handbag on the passenger seat beside me. I knew roughly where their village, Churchwell, was and as it was only small I didn’t think I’d have any problems finding their house once there. Alex was quiet as I drove. Each time I glanced at him in the rear-view mirror he was gazing pensively out of his side window, clearly deep in thought, and I reassured him that meeting James was nothing to worry about. Then about halfway there he said he felt sick, so I lowered the windows for some fresh air and he soon recovered. I guessed it was nerves.
He sat quietly again, gazing out of the window, and when I turned off the main road I asked him to look out for the signpost for Churchwell, which kept him occupied. We both saw it together and then as I drove through the village I asked him to look out for the road name. He spotted it, and then recognized the house from the photograph in his album. ‘Well done,’ I
said.
I parked the car on their driveway behind the car that was already there and cut the engine. I went round and opened Alex’s car door, which was child-locked, and waited as he climbed out. He looked a little pale. ‘I’ll leave my game in the car,’ he said. ‘I can fetch it if James wants to play it.’
‘Good idea,’ I said.
He slipped his hand into mine and we walked up their front path, which ran beside a neat border of winter pansies and evergreen shrubs. I didn’t have to press the doorbell – the door opened as we approached it.
‘You must be James,’ I said, smiling at the boy standing before us. ‘I’m Cathy and this is Alex.’
‘Pleased to meet you. Hi, Alex. Come in. Dad said he thought I should answer the door.’ Confident and at ease, James appeared older and far more mature than Alex, who was only eighteen months younger, but then of course James was on home territory and his life experiences had been very different from Alex’s. Stability and opportunity builds confidence.
‘Mum and Dad are going to say hello and then leave us to play,’ James said to Alex as we went in. Their spacious lounge-hall with its chaise longue, oval table and vase of fresh flowers was just as we’d seen in the photograph. ‘I’ve arranged toys and games in my bedroom,’ James said. ‘Take off your coat and then we can play.’
Alex instantly dropped my hand and quickly took off his coat. Rosemary and Edward appeared from the room on our right. ‘Good afternoon,’ Edward said, taking our coats. ‘How are you, Alex?’
‘Good,’ he said.
‘We thought it would be less intimidating for Alex if James answered the door,’ Rosemary said to me.
‘It seems to have worked,’ I agreed. Alex was smiling and relaxed and had lost all signs of his previous apprehension and nervousness.
‘Can we go to my room now?’ James asked his father excitedly.
‘Yes, of course,’ Edward said.
‘This way,’ James said to Alex, and he ran up the stairs with Alex close behind.
‘I’ll be down here if you need me!’ I called after him, but he’d gone.
‘James is sensible. He’ll take care of him,’ Edward said, hanging our coats in the walk-in cloakroom. ‘The plan is they’ll play for a while in James’s room and then James will show Alex around the house, beginning with his bedroom.’
This wasn’t the way I would usually introduce a child to their new home – I would be with them as the parents showed us all around – but Alex had appeared happy enough to go with James.
‘You can have a seat and relax with Rosemary while I make you a drink,’ Edward said. ‘What would you like?’
‘Tea if you are making it, thank you,’ I said.
‘And you, love?’ he asked Rosemary.
‘Coffee, please,’ she said.
Edward, now on home ground, was far more at ease than he had been at my house. His manner had lost that abrasive edge and he seemed perfectly charming. Whistling to himself, he headed down the hall to make the drinks while I followed Rosemary into their immaculate living room, with its cream sofas and occasional table centrepiece just as it had appeared in the photograph.
‘James has been so excited all morning,’ Rosemary said as we sat down. ‘He’s been counting down the minutes till Alex’s arrival since he got up. I’m pleased you weren’t late. He didn’t want to go for a bike ride, but Edward insisted – to keep him occupied. How was Alex?’
‘A little quiet and nervous, but that’s only to be expected. He seems fine now.’
‘Good. We’ve explained to James about Alex’s background and he understands. But he’s been so looking forward to having a brother that it doesn’t matter.’
I smiled amicably, although I wasn’t exactly sure what Rosemary meant. ‘The adoption process can take a long time,’ I said. ‘The assessment and then all the waiting to be matched with a child.’
Rosemary nodded. ‘Although because we said we’d take an older child we were matched quite quickly. Most couples want babies or a toddler, but I couldn’t be bothered with all those nappies again. And a baby wouldn’t have been much of a playmate for James, would it?’ I nodded. ‘We couldn’t have any more children of our own,’ Rosemary confided. ‘James was conceived through IVF [in vitro fertilization], but when we tried again, when James was two, it didn’t work. We had three goes and our doctor advised us to stop, as the drugs can be harmful to a woman’s body. So Edward and I decided to go down the adoption route, which is the next best thing to having your own, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, although I tend to think an adopted child is a special gift.’
‘That’s a lovely way of putting it. I must tell James and Edward.’
Rosemary then asked me, as many people do, why I fostered. As we were talking Edward returned with the drinks on a tray, which he placed on occasional tables within our reach.
‘The boys are getting on like a house on fire,’ he said as he sat down. ‘I just had a listen outside James’s bedroom door and he’s looking after Alex just as we told him to. I don’t think they’re going to cause us much trouble. James is so accommodating.’
I took a sip of my tea and set the cup in the saucer. ‘I expect Debbie or Lin mentioned what we call the honeymoon period?’ They looked at me, unsure. ‘It’s the first few weeks when everyone is on their best behaviour before …’ I didn’t need to go any further.
‘Before he starts to test us,’ Edward put in.
‘Yes, but it won’t just be Alex,’ I said.
‘No, we know,’ Rosemary said. ‘James could start to play up too and demand more attention.’
‘Yes. Once the boys feel completely relaxed in each other’s company they won’t be on their best behaviour the whole time and could both start to test the boundaries.’
‘We’re prepared for that,’ Rosemary said.
‘How long does that period usually last?’ Edward asked, sipping his coffee.
‘It’s impossible to tell, but on average I would say a couple of months sees the worst over with. It happens a lot in fostering. Then you turn a corner and normality resumes.’ They both smiled.
‘So how do you deal with it in fostering?’ Rosemary asked.
‘By reassuring the child that he or she is safe, loved and wanted, and keeping in place the boundaries for good behaviour. It is so easy to feel sorry for the child when they’ve suffered and have had a rough start in life. But allowing their behaviour to spiral out of control doesn’t help them. Boundaries are safe and secure and as important as love.’
‘I hope I don’t have to tell Alex off too much,’ Rosemary said, looking slightly concerned.
‘I’m sure you won’t. Alex hasn’t got challenging behaviour; just take it as it comes. He is so looking forward to having a proper mummy and daddy of his own. Do you know he doesn’t want a goodnight kiss from me because he says he’s saving all his kisses for you?’
‘That’s so sweet,’ Rosemary said. ‘I’ll give him all the kisses he wants and more. James stopped wanting a goodnight kiss a long while ago.’
‘He’s too old for all that soft stuff now,’ Edward said, returning his cup and saucer to the tray.
‘I’m not sure we’re ever too old for a hug and a kiss, are we?’ I said lightly.
‘No, you’re right,’ Rosemary agreed. ‘Especially with a child like Alex.’
‘He does seem very young for his age,’ Edward said. ‘The social worker said to expect that.’
‘When a child has been badly neglected they fail to flourish,’ I said. ‘It can affect their physical and emotional development. Once the child is in a loving and stable home they can quickly make up for it.’
‘I think Lin said something similar,’ Rosemary added.
At that moment the living-room door flew open and James and Alex burst in. ‘Come and see what we’ve built,’ James cried excitedly.
‘We’re on our way,’ Edward said, immediately standing.
‘We’ve been playing with my Mec
cano,’ James said. ‘You said Alex would like it and he does.’
‘I like James’s Meccano,’ Alex told me.
‘I can’t wait to see what you’ve made,’ Rosemary said.
We followed them upstairs and into James’s bedroom where two construction-kit robots stood side by side, the detritus from the rest of the kit scattered across the floor.
‘I made this one,’ James said proudly, pointing to the larger, more sophisticated robot.
‘And I made this one,’ Alex said.
‘They’re both fantastic,’ I said, going over for a closer look.
‘I helped Alex make his,’ James said to his father.
‘Good lad,’ Edward replied, and I smiled at Alex.
Once we’d finished admiring the boys’ robots, Alex was keen to show me his bedroom. It was just as we’d seen in the photograph: freshly decorated in shades of blue, with plenty of cupboard space, a navy carpet and a spaceman patterned duvet and matching curtains. Rosemary then suggested that she show me around the rest of the house while the boys played. They returned to James’s bedroom and Edward went with them. Rosemary and I walked in and out of the upstairs rooms, and I said that when Alex visited next time I’d suggest to him that he brought something of his – a game or cuddly toy – to leave in his room, which would help make him feel at home. Then each time we came he could bring something else, so he gradually transferred some of his possessions (and feelings of being home) from my house to here. I added that I would take down some of the posters from his bedroom walls so that he could put them up here.
Rosemary hesitated. ‘Edward doesn’t usually allow James to stick things on his bedroom walls,’ she said. ‘It makes such a mess, but I’m sure we can make an exception for Alex.’
I looked at her. ‘Do what you would normally do and feel comfortable with. Your house rules are bound to be a bit different from mine, and it’s important you treat both boys the same. Although I use Blu-Tack for posters, which doesn’t leave much of a mark.’
‘Cathy,’ Rosemary said with feeling, ‘if Alex wants his posters on his walls, he can put them on with cement if it makes him happy.’
