Nobody’s Son

by Cathy Glass

  I hoped so too, for if Alex didn’t go to his brother’s wedding it could cement the wedge between them permanently.

  It was six months before we met again and Gwen seemed much brighter and full of how lovely the wedding had been. Alex had attended and when she showed me the photographs it was lovely to see him clean and smart in a suit. While he wasn’t smiling, at least he’d lost the scowl that had been part of him in recent years. Gwen was upbeat and chatty and I thought the wedding had done her a power of good, but there was another reason too.

  ‘We’ve managed to get Alex into school,’ she said. ‘It’s much smaller. A specialist unit for young people who have been out of mainstream school for a long time. Their classes are small and there’s plenty of one-to-one available, and counselling. The children can stay for a year and the expectation is that they then go back into mainstream school.’

  ‘Fantastic,’ I said. ‘And Alex is attending?’

  ‘Yes. So far, so good. He’s been every day for six weeks. I get regular feedback from the Head and he seems to be doing well. Apparently, he’s been spending quite a bit of time with one of the girls who attends. He’s started showering and changing his clothes again.’

  We both smiled. ‘A good influence then.’

  ‘Yes, indeed.’

  ‘And the alcohol and smoking?’

  ‘There are very strict rules at the unit,’ Gwen said. ‘Any hint that they are using illegal substances and they’re out. Alex knows this is his last chance, so hopefully he’ll use it wisely.’

  Like Gwen, I was cautiously optimistic.

  I received a Christmas card from them as usual, and Gwen had written a note inside saying that she was sorry she hadn’t been in touch and she’d give me a ring in the New Year to arrange to meet.

  I was still in bed at 9.30 a.m. on 1 January when the landline rang. My family and I had seen in the New Year with a few friends and I was now having a lie-in. I reached out for the handset on my bedside cabinet, expecting it to be a friend or relative wishing me a Happy New Year. I answered with a bleary, ‘Hello?’

  ‘Cathy?’ I didn’t immediately recognize the voice.

  ‘Yes? Who is it?’

  ‘Alex.’

  ‘Alex?’ I sat bolt upright.

  ‘I’ve got the money for your broken window. Mum says I should come in person to give it to you.’

  ‘Oh. I see.’ I couldn’t believe my ears. ‘OK. Yes, thank you.’

  ‘Today?’

  ‘Yes, I suppose so. What time?’

  ‘Eleven.’

  ‘All right. Are your parents coming too?’

  ‘No. They said I needed to do this alone, and to tell you they’d see you another time.’

  ‘OK. See you at eleven then.’

  ‘Yes. Goodbye.’

  I replaced the handset.

  Astounded. Astonished. Flabbergasted. I couldn’t think of a word to describe my thoughts that morning as I quickly got out of bed, showered and dressed. I then went into Adrian’s, Lucy’s and Paula’s bedrooms and told them that Alex was visiting. Unaware of the problems Alex had been causing, and used to children we’d fostered visiting, they took the news in their stride. Downstairs, I cleared the living room of the debris of last night, taking the glasses, plates, cups and so on into the kitchen, where I filled the dishwasher. Still dumbfounded that Alex was on his way to pay for the damage he’d done over two years previously, I went round the rest of the downstairs tidying up as Adrian, Paula and Lucy slowly got up. What an incredibly wonderful way to start the New Year, I thought.

  Alex was ten minutes early, and when the bell rang it was with a mixture of incredulity, relief and joy that I answered it. Now nearly sixteen, he was much taller than me, a good-looking lad, dressed in clean jeans and what looked like a new leather jacket over a grey jersey. He stood nervously on the doorstep wearing a very serious expression.

  ‘Come in, love,’ I said, smiling. ‘It’s good to see you.’ Perhaps he’d expected me to tell him off, for as he came in he looked relieved. ‘How are you?’

  ‘Good. Thanks.’

  He automatically slipped off his shoes as he had done when entering my house as a child, and then hung his jacket on the hall stand.

  ‘Nice jacket,’ I remarked.

  ‘Thanks. My Christmas present from Mum and Dad.’

  ‘Very nice. Adrian, Paula and Lucy are just getting up. Come through.’ I led the way into the living room, where his gaze swept around.

  ‘It looks different from when I was here,’ he said.

  ‘That was eight years ago! We’ve redecorated since then and changed the sofas.’

  ‘But you still have Toscha,’ he said, looking at her asleep on her favourite chair.

  ‘Yes, but she’s very old. She just eats and sleeps. Do sit down.’

  ‘Rupert died a while back,’ he said, sitting on the sofa.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ I knew already, as Gwen had told me. ‘I expect you all miss him.’

  Alex nodded. ‘Dad said we may think about having another dog this year.’

  ‘Great.’ I also knew from Gwen that their rabbit and cat had passed from old age. ‘Would you like a drink?’

  ‘No, thanks. I’m seeing my girlfriend later. I just came to give you this.’ He took an envelope from the pocket of his jeans and handed it to me. ‘Two hundred and fifty pounds.’

  ‘Thank you very much. You did well to save up all that,’ I said, impressed.

  ‘Dad reminded me. Each time he gave me my allowance he told me to put a bit aside.’

  ‘You did well though,’ I said. Indeed, I was astounded, for despite all that had been going on, Alex had kept saving, even when he’d been stealing from others.

  ‘I’m paying them all back now,’ he said, as though reading my thoughts. ‘I’ve been a right dickhead. I took money from my family and I’m paying them back. Every last penny.’

  I was touched by his honestly and humility. ‘That’s good. I expect they have forgiven you.’

  He nodded. ‘They’ve forgiven me for everything. I don’t know why. I don’t deserve it. I was horrid, even to Kaylee, who can’t help how she is.’ His eyes filled with tears and he grabbed a tissue from the box on the coffee table and wiped them. ‘Sorry,’ he said, embarrassed.

  ‘It’s OK. You’ve been through a lot.’

  ‘I can’t believe they still love me after all I’ve said and done,’ he said, his voice breaking.

  A lump rose to my throat and felt my own eyes fill. To see him so vulnerable and remorseful moved me deeply. ‘They love you more than ever,’ I said. ‘You’ve all come through a difficult time and I know they love you as much as you love them.’

  His eyes filled again and he took another tissue. Big as he was, I couldn’t just sit there from afar and dispassionately watch him, so I went over and sat next to him.

  ‘Don’t cry, love,’ I said, slipping my arm around his waist.

  But his tears fell. ‘I don’t know what I can do to put it right,’ he said. ‘I can give back the money, but I can’t take back my words and all the horrible things I’ve done. I’m seeing a counsellor and she said she’d help me.’

  ‘I am sure she will,’ I said. ‘But, Alex, the fact that you are turning your life around and are recovering will be enough for your family. I know them and I know just how much they all love you. They’ll be overjoyed they’re getting the old Alex back, and at some point this will all be history. Try to concentrate on the positives and see how much you have achieved, and look to the future. Keep doing what you are doing and I know you will be fine.’

  ‘That’s sort of what Mum said,’ he said, wiping his eyes again.

  ‘Well, she’s as wise as I am then,’ I said with a smile. I waited while he blew his nose. ‘How is everyone? I haven’t seen them for a while.’

  ‘Good. They send their love, and Mum said to make sure I told you that Taylor and Krissy are expecting a baby.’

  ‘Wonderful. Give them my co
ngratulations. So you’re going to be an uncle,’ I said happily.

  He nodded and managed a smile. ‘I’m looking forward to it. Mum says a new baby in the family is just what we all need. She and Dad are so excited. I’m going to be the best uncle ever.’

  ‘I’m sure you will be,’ I said.

  ‘Anyway, I’d better be going. I just wanted to give you the money and say I’m sorry.’

  ‘Thank you, love. That is kind of you. You’re doing very well.’ His eyes misted again and I knew he was emotionally fragile and only at the start of his journey of recovery. It would take time.

  ‘I’m meeting Lexi in town,’ he said, blowing his nose and throwing the tissue in the waste paper basket. ‘I’m taking her out for the day. I’d better go. She tells me off if I’m late.’

  I smiled. ‘I won’t keep you then, but let me just see if Adrian, Lucy and Paula are up so they can say hello.’

  Alex waited in the living room while I went to the foot of the stairs and called up that Alex was going and if they were dressed would they like to come down and say hi. They called back that they would. I returned to the living room and within a minute or so the three of them had appeared. They said hello and exchanged a few words with Alex, a bit awkwardly, but then teenagers are often awkward in conversation and they hadn’t seen him for a while. Adrian, Paula and Lucy then went into the kitchen to make themselves some breakfast.

  ‘They’ve all grown,’ Alex said.

  ‘So have you!’ I laughed.

  I picked up the envelope he’d given to me and took out fifty pounds. ‘I’d like to treat you and Lexi to your day out,’ I said, offering him the money.

  ‘No. It’s yours,’ he said, and refused to take it to begin with, but I insisted, saying it would make me happy.

  I went with him to the front door, and as he knelt to tie his shoelaces my thoughts went back to when he’d lived with us and he had done that as a child. ‘I remember you doing that when you were little,’ I said.

  ‘So do I,’ he said, straightening. He slipped on his jacket. ‘I remember my time here very well, and how good you were to me. I also remember how you offered me a hug on my first night, but I didn’t want one. I was so pleased you didn’t insist.’

  ‘You remember that?’ I asked, surprised.

  ‘Yes. And lots more.’

  He met my gaze and for a moment I saw again that vulnerable seven-year-old, hurt and confused from previous rejections, and resisting affection yet crying out for love and a family of his own.

  ‘Come here,’ I said, opening my arms. ‘I’ll have that hug now.’

  He stepped forward and gave me the biggest hug ever, then thanked me for all I’d done.

  ‘Good luck with everything,’ I said. ‘Give my love to your family. Enjoy your day out.’

  ‘Thanks, I will.’

  With that warm glow from knowing that everything will work out, I watched him go.

  If you were to ask Gwen and Gareth what made Alex turn a corner and begin his journey of recovery, they would say it was because he met Lexi. While she may have played a part – Alex dated her for over a year – it was Gwen and Gareth who saved Alex. Their unfailing love, commitment and support, combined with their previous experience of handling very challenging behaviour, provided the safe haven Alex needed to set him on the path to recovery. Without them he would have continued on a downward spiral of self-loathing, anger, resentment and substance abuse, perhaps never coming to terms with his early life experience, even into adulthood.

  Early childhood experience shapes us all, and not all adopted children are as lucky as Alex in finding a stable, loving family who are able to see them through the bad times. While there is no systematic collection of data for failed adoptions, recent studies in the UK and US show that between a quarter and a third of all adoptions fail. Horrendous. And these figures rise with the age of the child, so that if a child is nine or over when placed for adoption there is a 60 per cent chance of it failing and the child being returned to care. The effect of this is devastating, both for the adoptive parents, who feel they’ve failed, and the child, who may never fully recover or come to terms with their feelings of rejection and abandonment. More needs to be done to prepare adoptive parents (Rosemary and Edward had unrealistic and naïve expectations of adoption), and if problems do arise then intensive practical support should be available for as long as necessary. As a society we have a duty to support and nurture our children, who will one day be raising the next generation, bringing with them their own childhood experiences. We need to make sure those experiences are good.

  Well done, Alex, Gwen, Gareth and your wonderful family. Love to you all.

  For the latest on Alex and the other children in my books, please visit www.cathyglass.co.uk

  Suggested topics for reading-group discussion

  In Chapter Four, the reader senses that Cathy isn’t completely bowled over by Rosemary and Edward. How is this conveyed in the narrative?

  What legitimate reasons might there be for a foster carer asking for a child to be removed from their care?

  Cathy says the timetable of introductions for adoption is standard. What are your thoughts on this?

  How would you have handled Alex’s return after the adoption failed?

  Was the adoption disruption meeting useful?

  Gwen and Gareth are very different from Rosemary and Edward. Discuss with reference to the text. What skills did Gwen and Gareth posses that Rosemary and Edward did not?

  Why do you think so many young people from the care system end up in young offenders’ institutions? What could be done to change this?

  What aspects of the adoption system would you like to see changed and why?

  How would you improve the care system generally? Would adoption still feature, and if so, in what circumstances?

  With hindsight, how could Alex’s case have been handled differently?

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  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Contents

  Acknowledgements

  Prologue

  Chapter One: A New Year, a New Child

  Chapter Two: Unsettled Early Life

  Chapter Three: Alex’s Parents

  Chapter Four: A Joyful Meeting

  Chapter Five: A Positive Start

  Chapter Six: Alex Meets His Parents

  Chapter Seven: Meeting James

  Chapter Eight: Plans for the Future

  Chapter Nine: Unwelcome News

  Chapter Ten: Another Matter Entirely

  Chapter Eleven: Rejection

  Chapter Twelve: Why Did They Stop Loving Me?

  Chapter Thirteen: Angry Outbursts

  Chapter Fourteen: Nobody’s Son

  Chapter Fifteen: An Eerie Noise Outside

  Chapter Sixteen: Say Something Positive

  Chapter Seventeen: Not to Blame

  Chapter Eighteen: Labelled

  Chapter Nineteen: Conflicting Emotions


  Chapter Twenty: Not Mum and Dad

  Chapter Twenty-One: The Family

  Chapter Twenty-Two: The Line Went Dead

  Chapter Twenty-Three: Before It’s Too Late

  Chapter Twenty-Four: The Hug

  Suggested topics for reading-group discussion

  Cathy Glass

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