Chasing Carson

by Amanda Bennett

  “You’d have to catch me first.” He laughed as he took off runnin’. Unfortunately for him, I was a great aim.

  My gun went off and the guy flew across the street as the bullet took out his left knee. I looked over at Carson to make sure she was okay before I cuffed the guy beneath me, and headed across the street to apprehend my other suspect. He was tryin’ to army crawl to his car when I approached him. I rolled him over onto his back, and that’s when the distinct sound of a gun goin’ off rang through my ears. I stumbled back in shock as I clutched my side. Bright red blood dripped between my fingers as I fell to the ground. I could hear Carson’s muffled voice behind me, but before I could catch a glimpse of her, everything went black.

  Ten

  Carson

  “You have to let me in there. I have to know what’s going on.” The nurse was now to the point where she wasn’t even answering me anymore.

  Lyndley came up, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and pulling me back over to the waiting room. “Carson, leave them alone. Let the doctor do her job. All we can do is wait.”

  “Ky, can’t you call and make someone tell you something? There has to be something you can do.” I pleaded with Ky as a steady stream of tears covered my flushed cheeks.

  “I’m sorry, Carson. I’ve already tried. He’s in surgery, there’s nothing I can do now but wait with y’all.”

  “Bullshit!” I shouted, and then ran outside the sliding glass doors that separated me from the surgical waiting room. I was about to keep running, but I ran into what felt like a brick wall. When I looked up and saw Trey’s face, I fell into him, sobbing.

  “It’ll be okay, love. I promise.”

  His voice was low and soft and all the comfort I needed at the moment. I let every emotion pour out of me as I sat crouched on the ground, but wrapped in the embrace of my best friend. He ran his hands down the length of my blonde hair and down my back, soothing my trembling body. I wasn’t sure how long we had been sitting on the hard ground outside, but when I heard Ky’s voice, I immediately pushed myself up and off of Trey and ran back inside.

  “He’s out of surgery. The surgeon is here to talk to us.”

  I made my way past Ky and Lyndley, and straight over to an amazingly beautiful brunette wearing a surgical cap. “Are you all here for Ruger Smith?” Even her voice was beautiful. I instantly hated her.

  “Yes, we are.” I piped up.

  “Hi, I’m Dr. Rowan Brown. I’m the surgeon who worked on Ruger. We had a tough time getting the bullet out. It was lodged in the muscle, but we managed to get it out safely. Now, he did need a blood transfusion. That is most likely why he blacked out after being shot. The loss of blood was pretty significant. All in all, the surgery went well though, and he is now in recovery. He can have visitors in about an hour or so. Do y’all have any questions for me?” She glanced around at all of our relieved faces, but stopped on Ky’s. “Ky? Ky Wakely, is that you?” She practically squealed like a twelve-year-old girl when she saw him.

  Before any of us could react, she was throwing her arms around him and pulling him into a deep hug. I reached for Lyndley, stopping her in her tracks before she could beat the shit out of the woman that was practically groping her fiancé. “Settle down, sis.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me right now, Carson?” Who the fuck does she think she is?”

  “Wow, that’s a strong vocabulary you’ve got going on there.” I teased. “Maybe, it isn’t what you’re imagining it is.” When she finally pulled back, she smiled widely at Ky as she looked him over.

  “Oh my god, I barely even recognized you. It’s been forever. God, like what, three years? It was mine and Ruger’s engagement party.”

  And that’s when I went lunging for her, but this time Lyndley caught me. “Maybe it isn’t what you’re imagining it is.” She teased. “Just play it cool.”

  I nodded in her shoulder before pushing myself off of her and standing tall. I wasn’t exactly sure how to react to hearing any of this, but I sure as shit was going to get to the bottom of it when Ruger was lucid. This was exactly why I stayed away from relationships. No matter how hard I tried, I always ended up being the one that was hurt. Something inside of me died a little as she stood there reminiscing with Ky. I wanted to be the one who talked about Ruger like that, not her.

  “You wanna come outside with me for a second?” Lyndley whispered so no one else could hear. I simply nodded and followed her out. “Hey, You want to tell me how you really feel about Ruger? Because I know it’s not just as a friend or a protector. You like him, a lot.”

  “Of course I do. How could I not? He’s gorgeous, and funny, and amazing. He’s a little annoying at times sure, but when it’s just him and me, it’s like the whole world fades away. I don’t know, am I crazy?” I stopped pacing long enough to look over at Lyndley and her shocked expression. “That expression isn’t helping much, Lynd.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m not sure what to say. Dad is going to kill you. No, he’s going to kill Ruger, then Ky, and then me. He’ll probably leave you for last. Holy shit!”

  “Yeah, I’m well aware of it all.”

  “I guess I know how you feel though, because it’s the exact same way I felt for Ky when we first met. Mind you, our circumstances were a bit different, but yeah. Wow. I’m a little speechless here.”

  “Why?” I wondered.

  “You’re only eighteen, Carson.”

  “I’ll be nineteen next week.”

  “Ah, so not the point. You’re so young. I mean, you’ve only had one other boyfriend. He was a total tool, but still…only one other.”

  I cut her off right there. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you. You are always so quick to judge. You always have been. It’s okay for you to be with whomever you want, but when it comes to me, I’m too young. You are such a hypocrite. You’re only twenty-two and Ky is twenty-eight, please tell me how it’s so different?” I stood in front of Lyndley with my hands on my hips waiting for an answer, but she was speechless.

  “Lyndley, she’s got a point.” I hadn’t heard Ky walk up behind me and his voice startled me.

  “I’m done. I have nothing left to say.” Ky tried to stop me from walking away, but I was already past him and halfway through the doors. This was all bullshit. For crying out loud, she wasn’t much older than me. I took a seat in a chair closest to the hallway that lead to recovery. I wanted to be the first person to be able to see him when he woke up.

  ~~~~

  I must’ve dozed off, because the next thing I knew, I was being woken up by someone shaking my shoulder. When I turned to see who it was, Ky’s face came into view. “Can we go see him now?” I mumbled.

  “Yeah. You want me to go back with you?” I shook my head, but Ky wasn’t playing that game. “I’ll let you go back by yourself, but you have to promise me you won’t berate him about Rowan. Can you promise me that?”

  I sighed in defeat. “Fine, I promise. Hey, have you seen my friend Trey around?” I glanced around the waiting room realizing that I hadn’t seen him since Ky came out to get me.

  “You mean the skinny kid that was with you outside earlier?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Nope, haven’t seen him.”

  “Okay.” Then I noticed Lyndley was gone as well. “Where did my sister go?” Not that I cared right then.

  “Home. Go back and see our guy. I’ll wait until you’re done.”

  I nodded and followed the nurse that had appeared from behind the big wooden doors that had kept us away from Ruger for so long. I walked down the hall in a complete haze. I wasn’t even sure what I was going to say to Ruger. I mean really what was there to say? Sure we both cared for each other, but where would that lead us? He obviously had been engaged before and never mentioned it, so I could understand why he looked at relationships the way he did, but it still didn’t make it hurt any less.

  We turned a corner and the nurse opened another wood door for me, but this one was
to Ruger’s room. When his face came into view, I couldn’t help but run to him. He lay there with his arms outstretched, waiting to take me into them and I didn’t hesitate this time. I ran to him, burying my head into his shoulder as is arms tightened around my body.

  “Oh my god, I’m so glad you’re okay. I don’t know what I would’ve done had you-“

  “Shhh. I’m fine.” His hands cradled my face as he pulled my lips to his. It wasn’t a long passionate kiss, but it was one that gave me more comfort than anything else in this world.

  “I’m sorry. I’ll come back in just a bit.”

  My head shot up at the sound of her voice. “Please do.” I didn’t turn to look at her, but I didn’t have to. The look on Ruger’s face let me know that he knew he was caught between a rock and a hard place. When the door clicked into place, Ruger’s eyes were instantly back on me.

  “Let me explain, please.” He pleaded.

  “Okay.” I sat back on the side of the bed, careful not to touch his side where he had just had surgery. “I’m ready.”

  Eleven

  Ruger

  The minute I heard Rowan’s voice behind Carson, I knew I was goin’ to have to explain one of the worst days of my life. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to share all of it with Carson, but deep down I knew if I didn’t explain, then she would leave and I would probably never see her again. If I wanted any semblance of a chance with her, I needed to tell her everything, right here and now.

  “I’m not goin’ to sugarcoat anythin’ Carson. If you really wanna know, I’ll tell ya, but you have to be prepared to hear it…all of it.”

  “I am.” She whispered.

  “Rowan’s my ex. We met each other right after I came home on leave.” I saw her eyes widen and I totally forgot that I hadn’t told her anythin’ about myself. “I promise I’ll tell you about all of that too. I came to Chicago to see my father, but ended up meetin’ her instead. Her father had taken over my father’s hardware store. Anyway, she was workin’ there in her spare time to put herself through school. I fell hard, and I fell fast.” I glanced up at Carson just as a stray tear fell from the corner of her eye. I reached up to swipe it away, but she pushed me away. “Are you sure you still want to hear this?”

  No words left her sumptuous lips, only a simple nod of her beautiful head. “We were instantly inseparable. While she went to school, I was recruited into the Marshal service. When I realized I wanted to marry her, I ran out and bought a ring that same day. Our engagement was fast, just like everythin’ else in our relationship, but unfortunately it ended just as fast. The night of our engagement party, she slept with one of my oldest friends. That’s when I left and moved to the farm.”

  I waited for any sort of response from Carson, but she just sat there unmovin’. No tears fell from her eyes, and no words left her mouth. She sat there silent and still for what felt like an eternity. “Please say somethin’ Carson.” I whispered against her hand as I pulled it up to my lips.

  “I…I’m not sure what to say. I knew you had to of had relationships before me, I guess I just didn’t think I’d be hit with them and you’re accident all in one day.” She slowly pulled her hand from my grasp. “I think I need some time.”

  “How much time?” I began to panic. I wasn’t ready to lose her, not over somethin’ like this. “How much time, Carson?”

  “I don’t know, Ruger.” She sobbed as the tears started to fall steadily down her cheeks.

  “Please, Carson. Please don’t let this be the end of whatever we have. I swear there is nothin’ left between her and me. I haven’t even seen or spoken to her since that day. Carson? Look at me, please.” I ran my fingers down her wet cheeks, but I could feel her pull away from me. In that moment, I felt empty, and for the first time in my life, I felt helpless.

  “I have to go.” And before I could stop her, she was gone.

  As soon as the door closed behind her, my heart plummeted to my feet and the breath taken from my body. As much as I had been fightin’ my feelings for her, I was fallin’ for her. I knew she needed time, but unfortunately, time wasn’t somethin’ I was able to give right now. Who knows when my next assignment would come through and I’d have to be back out at the farm. I was startin’ to get extremely frustrated and was about to rip this fuckin’ IV from my arm to go after her, when the door to my room opened.

  “Hey, man. How ya feeling?”

  “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes, Wakely. I feel like I got shot. How are you?” I laughed. “Ah shit, that fuckin’ hurts. Don’t make me laugh.” I growled as I clutched my side in pain.

  “I bet. So, how did it go with Carson?”

  “It went swimmingly.” I joked. “I told her all about Rowan, well the condensed version. She said she needed time. I’m not sure what that means.”

  “What’s your idea of condensed?” He implored.

  “I told her that Rowan and I fell hard and fast, and then she slept with one of my friends the night of our engagement party.”

  “Ruger. You don’t tell the girl you’re trying to be with all the gory details about your relationship with one of the only other girls you’ve ever loved.”

  “Well I didn’t tell her that.”

  “Ugh, what am I gonna do with you? Well her and Lyndley are fighting now. Lyndley decided to play all high and mighty big sister and tell her that she was too young for you.”

  “What? Um hello, isn’t that a bit hypocritical of Lyndley?”

  “I know, I know. And trust me, Carson let her know as well. I don’t know what Lyndley’s deal is. I didn’t get a chance to talk to her. I stayed here with Carson instead. Look, I know it’s gonna be hard seeing Rowan after all this time, but if you are serious about this whole Carson thing, then I would strongly suggest that you tell Rowan where to shove it.”

  “And where is that, Ky?” Ky’s eyes widened as Rowan’s voice floated through the room.

  “I’m gonna go, man. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “See ya.” I watched as Ky fled from my room like a child. I swear as soon as I felt better, I would kick his fuckin’ ass for leavin’ me alone with her like this.

  “How are you feeling?” She made her way over to my bedside, checkin’ vitals and what not while tryin’ to make small talk.

  “I feel great.” I groaned. “Now can I go home?”

  “Afraid not. You’ll have to stay overnight and possibly another day. We need to make sure you don’t throw a blood clot or anything. Surgeon’s orders.” She winked.

  “You’re my surgeon, I’m assumin’?”

  “Sure am. Looks like you’re stuck with me.”

  Anger started to build in my veins with every word she spoke to me. As much as I didn’t want to deal with her right now, I suppose I had no other choice. It wasn’t like I was goin’ anywhere anytime soon. “Might as well speak your mind, Rowan.”

  “Well since you asked.” She pulled a chair next to my bedside and reached for my hand that I quickly pulled away. “It’s been three years Ruger, can’t you forgive me already?”

  “Are you serious right now, or are you just delusional? Hell no I can’t just forgive you. You slept with my best friend and broke my fuckin’ heart. The fact that you don’t feel bad is baffling.”

  “I apologized for that. I never fell out of love with you. I made a mistake, and I’m sorry.”

  I shook my head in disbelief. “A mistake? You threw away our entire relationship for one night with Xander. That, in my book is completely unforgivable. Now please leave my room.”

  “Ruger, please.”

  “No, Rowan. There is no please, there is no us, and I never want to see you again.”

  I rolled onto my side and waited as her heels clacked against the tile floor as she left my room. When the door clicked shut, I rolled back onto my back and lay there in silence as my miserable life slowly fell to pieces around me, while I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. No matter what I tried to do at this very moment, I was
still goin’ to end up alone, without Carson. Just when I thought my past was deep and buried, it had to come crawlin’ out to haunt me.

  Twelve

  Carson

  It had been an excruciatingly long three weeks since I walked away from Ruger. Three weeks in which I never thought I would be able to live through, but some how or another I made it. I threw my comforter off of me and stood to get dressed in my running gear, just as I had for the last twenty days. I had gotten myself into a routine of running, self loathing and just plain being a bitch to every person around me, especially my sister. I even changed my mind about moving on campus with Amelia and Trinity, and I was pretty close to forgetting about college all together.

  I tied my laces, grabbed my iPod and slipped it into my armband as I made my way downstairs. Of course the one day I decide to not put my headphones in my ears before I went downstairs, I have to run in to every single one of my family members.

  “Hey honey, you going running again?” My mom was far beyond chipper this morning, and I could only assume it was because Ruger had been ripped out of my life.

  “Yeah.” As I tried to silently slip into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, my Dad happened to pop in.

  “Hey Carson. You want some company?”

  “No, Dad.” Was all I said as I made my way towards the front door. Then there was my sister. Before she could even get a word out, I cut her off. “Don’t even try to talk to me, Lyndley.” I flung open the door, shoved my headphones in my ears and took off running so fast that even Lyndley couldn’t catch me.

  As Ed Sheeran’s Kiss Me blasted through my ears, I pushed myself harder than I ever had before. I ran as though the sidewalk was never ending, as visions of my time with Ruger played through my mind like a movie. A Short movie, but one I enjoyed all the same. Staying away from him was one of the hardest things I had to do, right next to walking away from him. In the short amount of time that I had spent with Ruger, I had fallen head over heels for him. As much as I wanted to deny it, I couldn’t.