Given to You

by Carlie Sexton

  “You really want to hear about my childhood?”

  “Our childhood experiences shape our lives, in phenomenal ways. I was just curious about yours, that’s all.”

  “Well, I told you that I was raised in foster care because my family couldn’t afford to keep me. But my foster mom told me that my parents didn’t want me. For some reason, she became very possessive of me.”

  “It’s terrible that she would tell you such a thing,” Kate said, continuing to stir the vegetables and stuffing.

  “One day, however, my real mom came to see me. She was at the door knocking and calling my name, but my foster mother made me go to my room before she answered the door. I heard them yelling at each other. My mom wanted to take me with her. That’s when I knew she wanted me, when I heard my mom say it to my foster mom. Then I heard a loud noise like glass breaking and it scared me, so I hid in the closet. The next thing I knew, it grew eerily quiet. I decided to come out of my room and as I peeked around the corner, I saw my mom’s feet. She was lying on the floor. All I could see were her legs and feet. The rest of her was behind the island. I wanted to go to her so badly, but seeing her on the floor frightened me so much that I ran back to my room.” Roger stopped talking for a moment.

  “Oh my God, Roger. That is horrifying,” Kate said, putting her hand on her chest. Roger nodded. “I was only six, so I didn’t know what to do,” he continued. “I didn’t see my foster mother anywhere. I thought that she might have been going for help.”

  “I can’t imagine how terrified you must have been,” Kate said with a genuine look of concern on her face.

  “Yeah, I was beyond terrified. I decided to come out of my room again, thinking, I guess, that my mom needed me to be brave. I went back to the kitchen and saw my foster mother dragging my mom out the back door by her feet.”

  “You saw you foster mom dragging away your mom? I can’t imagine that. Do you know what happened next?” Kate asked.

  “I don’t know what happened to my mom because I never saw her again,” Roger said. “She was classified as a missing person, leaving my dad to raise my siblings alone. The police questioned my foster mom, but they never found a body so they had nothing to go on. I’m not even sure anymore what I saw. I try to block it out, but it seeps in sometimes and consumes me. If I had been stronger, maybe I could have helped my mom. It’s something I have to live with every day.” Roger wished that Kate would come out of the kitchen and comfort him, but she didn’t. It was going to take longer than he thought to get her to want him.

  “You were just a little boy and there was nothing you could do. You shouldn’t blame yourself,” Kate said, a caring tone resonating from her. “Was her body ever found?”

  “No, she is still classified as a missing person.”

  “I remember you saying that you still keep in touch with your foster mom. You’re a grown man now. Have you thought about asking her about that day?”

  “No, I can’t ask her about it. She raised me to be like her and I know that she did what she did to protect me in her own way. She taught me to take care of what is mine, Kate. I love you and Jacob, and will always look after you, just like my foster mom took great care of me.”

  Roger didn’t want to say anything else because admitting to Kate that he was a monster like his foster mother made him uncomfortable. How could Kate want a monster? He needed her to want him as much as he wanted her. This was an unfamiliar feeling that he hadn’t expected.

  “I understand,” she said. “Sometimes it’s hard to talk to your parents.”

  His expression, which bordered on anger, made it clear he didn’t want to talk about that any more. “Dinner’s ready,” she said. “Shall I dish up the food on our plates?”

  “Yeah and I’ll pour us each a glass of wine,” Roger said, figuring the wine would loosen Kate up, make things go more smoothly this evening, especially when he still had to go out to take care of Paulina.

  Kate brought two plates to the table and went back into the kitchen for hers. They sat down at the table and began eating. Roger noticed that Kate didn’t have much of an appetite. She seemed to just move what little food she put on her plate from one side to the other.

  “You need to eat because you’re going to need your strength later,” Roger said as he put his hand on her thigh under the table. Kate’s leg moved away from him slightly, but he didn’t let her go.

  “I guess I’m just not very hungry,” Kate said a little breathy. “Today has been a little unexpected and quite tiring to be honest,” she said, taking a small bite.

  Kate asked Jacob about school. She wanted to know about his favorite subject, his friends, his teacher. Jacob really loved his teacher and talked about how sweet she was to everyone. He had a big smile on his face when he talked about the day he scraped his knee and she took care of him.

  When they were done eating, Kate cleared the plates from the table and began cleaning up the kitchen.

  “Would you like some coffee?” she asked.

  “Yeah, coffee is a good idea. It will give us some energy.”

  Roger searched Kate’s face for her response to his suggestiveness. His offer of coffee to help ‘stimulate’ the night-time activities wasn’t received as enthusiastically as expected. Her smile was small, tight and her body language was a little cold. She wasn’t behaving quite like either of his Roses would have, if he had said that to one of them. But, he recognized that this was going to take time and he knew he’d be warming her up soon, in more ways than one. He was, however, impressed at how good she had been with Jacob, but not surprised. I think she is coming around and can see how good we are going to be together.

  Jacob sat in the stuffed arm chair, and started playing his game again. Roger took out the mugs, sugar, and creamer. They each fixed their coffee and Kate followed him into the living room, where they sat side by side on the sofa.

  “So, it sounds like your childhood was pretty traumatic. I’d love for you to tell me more,” she said, keeping the warm mug in her hands.

  “Really?” he asked. “I haven’t shared much of my childhood with any woman, but I think it would be good to tell you about myself.”

  Kate rested her hand on his arm. Roger glanced down at her delicate fingers and reveled in the feeling of her touching him voluntarily. Things were beginning to go just like he had wanted, like he had dreamed. They had had a rocky start, but she was really coming around. Maybe she’s just nervous.

  “I was my foster mom’s favorite. She doted on me and wanted me by her side all of the time,” he said. “She preferred me to her own children. At least that’s what I believed when I was a child, but I now know that we shared some terrible secrets and she wanted to make sure I didn’t tell anyone. Anyway, I thought I was the favorite and it was nice at first, until she became overly possessive.”

  “How was she possessive?”

  “Well, for starters, she began chaining me in my room at night, saying that it was for my protection. Protection from what? I had no idea. She also had a padlock added to the outside of my door so I couldn’t get out unless she let me. The only time I was away from her was at school. But she eventually started home-schooling me.”

  “Wow, sounds intense. Did she think that you saw her kill your mother?” Kate asked.

  “Probably, but she never asked me about it. We didn’t speak about my mother. When the police questioned me, she told me to lie or they would take me away from her, so I said exactly what she wanted me to say.”

  Kate shook her head. She gently stroked his forearm with her finger tips and said, “I’m so sorry that you went through that. No child should have to lie about seeing his mother like you did.”

  Roger felt his skin tingle as Kate rubbed his arm. His thoughts turned toward having her naked in his bed. His lustful eyes devoured Kate and he knew her body would soon be his. But right now they were talking; it seemed like such a waste of time.

  “Well, it really became bad when I was a teenager
. I wasn’t allowed to have any friends and my entire existence revolved around my foster family,” he said. “When I turned eighteen, I did the only thing I could to get away. I joined the Army and was shipped overseas.”

  “That was smart of you to get away from her. Do you think she has shaped some of the decisions you have made as an adult?”

  “I know that she has impacted me in ways I can’t understand,” Roger answered. “I do things I wish I hadn’t, but I can’t take them back. I am driven to get what I want--just like she is. It’s like someone else takes over and I am watching myself, unable to control what I am doing.”

  “It sounds like a tough way to grow up,” Kate said, withdrawing her hand to pick up her mug.

  “Well, I want to make up for lost time,” he said. “Until now, I have felt like I was just existing, but meeting you changed everything. I knew if I could get through to you, things could be different, better, complete. That’s why I’m so happy that you are giving us a chance.”

  Roger placed his hand on her thigh, slowing moving his hand toward her inner thighs. All the while he shared his past, he watched Kate’s face for reaction. Her words seemed empathetic, but her eyes gave her true feelings away. She kept flinching when he touched her, and her face paled at times. Maybe she is just tired, but even now with his hand stroking her body she seemed frozen, not warm and accepting of his hand on her body.

  He stopped moving his hand and just rested it on her thigh. “One thing that has vexed me since I met you, was why you didn’t already have a boyfriend,” he said. “You are so beautiful, kind, intelligent. The total package. I’m really curious as to why you were alone.”

  “I lost someone who I loved very much,” she said. “When he died, I dropped out of life. I went to work and then home again. Since I worked in the kid’s department, I rarely came into contact with men. When I did, they were usually with their wives. It was a perfect way for me to avoid being hurt again. When I wasn’t working, I stayed home. I’ve read countless books and watched more movies than I can remember.”

  “Who did you lose, if you don’t mind me asking?”

  “My fiancé David. He was my high school boyfriend and our sophomore year of college we decided to get married.”

  “Wow, so you were engaged. That was just a few years ago. How did he die?” Roger asked, lifting his hand to tuck some loose strands behind her ear.

  Kate recounted the accident and the guilt she had experienced over what had happened. Therapy also came up, but she didn’t disclose her kayaking incident. By the time she was done her eyes were filled with tears. Roger pulled her close and held her. Figuring this was the normal reaction to her emotions he whispered, “You have me now baby. I’ll always be here for you.” He felt her body shaking as he held her and gave her his words of comfort.

  Now that his curiosity was quenched, all he wanted was to get to the night’s festivities.

  Chapter 5

  On the drive to the North County, Neil concentrated on the night he first saw Kate working in the children’s department at Nordstrom, which seemed permanently etched in his mind. He pictured Kate laughing with the customers she was helping. Kate’s smile was infectious and had a way of making everyone around her feel warm and accepted. She went out of her way to engage with her customers, making them feel appreciated.

  He had so desperately and shamelessly pursued her initially because of her resemblance to Elizabeth, but he’d also felt an inexplicable need to have her in his life. He smiled at the thought of her trying to resist his advances and how that had made him want her so much more. He had done things that he normally wouldn’t as he pursued her, pulling out all the stops to convince her to go out with him. But she hadn’t just captured him with her looks that evening, she had beguiled him with how well she played the game he had initiated. She had hooked him on the first night they met and he never wanted to let her go. Now, he was searching frantically to find her because another man had become obsessed with her. The only difference was that Wilkins was willing to destroy lives in order to have Kate.

  What if she hadn’t signed up for the mentor program and they had never met? She might have eventually gone out with Wilkins if he had been able to control his creepiness factor. Neil shook his head. He had met her and she had fallen for him and he was going to move heaven and earth to find her. No matter what it took. Knowing that Kate was within arm’s length of that psychopath, caused his blood to boil, but also it felt as though part of his heart had stopped beating. Losing Elizabeth had shattered him for some time. Losing Kate would probably destroy him.

  Neil turned onto the road where Roger’s sister Joyce lived. He had prayed the whole way that he could get through to her, hoping that she could give him something to go on. He had been squeezing the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were sore. She has to know something.

  Neil parked his car in the dusty driveway and got out, bounding up the steps of the front porch. Joyce lived in the middle of nowhere.

  He knocked forcefully on the front door. After waiting a minute, she answered.

  “Who is it?” she asked with a startled voice. She obviously didn’t have visitors very often.

  “Joyce, it’s Neil Statton. I called you earlier. Please open the door. I need to talk to you. It’s a matter of life and death.”

  Joyce opened the door. She was a frail looking woman, in her late forties. Neil could see a slight resemblance between her and Roger. She must have been the oldest in the family that gave him away. If they had only kept him, he might be a normal person today.

  “Like I told you on the phone, I don’t know where Roger is. As far as I know, he is at his apartment with is son Jacob and Paulina.”

  Neil took out his cell phone and showed Joyce a picture of Kate, hoping to tug at her heartstrings. “This is my girlfriend. She lived next door to Roger when he was dating Rose,” he said. “Kate, her friends, and I all began to feel that Roger had become obsessed with her, so much so, that she moved away from him when he went to Germany to visit his son. He looked for her at work and almost found her. I am very confident that he has her now. The security guard that I hired to protect her was shot with a tranquilizer dart. I can’t reach Kate and she always answers when I call. Please, Joyce, I need your help,” Neil seemed to say all of this in one breath, the words spilling out of him like water boiling over in a pot.

  Joyce stood there staring at him with her mouth slightly open.

  “Please come in, Mr. Statton. I don’t know if I can be of any help, but I will try. When I talked to Roger and Paulina on Thanksgiving, everything seemed fine.”

  She opened her door wide and Neil walked into the modest living room.

  “Please sit down,” she said, motioning to the sofa.

  “Do you have any idea where Roger might have taken Kate? Does he have any hangouts that you are aware of?”

  “Let me think for a moment,” Joyce said.

  She fell silent and Neil thought he was going to jump out of his skin waiting for her to answer. I hope this wasn’t a waste of time. I need to find Kate now! Fuck!

  Neil had a feeling in his gut that she was holding something back. He worried that pushing her too hard would cause her to clam up, like she had on the phone.

  “Anything at all would help,” he said “It’s not like Kate to not respond to my calls.”

  “I can’t think of any hangouts,” she said. “He might be with his friend Rick. They are thick as thieves.”

  “Rick went missing in May and the last person to see him alive was Roger,” Neil said.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You didn’t know that Roger is being investigated by the police for Rick’s disappearance and Rose’s murder?”

  “No, I had no idea. He didn’t tell me about Rick nor did he tell me about being a suspect in Rose’s murder,” Joyce said, her eyes cast toward the floor. “Do you think that Roger is capable of killing people?”

  “I think an
ything is possible,” Neil said. “The police seem to be convinced that he is capable of killing. He’s the only suspect in Rose’s murder. Maybe you could call Roger and casually ask him what he is doing right now? Perhaps that would give us a clue.”

  “Okay,” she said. “I’ll get my phone.” Joyce stood up and walked over to the console table. She picked up her phone and began scrolling for Roger’s number.

  “Hi, Roger, it’s Joyce. How are you doing? ...Great…me too… . So, what are you up to right now? I thought that you, Paulina, and Jacob could come up for a visit? …Oh, I see. Is Paulina at the cabin with you? ...Oh, that’s too bad. When did she leave? I hope her mother will be okay… Well, why don’t we plan for next weekend? I’d love to see Jacob… All right, bye.”

  Joyce put her phone on the coffee table. She didn’t speak right away so Neil began questioning her.

  “Where is he? Did he say?”

  “He took Jacob up to my cabin in Big Bear. He said that Paulina went back to Germany to take care of her mom. Something doesn’t seem right. Paulina wouldn’t leave her son like that. She would have taken Jacob with her.”

  “Can I have the address for the cabin? I need to get up there right away to see if he has Kate.”

  “Yes, I’ll write it down for you,” Joyce said. She went to the kitchen to get a pen and paper. It was obvious that movement wasn’t easy for her. She wrote down the address and returned to the living room. “Here you go. I’m sorry I hung up on you earlier. Be careful. His voice sounded off. He seemed…anxious when talking to me.”

  “Thank you,” Neil said, taking the address. He turned quickly and headed out the door.

  Neil was driving over a hundred miles per hour to close the distance between himself and Kate, knowing that he was a few hours behind her. Hours that could mean she had to do the things that Wilkins wanted her to do. He couldn’t stand the thought of Wilkins hurting his girl in any way, and when his mind wandered to such places…well, that made him furious.