Jaded Hearts (The Jaded Hearts Club)

by Olivia Linden

  “This goes out to the wonderful Ms. Jade Spencer who helped put this evening together.”

  Then his sultry voice began to croon Fly Me to the Moon. I smiled at the choice of one of my favorite Sinatra tunes and began to sway along basking in the almost perfect success of the evening. John held out his hand to me in a silent request to dance with the goofiest twinkle in his eyes. He was such a gentleman. A handsome one at that.

  OK, let’s put those eighth grade dance lessons to work.

  We worked the dance floor with our finest renditions of the Foxtrot, Balboa, and the Lindy Hop. Jackie being her wonderful, playful self encouraged as many people on the dance floor to join in as possible. John led me around the dance floor in true Gene Kelly fashion gracefully twirling me into his arms to songs like I’ve Got You Under My Skin, and All or Nothing at All. With every dance my giddiness grew because John seemed to be having just as much fun. I loved that he didn’t take himself too seriously. I could see the flirtatious gleam in his eyes whenever he pulled me close to him.

  This is really awesome!

  And then, suddenly there was Julian cutting in as usual. His interruption came about 40 seconds into The Way You look tonight. John was visibly reluctant to give me away and after an encouraging nod from me, turned me over to Julian bowing gracefully.

  In an instant all my playful cheeriness was replaced with the intensity of us. Julian did not move as lightly on his feet as John, but he somehow managed to impart his own sensual sway as he held me pressed against him. He gazed at me his eyes ablaze with some unrecognizable emotion.

  “Hello Julian.” I decided to be the first to break the ice. He just continued to stare at me. “So, is he the reason you’re not ready for a relationship?” The tone of his voice was icy as he tried to conceal what his eyes where betraying. I laughed.

  “No, John is a business associate who helped me put this together. I don’t need another person to be a reason for anything I do.” I tried to keep my temper in check at his unfounded question.

  A warm hand slid up my back to gently caress the exposed skin of my shoulders and then back to rest on the small of my back. I was certain he was doing this for the benefit of anyone, mostly John, who may have been watching.

  “You know Jade, you’re an amazing woman and I never cease to be amazed by you. Congratulations on such a hit for your first event.”

  A quick spin and he positioned me with my back to his chest as he rocked me to Witchcraft. Hot, heavy breaths escaped against my neck and ears as our natural animalistic chemistry struggled to overtake us.

  “There is no nicer witch than you, for sure.” His application of the song’s lyrics made me smile.

  I held on to my indifference, born of not hearing from him all day, but it was slowly slipping away.

  “Why haven’t I heard from you Jules? How can you just ignore me, and then magically show up questioning my choice of dance partner?”

  My voice was surprisingly calm as I turned the interrogation around onto him. I turned for his answer, so that we were face to face for his answer trembling with anger. The pained expression returned to his eyes and my chest tightened.

  “Bella, I’ve had something very serious come up that has created havoc for me.”

  Havoc?

  “Care to share?”

  I pressed for more of an explanation. He hesitated to answer and I’ll Be Seeing You streamed at us from a nearby speaker.

  “Its business Jade and I don’t want to go into too many details with you.”

  Until that moment I had managed to keep my temper in check but it was becoming increasingly difficult as his evasive answers increased my level of agitation.

  “You don’t want to, or just won’t tell me?”

  He narrowed his eyes.

  “I don’t want to, can’t, and won’t tell you.”

  His grip around my waist tightened as he knew me well enough to expect I would try to pull away from him. I let out a long exasperated breath.

  “So why are you here now?”

  Julian thought long and hard about his answer. Something was off with him. His usual egotistical swagger was missing and he seemed excessively pensive. But not willing to share why. I searched his face for any indication of what he was thinking or feeling.

  “I wanted to see you before I left. I’m going out of the country for a few weeks on business.”

  The words felt like a jab to the chin a la Mike Tyson. This time I narrowed my eyes to him.

  “So let me get this straight. You keep asking me to be yours and to give myself to you, but you don’t trust me enough to share with me something so big that you can’t call me for days. You tell me you love me but not enough to shoot me a simple text letting me know that you’re alive, and now you have to leave the country for a few weeks? You chased me and wouldn’t take no for an answer and for what? You’re all up in my business, my house and my damn panties, but I know nothing about you. Where do you even live? For all I…”

  Before I could continue he brought his face dangerously close to mine and uttered through clenched teeth.

  “I didn’t chase you for a thrill, it was due to your damn running and this is an unexpected situation that unfortunately I cannot ignore. I know how it may look to you, but I really cannot tell you any more than that.”

  His explanations really sucked.

  “Well, clearly I was running because my sixth sense was trying to warn me to stay away from a man who uses me for sex all weekend and then decides I’m not worth including in any other area of his life,” I scathed.

  Julian actually winced at my retort. For a moment I wasn’t sure if he was going to squeeze me within inches of my last breath or kiss me. He finally chose to place a slow and tender kiss on my always anxious for him lips.

  “I’m not using you for sex Jade, and you know that. I didn’t come here to fight with you or ruin your night. I just didn’t want to leave without talking to you. Voy a soñar contigo.”

  I was speechless, mainly because trying to hold my tears back was consuming me, and because he sounded so broken and defeated it touched me. I could only stand there and watch as he strode away from me towards the exit.

  Thank God for Jackie. She stepped into Julian’ place after it was apparent that I was not going to move. I wasn’t even sure of the tune that was playing because all I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears. She took one look at me and understood that now was not the time for questions.

  “Aw Jade, don’t worry. Everything will work out.” I hoped she was right.

  12 THE BLACKBERRY TYPE

  The next day was Saturday, and I made a vow with myself to begin filling my weekends up with more productive activities. All the drinking, dancing and sexing over the last few weeks had me feeling like I was trapped in a rap video. I prowled around for a gym, finally settling on Crunch on 52nd street. It was a quick train or cab ride away and I loved the hustle and bustle of Midtown. After doing an hour on the elliptical I decided to do my cool down with a tour of Times Square. As I was passing and resisting my second cinnamon roasted nut stand my cell buzzed in the pocket of my yoga pants. It was John.

  “Hey, John!”

  I tried to keep my tone light even though I was sick with what he must have thought about my scene with Julian last night.

  “Hey Jade. I just wanted to call and check on you.”

  His concern was very endearing but I knew what he really wanted to ask me.

  “Oh. I’m good. I just left Crunch and I’m trying so hard not to wreck my workout at one of these damn street food vendors!” His laughter was evidence that my plan to keep our conversation light was working and that was great because I did not want to talk about Julian.

  “Are you in Midtown? I just stopped by my office but I can meet you for lunch. Something healthy of course keeping your workout in mind and all.”

  Now it was my turn to giggle.

  “Purrfect! I am so hungry I think these damn roasted peanu
ts are hitting on me.”

  More laughter.

  “OK, well then meet me at Fresco on 46th.”

  I looked up to gather that I was on 48th and 7th Ave.

  “OK see you in five.”

  I arrived at our meeting place first and grabbed a table by the window so that I could people watch. New York was filled with so many different characters that you never knew what to expect. I was enjoying the spectacle of an older couple arguing as they gradually moseyed down the block. The wife was definitely not pleased with her husband and would jab him with her cane periodically throughout their conversation.

  “You know that’s an invasion of privacy.” John whispered in my ear.

  I laughed involuntarily because I was feeling like a peeping tom.

  “Busted! Now that you’ve uncovered my voyeuristic tendencies, what are you going to do?”

  He flashed a toothy grin.

  “Get you some binoculars!”

  The woman at the table behind me chuckled causing us both to burst out in laughter. I studied his tall muscular body covered by a fitted gray sleeveless T-shirt and matching gym shorts. This was the first time I had seen him without a suit on and I couldn’t decide how I liked him better. His hair was casually slicked back making him look even younger than his thirty years of age. He sat down putting his blackberry on the table and grabbing a menu.

  “You look like the blackberry type,” I flirted.

  He peered at me over the top of his menu raising an eyebrow in question.

  “I hope you plan on explaining what the blackberry type looks like. I need to know this in case I ever have to go incognito. Can’t have my damn phone giving me away.”

  And he is Funny!

  “Well, you know, the one handed user, so you need a phone with buttons.” I teased.

  This time he raised both eyebrows and put his menu down.

  “Can I please get clarification on the ‘one handed user’ segment of that last statement? I don’t want to jump to any conclusions, but I’m beginning to think that you have a filthy little mind over there,” he joked.

  I narrowed my eyes in mock anger.

  “Excuse me sir, I believe there is only one filthy mind at this table and it is not mine.”

  He picked his menu back up.

  “The lady doth protest too much methinks…”

  I tried to repress my giggle as I continued my defense.

  “Will you be buying me a new pair of binoculars or letting me borrow your own?”

  He leaned back in his chair pulling the menu back up over his eyes.

  “I plead the 5th.”

  I imitated him leaning back to study my own menu.

  “Uh huh. Just like a lawyer.”

  The woman behind me chuckled again.

  The remainder of our lunch date was filled with more light banter and laughs. I was starting to marvel at my luck for meeting such great people in my short while here. In the middle of a conversation about which Angler band member had the hots for me, my phone buzzed loudly on the table. I looked at it hesitantly then bounced in my seat with delight when I saw that it was Andrew.

  “Eh Bwoy!” That was my usual greeting to my brother.

  I saw John’s face crinkle in amusement and slight curiosity at my changed accent.

  “Hey Jade. Are you busy?” His voice was way too heavy for this to be a call to say I love you.

  “Uh oh, that doesn’t sound like this is going to be good at all. Yeah, I’ll call you when I get home.” I hung up wondering what could have him sounding so down. I glanced at John who was looking down impassively toying with his plate.

  “Boyfriend?” He asked still not looking at me.

  I smiled. “No brother. I don’t have a boyfriend.”

  He looked at me then with a hint of suspicion in his eyes. “So last night, the Dark Knight wasn’t your guy?”

  I laughed at his impression of Julian. “No, John. The Dark Knight isn’t my guy.”

  His disposition changed visibly but he still questioned me. “So, he’s just a guy who wants to be your guy?”

  I like his sense of humor.

  “I plead the fifth!”

  I couldn’t wait to get home and call Andrew back, even though I hated to cut lunch short with John. I had the feeling he wanted to spend more time with me, but the uncharacteristic tone of my brother’s voice kept gnawing at me, so I promised him lunch on Monday. After I got home, I kicked off my shoes and immediately pulled out my phone. He answered on the first ring.

  “Jade, you are not ready for this shit here, trust me. I want to tell you, but I have this voice in my ear that says “Don’t tell her, Bro” then the other voice says “Please, do not listen to that other voice” So since its two against one I gotta tell you.”

  Even in the midst of delivering bad news he could somehow manage to make me laugh. “Just get it over with already. Please!” I threw myself onto the couch and swung my legs up over the armrest.

  “Alright. So last night I’m hanging out at Mangos. Right?”

  I smirked, “But you hate Mangos.”

  “You’re right! I know, but it was for my coworker’s birthday. So I’m there and I’m having a contest with Henderson trying to find a girl with real tits that was really a girl.”

  “OK…”

  “So I find a pair-I mean a chick and I’m like 'Yeah I win!’

  “Congratulations.”

  “But then I take a better look at baby girl’s face.”

  “To make sure she’s really a girl right?”

  “And it’s Colleen.”

  I laughed hysterically because Andrew has had a crush on Colleen since the first day he laid eyes on her. I noticed that Drew wasn’t laughing with me.

  “Well, it’s not so much that it was her, but more what she was doing and who she was with...”

  “Oh boy... Who was it?” I was becoming impatient.

  “It was Evan.” Radio Silence.

  Poor Andrew sounded more devastated than I did, but his reaction was more due to the fact that he didn’t know how I was going to handle this and he wasn’t able to be here for me. And even though he was absolutely right I consoled him enough to get off of the phone so that I could face my feelings the way that I did best. Alone.

  13 THE DARK KNIGHT

  Andrew was only a baby when our mother decided she didn’t want to be our mother. It took a year for me to give up on my dreams of her coming back to us and decide to forget how she smelled when she hugged me or how she used to sing to us or that she used to do my hair like hers. As the phone calls dwindled I forgot how beautiful her voice was.

  It only took me two more years to get people to stop comparing me to her because I saw her every time I looked in the mirror. At six years old I knew my mommy wasn’t coming back and I was alone. This was that kind of pain dull and lingering pulling my emotions into a black hole. At a young age I had turned my back on my emotions because they were too hard to deal with. How do you ever get over the fact that your mommy didn’t love you enough to take care of you? From that day on the word love was meaningless to me.

  I sat there on the floor with my knees pulled up close against my chest with a bottle of Hennessy and listened to Jill Scott’s Hear My Call as I stared out at the Hudson River and let the tears roll silently down my face.

  I really didn’t hear when my buzzer went off because I had stopped hearing much of anything ten shots into my cognac binge. But now I could hear my name and It was really bugging me that I kept hearing it over and over and over. Somehow John managed to rouse me out of my brown liquor induced coma and I stared at him without recognition for a few moments until I remembered what day it was, where I was and how I had felt before I stopped hearing things. His face looked somber as he tried keeping me awake and I closed my eyes to keep from crying again but it didn’t work.

  “What are you doing here?” I was truly unhappy with him being here crashing my 5 star pity party.

  “Jackie
called me. Your brother called her and she called you, but when you didn’t answer she called me because she couldn’t leave the shop. She wanted me to check on you. I hadn’t really planned to come in, but when I rang your buzzer so many times and you didn’t answer I got worried. When I opened the door and saw you on the floor I have to admit it wasn’t a great feeling at all. I could tell you were breathing despite the more than half empty bottle next to you. So now I’m here sitting on the floor with you.”

  He held me in his lap and wiped the tears from my face.

  “You’re trying to make me feel better n I doen wanna feerl betterr.” I didn’t care that I wasn’t making any sense or slurring my words and didn’t care that I could hear the amusement in his voice when he responded.

  “Well, why do you wanna feel bad? Do you wanna tell me what happened?”

  Screw you Mr. I’m not drunk but going to make fun of my drunken friend!

  “No. notn rearly.”

  Oh damn I really sounded bad.

  “OK, then I’ll just sit here with you then. Do you mind if I have some of your cognac?” His question almost made me laugh but I was too sleepy to respond.

  Hmmm. Bacon.

  I was so hungry but all I wanted was bacon, and I wanted it so bad that I could smell it, but why did I taste Hennessy? I opened my eyes determined to scrub and gargle my mouth of this horrid aftertaste. I was lying on my couch with my Snoopy blanket covering me and John was in my kitchen.

  I did smell bacon.

  I sat up slowly fearing any sudden movement might spark a hangover headache, but surprisingly I was fine. John noticed I was awake when I was halfway to the kitchen.

  “Hey there.” He said in a low whisper.

  I smirked still not quite able to laugh yet.

  “Why are you whispering?” I played along.

  He put his finger up to his lips to silence me and pointed to his head. Who was this guy? “Um, I’m fine John you don’t have to whisper!”

  He winced at my raised voice.