Ladd Haven

by Dianne Venetta

  “I’m sorry.”

  Felicity nodded and fought back a rush of tears. She didn’t want people to be sorry for her. She wanted a normal life. The one she thought she had before last night. When she left the Foster’s home, she believed those people knew the reason why. She could see it in the eyes of the wives. Mrs. Foster clearly didn’t believe her impromptu illness. Jack questioned her all the way to the car as he walked her out. He’d called several times this morning but she hadn’t answered. She wasn’t going to. She never planned to speak to the man again.

  The wisp of Casey’s voice cut through her fog, reached deep into her heart. “No, I don’t blame my mother. She was young and in love.” Gripped by the intensity with which Casey spoke, Felicity hung in expectation. “She wasn’t thinking about anything but the present moment, her own desires. It’s not like she purposefully gave me a rotten father. It happened, is all.” Moisture collected in her lids and Felicity thought Casey was about to cry. Crossing arms over her mid-section, she added, “It wasn’t what she wanted. It wasn’t what she planned but she raised me, did it on her own.”

  Staring at a napkin roll of silverware, Casey continued, “I think she did the best she could. Given the circumstances, the difficulty.” She paused, gathering Felicity in her gaze. “I think in the end she did her best. Can we ask for anything more? Can we make someone give more than they are?” Casey glanced away. “I think life is hard. It’s harder than any of us expect, and some people handle the challenge better than others. Doesn’t mean they’re better people. Just means they handled that situation better.”

  Struck by the wisdom, the forgiveness in her voice, Felicity fell back. From what she understood, Jeremiah Ladd was not a nice man. He was a lowlife, a bad guy. He wasn’t always that way, but her mom said that when he came back home after living in Atlanta, he’d changed. Had there been a challenge in the big city he couldn’t handle?

  What about her mother? Had she done the best she could? Felicity had always believed she had. She’d always believed her mom was amazing. She was strong and smart and took care of Felicity all these years on her own. Like Casey’s mom did with her. But Casey’s mom didn’t lie to her about her father. Her mom never hid the truth from her, good or bad. But hers did. “My mom never told me.”

  Casey gaped at her. “Would you have wanted her to?”

  “Yes,” she replied, but the minute the word left her lips, Felicity wondered about its validity. “I think so.”

  “Not me.” Casey shook her head. “I wished I didn’t know anything about my father.”

  “You wouldn’t have wanted to know the truth, one way or another?”

  “What good did it do me? My father’s in jail. He’s a loser. How does that help?”

  “But, he’s your—”

  “Sperm donor. That’s all he is to me. A sperm donor.”

  Felicity closed her mouth, bit back her objection. Casey had turned cold. Completely shut down. Could she really view her father in those terms? Was she really okay with the loss? After years of spotty contact with her dad, Felicity had always harbored a secret wish for things to change. One day, when their paths crossed, maybe they could find each other, work through the past and form a new relationship. It was possible. She’d heard stories of people who had done the same.

  It was her mother who had been standing in the way. Felicity had decided she was the obstacle. Her father had validated the same when he invited her to dinner, claiming it was her mom who had stood in the way of a relationship with her grandparents. Looking back, Felicity couldn’t deny her excitement. She’d been nervous but looking forward to opening a new chapter in her life. Her heart closed. Unfortunately, it turned out to be the beginning of a horror story.

  Living a common nightmare, she felt allied with Casey. “So that’s why you’re okay with not telling Troy about the baby.”

  The comment caught Casey on the chin. “What do you mean?’

  “He’s a sperm donor. He’s not going to be in her life, so why tell her about him?”

  “Well, not exactly. I don’t want him to stay because of the baby.” Her face changed. The grim lines slipped away, exposing the vulnerability of her true motivation. “I want him to stay because of me.”

  “Ah... And you don’t think he would?”

  Casey averted her direct gaze. “I don’t know.”

  “You have to tell him,” Felicity said, on-the-spot adamant it was the right thing to do. “He’s a good guy. I’ve known him my whole life, and no matter how misguided he can be at times, he’s a good person.” When Casey didn’t argue the point, Felicity wasn’t sure if she was agreeing or resisting. “You have to give him the chance to make that decision. It’s his right to know. Just because our dads aren’t good fathers doesn’t mean Troy won’t be.” Tears filled Casey’s eyes but she remained mute. Fueled by outrage over her own loss of choice, a decision made for her and not with her, Felicity urged Casey not to do the same to Troy. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. “It’s his baby too, Casey. Let him decide what he wants to do about it.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Stowed away in the privacy of her bedroom, dressed comfortably in T-shirt and baggy shorts, Casey mulled over the conversation with Felicity. Alone in the apartment, the one she now shared with both her mother and Cal until their house was built, Casey sat on her bed, surrounded by frilly girl-aged pillows, a collection she’d built over the years. Her ivory-painted furniture was the same set she’d had since middle school, the culmination of months of saving and pleading with her mother that if she bought this set Casey would never ask for another thing again. Photos of her and her mom on her dresser instilled a sense of warmth, comfort. This was her home. No longer a place she loathed to be, but a place of love, connection. Family.

  She wanted to tell Troy about the baby. She wanted him to know, to be excited, to care enough to want to become a family. It would be a dream come true. They’d talked about a future together. The night before he left, they talked about him working his way to owning a ranch one day while she continued classes at the local college. Casey told him she wanted to study stars. When he didn’t laugh, she confessed it was her passion. There were so many intricacies in the sky, hundreds of thousands of constellations. Millions, really. The sky was unlimited, a concept that appealed to her. When he asked what she’d do with a degree in star-gazing, she couldn’t say. She wasn’t quite sure herself but she’d do something with it. Kids entered the conversation but they were a distant desire. Some day. One day. Neither expected that day to be today.

  Casey thought back to that night and what Troy said about “forever.” He claimed she was his best friend and he couldn’t live a life without her. If that was true, how could he have walked away from her? He didn’t tell her where he was going—he told Travis. She had to hear about it from a third party. When he finally called a week later, she’d told him where to go. He couldn’t walk out on her without a word and expect her to be okay with it. She had her pride, didn’t she? He didn’t get to make the call on how things went, what she was supposed to be happy about.

  Pulling a pillow onto her lap, she settled her chin on top of it and gazed at her outstretched legs. Her red toe polish was chipped, a sign of her neglect of her appearance. But looks weren’t a priority, especially when she wore boots everywhere. Not like there was anyone around to see it, she bemoaned. Images of Troy and other women coursed through her. After what he did with that Loretta woman and the Devane woman, he should have considered himself lucky she was even speaking to him. He’d said as much that night, hadn’t he? He had begged her forgiveness—something she nearly didn’t give him—sworn he was going to change his ways. Then he turned around and deserted her? Casey clutched a pillow tightly to her chest, heartache gushing anew. He should have been on his knees pleading for her approval for his decision to move. He should have been afraid she might not want to go with him. But he wasn’t. Troy didn’t even ask her to go with him. There was no “pack
your bag, we’re going to Kentucky.” No “what do you think about living in Kentucky?” Nothing. Troy had up and left without a kiss goodbye.

  I’m back. For good.

  A spasm squirmed high in her belly. Casey slid a hand beneath her T-shirt and cupped her stomach holding it close. Her bare skin was warm, taut. A long spasm writhed beneath her fingertips. Casey smiled. “Are you trying to tell me something, baby girl?” The rolling sensation continued, clear down to her hip bone. “You’re getting big. You’re running out of room in there, you know.”

  In another two months, she’d be out, with all the room she needed. A flutter of nerves erupted at her breast. Childbirth scared Casey. She’d read books, watched reality television. The women screamed in agony the likes of which she’d never heard. Casey liked being pregnant. She liked feeling her baby close, liked thinking about their future together. She was sure she’d like it once she could hold her in her arms. Casey swallowed. It was the getting her out part that scared her.

  Would she go through it alone? Would it be her mom who held her hand, whispered soothing words as her patient gown filled with sweat. Casey shuddered. Women on television looked as if they’d run a marathon by the time they were finished. Sweaty, exhausted, they looked relived when it was all over. And happy. When they held their baby in their arms their faces were awash in joy.

  Maybe Felicity was right. Maybe she should give Troy the opportunity to be with his baby, the mother of his child. A niggle of doubt scraped at her. He’d come back for her, didn’t he? Isn’t that what he said at the diner? I came by to tell you I’m back. For good.

  Maybe he meant it. Maybe he realized his mistake of leaving and meant what he said.

  I made you a promise when I left here and I aim to keep it.

  Was it possible he spoke the truth? After all, she and Jimmy never gave him a chance to explain. Jimmy blurted out the lie about her being his girlfriend and Troy left. Then at the picnic, she told him the baby was Jimmy’s. Casey closed her eyes and pressed her face into her pillow. She never gave him the chance to do anything but be mad! How could she know what he was really thinking? How could she know anything—the two hadn’t spoken the first word about it!

  A torrent of misgiving flooded her. She knew lying about the baby was the wrong thing to do, but leaving her without a word or a plan had been wrong too. If Troy really loved her, he should have called her before he left. He should have called and said “I’m going to Kentucky. Come with me.”

  He was the guilty party here, not her. Recalling the pain in Troy’s eyes at Ashley’s picnic, she struggled with the assignment of blame. He’d been devastated to hear the baby belonged to Jimmy. Shattered to learn she’d slept with Jimmy after being with him. Shame wound through her. Pulling the pillow from her face, Casey glanced around her bedroom. Cluttered with clothes and books, a few stuffed animals leftover from her younger days, her room was that of a girl’s. Walls were painted yellow, the furniture adorned with flowers. A poster of a movie star heartthrob hung above her bed. She couldn’t remember his name, only that she’d been gaga over him in seventh grade. She turned away. Silliness. Youthful silliness. She was a woman now. A woman with a child growing inside her. Closing her eyes, Casey knew what she had to do. Troy should know the truth. Whether it would make a difference for the two of them didn’t matter. He should know that the baby belonged to him. From the crevices of her soul came the echo, her heart belonged to him as well.

  Scooting from her bed, Casey pulled the shirt from her body and tossed it to the bed. Removing the stretch shorts she wore around the house, she chucked them next to her shirt and walked over to her closet ignoring her egg-shaped reflection in the mirror. She pulled a dress from a hangar and slipped it on over her head. She was going to the stables and tell him the truth. Whether he liked it or not, Troy was going to know exactly what he left behind when he moved to Kentucky. Let him decide what to do from there.

  Walking the long trail up to the stables, Casey dammed a tide of nerves. She didn’t tell anyone that she was making this trip. She didn’t ask for a ride or assistance. She was perfectly capable of walking the hill and delivering the news in person. Up close and personal. This way she’d know in an instant what he thought. She’d be able to see it in his eyes. If he wasn’t happy, she’d know it.

  And, she’d decided, so be it. If Troy didn’t want this baby, she’d raise it on her own. Her mother and Cal had offered her a place to live, offered to help her with the baby while she earned her degree. They offered to do everything within their power to make her road as smooth and easy as possible. It was more than she could have hoped for, more than she would have asked for, but then again her mother was proving to be so much more than she ever gave her credit for.

  Nearing the stables, she spotted a black-headed cowboy walking from the stables to the paddocks. Her heart skipped. It wasn’t Troy. She could tell by his movements. From a mile away she could spot his swagger, his angular, muscular build. Thoughts of their night together drifted through her mind like a movie reel. She had memorized his every curve, his every muscle. No freckles, no markings, other than the nick of a scar on his cheek, Troy’s body was incredible. Strong. He was perfect.

  Tamping down the spurt of thrill, Casey wanted to jog the rest of the way but, fearing it would jostle her baby, instead held her stomach firmly and kicked up her pace. It was an easy hike, especially now the land had been grazed by bulldozers, rocks and dirt leveled for a smooth carriage ride. That’s how some of the hotel guests made it to the stables. Not her. She was walking with her own two feet.

  Nodding to a passing couple, she smiled politely. Cal said guests roamed the property on and off marked trails, a practice he and Malcolm encouraged. Folks were supposed to feel like they were in the wilderness, like they were explorers or something. Casey didn’t care. So long as they didn’t trespass around their home once it was built. The last thing she needed was to be worried about people peeking in through her windows. Shaking the disturbing image, she entered the stables, the shade a welcome relief. Perspiration coated her neck, breasts and back. Her forehead and cheeks felt flushed, but that was to be expected after the uphill hike in the heat. There were clouds out there but it was hot. Too hot. Fanning herself, she strolled through wide corridors where the air was cool and drenched with the smell of hay and horses. She could see several animals through metal bars that lined their stalls. Why weren’t they in use?

  Several stable boys walked by, one carrying a bucket, another toting a bale of straw. Across the way was the Delaney’s office. Her pulse accelerated. Would she be upset to see her? Would she be mad Casey was interfering with an employee while on the job? As if on cue, the blonde-headed stable owner strode out of the office and stopped short at sight of her. Casey gulped. Guess she’d find out soon enough.

  “Casey!” Sporting her usual ripped up jeans and tank top, Delaney hastened over. Casey wondered why she didn’t buy better clothes. She was the owner now. Didn’t she care what guests would think when they saw her?

  Coming to stop within feet of her, Delaney asked, “What brings you around?” She looked from side to side, as though searching for someone. “No one told me you were coming.”

  “They didn’t know. I just decided to visit.”

  “Visit?” Sharp brown eyes turned appraising. “Who exactly are we visiting?”

  Casey’s voice evaporated as she croaked, “Troy.”

  Delaney smiled, wide and full. Setting hands to her hips, she asked, “Have you decided to tell him, then?”

  Casey nodded, rendered mute. She stole a quick glance around the vicinity. Was he here?

  Delaney hitched a thumb over her shoulder. “He’s out in the barn working a horse for me. Should I get him for you?”

  She shook her head. “No. I’ll go find him.”

  Approval glinted in dark brown eyes, the eyes of a woman Casey had come to lean on for solid advice and support. Delaney had counseled her early on to give Troy a chance,
to let him find his way. But after he left town without her, it was the last thing she wanted. Her mom said enough was enough. It was time Casey built her own life without grazing about waiting on Troy to figure out what he wanted from his. At the time Casey believed her mother was right. At the moment, she realized it might have been Delaney’s word she should have heeded.

  “Take all the time you need,” Delaney said. “Tell him to take a break, if you need it.”

  Joy flushed out Casey’s angst. “Thank you.”

  Delaney stepped aside. Drawing her buttery yellow lengths of hair aside, she waved Casey forward. “Now go on. Don’t keep the boy waiting. You remember where the barn is, right?”

  “I do.” She took a few steps in that direction and stopped. “Thanks.” Casey meant for everything—for giving Troy a job, for believing in him, for encouraging her to be with him. Delaney had turned out to be a real ally, and Casey appreciated her more than she could say.

  “I’m here anytime you need me.”

  Passing through the stables, Casey emerged, instantly warmed by the open sky. In the distance she could see the barn. The barn. Where Troy was working. A huge building, she knew it housed equipment, feed rooms, wash stations. Nerves battered her heart but she shook them away. Would he be happy to see her? Mad?

  Whatever. Come what may, she had a message to deliver!

  Casey neared the building and reservations inundated her. Slowing, she edged around the open doorway and froze. There in the center of the spacious high-ceilinged barn was Troy and a gorgeous dark brown horse, free of gear except for a bridle with a lead rope attached. The sight took her breath away. Standing before the massive animal, dressed in his black hat and T-shirt, Troy was in his element. Casey flattened her body against the wall. He was perfect. Beautiful.

  Man and horse were seamless in their focus.

  “Good boy,” Troy cooed to the horse he was working, gently placing pressure against his neck. “That’s right, Spirit. We’re friends.” With his other hand, Troy tossed the lead rope over the horse’s body. The animal was alert, but calm. Not jumpy. “Good job,” Troy said, giving a gentle stroke to the horse’s snout.