Soulful Strut

by Emery, Lynn

  “Crying is such a mess. My nose gets stuffy; my eyes turn red and swell.”

  Monette let the tears fall. She had no choice, since Jayson held her hands. When he pulled her against his shoulder, Monette sobbed into his blue cotton T-shirt. Jayson combed his long fingers through her hair and rocked Monette like a child, the way her mother never had, the way no one had ever comforted her that she could remember.

  “It’s okay not to be tough all the time, honey,” Jayson whispered.

  She lost track of how long he was content to hold her. Jayson smelled so good. The feel of his strong embrace, combined with the clean scent of his skin, made Monette feel safe. He didn’t push. All he wanted was to be part of her the way no one else had been. No family member. No lover. With all the hype about her tell-all book, Monette had only revealed what she’d wanted to. Talking about her partying or even her affairs, including the one with a powerful white politician, had not been hard for her at all. Jayson had guessed as much. He also knew that what she hadn’t told was most important. Eventually she stopped crying and started talking.

  ***

  Sunday dawned bright. Birds sang, flowers bloomed and even the other women in the halfway house seemed in a good mood. Still, Monette stood in the living room, staring out the window in dread. She wondered just how in the world she’d gotten into this mess.

  “Sneaky, Jayson. Very sneaky,” Monette muttered to herself.

  She let go of the curtain, then jumped when she heard an engine roar. When the red car kept going down the street, Monette exhaled in relief. Somehow, between the tender sympathy from Jayson, spilling her guts and the best consolation sex she’d ever had, Monette had agreed to finally meet his daughter. The rest of the family would come next. Just the thought of facing eight-year-old Lenae made cold sweat form on her top lip.

  “You lookin’ out that window like an executioner is comin’ for ya.” Candi bumped against Monette and laughed. “She’s just a little girl.”

  “Great. You face her then,” Monette shot back.

  “If I had a fine dude like Jayson I sure as hell could. I’d let the kid know I’m in charge.” Candi gave a sharp nod.

  “She’s a daddy’s girl through and through. Jayson thinks Lenae hung the moon and stars.” Monette groaned. “I’m dead.”

  “Don’t take crap off some kid barely outta training pants.” Candi snorted. “I sure wouldn’t.”

  “Oh, so Kadeem’s kids are marching right in step.” Monette glanced at her. One of the regulars that hung out at Faye’s had become Candi’s latest hot date.

  “They will if we ever meet. He don’t see ’em that often. Their mamas be trippin’.” Candi shrugged and sat down.

  “How many kids has he got and by how many women?” Monette looked at her.

  “Four boys. That he claims. Three different mamas.”

  “I didn’t see Kadeem as the fatherly type.” Monette heard a horn Mow. She knew it was Jayson without looking. “All the times guys have stood me up, but not this time.”

  Candi laughed again. She grabbed a piece of hard candy in a glass dish. “Don’t embarrass me, gurl. Get out there and use your charm. If that don’t work, bribe her.”“Thanks for the wonderful advice. Can’t hide in here forever. See ya later.” Monette plastered on a cheerful expression, grabbed her wristlet wallet, and went to the front door.

  “Have fun,” Candi called out in a singsong voice.

  “Kiss my—” Monette stopped when she realized Jayson stood on the front porch. She rushed out just as he was about to ring the bell. “I’m here.”

  “Hi, honey.” Jayson leaned over to her.

  208Lynn £M.eiy

  “Not here.” Monette tried to dodge his kiss, but he moved faster.

  “Don’t be silly. Lenae knows we’re more than pals. She also knows I’ve been seeing someone special.” Jayson grinned when Monette flinched.

  “Great.” Monette risked a peek around his broad shoulder. A small, heart-shaped face stared from the back window of his SUV.

  “Come on. I’ll introduce you.” Jayson grabbed Monette by the hand.

  Monette followed him to the vehicle. Her lips ached from stretching them to stay in place. She hoped her smile hadn’t become a scary horror movie clown kind of mask. “Hello, Lenae.”

  “Hi.” Lenae’s voice had the musical little-girl quality that melted the hearts of fathers all over the world.

  “Sweetie, this is Miss Monette Victor. I told you about her. Monette, meet Lenae Anitra Odum. My sweet girl.” Jayson beamed at them both.

  “Pleased to meet you,” Lenae said in just the right polite tone.

  “I’m pleased to meet you, too.” Monette smiled at her. Lenae looked at her father, then back at Monette.

  “Okay, we’re on our way for delicious Italian food at Macaroni Grill. Maybe Lenae should ride up front with us so we can all chat.” Jayson nodded at his grinning daughter.

  “Yaaay. I get to sit with Daddy and play with the radio.” Lenae started to unbuckle her seat belt.

  Monette put a hand on his arm before he lifted Lenae from the backseat. “Honey, remember the front-seat air bags.”

  “Oh, right. I’m so excited to have my two beautiful ladies together that I can’t think straight. Sorry, sweet girl. Play your game until we get to the restaurant and then we’ll all sit together.” Jayson positioned the strap across Lenae’s petite body again and snapped the buckle.

  Lenae’s grin vanished. She gave Monette a stony stare over his shoulder. “’Kay, Daddy.”

  “It really is better for you,” Monette said to her.

  Even as the words came out, Monette knew the safety ploy never worked with kids. Lenae’s dark eyes, so like her father’s, bored into her with no sign of forgiveness. Monette got into the front seat and faced forward to escape her judge and jury. She’d failed the first test. The evening did not get better. In the restaurant Monette winced each time Jayson reminded Lenae that they were now a threesome. By the time dessert came, Lenae was sullen. Jayson did not help by telling cute stories about Lenae’s exploits. Each time Lenae reminded him she was not a baby, Monette chimed in to head off another anecdote as well. When the waitress brought out two slices of cheesecake and a cannoli, Monette’s lips were chapped from smiling.

  “Excuse me while I visit the ladies’ room.” Monette threw her napkin on the table and stood to make an escape. Even a few moments in the restroom stall would be a welcome break.

  “I’ll bet Lenae needs to go, too. I won’t start until y’all get back. Forgot to order us coffee anyway.” Jayson stood as they left the table. “Hold Miss Monette’s hand so you won’t get separated, sweetie.”

  “Oh, Daddy. I know the way better than she does.” Lenae looked up at Monette. “Have you been here before?”

  “No,” Monette admitted. She imagined Lenae probably looked like her mother at that moment.

  “See?” With that, Lenae flounced ahead of Monette, expertly maneuvering between tables.

  “Wish me luck,” she said to Jayson, then hurried to catch up.

  Inside the restroom, a few women smiled at them when they walked in. They got in line to wait their turn. As usual there weren’t enough stalls to go around. Monette searched for appropriate small talk. Then a tall woman in front of Lenae came to her rescue. She looked down at Lenae with a smile.

  “You look precious in that little red skirt and blouse. Love your hair, too. Your mama fixed you up so pretty.” The woman looked at Monette.

  “Thank you, but she’s not my mama. My mama is having dinner with her sorority sisters. She just got out of prison,” Lenae said primly. Then she glanced back at Monette.

  “Oh, I see.” The woman’s smile slipped as she looked at Monette. She seemed to wonder if she should call the police on her cell phone.

  The other women in the bathroom stole glances at Monette. They all lingered to fix their lipstick or brush their hair as they did so. One pretty redhead standing behind Monette laughed.
When Lenae headed to an empty stall, the woman behind Monette spoke up.

  “You must be Daddy’s new girlfriend,” the woman said over Monette’s shoulder. “Been there, done that. The prison crack is a new one, even to this ‘Dating Daddy’ veteran. You have my sympathy.”

  “Appreciate it,” Monette replied.

  “Wish I could say it gets better. Just hang in there and hope Mommy gets a boyfriend soon,” the woman advised.

  “Yeah. Then daddy’s little angel can concentrate on making him miserable. Takes the heat off you,” another woman chimed in.

  Monette had to laugh with her sympathizers. “Thanks. Long evening so far.”

  “Good luck,” the women said in unison. They gave her a sisterly wave.

  Lenae came out of the stall, washed her hands and left the restroom without looking in Monette’s direction. Monette sighed as she took her turn. She also took her time getting back to the table. Once she arrived, the frown on Jayson’s face and Lenae’s pout told her things were about to get worse. Jayson stood, and then waited until Monette sat down before taking his seat again.

  “Eat your dessert, Lenae. No sense in wasting food.” Jayson picked up his fork and chopped into his cheesecake.

  Monette glanced from him to Lenae. She cleared her throat. “Your dad says you start a new school with drama classes and a children’s orchestra. That’s wonderful.”

  “Um-hum,” Lenae mumbled around a mouthful. She still did not look at Monette.

  “Bet you and your mama are going shopping for some great new school clothes,” Monette tried again. Lenae swallowed and nodded.

  “Lenae Anitra, you know better.” Jayson gazed at her pointedly.

  “Yes, ma’am,” Lenae said in a flat tone.

  Dinner ended in silence as Jayson paid the bill ten minutes later. They walked out with Lenae between them. Jayson had her by the hand. Monette saw the other side of his parenting style. Obviously Jayson knew when to lay down the law. Lenae also seemed to sense that rebellion was a bad idea. She was polite when responding to Monette’s two final attempts at conversation. When Monette looked at her, Lenae stared back at her blankly. Her expression reminded Monette of the way Talia used to look when Monette had messed up once again. Monette wanted to apologize for something, her existence, for barging in on their lives. Any¬thing to get rid of that look.

  Tense silence descended for the rest of the ride to Leonie’s house. Jayson got on the interstate and exited at O’Neal Lane. The long trip took them to an upscale subdivision of lovely brick homes. Monette remembered that Jayson had helped Lenae’s mother with the down payment. He turned left to a cul-de-sac. Halfway into the circle sat a pretty house of cream-colored brick. Four cars were parked in front of the house, with more in the driveway and on the curb.

  “Let’s go in. I’ll introduce you to Saundra.” Jayson cut the engine and pulled out his keys. His sharp movements and tone clearly said he was not in the mood to get anyone’s approval.

  “Uh, since Saundra is entertaining, now might not be a good time,” Monette murmured. Meeting the adult version of Lenae was the last thing she wanted to do.

  “She won’t mind,” Jayson said promptly and marched ahead with Lenae by the hand. He rang the doorbell.

  Female voices were muted behind the walls but rose when the front door opened. A tall, pretty woman with startling green eyes smiled at them. Monette immediately saw the resemblance between Saundra and Lenae. Saundra wore a lovely pale yellow pair of Capri pants with a matching sleeveless vest and high-heeled sandals. Real gold dangle earrings glittered as she moved her head.

  “Hey, there. Y’all back earlier than I expected,” she said and put a hand on top of Lenae’s head. Lenae’s response was to scoot by her into the house. Moments later, women’s voices trilled as they made a fuss over her.

  “Hi. She’s out of sorts,” Jayson said in a controlled tone.

  “O-kay.” Saundra instantly got his message. She cleared her throat and looked at Monette. “Hello.”

  “Sorry, I forgot my manners. Saundra, this is Monette Victor.” Jayson pulled Monette up to stand next to him. His arm rested around her waist

  “Hi.” Monette felt conspicuous as she shook hands with Saundra.

  “Ya’ll come in for a minute.” Saundra beckoned them inside.

  “No, we don’t want to impose,” Monette blurted out

  “Don’t be silly. There is no reason for you to rush off. Hey, everybody. You remember Jayson. This is his date, Monette Victor.” Saundra swept a hand out.

  At least a dozen pairs of eyes gazed at them in frank curiosity. A round of greetings sounded from every corner, where women stood in groups. To their credit, none of them whispered. Monette put it down to upper-class etiquette training. She was sure no such restraint would be exercised once she and Jayson left. Saundra was beautiful, with light auburn hair pinned up. She was indeed the grown-up version of her daughter, with a heart-shaped face, thick hair, and a bow-shaped, full mouth. Monette could not help but compare herself to Saundra and her friends. The women were dressed in a rainbow of expensive ensembles. Gold and silver jewelry flashed as they gestured during animated conversations. Jayson managed to give Saundra a rundown of the evening in a parent code she seemed to understand. After more polite offers of coffee and polite refusals, Jayson and Monette left Monette would have loved to go straight back to the halfway house to recover, but she said nothing. Jayson drove on to his condo. Once inside, he tossed his keys on the coffee table and sighed.

  “Want a drink?” Jayson headed straight to the kitchen.

  “Parole. Hello,” Monette quipped.

  “Right. Sorry. Excuse me then, cause I need this.” Jayson tilted his head back and drank straight from a bottle of Heineken.

  “Okay, now I know it’s not just me. This evening was a big mistake.” Monette tossed her tiny handbag onto the ottoman and fell into the matching stuffed chair.

  “Nonsense.” Jayson lifted a shoulder when Monette snorted. “Naturally meeting you for the first time was bound to be awkward. Lenae isn’t used to having someone else around when we’re together.”

  “Face it; the kid hated me on sight.” Monette rubbed a spot between her eyes. “Not that I’m good with kids anyway.”

  “You’re being a bit dramatic. Once she gets used to the idea of us as a couple, Lenae will adjust.” Jayson’s voice did not ring with certainty. He frowned for a second, and then took another swig of beer.

  “Yeah, right. You don’t even believe what you’re saying.”

  Monette rested her head on the cushioned chair back with her eyes closed. Moments later, Jayson squeezed in next to her. He put both arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head. He couldn’t deny how badly the night had gone. And Monette hadn’t even told him about the ladies’ room incident. All Monette could think of was the way Lenae had looked at her. That expression of hostility and anger was familiar and told Monette she had no business trying to be a mother. This time Monette would be the evil stepmother, at least in Lenae’s eyes. She gave a sad laugh.

  “At least you can find humor in the situation. One day we’ll look back on tonight and laugh. Meeting the rest of the family will be a breeze compared to this.”

  Monette pulled away from him and stood. “I can’t even think about that right now. Listen, I’ve got an early day tomorrow. Let’s just call it a night.”

  Jayson tugged at her hand. “Come on, baby. Let’s listen to some music to smooth us out. What about some Najee or maybe Lalah Hathaway?”

  “Jayson, I’m not—”

  He grabbed the sound system remote control and hit a button. A silky tinkle of piano keys flowed from the speakers into the room around them. Still seated, Jayson wrapped his arms around Monette’s waist. “Don’t go just yet.”

  More than the music or even the way his touch stroked her senses, Monette responded to the need in his voice. What she heard was how much he wanted to be close to her. Deep inside, Monette knew J
ayson wasn’t after sex. He craved the intimacy of simply being near her, which made her body ache to have him. Ignoring the voice that told her that ultimately their relationship couldn’t last, Monette wilted into his embrace. His strong arms supported her for a long time until finally she sank down to straddle his lap. Jayson opened her blouse and buried his face between her breasts. Monette closed her eyes to the truth and breathed in the sweet, salty scent of him.

  Hours later, Monette beat violating the Sunday-night curfew by fifteen minutes. Jayson kissed Monette hard one last time before he let her go. She walked through the kitchen after the staff let her in the locked back door. After refusing an offer of a late-night snack, Monette went to the living room. Still too keyed up to sleep, she decided to watch television. Monette flopped on the sofa, grabbed the remote and turned it on. Careful to keep the sound low, Monette just stared at a series of silly local commercials without seeing them.

  “How’d it go?” Candi said over Monette’s shoulder.

  Monette jumped, and the remote flew across the room. “Damn, Candi. Quit sneaking around scaring the crap outta people.”

  “Went that good, huh?” Candi found the remote and dropped it in Monette’s lap. She sat in a chair.

  “Sure. The kid warmed right up to me,” Monette said. “Even got to meet her mother. Saundra looks like she was a Victoria’s Secret model in a previous life. Oh, not to mention I met fifteen of her mother’s closest sorority-sister friends. Lovely evening being stared at like a freak.”

  “I’m sure all his friends will be impressed to read your bestselling book. Learn all about your prison record and stuff.”

  “What are you trying to say?” Monette stared at the television until the picture blurred.

  “Nothin’. Nothin’ at all.” Candi stretched, yawned and stood. “Not so easy to blend into his bourgie world and leave us lowlifes behind, is it?”

  Candi strolled out without looking back. Monette tried to breathe around the tight feeling in her chest. She listened to the soft creak of the fifth step as Candi went upstairs. The muscles in her face ached from the effort not to cry. For an hour she sat with nothing but the glow from the television lighting the room. When Monette finally went to bed, she spent hours lying awake, feeling a familiar lack of hope.