The Girls They Lost

by J H Leigh

  Hicks bent closer, using a pen to gingerly examine the gash in his neck and the dried blood. “Hasn’t been dead all that long. Maybe a day or two?” He glanced around the place. “Looks like someone was looking for something.” Hicks glanced our way. “Got any idea what that might’ve been?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe anything that tied Darryl to Madame Moirai?” I guessed with a shrug. “It’s not like I knew the guy. We weren’t BFFs or anything.”

  Hicks rose and did a quick search of the small house. He returned, motioning for Kerri to follow. Of course, I wasn’t going to be left behind, so I tagged along. Dylan wasn’t far behind either.

  Hicks went to the bedroom. It was just as trashed as the other rooms. Someone had definitely been searching for something but it was anyone’s guess what or if they found what they were looking for.

  However, Hicks had an eye for detail, something of a gift, I’d come to realize. He may be a drunk most days but he saw things most people didn’t.

  “Did you see a cat anywhere?” he asked.

  “No,” Kerri answered, glancing around. “Why?”

  He left the room and we followed as he went to the laundry room where an old washing machine and matching dryer sat looking sad and decrepit. Hicks pointed at the big kitty litter bucket. “Because what’s a guy without cats doing with a big bucket of kitty litter?”

  He reached for the bucket and popped the lid. I frowned in confusion. I started, “Well, maybe he was using it for something else—“ but then Hicks dumped it out and a smaller, buried container dropped to the floor. He scooped it up and opened the lid.

  “Bingo,” he said, smiling. “Look what I found.”

  We watched as he pulled a huge wad of cash, a security badge of some sort, and a fake ID that matched the name on his badge. Hicks pocketed the cash, ignoring Kerri’s immediate disapproving scowl, and then handed the other materials to Kerri.

  “Aren’t you forgetting something?” Kerri asked, gesturing to the cash.

  “Look, we both know you’re not calling this in. As far as anyone knows, whoever trashed this place and killed the stiff, took whatever might be missing from this place. I call this fair compensation for a job well done,” he said, grinning.

  Dylan’s smile said she didn’t have a problem with it either. Only Kerri and I had issues with stealing from a dead guy and an active crime scene but I wasn’t about to make waves for Asshole Darryl. The fucker deserved everything he got and that included losing his money.

  Realizing now wasn’t the time to argue ethics, she said, “All right, let’s get out of here before we’re seen,” motioning for us to follow.

  We took one final look around the place, and split. Using my burner phone, Kerri called the local police department to report the body anonymously.

  “You should’ve left him to get eaten by wild animals,” Dylan said. “He doesn’t deserve a fucking burial.”

  “Did he hurt you?” Kerri asked.

  “Everyone in that place hurt me,” Dylan responded flatly and I couldn’t disagree. The wounds left from that place would remain with us forever even if the physical evidence eventually faded away. “He’s lucky he was already dead. I wouldn’t hesitate to kill him if he weren’t.”

  “Which is why I wanted you to stay in the car,” Kerri returned with a short shake of her head. “Look, I know it’s not what we were hoping for but I’m going to back to the station and run this ID as well as look into the security company on this badge. We didn’t come away empty-handed.”

  “And I’m springing for pizza,” Hicks laughed, his smoke-ravaged voice sounding like wet gravel when he ended with a cough. “Extra anchovies.”

  “You put fucking fish on a pizza and I’ll gut you in your sleep, old man,” Dylan promised. “Also, you should probably think about quitting smoking. You sound like shit.”

  “The devil will just have to wait his turn,” Hicks said, not the least bit soured by Dylan’s threat. He had a shit ton of cash in his pocket, a thick payday he hadn’t expected and that was like hitting some lucky slots in Vegas. He wasn’t above enjoying the moment.

  Whatever, I didn’t mind. I was disappointed that our trip hadn’t revealed much more than a corpse but we did have more to go on than before. For the first time in a while, I felt the flutters of hope beginning to flap its wings. Maybe Kerri was right, everyone made mistakes. All we had to do was follow the trail and look for the breadcrumbs.

  In the meantime, pizza was as good a way to celebrate being alive than anything else.

  And I agreed with Dylan, if he dared to put anchovies on that pizza, Hicks was going to wake up dead, too.

  22

  A few days later Badger walked into Hicks’ apartment like he owned the place, eliciting little more than an annoyed look from Hicks from his desk before he returned to his task.

  Dylan glanced up from the magazine she was thumbing through as if she knew Badger was bound to show up sooner or later but I was surprised to see him.

  He dropped into a chair with an expectant look in his hard eyes, an edge about him that I was beginning to understand was an indication he was in a mood.

  “What’s a paying customer gotta do around here to get a fucking update?” he said.

  I could only imagine how it must gall a man like Hicks to have Badger dragging him around by his nut sac but we all had our crosses to hear, right?

  Hicks ignored him, a dangerous decision by my book and I filled the tense silence with my own update. “We haven’t found anything on Nova,” I said, “but the one of the guards that Madame Moirai hired was found dead in his house upstate.”

  “Yeah? How’d the fucker die?” Badger asked, mildly interested. “Broken fingers, toes and other dangly bits before they put a plugged his grey matter?”

  “Nope. Slit his throat,” Dylan answered, bored. “Looks like he died relatively quick and easy. Too good for him, if you ask me.”

  “Ahh, that’s the problem with modern-day killers, no fucking imagination. That’s a pity,” he said, returning quickly to his first query. “Time’s ticking Hicks. What you got for me?”

  Hicks growled, “The girls already told you. We’re slim on leads but we’ve got a few we’re still chasing down. You coming here and pestering me with your bullshit isn’t going to produce results any faster.”

  “That doesn’t work for me,” Badger said with a darkening scowl. “I put money in your hand to give me answers, not excuses. I’ve already lost my best runner and now you’re telling me I don’t even get answers about my sister. Makes me fucking grumpy, old man.”

  “Yeah, well we all got problems,” Hicks returned, unimpressed. “Go ruin someone else’s day. I’m fucking busy.”

  “Cut the shit, Badger,” Dylan said, tossing the magazine. “If you’ve got a job for me to do, just spit it out. You don’t have to pretend that you’re all jacked up about our situation. We all know your ability to care about anyone beyond yourself is limited.”

  “I’m fucking crushed,” Badger said flatly, narrowing his gaze at Dylan as if deciding whether or not he wanted to pop her in the mouth. I’d never seen Badger hit Dylan but I had no doubt he wouldn’t hesitate if the mood struck him. Not that Dylan couldn’t take care of herself but I couldn’t promise that I wouldn’t jump on his back like a vampiric spider monkey if he tried.

  But the tension ebbed as Badger shrugged, Dylan’s analysis bouncing off his shoulders. “Maybe. But I am down a runner and seeing as I’ve paid for something and gotten nothing…I’m gonna need a little better customer service.”

  I stared with disgust. “Are you demanding sexual favors?” I asked hotly.

  Dylan answered first with a snort. “I’d bite his fucking dick off and he knows it.”

  Badger smirked at her threat. “As tempting the offer is, you’re like my sister and the thought makes me want to vomit. I do have standards.”

  I caught the subtle hurt in Dylan’s expression but it was gone in a blink as she reminde
d him sourly, “I never said I wasn’t willing to run. I need to get out of this place anyway before I go insane.”

  Damn it, Dylan. I saw very clearly what Badger could not. She was willing to put herself in danger just to show Badger that she was still his No. 1. “We need to stay put,” I said, trying to talk some sense into her. “Besides, Kerri’s going to be back soon enough after she’s had a chance to run down that Baker chick.”

  “What Baker chick?” Badger asked.

  Hicks answered, cutting me off. “Might be a lead, might be a dead end. I’ll tell you if anything pops up about Nova. That was the deal.”

  Badger grunted. “Yeah, okay.” He looked to me. “You doing okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  I felt rather than saw the flare of jealousy in Dylan’s eyes and I didn’t want to have anything to do with it. I wasn’t into Badger and I wasn’t about to pay the price for Dylan thinking I was. I rose and excused myself, ready to end my part in this little drama. “I’m taking a nap. Let me know if Kerri shows up. Otherwise, don’t bother me unless this place is on fire.”

  And I left them behind, closing the bedroom door with a firm click. I wanted to tell Dylan she could do better than a sociopathic Gen Z crime lord but how did I know that for sure? What kind of future did we have when this was all over? The life I had seemed a distant memory, belonging to someone else.

  I remembered walking the halls of my high school, complaining about the things most kids bitched about — homework, dick teachers, and guys that left us on ‘read’ — but that seemed like another life now.

  It was the reason Lora couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just ‘let her dad handle this’ as she put it because kids weren’t supposed to have to deal with shit like this.

  I’ve seen more dead bodies in the last month than most people see in their average lifetime.

  I couldn’t see myself going to college, pretending as if none of this had happened to me, moving on to sit in a class and listen to some professor drone on about shit that really had no meaning when girls were being snatched out of thin air and buried without anyone taking notice.

  I thought of Henri and how smugly he’d believed that my life didn’t matter because I was just an object, a thing to be used and abused because he paid for the privilege but his kids were worth far more.

  He wouldn’t dream of putting his kids on the block, now would he?

  I rolled to my side to stare out of the bedroom window. The light sound of rain hitting the pane was soothing but plucked at a sadness that I couldn’t quite escape.

  There would always be this hole punched inside me, one that I would never be able to patch and I didn’t know how to escape the inevitable consequences. I wasn’t stupid. Emotional wounds created the most baggage that eventually became unbearable to carry. My mother was an alcoholic for a reason. Not that I was brimming with sympathy for that toxic hag — particularly after her latest media stunt — but I knew that people didn’t spring from the dirt with issues. As impossible as it seemed, Carla West had been born with a clean slate, innocent and unsullied by life. I loved my Gran but I could tell she probably wasn’t always the best to have around. She was different by the time I came around but there’s no telling what kind of scars she left behind on her only daughter.

  I didn’t want to think about the past. The past was dead. If I didn’t get my present figured out, my future would be dead, too.

  Why had Madame Moirai had Asshole Darryl killed? Was it really just cleaning up loose ends? Or was he paying for his screw-up that night when I blew everything to shit?

  I hoped I was the reason.

  I shuddered and hugged the pillow. If Madame Moirai was paying my mom to play the concerned parent she didn’t do her homework because I would never come running at the sight of my mom crying big ol’ crocodile tears. My mom would never cry for me. She’d spent my entire life never missing an opportunity to tell me how I’d ruined her life so why the hell would I believe that she actually cared if I was gone?

  Fuck her.

  The tears stinging my eyes felt like a betrayal by my own body. Okay, so no matter how wretched your parents are…you still wanted them to care, somewhere, deep down.

  I guess I was like everybody else.

  Being alone was a terrible feeling. Feeling alone while being hunted was terrifying.

  I sniffed back my worthless tears just in time to hear the front door open and shut. I climbed from the bed and peered into the living room. Dylan and Badger were gone. I frowned with disappointment. I looked to Hicks with accusation in my eyes to ask, “You let her go with him?”

  “Not sure I could really stop her,” he said, grabbing a pack of cigarettes only to find it empty. He tossed it away with annoyance, searching his desk for a different pack until I went to stand in front of his desk, arms folded. “What?” he asked, still disgruntled.

  “You know she’s doing illegal shit when she’s running with Badger,” I said. “How can you, as a former cop, just let her do that?”

  “Because kid, I ain’t no cop no more, remember?”

  “Yeah, I can see why,” I grumbled. “Seriously, Hicks…she’s just a kid.”

  He sighed and leaned back in his chair, his back popping with the effort. “The way I see it, that girl ain’t been a kid for a long time. She’s got the heart of a stone-cold killer. Remember that.”

  “No, you don’t know her,” I said. “It’s easy to judge someone based on so little. You see a girl with a rough past and sketchy background and you automatically assume that’s all she is.”

  “Yeah? So you tell me who she really is, then,” he challenged, finally finding a pack with cigarettes. He made a grand, flourishing gesture, before lighting up, “Enlighten me.”

  I should’ve just told him to fuck off and returned to the room but I needed to stick up for Dylan, maybe so I could reassure myself that I wasn’t wrong about her. “She’s fierce and loyal. She’ll put herself in harm’s way if it means protecting someone she loves. She’s been through more than most but she’s not a terrible person.”

  “You’re pretty defensive of a girl who regularly tells you to shut the fuck up,” he pointed out with wry amusement. “You’re more forgiving than most.”

  “She doesn’t mean anything by it,” I said. “I mean, it’s rude and whatever but she sticks up for me when it counts.”

  That much was true. Dylan was a rough one, hard around the edges and often spit acid but I knew she’d beat someone to death or die trying if anyone threatened me.

  How did I know? Because I would do the same for her.

  I rubbed at my nose. “Have you found anything on Tana’s grandmother?” I asked, needing to think about something else.

  Hicks’ expression said it all. Of course not. “Look, like Kerri said, it’s tough enough to find a needle in a haystack when you know what you’re looking for but when you’re feeling around blind? Shit, that’s damn near impossible. That fight is one you’re going to have to let go. We got bigger problems. Besides, didn’t you say the grandma’s got dementia or something?”

  “Yeah,” I said morosely. “But that makes it worse. She doesn’t understand why Tana is gone…just that someone who cared for her never came home. I don’t know, it just eats at me. Tana loved her grandmother more than herself. Madame Moirai took advantage of that love and killed Tana with it.”

  Hicks’ expression softened. “I know, kid. I promise you, we’re going to do whatever it takes to bring that bitch and her entire fucking network down, okay?”

  I believed him. He was a drunk and a morally ambiguous gun for hire but I saw the truth in his eyes. Maybe he worried that his daughter might someday get caught in Madame Moirai’s crosshairs or maybe he was genuinely bit by the justice bug but he wasn’t going to rest until he had answers and that gave me a much-needed sliver of hope.

  I nodded, accepting his promise.

  “I’m hungry, I announced, breaking the heavy silence. “Chinese take-out
?”

  “You make the order, I’ll pay the bill.”

  I grinned. Maybe it wasn’t so bad stealing from a really bad dead guy.

  I couldn’t do anything about Dylan running off with Badger except hope that she doesn’t get her stupid ass killed and I couldn’t find Tana’s grandmother without more details but I could eat my feelings with the help of Mr. Wong’s China House.

  So, bring on the mu-shu pork.

  23

  Sometimes you can’t play by the rules.

  Hicks and Kerri were bound by the law, mostly, but all bets were off as far as Dylan and I were concerned.

  A few days later, Hicks went out to get food and cigarettes, and I took the opportunity to snoop around his desk. I knew he was hiding something, probably on the guise of protecting us but I wasn’t looking for a guardian angel. We wanted movement and answers.

  Within a few minutes of searching, I held up a small slip of paper scribbled with barely legible penmanship. I showed it to Dylan. “Want to go on a field trip?”

  “To where?” she asked.

  “Regina Baker’s place.”

  She narrowed her gaze with a bloodthirsty grin. “Hell yeah.”

  I returned the smile. “You think you can talk Badger into going with us to provide the scare factor? Even with the element of surprise, we’re going to need some muscle and possibly some firepower.”

  “I think that’s doable. Badger’s been itching for payback. This might scratch that itch for a little bit. What about Hicks and the cop?”

  I couldn’t think about that right now. “Some things you just have to handle on your own. Kerri is trying to build a case. I’m not. The way I figure it, if they all end up in the ground, that’s better justice than anything the District Attorney can dish out.”

  Dylan didn’t argue. “I like your savage side,” she said. “I was beginning to wonder if you’d lost it somewhere along the way.”