Messy Love

by Stephanie Witter

  Mom smiled at her, and I could see a weight off her shoulders. I felt like a jackass for being this harsh. Fuck, I knew how difficult it’d been for her. I should be glad for her that she’s able to get to know her daughter and to see with her own eyes that she’s fine. But I couldn’t help this festering shit inside me that wanted her away from us.

  I looked down at my feet.

  “Alright, I think it’s time for me to go,’’ she said when the silence got too long for comfort, and that surprised me. I looked up. She stood with her purse in one hand and her keys in the other. “It was good talking with you, Lydia. Thank you for answering my questions.’’ She smiled at her. Such a strange smile. It was as if she wasn’t sure if she should be smiling or doing something else. “I needed these answers.’’

  I stared at her, trying to place myself in her shoes for a second. She was adopted as a baby, and she didn’t know anything about her birth parents. It wasn’t the same for me. I grew up with my parents until I was five and my mother bailed. Then I was left with only my father who was an abusive fuck up until I was eight and he left too. I knew where I was coming from; I knew who my birth parents were and why they abandoned me. So yeah, I didn’t have any questions.

  “Anytime, Marissa. I’m… I can’t tell you how glad I am for meeting you at last,’’ Mom said, her voice shaking as she looked away, hiding tears I knew were in her soft eyes.

  It made my heart squeeze in my chest. I ground my teeth and walked to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to offer her some comfort. I hated that she was sad. I hated that this chick dug up shit from the past. It’s her right to, but still.

  My mom put her hand on my chest and gave me a watery smile.

  “Thanks,’’ Marissa whispered. “It was nice to meet you Ralph, and seriously, you can’t let this awful ink there in the middle of other good pieces.’’

  Ralph laughed. “I can’t say no when you say it like this, and now that I know where you work, I’m dying to get new ink, babe.’’ He winked at her.

  She shook her head at him, an amused smile on her face. She glanced at me briefly, but she didn’t pause and turned around, not saying a word. I guessed it’s no surprise and I didn’t give a damn. However, the muscle in my jaw started ticking as I gritted my teeth harder.

  “Wait, Marissa!’’ My mother called out before Marissa could take another step. She pulled away from me and got closer to her daughter. I swore I felt a damn tickle of apprehension running down my back when she got away from me to go to this girl. It’s insane. I was her son. This chick wasn’t my mom’s family. “Do you have my phone number if you ever have other questions?’’

  Marissa faced my mother again, but her eyes locked with mine briefly and she recoiled slightly. “Hm… Yes, I have it. Thank you, Lydia. I… I don’t know when I’ll—’’

  “You don’t have to say anything. Don’t worry. I just… I just want you to know that if you want to reach me, I’d be happy to answer.’’

  She nodded, and this time when she turned around and walked out of the house, nobody stopped her. As soon as she disappeared from the kitchen, my eyes landed on my mother, and I saw her shoulders starting to shake slightly as her breathing became more uneven.

  “Mom?’’ I asked tentatively. I didn’t know how to deal with women crying. I didn’t know what to do when my mother, the woman who’s taken me and gave me a life, a chance, and love, was feeling emotional.

  “I… I need to call your father. I trust you two not to raid the fridge just yet.’’

  “Don’t you worry. I can’t picture myself putting food in my mouth right now,’’ Ralph said, this time faking a cheerful tone for my mother’s benefit.

  She didn’t notice, and walked away, making sure to keep her face away from me. I knew what I’d find, though. Tears.

  “Hey man, you okay?’’

  I fucking didn’t know. I could tell myself whatever I wanted and be relieved that Marissa left the house, but I’d be an idiot not to realize that her visit was going to fucking change things.

  “This chick is going to be trouble, Ralph,’’ I said somberly, my voice rumbling.

  He hit me in the back and leaned against the kitchen island next to me. “If it’s the naked kind of trouble I’d be so damn happy to take your place, man.’’

  “Can’t you take anything seriously?’’ I glared at him, and when he shrugged unapologetically, I had to take a deep breath before I snapped at him.

  “Maybe your head is too far up your ass, but I’m telling you, Wyatt, this girl? She’s to take seriously. I’d seriously like to fuck her.’’

  I growled at him and punched him hard in his shoulder. I found no satisfaction in his yelp and complaints.

  MARISSA

  “If you don’t get your head on straight I won’t let you get anywhere close to the machine, girl,’’ Kam warned me as I stared at nothing in particular when I was supposedly dusting the display shelf where clients could find all the catalogs.

  I glanced back at my mentor and found him looking more concerned than annoyed as I would have pictured him to be. Kam was usually tough, and while we got along well, and I now considered him a friend, he wasn’t to be messed with when it came to his shop and his reputation as a tattoo artist, which I got.

  I sighed and shook my head to try and futilely chase away the thoughts ever present since I had met my birth mother four days ago. I’ve been weird with everybody, and now that I was back at work after my one week vacation it’s obvious I was nowhere near as fine as I kept telling my brother, parents, and friends.

  “Sorry, Kam. I—‘’

  “Don’t give me a bullshit excuse either, girl.’’ He rounded the front desk and stalked toward me. Kam was about an inch taller than me, and he’s never really worried me, even when he glared at me with his brown eyes that made most people wary around him. But today, I was worried. Not about him, but about myself. I couldn’t afford to mess my apprenticeship, not when I was so close to finishing it.

  When he got to me, he snatched the duster from my hand and threw it on the front desk. “I know you. There’s something on your mind, and you’re not really here. If you want to work today, you need to get it out of your head.’’ He put his hands on my shoulders. “What’s wrong?’’

  “I met my birth mother a few days ago,’’ I said quietly. Kam knew I was adopted since he met Jameson. Considering I looked nothing like I had Latino blood, he questioned me. I didn’t mind telling him. It’s no secret, and I genuinely liked Kam. It’s also nice to have a friend who was a few years older. He could be of good advice when needed be.

  “Oh shit. How did it go?’’ he asked and pulled away, sitting on the edge of the front desk.

  “Better than expected with her. But…’’ I shrugged. “It’s weird to see all these pictures of her happy family on her walls, to realize she adopted someone and I look so much like her.’’

  “Wow, it’s… I'm sorry. I can see why your mind isn’t fully here. If you need a day off—.''

  “Oh no. Believe me, if I have today off I’m going to replay everything in my head again, and I’m tired of it. Honestly, I’d rather not relive my encounter with her adopted son. He’s a real-life asshole.’’

  Kam cringed. “How old is he? If he’s a teenager, it’s never a good period to face someone new.’’

  I snorted and stared up at the white ceiling and the spots up there that made the shop so bright. Usually, people imagined tattoo shops as dark and edgy, but Kam had taken another spin on it. The walls were all white, but he’s drawn huge tatts on them, some colorful, some black with lots of shading. The whole shop was a work of art. The open space was amazing, but the three stations didn’t offer much privacy if there’s someone here to get a tattoo somewhere more private on their body, so there’s a room in the back, next to the office where Kam or one of his other tattoo artists could work.

  “He’s twenty-four.’’

  “Ah.’’ He cleared his throat, an
d I knew that look on his face as he played with the stud in his eyebrow. He’s trying to come up with something reassuring for me. Good luck with that.

  “Yeah.’’ I grabbed my phone from my dark blue skinny jean’s pocket and checked the time. Sophie should be here soon to cover the front desk, and the other tattoo artists weren’t expected for a couple of hours when their first appointments get here. “It’s ridiculous to mull all of this over anyway. I promise you I’ll be fine.’’

  He nodded but said nothing and I already knew he wouldn’t give me much to do today. Shit, I really wanted to do something with myself instead of only watching the others work even though it’s always very instructional.

  I turned around to the front door made of glass and unlocked it. With a last deep sigh, I turned the sign to ‘open’ and promised myself I wouldn’t think of Lydia again today. Or Wyatt. Yes, I needed not to think of Wyatt again especially.

  ***

  WYATT

  “You have no idea how much I want to punch you right fucking now,’’ I said through gritted teeth. But the fucker didn’t give a shit. Ralph just laughed, head thrown back as we made our way up 17th Street.

  “It’s no different than any other given day, asshole.’’

  Since Marissa landed on my mom’s doorstep four days ago, I’d been in a more sullen mood than my usual. I’d also been more prone to let my temper have the best of me. I ended up fucking up an asshole two nights ago at a club when the guy wanted to get a rise out of me. Good thing Ralph had been there or I’d have sent the man to the hospital, and my ass would be in jail now. My parents didn’t need that kind of shit coming from me. I had done enough as a teen.

  “Yeah, but since when do you need me to hold your fucking hand when you want ink, huh?’’ Because the jackass dragged me here under the pretense we’d get a coffee before I went back to work at the gym. But instead, he was heading to see Marissa. The idiot must be smitten or some shit like that because he never talked so much about a chick. And the idea didn’t sit well with me. It really didn’t fucking sit well.

  He stopped, but I didn’t notice it immediately. It’s when I took three more steps that I realized he wasn’t beside me. I turned around and found him glaring at me. “What?’’

  “She hasn’t been in contact with your mother since she visited so stop this shit, man. She’s not goin' to steal your place in the family. It’s not her family anyway.’’

  “I know she fucking won’t,’’ I growled darkly, but everything in me was screaming out my fear. I had clenched fists, my whole fucking body was shaking from tension, and if I didn’t stop grinding my teeth like this, I’d have no damn teeth anymore to show my dentist.

  “You know? Shit, Wyatt. You’re always waitin' for the other shoe to drop. You’re damn scared she’s goin' to replace you in some way when it comes to your mother. But guess what, asshole? She won’t!’’

  “If you want that ink now, let’s go. If not, I have better things to do,’’ I retorted harshly, but it didn’t spite him. He only shook his head and started walking again.

  “Then go. It’s not like I can force you to stay anyway.’’ But I didn’t walk away. He’d just given me an opening, and I was still walking beside him, wrung tight and pissed. “Yeah, I knew you wouldn’t mind oglin' her sweet, sweet body again.’’

  “Shut the fuck up,’’ I snarled.

  His answer was to laugh loudly again, catching off guard a few people walking around us. And most of them got guarded when they saw our tatts, Ralph’s piercings, and crazy hair.

  ***

  MARISSA

  “What needle would you use here, girl?’’ Kam asked me as I sat next to him while he worked on a college student here for the first piece on his lean forearm. The piece was a very detailed and realistic cracked hourglass of which sand escaped.

  “For this shading? A 5RS?’’ I asked, but really, I was sure of myself. When I had worn Kam down, and he made me the ‘shop bitch’ I had already known a lot, but at the time it had still been theoretical. Since then, I’d learned a lot.

  Instead of answering Kam smiled and chatted with his client anew, making sure the guy didn’t tense too much.

  “Marissa!’’ Sophie called me, and I looked at her desk facing the front door to find Ralph and a pissed off looking Wyatt close behind. Great.

  Kam was still focusing on his work, and I knew nothing short of a bomb could make him look up from the piece he’s working on. I stood up, tugged on my t-shirt with InkSpired written over my chest when it rode high above my waist.

  “Ralph, let me guess. You’re here for a cover-up tatt?’’ I smiled, and it surprised me when it wasn’t forced. This guy with the crazy hair was so easy going that it wasn’t too difficult for me to push the rest away and focus on his bright spirit. But, I’d lie if I said it wasn’t difficult not to look at his friend behind him.

  “You convinced me. I can’t resist a beautiful girl,’’ he retorted with a wink that had me chuckling.

  “Alright.’’ I glanced at Sophie, and I frowned when I realized she’s busy checking out Wyatt and his big arms crossed with the muscles bulging against his black t-shirt. “Soph, who’s free for a cover-up tatt?’’

  She blinked her big blue eyes and pink colored her otherwise pale cheeks. She looked at the planning on the laptop in front of her and shook her head before she stared up at me. “There’s no opening today. And Kam is booked the rest of the week.’’

  “I’m happy if you work on me, Marissa,’’ Ralph butted in with a big smile.

  Wyatt scoffed and came closer to stand next to his friend, towering over everybody around here. “She’s a damn apprentice, fucker. She’s not going to put ink on you.’’

  I bristled at his gruff voice and the way he easily put me in my place. Of course, he’s right, but still.

  “Oh, but she could!’’ Sophie said, taking my defense.

  Sophie and I had hit it off surprisingly fast when I started here at InkSpired. She’s the one doing all the piercings, and she also took care of the front desk, appointments and some paperwork for Kam. I wasn’t really into piercings for myself yet, but if I ever wanted one, I knew she’d be the one I’d ask. And even though she looked sweet and a bit at odds with the place and profession with her pencil skirt and blouse and librarian glasses, I knew for a fact she covered a few nicely placed piercings.

  “No, I can’t.’’

  “Oh come on. We both know Kam would have never let you get close to his machine and ink some simple pieces if you weren’t ready for your stuff.’’

  I glanced at both men listening quietly, one with a huge smile and the other with a scowl and intense eyes trained on me, unwavering. “It’s not the point, Soph. Book Ralph with Kam. I think his designs would fit him more.’’ I turned back to Ralph and played with the hem of my t-shirt trying to ignore how both men looked down my cleavage. “I’m sure Sophie will find you an opening with Kam for next week.’’

  “Wyatt? Dude, is that you?’’ Kam’s loud voice interrupted Ralph from answering. We all turned to see my mentor taking off his gloves and walking toward us with an odd smile on his face. It’s odd because the man rarely smiled. One look at Sophie made me realize our thoughts were heading the same way: what the hell?

  “Hey, Kam, long time no see,’’ Wyatt greeted him, and both men shook hands. If I looked closely enough and squinted a bit, I’d say Wyatt was smiling under that thick dark scruff of his.

  “Last time I inked you was what…two years ago?’’

  “Yeah, that’s about right. But I’m not here for me. My friend wants to cover up a sloppy piece.’’

  Kam turned to Ralph, shook his hand as his dark eyes detailed his sleeves. “Nice work, but,’’ he pointed at the ugly tatt on his forearm I had picked on immediately when I had met him a few days ago, “What the hell happened here?’’

  Ralph laughed and shook his head. “Alcohol was involved, both for the guy about to tattoo me and me.’’


  Kam grimaced. “So damn unprofessional,’’ he muttered to himself and came to stand behind Sophie and me, eyeing the planning to find an opening. “Ya know what you want?’’

  Ralph shook his head. “Not really. Your girl here convinced me to get a cover-up tatt, that’s as far as I thought.’’

  “You should get something that’d blend with your sleeve,’’ I said, eyes on his forearm, already thinking of ways to cover up the tattoo and blend in the new ink with the sleeve. I was itching to grab my notepad, pencils and start sketching. But I couldn’t just yet. One day soon, though.

  “You want her to work on your piece?’’ Kam asked with interest. “Or you want in her pants?’’

  My eyes widened as Sophie choked on her coffee and Wyatt’s scowl deepened as he fixed me harshly. Ralph, not fazed in the least, shrugged.

  “I want her to work on my piece, but if she also lets me in her pants, I won’t say no.’’

  “Oh hell,’’ Wyatt mumbled and stuck his hand in his hair, tugging a few dark strands upward, messing with it more than it already was. It’s annoying how messy hair looked good on guys like him, but on women, a few strands out of place and you either looked like you got electrocuted or someone ravished you.

  “Wyatt, my man, your friend is a comic.’’ Kam looked at me and nodded. “Alright, let’s start slow on this. Girl, you take him to the office and discuss a design. You come up with a flash and a sketch, and we’ll see if you can work on the piece yourself. What d’you say?’’

  “What the—''

  “It’s so great!’’ Sophie squealed and jumped on me to hug me. She’s so small that she had to go on her tiptoes to wrap her thin arms around my neck.

  “You serious?’’ I asked in disbelief. I knew I had to prove him I was good enough by coming up with an insane design, but it’s huge already.

  “I am. Now, show me I’m right,’’ he said, wrapping an arm around my neck and messing up my hair like he knew I hated.