Filthy Love (Renegade Souls MC Romance Saga Book 4)

by V. Theia

  “Is it so bad if you need me? That’s all I want.”

  “Need? I passed need long ago, little bit. I live in my own starvation until it chokes me.”

  “Oh.”

  And then again. “Oh.”

  “Don’t you see I don’t take what you wanna give me ‘cause we both know you deserve someone better.”

  Her voice was devoid of the emotion she’d had a moment ago. “That's all well and good, Colton, on paper I would probably go for that boyfriend, I bet he'd pick up groceries and take me to romantic movies on valentine’s day.” Hawk's jaw cracked. What a putz, he'd kill a man for putting a hand on her. She belonged to... he stopped that train of thought, she didn't belong to him now, then or ever.

  “But, even as you stand there now with lust burning your bones while you look at me, it's not always easy choosing what is right. I want you, I've always wanted you.”

  Why couldn’t he just tell her his truth? Just tell her once and for all why he was trash and not good for her. She wouldn’t try so hard to get him to change his mind, would she?

  Hawk swallowed around the rock in his throat. The hurt on her face destroyed him. She rose from the couch and turned her wet blue eyes on him.

  He was trash.

  Evil.

  Fucking unworthy. Look how he’d hurt her without even trying.

  “I think you need to go, Hawk.”

  He narrowed his eyes.

  “I can’t have you here. I’m hearing you finally. Just get out, please.”

  Just like that she turned and walked out of the room, her soft footsteps taking her up the stairs.

  And Hawk rooted to the floor felt his heart wither to dust for hurting her.

  He grabbed his jacket and did as she asked.

  It was the least he could do for once.

  To just go and leave her be.

  He locked up and he rode with the voices inside his head for company.

  It was always that way.

  Just him and his self-loathing.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  “Cake isn’t the way to my heart. But it’s a good start.” - Gia

  It was late. Gia should be sleeping, but there was no way she could shut down her brain. So, she sat on the spare bedroom floor and packed the rest of the things in there. Eight boxes later when everything was lugged down into the hallway she started on her bedroom and when that was done she did two loads of laundry.

  And tried not to think about Hawk and what a jerk he was. She knew just the person to complain to.

  Gia: Ugh. All guys are men shaped children!

  Grace Kelly: Tell me something I don’t know. You know Silvio still hasn’t asked me out!

  Grace Kelly: Your brooding man in particular?

  Gia: Yeah. I threw him out. And you know you’re too good for that Italian.

  Grace Kelly: LOL. Proud of you!

  Gia: I’m going to miss you. Wish I could pack you in one of my boxes.

  Grace Kelly: You know I’m visiting in a few months.

  Grace Kelly: What did he do now?

  Gia: It’s what he didn’t do.

  Grace Kelly: Bang your brains out?

  Gia: Exactly.

  Gia: What’s wrong with me, Gracie?

  Grace Kelly: Nothing! You’re in love with an extra broody guy. Girl, they’re high fucking maintenance. It’s his loss if he can’t pick his head from his ass and see what’s in front of him for the plucking.

  Gia: I’m desperate to be plucked!

  Grace Kelly: Forget him. Hook up with one of his biker dudes. Show the jerk he’s too late.

  Grace Kelly: What’s that cute one’s name again? You showed me his pic with Rider.

  Gia: LOL. That’s Grinder. He’s married.

  Grace Kelly: Damn. That beard was fine. Imagine it on the inside of your thighs. *shiver*

  Gia: TTYL, babe. Got more packing to do.

  Grace Kelly: Love you! And stop worrying. Let him come to you, if he doesn’t have the brains to chase you then let him brood elsewhere.

  Gia smiled and tossed her cell phone aside to tape up the last box. She was sweating by the time she’d carried it downstairs, almost breaking her neck on the last step.

  Just in time to hear the roar of a bike approaching outside.

  Her heart chose that moment to ram up against her ribs. Just a coincidence of course since she didn’t want to see Hawk.

  Holding her breath, she listened. When the engine switched off, and nothing happened after a minute she exhaled. It was only Juicy on watch duty.

  She was halfway down the hallway when a quiet thump knocked on the door.

  “Zachary, Hawk isn’t here.” She called through the door.

  “It’s me.” Hawk’s gruff voice replied. “Open up.”

  He’d come back. A zing of excitement tumbled through her belly.

  Shoulders back, Gia glared at the door. “No. I threw you out.”

  “I brought you dessert, open up, Gia.”

  “It’s nearly midnight…” Standing on her tiptoes straining her eyes to see through the peephole. First, she saw him. Tall and wide, in his black leather duster coat. Then after a second of eye-fucking she cast her gaze down to his hands.

  It was a white paper-bag with a familiar brand name scrawled on the front.

  Oh crap, they made the best donuts. She was trying to diet.

  “Leave it there and you can go, I don’t want to see you.”

  “Open up for fucks sake before one of your nosy-ass bitch neighbors calls the cops.”

  “Oh, fine!” She unbolted, unchained and unlocked the door, he was inside a second later, towering down over her with his scowl in place. “What do you want? I thought you’d said everything earlier.”

  She snatched the bag. No point in wasting good donuts and if he was going to strip another layer of her heart out she was going to need the sugar jolt. “Wait there.” She began taking the stairs.

  “Where the hell you going, little bit?” His low voice, curious. She sighed, facing him, her cheeks tinged a warmer color with frustration for wanting a man that didn’t want her back.

  “I’m going to put underwear on. If you’re about to be cruel to be kind again I’m not standing here talking to you and not wearing any underwear. Call me crazy.”

  Love was a bitch when it wasn’t reciprocated, he’d told her bluntly, cruelly, she needed to get over it now.

  One second, he was in the hallway large as life, the next he was up the four stairs right in her face pressing her into the wall. The pallor of his eyes almost vanishing as the pupils grew blotting out the color, his teeth bared. Gia had no choice but to lean back, his hips at her hips, oh, god.

  “Did you just fucking say that to me? You’re in those tiny fucking shorts with half your butt cheeks hanging out and you tell me you’re not fucking wearing fucking underwear in front of a man like me?”

  Blinking hard, butterflies attacked Gia’s belly because he smelled fresh from the night air clinging to his skin and just so … Hawk in his creaky leather jacket and he was standing there with his infamous scowl etched into his perfectly sculpted cheekbones she wanted to bite on like she was an animal gnawing on raw meat.

  An instant pool of wetness gathered. “Wow. That was a lot of fuckings in one sentence.”

  “There’s about to be a lot fucking more.” A menacing growl so erotic came out of that massive chest, though she assumed he was not intending it to be hot as it was. She moaned in her throat and her body lost some of its motor skills by swaying into his.

  His mouth came crashing down on hers.

  It was a savage kiss and one she wrenched away from after a minute of teasing his tongue. Because if she didn’t, if she lost her mind again over one of his blinding kisses, she’d forget everything from earlier and be right back where she started.

  “Thanks for dessert, but you can go now.”

  He grabbed the back of loose tank top.

  “Put on pants, little bit. Long pan
ts, and a shirt. Two shirts. I want to talk to you.” He took the bag back, stepped down from the stairs and stalked to the kitchen. Leaving Gia there with her hormones on full alert. He’d kissed her this time and there was no mistake want dripping from his full lips.

  ******

  “Haven’t seen any more of him and I’ve been looking.” Hawk told Rider. The phone held to his ear with one hand, the other was making Gia a cup of hot chocolate. He’d started with coffee, realizing how late it was and switched out to the sweet shit she liked of an evening.

  Across the country his Colorado Prez spat a few curses. “I’m getting tired of that Russian fuckstick up my ass. We’re about to send him home to his Pakhan penniless.”

  “Lawless doing his thing?”

  Rider laughed deep and cunning. “Yeah. You’d think he was at a tea party the fun he’s havin’.”

  “Let him know I’m available for grave digging in a few days.”

  It would be good to get home again. Rider decided once Hawk delivered Gia he was free to stick around in their chapter for good if he wanted to.

  Hawk wanted to. He wanted his VP vest and the familiarity of the club he knew.

  Stirring the mug, he tossed the spoon into the sink and placed the cup on the table next to the bag of donuts when he heard a pattering of feet behind him. He turned to see Gia in jeans and a sweater. Feet bare, hair down around her shoulders. And her eyes thin slits of anger glaring at him.

  Hawk nearly broke out in a smile.

  His beautiful girl.

  “How’s my sister?”

  “She’s just like you, Prez.” He waited a beat until she stuck her chin in the air and really glared at him. “A pain in my ass. Full of demands. Always wanting her own way.”

  Rider cackled.

  If only his best friend knew the half of it, he wouldn’t be laughing. Nah, Hawk would find himself very dead and in a shallow grave in the mountains somewhere.

  But funnily, it wasn’t Rider’s reaction finding out Hawk wanted his sister that remained as an obstacle. If anything, Rider was low on the rung of reasons. Pulling out the chair for Gia, he nodded to it for her to sit down. When she glowered and took the chair opposite Hawk arched a brow.

  She was so fucking beautiful when she was stubborn.

  He’d rode aimlessly for an hour, stopping to check in on Krusher, his gut tight with bile, stewing over every word they’d said. Go talk to her, son. Krusher advised seeing Hawk’s mood.

  And an hour later he’d trudged to the all-night bakery, selecting her favorite donuts and headed back to her house to apologize.

  Only half listening to his club-president, Hawk’s nasty gaze was all over Gia as she sipped and nibbled. He noticed she’d set a donut aside on a napkin. For him? He wouldn’t eat it, but her consideration meant something to him. He coasted over the slope of her neck and shoulder, outlined the shape of her breasts, watched her lick sugar from her lips and fingertips.

  His cock aching like a bitch.

  He craved every inch of her so much it tangled in his chest between doing the right thing and doing … her.

  He’d come back for a reason and not only because he shouldn’t have left her alone even for a second.

  Turning his back, breaking the spell of Gia, he cleared his throat and asked Rider. “Did you talk to your father?”

  Rider cursed. “He talked and expected me to listen. He had nothin’ I wanted to hear. He said he had no clue about Rex.”

  “You believe him?”

  “Where Gia is concerned, yeah, I do. Anything and everything else? Who the fuck knows.”

  “Maybe you need a face to face, Ri. Ask him outright.”

  What the fuck was he saying? Hawk scowled.

  Rider silent. And then. “Giving family advice, bro? Who the fuck are ya and what did you do to my VP?”

  Hawk snorted. “Fuck you, gotta go. See you in a few days.”

  “It’ll be good to have you home.”

  “What? So, you can shove a million kid pictures under my nose instead of emailing?” Hawk asked sardonically. “I can’t wait.”

  Behind him he was sure he heard Gia giggle, but her face was blank when he twisted around to look. Nibbling on the crust of a donut. Ignoring him.

  “You’ll look at them and not bitch. My doodle-bug is perfect. And Zara wants you to come to dinner soon. And you won’t bitch about it either.”

  “Whatever you say, Prez.”

  “Wait, let me talk to him a second.” Interrupted Gia before he could hang up. Brow high, he handed over his cell.

  “Ambrosio? The rental I chose online is ready to get the keys. Can you drop by and get them for me? Thanks. Kiss my favorite niece for me. And let Capone know we’re still on for lunch on Friday.” She told Rider bye.

  Every inch of Hawk’s skeleton seized.

  He felt like death warmed over.

  She was seeing Capone for lunch?

  Since when?

  When the fuck was that arranged and better yet, why?

  Something dark and sinister began to chew on his skull. Questions he had no answers to.

  She gave his phone back and returned to her seat.

  “Capone?” His rusted voice asked.

  Gia simply looked at him and sipped the drink he’d made for her.

  “Gia? Capone?”

  “None of your business.”

  Maddening girl. He dragged out the chair and plonked himself in it.

  He wanted to pull her in, to hold her tight, to tell her how sorry he was, to make it better, to stop her from hurting.

  Hawk didn’t feel things as other men did, that was true. But with Gia his moralities became a little clearer, almost as if she cleaned the way for him to try to be a good man.

  The little bit could terminate him with just a look.

  “I want to apologize for earlier. I say dumb shit, Gia. I’ve no fucking idea how to talk to a woman. To a woman like you.”

  She curved her eyebrow. “A sociopath with a conscience? This is new. Do we need to alert the media?”

  “Only with you. I’m sorry I was a bastard.”

  She shrugged. “Your babysitting duties are almost over, then you never have to see me again. Colorado is a big place and I’m not likely to go to Rider’s club.”

  “Not even to see Capone?” He questioned with a bite of accusation before he could stop his big, fat fucking tongue from moving.

  “Maybe. I’ll wait until you’re not there.”

  A growl boiled out of Hawk. “Little bit … if you don’t want me tearing my club brother to pieces you need to tell me right now why you’re meeting with him.”

  Her chin went up a notch. He recognized the tenacious glint.

  His jaw tightened when it seemed she wasn’t answering.

  So be it. RIP Capone.

  “Do you talk to him?” Silence. “Text him?” More ticks of stillness. Hawk was becoming more frustrated by the second. She was sitting there coolly smiling looking more attractive than she ever had and he wanted to rip the table apart.

  Hawk growled. “Give me your phone, little bit!”

  “Give me yours!” She threw back. Her eyes like tasers.

  He fished into his jean pocket and slid the phone across the table without hesitation.

  She gaped like she hadn’t expected it.

  “I just bet I find a million booty-call women on here, huh?” Even he could catch sarcasm. And didn’t the nosy magpie just go right on pressing buttons before holding it out to him, “fingerprint passcode.” He used his index finger to unlock it for her and then she went to town.

  For long minutes Gia was silent while she scrolled through his phone.

  She wouldn’t find any women on it except her.

  And not a second later. Her eyes wide. “You haven’t deleted any messages from me. These go back …years, Hawk.”

  She kept scrolling. Smiling a little. Looking sad in places.

  Hawk’s brain itched. He went on watching her,
hands clasped tightly in front of him before he did something stupid like reaching out and holding her.

  “Where’s all the women?”

  “What women?”

  “The ones you have sex with. Aren’t they stored for hook ups?”

  Hawk snorted, one side of his mouth curled up.

  She was incredibly fucking cute. “There is none.”

  “Right. You’re celibate.”

  She’d be surprised.

  “The most conversation I’ve ever had with a woman is you. Why would I want phone numbers when I have no interest in talking to women?”

  She made a noise, eyes on his phone. “Just screwing them. Of course.”

  Before. Not any longer. If his dick got hard for anyone else, it would be a miracle. As it was he needed to be amped up with Gia frustration to fuck in the first place. Keeping her in the front part of his brain before he used another woman.

  She pushed his phone back across the table. He ignored it to ask. “Now you and Capone.”

  Of course, Gia being maddening as always deviated his question to drop a bomb on him.

  “Why can you fuck so many women, but you won’t fuck me?”

  How did she know what he did … had done? “I don’t give a shit about them, about any of them.”

  “But you give a shit about me? Sure. That makes a ton of sense.”

  He dragged in a lungful of air and almost moaned taking in the scent of coconut. Her scent. “Gia…”

  “I’m trying to understand, to wrap my brain around how it’s easy for you to stick your dick in any woman but me. Why you’ll spend hours with your head between my legs, but you won’t even let me touch you in the same way.”

  And then, just like that, his ugly truth came tumbling out through gritted teeth. “I fucking stuck my dick in them because I can’t have you!” Frustration leaked out like an oil spill with his every growl, offering all he could in hopes of what, she’d understand his warped logic? No. He’d come back for another reason, hadn’t he? But she deserved all the truth first. “I don’t give a shit about who I’ve fucked, they’re forgettable. I don’t touch them, want them, it’s a release, Gia. I’ve got a screw loose and I don’t want to infect you with that. I fuck them because I couldn’t fuck you.”