Filthy Love (Renegade Souls MC Romance Saga Book 4)

by V. Theia

  Air expelled his lungs. Contentment like nothing he’d felt before swamped him.

  He needed her weight on top of him.

  And the way she burrowed in like a rabbit? Too fucking good.

  He got hard in a second.

  This feeling wasn’t new.

  It wasn't instant love some sappy shit Hallmark would write about. It was blow his heart to smithereens and watch him die on the floor kind of love. It belted an unchangeable myriad of sensations inside Hawk and from that day on he was changed.

  Oh, still fucking deranged as they come.

  But in love.

  He loved a little bit of a thing with every piece of his fucked-up self.

  He acknowledged it. Ignored it. Hungered for it. Obsessed over it. Berated himself about it.

  He jerked off so much to that one, first glance over the years he almost wed his left hand.

  From what he understood, love was crazy, and he was already halfway to madness as it was. Some called him a sociopath because he liked hurting people who had done wrong. They talked and said his stomach was stronger than a lead balloon for the violence he exacted, and they'd be right.

  Nothing much turned Hawk's stomach.

  Except, seeing Gia smile at a man that wasn't him.

  Except watching that man place a hand on her.

  That prim and proper cocksucker Leo with his groomed hair and designer glasses carrying his goddamn leather satchel like a dickhead had lived on borrowed time for weeks and hadn’t known it, He’d earned Hawk’s hate, all for knocking on Gia's door and getting himself invited inside.

  Now he couldn’t wait to get her to Colorado out of the way.

  “Am I too heavy?” She asked bringing his head back to the present and away from the murder shack back home. Pity. He was two deaths in with that Leo fucker at that point.

  “Nope. I’ve carried carpets heavier.” He told her, and Gia laughed poking his ribs.

  “Gee, thanks.”

  “You’re welcome, little bit.”

  A few minutes went by.

  Trailing his fingers along her spine he got lost in the sensation and every time she did that little snuggle-wriggle.

  Fucking tortured heaven.

  “Colton?”

  “Hm?”

  She untucked her hand from underneath her and drifted fingers against the side of his cheek.

  Hawk almost came.

  “Why do you call yourself a monster?”

  “That’s what I am.”

  “But why? Did something happen to make you think that way?”

  When he couldn’t reply. For one, her fingers were driving his cock mad, this lying on top of him had been a piss poor idea hadn’t it? And for two, if he explained why he was a monster, tell her all the things he’d done to stay alive, she’d run a mile. She wouldn’t be curled on top of his chest content like a baby cat to have his hand stroking the knobs of her spine.

  Gia tugged the short hairs of his beard. “If you cracked open a book, or even tapped into google, you’d see you have it all wrong. The very definition of a monster is; a large, ugly, and frightening imaginary creature. While you are large, you’re far from ugly, I’m not frightened of you and you’re not imaginary, if you were, we’d be doing a helluva lot more kissing than we do.”

  Somewhere in the middle of that his lungs stopped working.

  How was it this small little bit of a thing was the only person to ever affect him in ways even he didn’t comprehend past the base level emotion of want?

  If he were normal he’d have all the answers.

  He’d be able to fucking recognize emotions if nothing else.

  Moving her gently to the side so she landed against the back of the couch he swung his legs to the floor and rose. Edgy bones. Nervous fingers grabbed at his hair. He faced Gia after a minute with his version of the truth stinging his skull.

  She wanted to know how he was a monster?

  His quiet rumbled voice box opened. “You want full disclosure, Gia? Here it is that makes me a monster, see the depraved prick I really am. When I couldn't stand myself any longer, when it was hard to concentrate, to fucking breathe without wanting to do you nastily, until all I could taste was that one kiss, Gia. You remember how I fucking crushed your seventeen-year-old lips. That kiss. I'd tell Rider I needed to get away, he thought I was going to find some hot bitch to screw, or worse, to kill something. I rode all through the night to Austin and I would stand for days, nights, outside your building, watching you going inside, coming out to go to the coffee shop, I'd follow you home and stand outside watching your lights pop on and off. I'd stand there until I could breathe again, Gia, until the noise in my head retreated into the back. You had a monster stalker and never knew it.”

  “Oh, god, Colton.” Her baby blue eyes dark and turbulently stormy. “How—how often did you do that?”

  “Four, five times a year. For ten years, give or take.”

  Maybe now she’d understand he was a sick monster and she needed to kick him out.

  “Oh, god, Colton.” Her voice broke.

  He waited for her, tethered to the wood flooring, his guts hanging out it seemed, he was exposed to the woman he loved just waiting for her to finally realize what kind of man he was. All wrong for her.

  His head hung low on his neck.

  “Why didn’t you ever come in?” His eyes flipped up so fast the room spun. Surprise stabbed him. She was constantly surprising him. “I would have always welcomed you in, Colton. Always. God. All this damn time wasted.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  “Sexual frustration is not my friend even if he does live with me.” - Gia

  Hawk made his escape.

  After his bombshell he said he’d grab food.

  Coward! Gia paced around her mostly empty living room muttering in half Greek. The tongue her Yaya would only speak when she was still alive. Her grandmother had been a fiery character and now her dad would say Gia inherited that temper.

  But, oh, she was waiting for that biker tease when he got back.

  She was practically shaking underneath her skin when he dumped the paper sack full of good smelling whatever-it-was he’d bought onto the counter and eyed her speculatively.

  She couldn’t blame him for the raised brow.

  Not when she’d mulled over every word he’d said for the past thirteen and a half minutes and each passing minute meant she was burning inside.

  All these years and she’d never known how he’d felt and just like that he’d laid it out for her.

  He’d watched her.

  Probably in a creepy way, but she didn’t care.

  He’d watched her for years.

  Needed to be close to her.

  And hadn’t said a damn word.

  “Got you the egg rolls you like.”

  “Thank you,” she said. “What did you get?”

  “Sticky ribs.”

  He was standing long, and rangy unpacking the takeout, arms dusted in fine blond hair hanging at his side with his head tilted in the way she loved and recognized now as his thinking pose when he was trying to figure her out.

  He called himself a monster?

  Well he hadn’t seen anything yet. Gia could get damn monstrous when she was provoked. She had her father’s Greek temper and her mom’s impatience.

  It was a heady cocktail of femaleness when she was pissed off.

  How dare he declare his feelings like that. Basically, saying she was his fucking life line or something close for all these years and then stroll out like egg rolls were more important.

  She attacked him.

  Oh, it was a strategic move she was proud of. Waiting until he slung his coat over the back of a chair and she threw her whole body at him. Hands on his shoulders, legs around his waist, she went for his mouth seconds later.

  Big bear hands cupped her butt and Hawk fell into her kiss like he’d just been waiting for it all day long. Or even longer from the way he began sucking on her t
ongue.

  Starved, he turned sharply and had her pressed up against the wall while she devoured him and when it looked like he was going to detach their mouths she buried her hands in his hair, anchoring them together, nibbling on his lower lip, swiping it with her tongue.

  His groan shot through her.

  “Kiss me,” she insisted, delving in, using his tongue as sport, “give me your taste, Hawk.” His fingers dug into her ass cheeks and she found herself humping his belly, moving her boiling hot core against those hard ridges to gain friction enough to satisfy the urges inside her.

  If Hawk was a monster than she was just as beastly.

  “You wanted me,” she said with forcefulness bruising her words. Hurt and lust tied for first position, “all this time, you wanted me, and you made us go without each other.” She slammed his mouth, silencing him, eating whatever he might have offered up to her accusation. The taste of his regret came with his tongue duelling hers.

  “Gia…” he managed before she stopped him with another punishing, wet kiss.

  He spoke in that way that made her insides turn to jello and had her thinking in terms of being his beloved queen at his side forever holding court with his scowl on display. The deepened gravel poured over honey came right from his diaphragm and in a tempo, which somehow knew the right decibel to level her wild and needy.

  She loved his voice.

  She loved his voice better when she was swallowing it.

  She gasped when his teeth nipped. Laughing lightly, she teased peppered kisses over his face.

  “Give me this. I’m so empty. I need you. Just this, Hawk. You owe me so many kisses. You made us wait for each other!”

  She was so angry with him.

  And that’s all it took. A few well-placed suggestive words, he took over.

  Where Gia had been rocking against him, he let her drop a few inches locking her in place to his groin. A perfect fit.

  He was hard, and it made the cushion of her softness all the better until her eyes hazed over with the feeling she couldn’t quite grasp out of reach.

  And he began to thrust between her spread legs.

  Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god.

  The notoriously controlled and standoffish man turned in a primal being with a single focus of nailing her to the wall through two layers of clothes.

  It was impossible not to feel how intense he’d become in only seconds. His kisses were a possessive claiming, something of her dreams and they robbed her of oxygen she couldn’t find in her to care about.

  This was all she wanted.

  Two animals perfectly in sync.

  “Why can’t you see how good we’d be together?” She moaned tasting his need.

  It was impossible to believe he could deny something that felt this good.

  She could crush every argument and still Hawk would walk away from her.

  Though his hunger fueled hers, she feared before long he’d walk away.

  But he wasn’t right now.

  Not when her fingers buried in the back of his hair making sure his lips didn’t leave hers.

  Not when he strode down the long hallway with her held against his chest.

  And he wasn’t walking away when he fell onto the couch with her.

  Crushed, her body was drunk on him.

  She easily opened her legs, wanting Hawk to move aside her shorts and fuck her crazy.

  Fuck her in all the ways she’d waited for.

  Suddenly the monotony of her life was screaming in full color beneath his hardness squashing her as he rocked and pushed into the cradle of her thighs with no purpose she could tell other than to cause her brain to explode from the delicious friction. She gripped the back of his shirt, feeling every sensation under the sun as his tongue made itself at home in her mouth.

  He tasted amazing. And every atom wailed and scratched at the insides of her bones feeling more alive than she had in a long time.

  He was a perfect kisser. Oh, god. He was perfect.

  When their mouths parted it was like time stood still.

  Ragged, untimed breaths became a song of sorts in the echoed room.

  Hawk’s eyes glinted. He appeared to be searching her face, so she lifted a hand, cupped his jaw and pulled him into her space.

  An inch separated them. And she told him. “I want you,” she felt utterly reckless. Beautifully alive with every nerve ending on high alert for his touch which came a second later when he rolled a thumb across her lower lip, dragging it down, he dipped inside her wet mouth and the motion was obscene when he stroked her teeth and then her tongue. She grasped on tight and sucked that thumb as though she had something else in her mouth.

  He growled and pushed down with his hips.

  “Did you hear what I said?” It was like watching an athlete being the best at his sport. The subtle shifts of Hawk’s body were nothing short of excellence. How his exposed collarbone protruded off his torso and his forearm muscles clenched. He’d always given her the sense he was a man who took what he wanted and fuck the rules of morality.

  Couldn’t he let loose with her just once?

  “Heard you loud and clear.” His thumb never stopped moving on her tongue. She noted his pupils blown out to black and his own lips were wet from her mouth. “I want you until it sickens me,” he confessed, making her brows fold inwards and her suction came to a sudden halt, letting his thumb fall out of her mouth. “I’m no good for you is what I mean.”

  “Play another record, Hawk.” She pinched his ribs.

  Though he didn’t go very far, just kept right on stroking her lips. When his head reared down it was instinctual for Gia to turn hers sideways and give him access to her neck. He buried his nose, trailing it the length of her throat up to her ear. A massive groan soon followed. “You smell incredible.”

  He looked deep even while concealing a distance. Like he was trying to figure out a puzzle he couldn’t fully understand. Or to find her secrets.

  She would tell them all if he only asked.

  “Know that I want you too, little bit.” Yes! Happiness, or maybe it was hot bursting lust or a combination of both flushed through her bloodstream, causing her fingers to clasp his waist and roll her hips up.

  He groaned and lowered his forehead to hers. “Hold up, little bit. Fuck. That feels good. Your pussy is killing me, right? You know that?”

  “I don’t want to kill you, just have you.”

  “I can make you feel good,”

  “You can. You do. Take off your pants.” She insisted with an upturned smile.

  “Not gonna fuck you.”

  “Hawk…” she pouted, trying to kiss him again. He stopped her with his hand circling the front of her throat. But it didn’t deter her for long, not when she hooked her bare leg around his and started grinding under him.

  It did what she intended, by making his eyes turn smoky and his lips smashed into hers, forcing them open, he rolled inside with his tongue like he was king of mouths and he was collecting the rent for that month.

  The hot kiss was over too soon.

  “Not gonna fuck you yet. I won’t take chances with you.”

  She loved him for that.

  She wanted to punch him though. God.

  “Condoms.” She whined. They were invented for a reason. And he scowled down at her like she was talking a foreign language. She wasn’t thinking clearly. Anyone else in this situation would think twice about the man who may or may not be carrying sexual diseases because as he freely admitted he hadn’t been careful when sharing his body.

  Any other woman would be running for the hills hearing of that kind of careless promiscuity and for all her logical, romantic advice she’d given over the years, though it bothered her to know he’d been that way, she still … always wanted him.

  “Not risking it, Gia. I get you home, and then I’ll fuck you anyway you want it. I’ll live in this goddamn hot pussy,” he cupped her and rubbed. Rubbed so good she cried against his mouth. “This fuckin
g beautiful pussy that’s tortured me for a decade. The pussy that tastes incredible, feels incredible when it lets go and creams down my throat. I need my fill of it.”

  Oh, Jesus. That was graphic. And hot as hell.

  It wasn’t just her cheeks burning, her whole body flamed..

  She gulped air to drain some of the fire in her pants. “Anyone ever tell you your sweetness is cute?”

  Blond brows doubled over his stormy eyes. “I’m not cute.”

  “You won’t have sex with me until you know you have a clean bill of health. That’s sweet, considerate and cute and fucking irritating, Hawk.” She huffed a sigh, closing her eyes she willed her body to come down off the international space station.

  Whether being called sweet or cute was a catalyst, but she felt his growl thunder through her chest as her eyes pinged open to see him getting into place between her legs, this time at face level with her crotch. “Said I’d make you feel good, didn’t I? I might not be worth much of anything, but I keep my promises. I’ll keep every single fucking promise I give you, Gia. You like my mouth eating your pussy alive. I can give you that until I can give you more.”

  She did. She really did love the way he feasted on her like he’d never had anything else in his mouth he loved more, the way he savored and licked and knew the spots she loved that he went back to again and again. And she was still stuck on the way his lips formed the word pussy.

  Her shorts were gone. Her legs pulled over his massive shoulders.

  “Why are you letting me do this to you?” One fingertip strolled casually up and down her landing strip of pubic hair.

  “Do I need to tattoo your forehead with how much I want you, Hawk? God. Just put your mouth on me already before I want to kick your rock-hard ass.”

  He chuckled.

  “Okay, bossy.” He gave her one, long lap that caused her back to nearly break in half.

  One lap from the flat of his tongue and Hawk brought his body back up towards her head. Her couch wasn’t made to be slept on. It was one of those designer pieces you’d see in a Crate and Barrel store front window. Thin silver legs and a low back and cushions that enveloped your butt. It certainly wasn’t designed with Hawk in mind crushing her into the padding. But oh, it felt good.