Beyond Touched

by Ashley Logan

  Her eyes widen a little and she sucks her bottom lip into her mouth as she frowns thoughtfully. “But I thought we weren’t-”

  “We’re not having sex,” I re-iterate, releasing her now and getting to my feet. Shutting off the shower, I reach for a towel and wrap it around her shoulders before getting one for myself and wrapping it around my waist. “I’d just very much like to sleep next to you, if that’s something you think you might enjoy. Otherwise, I’m happy to drive you home.”

  “You don’t want to do anything else?” she asks, stepping carefully out of the shower.

  “Of course I want to,” I say, using another towel to rub my hair and face dry. “But I’m not an animal. I can control my urges.”

  Pulling her towel tighter around herself, Alexa looks to the wet footprints she’s leaving on the towel I’ve set on the floor. “The only person I’ve slept next to without having to fuck first was Sam, and that was only for warmth,” she says quietly.

  Clenching my teeth, I lower the towel from my face. “I’m not demanding sex as a toll to spend the night with you, Alexa.”

  Nodding, she doesn’t seem entirely convinced as she looks to the side. “I’m just having a moment of confusion, is all,” she explains in a whisper. “I don’t know how that exchange works. I used to offer myself so I could sleep soundly, knowing I’d be protected. I know that’s not something you probably want to hear right now, and I’m sorry. I’m trying to work through it. That’s why I haven’t spent the night with anyone in the last five years. Until last week,” she adds, frowning again as she refers to us accidentally falling asleep in each other’s arms.

  My guts twist inside and I shake my head. “There is no exchange required, Alexa. You are free to do as you please and I will not insist on anything but you doing just that. If you want me to take you home, I will. If you’d like to spend the night, you are welcome. If you want for me to leave you alone at any time, I will. If you’re confused and need me to explain myself to you, you need only ask. I did not ask you if you’d stay over because I was asking for sex in exchange for a good night’s sleep.”

  Chewing the inside of her cheek, Alexa tucks her towel around her like a dress and releases her hair. “I think I asked if you’d want more, because I was hoping you would,” she says, almost talking to herself. “Want me, I mean. I think it’s hard for me to believe you’d have need of me without sex being part of the equation. I don’t know.”

  Stunned, I stare at her. “You think I wouldn’t have need of you if not for sex?”

  Shrugging, Alexa looks around the bathroom before her focus comes to land on me. “A girl can hope, but I know I’m no prize, Damon. I’m the damaged remnants of a tragic history and I can’t escape that. I battle constantly with the thoughts in my head and even when I try to better myself, I know any improvements can’t make up for my shortcomings, and that fundamentally any attraction to me is because of how I look and what’s between my legs, just as it’s always been.”

  Covering my face, I shake my head harder. “You’re killing me! Hearing you say stuff like that makes me never want to have sex with you again for fear I’ll be making you think like that!” Pacing between the shower and the door, I stop periodically to look at her as she braids her hair. Eventually, I stop long enough to lean against the vanity, my arms wrapped over my stomach to ease the disquiet within.

  “Alexa, I like how honest you are with me. I like how sweet you are; how you laugh at my stupid jokes and smile at me as though you mean it. You don’t cringe when I do my creepy no-handed wave and you let me drive you places without worrying if I’ll manage it. You keep my brain working all the time, mostly in a good way, and you don’t make me feel like less of a man because I’m different. I’m pretty sure you like touching me, and I really like it when you do, but I feel good just knowing you exist in my world. How can you think I’d only want to fuck you?”

  Wincing, Alexa shrugs. “Should I go?”

  “Is that what you want?” I ask quietly, not looking at her. “I’d still like for you to stay.”

  “Even though I’m driving you crazy?”

  “It’s a good kind of crazy,” I say with a half-smile as I look sideways at her.

  Narrowing her eyes at me, she returns my smile a little. “Am I just a challenge you can’t back away from?”

  Leaning back in surprise, I take a moment to consider the question. “Maybe. Sort of, but I think maybe more like a puzzle? Like I can find the pieces, but I have to be careful how I put them together, or the end result will be drastically different from the picture on the box.”

  Watching me a moment, she sweeps loose hairs behind her ear. “What’s the picture on the box?”

  “You and me, together and happy,” I say without thinking. “If you think you could be happy with me,” I add quickly.

  Regarding me with caution, she presses her lips together in a tight smile. “Hard not to be happy with someone who’s hell-bent on pleasing you.”

  “So you’ll stay over?”

  “I don’t have anything to wear to bed.”

  My eyes travel her body and I squeeze them shut, because she is achingly beautiful and I might just be the luckiest bastard in the world. “You can wear something of mine.”

  “Are you squinting because you’re thinking about me naked?” she teases.

  “I’m not going to lie to you,” I say, pretending to leave the bathroom, which makes her giggle. Stopping in the doorway, I turn back around. “Please don’t judge me - because I wasn’t planning on company, or being presumptuous or anything - but I have spare toothbrushes, so just help yourself.”

  Following me to the vanity, Alexa leans forward as I push open one of the drawers.

  “How bad is my breath that I’ll need that many toothbrushes?” she asks.

  “It’s not like that,” I say, rolling my eyes dramatically. “It just serves me best to keep backups.”

  “Do you break them?”

  “More often I drop them in unpleasant places and prefer not to put them back in my mouth. I’m not a conventional tooth brusher,” I say with what I can only hope is a dazzling smile.

  Blushing a little, Alexa nods. “And here I thought I was the only one.”

  “Anyway, help yourself,” I say with another smile as I slip past her. “Do you need to call anyone? So they don’t worry?” I call over my shoulder, only to see Alexa behind me, branching off to the couch as I head for the kitchen. Helping herself to another piece of peppermint chocolate, Alexa turns and gives me a strange look when she sees me watching.

  “What? I’m not going to brush my teeth when there is still chocolate,” she says, popping another piece in her mouth while crossing to her gear to find her phone. Swiping her screen, she thumbs out a message as she talks. “How early were you planning on taking me to bed? It’s only eleven and I’m usually up until after two or three.”

  “Will you make an exception tonight because I have class tomorrow at nine?” I ask, hopeful as ever. “You don’t have to get up when I do, but if I stay up too late, I can’t see me making it to class. Especially with you next to me. Actually, now that I think about it, forget classes. Are you free for brunch, do you think?”

  Rolling her eyes, Alexa walks back to the bathroom. “I’m brushing my teeth now!” she calls over her shoulder.

  WANTING MORE THAN ANYTHING to curl my body around hers, I don’t push my luck. Alexa seems content to snuggle under my arm, her head on my shoulder and her hand on my chest. I wouldn’t dream of complaining because it feels awesome, not to mention her leg resting on top of mine as she lies against my side. That leg bends and stretches every now and then, causing her to stroke my leg.

  “Do you always lie awake for hours?” she whispers, her fingertips softly sweeping circles over the center of my chest.

  “No. Are you always this captivating?”

  “I don’t know. I’m captivating?”

  “Very.” Pulling my arm out from under her, I roll
to my side and she re-settles herself. Moving my pillow closer to hers, I lie back down, facing her.

  “Are you going to stare at me all night? Because I don’t think I can sleep like that,” she says with a cute smile. I kiss the tip of her nose and smile back.

  “Normally I take medication to help me sleep, but when I’m with you, I’m not trying to escape. Sleep will come eventually. Probably I’m asleep already. This definitely feels like a dream.”

  Giggling a little, Alexa snuggles closer. “You trying to sweet talk me?”

  “No. Just plain talking. Any coincidental sweetness is coming from your direction,” I reply, unable to keep from smiling. “How do you normally fall asleep?”

  “Reading, mainly,” she says, her warm brown eyes searching mine with their amber glow.

  “Regular reading or mind-reading?” I ask as her gaze intensifies.

  “Huh?”

  “Are you trying to read me right now?” I ask, leaning back a bit so I can see more than just her eyes and the top of her head peeking out of the blanket. Smiling, she shrugs.

  “Maybe.”

  “Any good?”

  “Maybe too good to be true. How much faith should one put in someone who is potentially fictional?”

  “I’m fairly certain I’m not fictional, but considering you’re my dream girl and that I’d put all my faith in you, I think it would be reasonable if the reverse were to occur.”

  Giggling, Alexa presses her lips to mine. “Shut up and go to sleep. Your warped logic is starting to sound plausible.”

  “It’s sound logic,” I mumble, my lips seeking hers now. “I can’t believe you’re in my bed.”

  “I can’t believe your bed is so comfy,” she whispers, breaking free of my kiss to brush her soft cheek against my fuzzy one. “I might never want to leave it.”

  “I wouldn’t complain if you stayed here forever.”

  “Shut up.”

  “You’re right. If you stayed, then I’d stay and how would we eat then?”

  “Delivery?” she suggests with a giggle.

  “What would the charge price be for a pizza delivered direct to your bed, do you think? Definitely extra. What would they call that service? Intimate delivery? What kind of person signs on for that job? And what kind of scenarios are they being exposed to in that line of work? Do you think lonely housewives would take advantage of an intimate delivery service? Or if the delivery person is a woman, do you think the reverse would be true? If that’s so, do you think the proportion of men requesting intimate delivery would by far surpass the -”

  Alexa flicks her tongue over my lips and then seals my mouth shut with hers. Her fingers comb through my hair and run down the back of my neck as she snuggles closer.

  I’d found my old team shirt from junior high when I was unpacking. Well worn, it's ultra-soft and her curves fill it out beautifully. Pressing against me now, I’m reminded that she’s wearing nothing beneath it and I unleash a tortured groan. Feeling her lips smile against mine, I pull back.

  “Thank you for shutting me up. I like how you did it. A bit too much, probably.”

  “You’re welcome,” she says with a smile in her voice. “Thank you for giving me some positive first experiences. I liked them very much. This one too.”

  “My pleasure. I can provide plenty more firsts in the future if you’ll let me. In fact, we could also redo some of the shitty firsts you had and make them good ones. What do you think?”

  “I think that sounds shit scary,” she says so softly I strain to hear it.

  “Shit scary, but awesome?”

  “Maybe,” she says thoughtfully. “I guess there are a few things I’d maybe want to try under different circumstances.” Eying me warily, she braves a small smile. “Maybe.”

  “No pressure. We’ll be having plenty of our own firsts as time goes by. Like maybe right now,” I say, kissing her cheek. “Would it be okay if I spoon you?”

  “Spoon?”

  “Lie behind you while we sleep, like nesting silverware.”

  “Oh. Sure. That way is my favorite. It’s the warmest, and it always made me feel safest,” she says, rolling over and scooting her back up against me. “Like this?”

  “Yeah,” I say with a delighted sigh. “Can I rest my arm over you like this?”

  “Mmm. I like that,” she says, settling in.

  “Alexa?”

  Shivering a little, she cinches closer. “Mmm?”

  “Do you like Thanksgiving?”

  Laughing a little, she looks over her shoulder at me. “How in the world did you get from intimate delivery and first experiences to Thanksgiving?”

  “I think it was because of the spooning,” I reply with a grin as I nudge her face away with my nose and nuzzle her neck. Her skin smells of my shower gel, but her hair still smells of sunlight shimmering on water.

  Wait, what? Stay on track Damon! Spooning.

  “I’ve got a spoonful of Alexa and I was thinking I’d always want seconds and thirds and more after that, which made me think of my mom’s stuffing because she always has to make three times more than you’d think a family of five could eat and that it was one of the many things I was thankful for. I was wondering what you might do for Thanksgiving, and I didn’t want to assume worst case scenarios, so I thought I’d ask if you liked it.”

  “I love Thanksgiving,” she says quietly, tilting her head slightly to make it easier for me to kiss her neck. “Believe it or not, I have a lot of things I’m thankful for. I have good friends, and a safe place to live and work. I’m achieving the goals I set for my education, even if it is taking longer than it should. I have a father who loves me so much that he’s essentially sacrificed his life for me. I have beautiful memories of warm turkey dinners with Mom and Dad, where I would eat seconds and thirds of anything as long as it was dripping with Mom’s gravy. Later, on the street, it was always the one guaranteed day you could be warm and full, when even I could smile, because things didn’t seem quite so bad. Now I’m on the other side of the serving spoon, dishing out hope and happiness to those that come by for a decent meal and a smile.”

  Instinctively wrapping my arms around her more tightly, I kiss the back of her head. “You are the most beautiful woman in the world. Would you come home with me for Thanksgiving?”

  “But I’ll be at The Mission,” she protests.

  “The Shermanskys are celebrating early remember? This weekend. I know you have work, but will you think about it?”

  Quiet for a while, Alexa seems to shrink a little in my arms. “You want me to meet your family?”

  “Definitely. They keep bugging me about why I’ve been so happy lately, but once they meet you, they’ll get it.”

  “I don’t know, Damon. I’m not exactly... the ideal girl to take home to meet your folks. I’m having a hard enough time believing I can spend a night in bed with a man without having to pay a toll with my body. What do I do if they ask me about work, or my family, or why a dummy that can’t pass a math test is spending so much time with their genius son?”

  “First of all, you’re no dummy,” I say firmly. “I’m pretty sure you could pass that math test tomorrow, and while I don’t want to lose my main excuse for becoming part of your life, I’m sure I can think of some other way to convince you I’m worth some of your time. My family will love you, because you’re amazing. Even if you were a puppy-killer, they’d still love you because I love you,” I explain, nuzzling her hair. “You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to, but Mom already knows you’re a stripper and I’m not going to tell you what she said, because it grosses me out too much to think about it, but if you find yourself alone with her, please do not give her any hints, or tell her about upside-down, because if I have to imagine my parents in that way, I will vomit up at least four helpings of Thanksgiving dinner.”

  Alexa shakes under my arm as she laughs silently. “You are such an egghead.”

  “So will you come?”
r />   When she doesn’t answer right away, I press my forehead to the back of her head. “Please? I really need your help with the dishes.”

  Laughing a little louder now, she twists her head to face mine. “I’ll go if you come to The Mission with me on actual Thanksgiving.”

  “Done. I’ll even throw in a driving lesson or two along the way to sweeten the deal. You won’t regret it, promise. Now will you please just let me get some sleep?”

  Pulling away, Alexa grabs her pillow and smacks me over the head with it. Knocking it out of her hands, I pull her down on top of me. “This behavior is not conducive to sleep Alexa.” Grazing my chin along her neck, I revel in the way her body trembles against me. “Did I tell you how much I like this t-shirt on you?” I whisper against her skin as I plant tiny kisses up to her ear, before tugging it gently between my teeth. “I’d like to paint you in it one day.”

  “Maybe you should paint me out of it,” she says as her body responds to me. My pulse begins to speed up and I curse myself as my dick makes a tent of my boxers.

  “We should stop.” Sliding sideways, I ease myself out from under her. “I might need to wait a little while before I spoon you.”

  “Why?” she says, turning her back to me and making herself comfortable. “I don’t mind if your dick is hard.”

  Blinking away my surprise, I start tucking myself carefully around her again. “I just didn’t want you to think I was expecting you to do anything about it if it poked you in the butt.”

  Snorting a little, she settles back into me and my dick slots into the warm nook under the curve of her ass. “I know. Goodnight, Damon.”

  “Goodnight Alexa.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  ALEXA

  Damon’s body keeps me warm even though the blankets have slipped down. After I worked late, we stayed the night at my place so we could leave early for Syracuse, and I must be nervous about it, because it is highly unusual for me to be awake so early. It’s still dark out, and only the faint glow from the streetlights illuminates my room through a gap in the curtains. Damon is still fast asleep, curled towards me with one stump hidden beneath the pillow and the other tucked out of sight as his arm loops lightly around my waist.