This was certainly not the topic for mixed company, but his mother needed to know.
“She was turned out when her condition was obvious. I was on the continent and did not know.”
“You are not the first nobleman to get a girl with child, Treybourne. It happens. It is the way of things. But, it is not something we talk about,” his father answered.
He had hoped for too much. He thought that if he put a face on the tribulations of the poor and powerless, his father might at least consider that there were problems in how those in control handled them. He’d tried, now it was time to finish this.
“I tracked Sarah down when I returned to London, but by that time, it was too late. She died in childbirth and the babe nearly died with her. Maddy was a sickly baby and it was not certain that she would survive for the first three years.”
“You have supported her since then?”
“Yes, and others like Sarah, as well.”
“You are using money from my estates to fund poorhouses?”
“Yes, and more.” David nodded to his mother. “And I will continue. I have made arrangements to make certain that all of my interests can be supported until I come into my inheritance, sir.”
“It is her fault,” his father growled.
“Maddy’s? Still blaming the innocent for our actions, sir?”
“That woman, the one in Edinburgh.”
“Anna? No, sir, it is my fault. I had a conscience after seeing the travails I forced on one young woman, but didn’t really know how to use it. Anna simply reminded me of how to live and live by it.” David turned and walked to the door.
“You plan to marry her?”
“If she will have me.” He smiled as he remembered telling her that marriage was not possible. “She may refuse me due to my deplorable behavior toward her. By the by, sir, my whereabouts in Edinburgh are no secret, my man-of-business in London can reach me if you need something.”
“If you leave now, Treybourne, I will—”
“No, sir, you will not. You have nothing with which to threaten me now and if you threaten Anna or any of her interests or businesses or cause her any trouble at all, other than the essays, I will go to work for her and share all my knowledge of the Tory party’s plans and projects.”
That did the trick, for his father’s mouth opened and shut several times before any sounds came out. He had no doubt that his father would try, but everything was now in place. Thomas had things strung out pretty tightly and he would not be able to expand any of the charities, but none would fail between now and the anniversary of his birth, when he came into his fortune.
A short farewell to his mother and he found himself nearly running to get into the coach and be on his way. In some ways, this was the hardest of the meetings he had planned. But in so many other ways, the one awaiting him in Edinburgh would be much more important.
Chapter Twenty-one
Anna heard the commotion in the front office of the Gazette and hoped that Lesher would take care of it. Her patience was at its thinnest and Aunt Euphemia had complained of it several times over the last few weeks. Nathaniel took refuge in his club, a new one that had opened recently and was only for men, of course. “A place of refuge where we can discuss our political aspirations” is how he described it. “A place to drink, swear, gamble and hide from the women looking for them” were the words she’d used.
Part of the problem was that she missed Clarinda again. She and Robert had returned to the Highlands, but not before sharing their wonderful news—a child was expected in the spring. When Anna asked how long she’d known and not whispered it to her in confidence, Clarinda mentioned that with the situation as it was, she was not certain that they had the same views on procreation and did not want to upset Anna.
They’d gone from Nathaniel’s phrase “their campaign” to Clarinda’s “the situation.” Words were all that seemed to matter anymore and where once they filled her life and gave her purpose and joy, now they mocked her empty world. The exchange of essays had become mundane. It was as though neither had the passion to engage the other in the battles that had raged before.
The subscriptions were increasing and Anna was pleased with the content, and the advertisers seemed content with the layout and design. Even the changes she instituted to include book reviews and employment ads drew favorable notice. The Scottish Monthly Gazette was now the second leading periodical in Edinburgh and it was shipped to England, Wales and several other countries, according to the distributors’ reports.
All in all it had been a successful year and all indications were that it would continue through the next year. The expansion of the school into a second building would be possible now due to all the…
The commotion now spread closer to the office door and Anna did not know whether to open it or bar it from intruders. Loud voices, some threatening words and some righteous anger, and a scuffling in the hall and Anna could stand it no longer. She walked around the desk to the door and pulled it open. The small group of men outside in the hallway stopped in an instant and some of them wore very guilty expressions.
“Mr. Lesher, is there some problem? It sounds like the time they took the cannon through the streets into Leith to defend the harbor. Are we under attack now?”
“Pardon, Miss Fairchild. I knew ye didna wish to be disturbed and we were just stoppin’ him from doing just that.”
“Him, Mr. Lesher? Who are you trying to stop?”
Anna rocked up onto her toes, trying to see over the three tall men directly in front of her to the one who stood at the back with his head tilted down. The others finally gave way and she caught a glimpse now. Her heart, that traitorous one beating in her breast, knew him before her eyes did. She rolled back down on her feet, hoping that she would be able to remain standing as he walked toward her.
“I came to discuss the quality of your publication and the possibility of finding employment here.”
He seemed to take great satisfaction in shoving the last two men out of the way with more force than she thought necessary. But the closer he got, the more difficulty she had breathing. Soon, he was only inches from her and she drank in the sight of him. The silence in the hallway drew her from her stupor.
“Come in, please, and allow the men to get back to work.”
She moved back and opened the door wider so he could enter. Lesher stood outside and watched as she began to close the door.
“I sent for Mr. Hobbs-Smith, miss. Just give a yell if ye need anything.”
Did he not realize that the one thing, the one person, she needed the most was now in the room with her? And she knew it would gain her nothing but heartache. Anna nodded at Lesher and closed the door. If there were a hesitation in the time it took her to turn and face him, she did not think anyone would fault her for it. For she never thought to see him again, never thought that she would hear his voice or smell the scent of the soap with which he washed.
Now he was here and she could not find the words to begin. After you’d met someone, discovered that they were not the person you thought to be in some ways and were in other ways, fallen in love and made your peace with a solitary life after they left…well, what did one say? Anna fell back to the training of her early days. When in doubt, be polite.
“Good day, Lord Treybourne. I confess that you do not look anything as I imagined you would when I read your essays in Whiteleaf’s Review. I had visualized someone older, stodgier even. Please sit.” She pointed at the chair and took a seat behind the desk. Better than standing and letting him see how her legs threatened to give way.
“Good day to you as well—” he paused and lowered his voice “—Mr. Goodfellow.” He knew! “I’d imagined you to have a long, narrow nose that you glared down as your gnarly fingers toiled over those essays of yours.” He looked around as though being afraid of being overheard, and nodded. “Oily black hair and a grizzly beard, too.”
She laughed in spite of herself at his fantastical
description. “I see we each drew our own conclusions when we had no facts to go on.” Anna remembered his words about employment and asked him, “What is this about seeking employment?”
“I understand your publication recently began to include employment inquiries and I came to see if Mr. Goodfellow could be replaced.”
“Lord Treybourne, I cannot imagine that you need a job?”
He stopped and stared at her face, unable to believe it had been only a matter of several months since he had last seen her. He wanted to pull her close and hold her and whisper words he’d not been able to say to her now. But, was it too late?
“I cannot carry on the pretense of polite discussion, Anna. Not with you, not with so much at stake.”
Her lip trembled a bit, but he could see no other sign that his presence was affecting her the way hers was tearing him apart piece by agonizing piece.
“Very well, Lord Treybourne, what should we be doing?” Her voice shook, too, so perhaps she did still have feelings for him?
“We need to speak on important matters. I need to ask if you read my letter?” He held his breath and waited. At her nod, he asked, “Have I lost every possible chance of being forgiven by you?”
“Forgiven, Lord Treybourne? From your greeting, I think that I might be the one asking for your pardon.”
“But I lied and misrepresented myself to you as someone else,” he argued.
“As did I,” she replied.
“I used our acquaintance to gain information to use against you… I confess I did not know at the time that you were Mr. Goodfellow, but now I do and I…” He leaned forward and reached across the desk to take her hand. “I am sorry for not telling you the truth, Anna, from the beginning.”
“As am I, for not only did I do the same, but I involved others to do it for me.” He noticed the hint of tears in her brown eyes and hated knowing that she’d shed many tears because of him.
“Well, if you have your teaching slate close at hand, perhaps we should keep score of our sins?” He tried to jest, but all he wanted to do was fall on his knees before her and beg her to forgive him. “Misrepresentation, one point, lies, two,” he offered. “I own a school and an orphanage,” he began.
“I own a school and a magazine,” she countered. “I think that gives me four points and you three. Shall we play to vingt-et-un?”
“Is being a fool a sin?” he asked.
“A fault, but not a sin,” she answered.
“But if we are going to tally faults, you will need a larger slate.” His biggest fault was in not seeing the whole woman before him. He’d parceled her into small pieces, ones that he needed at that particular moment. When he needed a diversion, he sought her out. When he needed information, he sought her out. When he now wanted her forgiveness, he sought her and prayed she could grant him that.
“You have the gravest expression on your face, Lord Treybourne. I think you are losing the ambiance of the game.”
“Anna, you were not a fool. It is not being foolish when someone sets out to deceive you.”
She laughed then and it drifted off into something less about humor and more about a bitter taste left behind after something spoils. “What truly amazes me is how I missed all of the missteps and clues about who you really were. I have not been so foolish since…well, since my younger days.”
“And as well-educated and informed and well-read as I am, I could not tell that the person writing the words as my opponent was challenging me to discover her secrets. How is that for being a fool?”
“We can agree that we were both fools. Is there anything we actually did well?”
“I know something we did exceedingly well, Anna.” He lifted her hand now and placed it between his.
The warmth seeped into her and she remembered being wrapped in his arms the day he saved her in the storm. He haunted her dreams and woke her in the middle of the night, with his name on her lips and his kisses branded onto her lips and skin by the memories of the passion of that day. If she held on to nothing else of him, those memories would be enough.
“We fell in love well.”
“Very well, my lord.”
“How could that have happened?”
“A friend of mine has an interesting theory about how it happened.” Robert’s words rang true as he spoke to her.
“Really? And what did Lady MacLerie have to say on the matter?”
She smiled at his understanding of her deepest, dearest friends. “Actually it was Lord MacLerie. He told me that I was so busy falling in love that I did not notice your deception.”
“And my part in this?” he asked.
“That you were so busy trying to keep up the deception that you never noticed you were falling in love.”
He stood then and walked to the window of the office. The weather outside was not pleasant—it never seemed to be when he was in Edinburgh and she supposed that nothing would ever convince him that brilliantly beautiful days filled with sunshine and warm breezes had ever occurred here.
“He is going to be insufferable when he learns that he was correct, is he not?”
“There is as much a chance of that being the case as there is—”
“Rain in Edinburgh?”
His smile was stunning and she could watch it over and over. His mouth curved and his eyes sparkled and her heart ached.
“I was going to say ‘that he will make certain we admit it.’ But rain in Edinburgh seems appropriate, too.”
Lord Treybourne crossed the room in a few paces and crouched down next to her. Then, he said nothing, he only took her left hand, turned it over and placed his lips where he had that night so long ago. Her breath caught as she watched it and felt the shivers spread through her.
“I think that we knew all of this, the part about being in love when you left and when you wrote me your explanation. What has changed to bring you here?”
“I realized, after telling you that marriage was not possible, that I was worried about not being worthy or ready to marry you.”
“Not ready? Not worthy? I think you are reversing our positions here. I know Clarinda spoke to you about my own history on the day we visited Arthur’s Seat.”
“I discovered that you lived by your conscience, but I was simply paying mine off, Anna. I was living comfortably, carrying on my life as it was meant to be, and allowing my father to provide the funds to the benefit of those he supported.” He reached out and touched her cheek. “I want to follow your example and be part of the fight for what I believe in.”
She shook her head. He was being so harsh a judge of himself, holding his behavior to a standard no one could meet. “How do you plan on doing this?” She remembered his first words upon seeing her in the hall and wondered at the connection.
“There will be a new opponent for Mr. Goodfellow in Whiteleaf’s beginning next month. I told my father that our bargain was over, that I was tired of living my life as a hypocrite and I was coming here to marry the woman who was a better man than most I know.”
She tried to follow his confusing progression of thoughts, but she lost him after the part about telling his father. “Your father knows I am Goodfellow?” She began to tug her hand free of his. “This is not good.”
“Actually he told me who Goodfellow was. I was still working under the assumption that it was MacLerie.”
“Robert? You thought Robert wrote the essays? He would be so pleased to know that.”
“Then let’s keep it to ourselves, please. I could not tell if my father was more horrified by the fact that a woman bested his heir in their battle of words or that it might get out that a woman did it. His sense of honor and mine are not the same.”
“Did you hear yourself? Why can you not accept that? Why can you not accept that your good works are what matters most?”
“I will try,” he said, knowing that the worst was still to follow. “Nathaniel told me he offered you marriage.”
“Nathaniel has offered me marriag
e several times a year for the last five. Ever since we began this endeavor.”
“Will you accept his?” He would break every bone in the man’s body if she preferred him.
“This is about my inability to marry you, David. I am completely unsuitable to marry an earl.”
“I need you, Anna. I want you and I love you. I will wear down your resistance if it takes me years to do it. But, there is one matter that could be the thing that stops any chance of our happiness together.”
She frowned at him and shook her head now. “I was not appropriate to marry you when you were simply the honorable Mr. Archer, or so I thought you to be, and I am less acceptable to be the wife of an earl who will inherit a marquessate at some time in his life.”
“When I learned about you and all the things you do, your skills as a teacher, a writer, a financier, a manager, and even more important, that you work for the same things I do, I realized that the woman who I wanted the most as my wife would be the one woman who would hate me for what I did.”
He leaned against the desk and watched her as he told her the rest of it, the part he dared not put in the letter and allow someone else to know before he could tell her.
“There was another result of what I did to the young maid in our household, the one I mentioned in my letter.”
Her face lost all expression and he could not tell what she was thinking at all.
“I have a daughter, a lovely child named Maddy.”
“A child,” she whispered.
“I found her even as I discovered her mother’s whereabouts, but it was too late for me to help Sarah. I took the baby and found an older couple who could not have children and they cared for her for me.”
“You see her? You take care of her?”
“I took her from the terrible conditions in which I found her and she is now a happy, healthy girl.” He would beg her if he had to. “Anna, I know that this is unfair, but I want her to be a part of my life. It could not happen in London, society does not want to see a lord’s bastard about, but I discovered that here, it might be possible. Here, with the right woman to be at my side, I can make amends for what I did.”
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