My heart dropped to my toes and kept going. She was the woman who’d shattered his heart. The one who’d told him she was leaving until he was ready to get married. The one who’d nearly destroyed him.
“Hello, Drew.” She spared me the briefest glance and smirked. “I see you’ve been busy in my absence. I never thought of you as a chubby chaser. She’d be cute if she lost a hundred pounds or so. Not that it really matters though. I’m back,” she said, glaring at me. “So I’d appreciate it if you’d get your fat ass out of my house.”
How dare she? What sort of bitch would talk about someone like that, especially with them in the room. And to say I needed to lose a hundred pounds? I’d show her what a hundred extra pounds could do when I used them to kick her fucking ass.
“We need to talk Drew,” she continued as though he was carrying on a conversation with her. Drew hadn’t moved since he looked at her. Without seeing his face I wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but I could guess. Not only had he not defended me against the skinny bitch, but he hadn’t thrown her out immediately.
He still loved her.
Gathering what little dignity I had left I stepped out from behind him. I grabbed my purse and slid my feet back into my shoes. Even with my shoes on I didn’t come anywhere near her height. She had to be close to six feet tall, at least with her shoes. Even with my added weight, her height was a bit scary.
Just like looking at Drew’s face.
I glanced at him before I walked out the door and what I saw broke my heart. He was looking at her like he’d finally found what he was looking for. His posture was stiff, but his eyes were shining and his attention was fully focused on her. She walked over to him, neither of them noticing I was still in the room. She stretched up to kiss him, but I glanced away before I saw her lips touch his. I didn’t think I could live with that memory.
I whispered, “Goodbye Drew,” then gave Brandi exactly what she asked for, and left without Drew acknowledging me.
By some miracle, I held it together until I got home. As soon as I was inside the door I collapsed onto the floor and sobbed. My heart broke for all the things I would never again share with Drew. He was going back to Brandi, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind about it. And why wouldn’t he? He’d planned to marry her. He loved her. I was just a distraction.
~*~
I spent the weekend hiding from the world. I rarely saw anyone besides Drew on the weekends anymore so no one expected me to call. Mom invited me to dinner again but I called and told her I felt sick and couldn’t make it. At least I didn’t lie.
I spent the weekend in bed, alternately crying and missing him, then crying again. I couldn’t stop myself from picturing them together, a blissful reunion between two lovers. There was no doubt that they’d be officially engaged next week again and probably married within a few months.
I wanted to be the bigger person. When you truly love someone all you want is for them to be happy, right? Even if it meant he was with someone else. I tried all weekend to talk myself into that. It was like finding out Mandy was pregnant all over again, except 100 times worse.
With Mandy I was happy for her, I was just jealous too. I knew Mandy and Xander would be great parents. They loved each other and would love their child. Even though I wanted a child also, I didn’t resent them for having something I didn’t.
It was harder to feel that way about Drew and Brandi. I had no doubt she’d cheated on him, manipulated him, and yet she was going to be the one to end up with him. She didn’t love him, I knew that, and she wasn’t a good person. I wasn’t sure what her motivation was to get back together with him, especially now, but I’d lost.
By the time Monday rolled around I’d made myself sick. It was taking everything within me to hold down my breakfast as I walked into the doors of XD Home Restoration. It was quiet, as usual, but I knew Drew would be there soon. I just didn’t know how I was going to face him.
I wanted to believe I could be strong and wish him well. That was a crock of shit though. I couldn’t look at him and be happy for him.
An hour, and absolutely no work completed, later, Xander walked in smiling. He said hello to me and asked how my weekend was. I lied my ass off and told him it was fine. Then he said the best words I’d heard all day. “Drew’s on site this week. I’m not sure if he told you that Friday before you left, but with the Stapleton project done he agreed to head up the Harrison project this week.”
I breathed out a sigh of relief and told him I didn’t know. Xander gave me a strange look, but didn’t say anything. He left to get his day started and I thanked God for my extra week.
I skipped girls’ night Tuesday and while I was home wallowing in my self pity I realized I’d skipped something else. When I looked back through my calendar I couldn’t figure out when I’d last had a period and started to freak out.
A rushed trip to the drug store and I was back in the bathroom with three packages and a full bladder. I peed on the sticks one by one, praying each time that the next result would be different than the last. But none of them were.
I was pregnant.
As the week went on I felt the fight leaving me. My baby was the most important thing and I would do anything to take care of her. Little by little I knew I couldn’t see Drew again. Watching him with Brandi would split my heart wide open and working for him was going to require seeing them together.
Raising our child alone would be hard, but I wasn’t going to tell him I was pregnant just to get him back. I’d never use my child that way. Drew made his choice to be with Brandi, not me. I’d let him know about the baby, but not until I could see him without breaking down.
By Friday I made up my mind to resign. Xander asked me every day if I was okay and I knew he could tell something was going on, but I didn’t want to talk to him about it. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. It hurt too much to think about Drew leaving me for her and I couldn’t handle admitting he would rather be with that heartless bitch than me. It made me feel worse. If that was possible.
All day I felt queasy. I knew Xander was going to be upset when I gave him my resignation, especially since I was doing it without notice. I couldn’t stand the thought of going back to work with Drew hanging around. I needed a clean break from him, and quitting was the only way I could get one.
When the end of the day came I was sweating. My palms were clammy and I felt like I was going to pass out. I hated screwing Xander over, but I felt I had no choice. One day I’d tell him the truth, assuming he was willing to speak to me after this.
I knocked on his door and walked in with the paper in my hand. I could feel the paper softening under my sweaty grip. Xander looked up and smiled before motioning for me to enter. He was finishing up something on the computer. His focus was something I admired. He could handle a distraction, but he preferred to have me let him know I needed him then wait until he was finished to talk.
It worked for me since I needed to gather my courage again.
Xander typed for another minute before clicking something on his computer then looking up at me. “What’s up, Carrie?” he asked with a smile.
I was still anxious but I owed it to him to tell the truth, at least as much as I was willing to share. I held up the paper I’d printed out and handed it to him, my hand shaking. I couldn’t speak because I knew my voice would betray me, but I’d put everything I wanted to say in the letter. I addressed it to Xander, not Drew, but I knew Drew would see it and understand the words I didn’t come out and say.
As Xander read the letter his smile slowly faded. When he finished he put it to the side and ran his hand over his face, pulling his jaw down as he stared off. “Can I ask why?” he finally said.
I shook my head, willing the tears that were burning my eyes not to fall. I knew he would ask, but I couldn’t give him an explanation without confessing my relationship with Drew or lying. I wasn’t willing to do either of those.
“Carrie, I wish you could talk to me, or Mandy or one of the others.
You haven’t been yourself in a while and we’re concerned. For a while I thought the real Carrie was coming back, but this week you’ve been worse than you ever were before. I feel like I’ve done something to run you off.”
I shook my head. “No, Xander, you didn’t do anything. I promise. This has been a great job and I’ve loved it but I just… I can’t do it anymore.”
“Did something happen with Drew?” he asked quietly, hitting the nail on the head.
I closed my eyes to stop the tears but they slid under my lashes anyway. I tried to brush them away without Xander noticing but I knew he’d see. He was watching me closely. I knew he’d suspected Drew was the reason for my emotional upheaval over the last few months, but I’d vehemently denied it. I thought he believed me, but obviously he never bought it.
“Do I need to kick his ass?”
I shook my head again. “No. I just want him to be happy.”
Xander watched me for a beat then swore, “Fuck. That means you’re in love with him. He’s fucking blind not to realize what a catch you are. I wish it were different Carrie. His ex fucked him up and I don’t think he’ll ever truly recover. I should have warned you off him. As much as I love the guy, he’s not in any position to give a woman what she needs. I’m sorry this happened. Trust me when I tell you I’ll make sure he knows exactly what he misses out on.”
I was touched that Xander was so defensive. I wanted to correct him, but I didn’t dare. Drew didn’t want Xander to know we’d been together. Letting him think what we had was one-sided was the best I could do. I could live with Xander believing I was a pathetic mess because I’d fallen in love with my boss and he didn’t give me the time of day. It wasn’t far from the truth, and it was the closest I was willing to give Xander. If he wanted more information he was going to have to get it from Drew.
“Don’t bother, Xander. It doesn’t matter. He’ll have the life he’s always wanted and I’ll find a way to move on.”
“I’m sorry, Carrie. I understand you not giving me any notice. I’ll miss having you around here. Do me one last thing though, will you?”
I waited for him to finish his thought and nodded my head for him to continue.
“Promise me that you’ll call someone this weekend if you need help. Call me and Mandy or Riles and Connor, Sam and Brady… someone. Drew’s an idiot for not seeing what a wonderful woman he had sitting right in front of him. Don’t let his stupidity ruin you though. Any man would be lucky to have you. Drew’s just not smart enough to see it.”
I nodded through more tears and stood up. Xander stood with me and pulled me into a tight hug. He held me while I cried all over his shirt. It felt good to let someone in, even if it was just a little bit. It also felt good to make a clean break. Xander would make sure Drew and I weren’t in the same place, he would protect me. I’d never have to see him again.
When I extricated myself from Xander’s arms I said goodbye then went to get my purse. I shut down my computer and left my keys on the desktop. I looked around at my office and swallowed the lump in my throat, then marched out the door.
By the time I got home the sick feeling from the day had gotten worse. I thought it had been nerves, but as the night went on I felt worse and worse. During a trip to the bathroom I almost passed out when I saw the blood.
Nineteen
My pants already had blood spots on them and my panties were a total loss. I tried to think, but my head was clouded. Armed with fresh supplies I cleaned myself up and changed my clothes. I knew spotting in the first trimester was normal, but this was worse. I could feel it. I was losing my baby.
The cramping in my stomach got worse and I knew I needed help. It was time to call in reinforcements. “Riley,” I croaked into the phone when she answered. “I need help.”
Riley and Connor were at my apartment in five minutes. Riley was panicked, especially when she saw me curled up on the couch. Connor stalked over to me and lifted me into his arms. Too weak to argue I wrapped my arms around his neck and let him carry me to his SUV.
Connor gently set me in the backseat and I immediately curled up on my side, clutching my stomach. I didn’t want to think about what was happening, but it kept jumping into my head. The baby I’d been dreaming of the last few days was slipping away. I just laid there silently as Connor sped down the streets toward the hospital.
He pulled up in front of the Emergency entrance and blared his horn until someone came out with a wheelchair. The orderly settled me in then rushed me through the waiting room leaving Riley and Connor to deal with paperwork.
In a room, a nurse started an IV and called for a doctor. She asked me all the questions I’d expected, including the date of my last period and how long I’d been experiencing the cramping. I answered her questions the best I could. When she was done quizzing me she drew some blood and told me the doctor would be in shortly.
My foggy brain let me drift off to sleep as the pain medication they’d given me helped relax my body. I was not ready to deal with what was happening so I welcomed sleep for however long it would come.
The doctor woke me up when he cleared his throat. I had no idea how long I’d been out, but it felt like an hour or so. With his nose buried in my chart the ER doctor gave me the news I’d been expecting.
“Ms. Taylor, we believe what you are experiencing is a late first trimester miscarriage. From your answers to the nurse and the blood tests we’ve done it appears as though you’re around 11 or 12 weeks along and the pregnancy is terminating itself. With your permission we’d like to do an ultrasound and confirm our suspicions.”
I nodded through the tears streaming down my face. It didn’t matter what she said, I already knew the baby was gone. Still, they had to do their jobs. I asked if I could see Riley and Connor and she said okay but only for a minute.
The doctor left and Riley came into the room with Connor right behind her. Riley’s eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed and Connor looked like he was about to lose it too.
“What’s going on?” Riley asked as she settled in the chair next to my hospital bed. She reached for my hand and squeezed as though that would make everything better.
“They think I had a miscarriage. The doctor wants to do an ultrasound to make sure and we’ll go from there.”
Riley gasped but Connor stayed strong. “A miscarriage. I didn’t know you were pregnant.”
“I found out Tuesday.”
“Oh, Carrie. Who’s the father? Do you want us to call him?”
I shook my head. Losing Drew was still too fresh and now losing the child we’d unknowingly created… The heart rate monitor at my side started beeping wildly. I watched as the blips on the screen shot higher and got closer together. I briefly wondered if I was having a heart attack on top of everything else.
A nurse rushed in and silenced the monitor. “I know it’s hard right now, honey, but we need to keep you calm. Maybe your friends should go?” she asked as she eyed Riley and Connor like they were the ones to blame for my increased heart rate. Although a guy like Connor could make just about any woman’s heart speed up, he’d never done it for me.
Only Drew had.
“They’re fine. Can we have another minute?”
The nurse nodded and glared at Connor and Riley before she left us alone again.
“The father isn’t in the picture anymore. We broke up a week ago.”
Riley gasped again, clearly shocked by the new development in the soap opera my life had suddenly become. “Since when were you dating someone?”
I took a deep breath and tried to keep myself calm, to detach my emotions from what was happening. I focused on the baby and not the man who helped create her - yes, in my heart I knew it was a baby girl - and faced my best friend.
“We’ve been dating for a few months. He didn’t want to tell anyone. I don’t know all the reasons why. I agreed because at first it was a fling then I fell in love with him and didn’t want to lose him. His ex came back into his life last
weekend and basically booted me out. I haven’t heard from him since so I can only assume it’s over between us and he’s with her again.”
Riley nodded as though she was processing the information I gave her. I could see the wheels turning but I hadn’t given her enough to let her figure out Drew was the man I was speaking of. Plus, she barely knew Drew and I’d rarely spoken of him so she wasn’t likely to match us up.
“Do you want me to call anyone? Your mom and Megan? Everyone else?”
I didn’t really want the whole world showing up but I knew it would come out eventually. Mom and Megan would be really hurt if I didn’t tell them. I told Riley she could call them all but to tell everyone not to come.
The doctor came back in and asked Riley and Connor to leave. She was followed by another nurse who was wheeling a machine with her. The nurse, Susan, came over to my side and gave me a warm smile before helping the doctor get the machine ready.
“This is probably going to be a bit painful,” the doctor said as she pulled out a wand. “We’ll try to see as much as possible from the outside, but we might have to do an internal exam too.”
I nodded and watched the monitor as the doctor squirted warm fluid on my exposed stomach. She swirled it around with her wand and trained her eyes on the monitor, hopefully making sense of the blobs on the screen.
The pressure on my belly wasn’t too bad thanks to the pain meds, but it wasn’t comfortable either. As the doctor made notes on the screen I took deep breaths and tried not to wince.
Thankfully she finished after a few minutes and packed up the machine. “It’s what we expected. The miscarriage has started but since you’re so far along it’s going to be very painful. We can wait and see if the miscarriage ends up being complete on its own, or we can perform a D&C today.”
Having it all over sounded like a better option but I knew there had to be a catch.
“What would you do?”
The doctor perched on the edge of my bed and looked me over. “Professionally, I can’t tell you what to do. On the other hand, letting things go could still mean we’d have to do surgery if the miscarriage is incomplete. A surgery also includes complications though.”
Husky & Hot Page 17
