She went on to describe worst case scenario with the surgery. Even with the risks I knew surgery was the way to go. It would mean I could start healing right away. My body at least.
The doctor left to get everything set up. Since I was already in the process of miscarrying they wanted to do the surgery right away. Riley and Connor came in again for a minute so I could tell them what was going on then I was taken away for surgery.
~*~
A sound drifted through me. It was a voice, but muffled, like I was under water. I heard my name and the sound got louder and louder. The sound of machines entered my brain and I struggled to remember where I was.
“Carrie. I need you to wake up now Carrie,” the voice shouted next to me. “That’s it, Carrie, open your eyes.”
I pried my eyes open and was immediately hit by the bright lights above me. I clamped them shut before the voice called to me again. I peeked one eye open and didn’t feel blinded. The lights had been turned off so I could see without feeling like my eyes were going to bleed.
The person connected to the voice came into focus. I saw a kind face smiling at me then noticed the stethoscope around her neck and the white uniform. From the back of my mind I knew she was familiar was still strained to figure out why.
“Carrie, everything went well with the surgery. Dr. Anderson said you should be fine but she wants to keep you overnight since it’s already so late. She’ll be here to check on you in the morning.”
“Thank you,” I mumbled through a scratchy throat.
“You have some friends waiting for you. It’s past visiting hours but since your surgery was so late we’ll let them in if you’re up for it.”
I nodded and rested my head again, feeling an emptiness settle into me. I’d only known I was pregnant for a few days, but it was enough to know exactly what I’d missed. After how miserable I’d been since Drew and Brandi got back together I knew I’d let the baby down. It was my fault.
Riley and Sam came into the room first, both with tears in their eyes and looking horrible. “Jeez, you guys look like someone died,” I muttered without thinking. They both gave me wide-eyed stares as my words sunk in. Someone did die. My baby.
“Sorry. I guess you can look at me like that.”
“Oh, Carrie,” Riley said as she hugged me. “How are you feeling?”
“Thankfully I’m pretty drugged up right now, but I bet tomorrow is going to be tough. They’re keeping me overnight.”
Sam nodded. “Your mom and sister are out there. When the doctor came out to talk they said we were all your family and could hear whatever news he had to share.”
“My mom’s here?” I asked with dread.
“Relax. She’s pretty shaken. None of us knew you were dating anyone. We’re all just worried about you,” Riley assured me.
“I’m sorry I lied to everyone, really. Now though, I just want to get over it. He’s not in my life anymore, and he won’t be again. I need to forget about him.”
Sam and Riley exchanged a look but changed the subject to something else. They must have passed on the word to the others because no one breathed a word of who the father was. Until Xander came in.
I was surprised he came in alone, but didn’t think much of it. Mandy was with Claire and Addi and I really thought Xander would avoid seeing me at all, like the other guys had. He sat down next to my bed and looked at me with eyes that saw too much.
“Drew’s the father, isn’t he?” he asked without preamble.
I was tired. I didn’t want to fight it anymore and I was done trying to hide it. No one had asked me directly but I knew they were all curious. I guessed Xander was the only one who put it all together.
When I nodded he swore. “I’m gonna kill him. What the hell was he thinking?”
I knew he was talking to himself, not looking for an answer, so I didn’t give him one. I waited as Xander processed what was going on. He looked at me again with his all-knowing stare. “He’s why you quit too, right? Because he did this and you didn’t want to see him again?”
I shook my head. It was time to tell Xander everything. “Drew and I hooked up at your launch party before I knew who he was. We liked each other, but agreed not to do anything about it since he was my boss. After a few weeks he said he couldn’t resist anymore and wanted to start seeing me, but without telling you. I liked him so I agreed even though I didn’t like lying to everyone.”
I took a deep breath and forced away the sleepiness trying to take over. “I would spend time at his place and he would come to mine. It got to where we spent almost every night together, but we never went out anywhere. At first it bothered me, but I liked spending time with him. I fell in love with him, Xander.”
Xander held my hand and listened to me crying over his best friend and business partner. When I finally gained control of my emotions he asked, “What happened?”
“Brandi’s back. She walked into his house last weekend like she owned the place. She used a key and everything. She told him she was back and he never argued. He didn’t say one word when she insulted me, he just stared at her like he couldn’t believe she was back. Like it was his dream come true.”
Xander shook his head. “It doesn’t make sense. I thought he was over her.”
“I guess he’s not. He certainly didn’t look like it when I walked out of his house last weekend. She was going to kiss him and he didn’t push her off.”
“I can’t believe he didn’t tell me. I mean he knew I didn’t like her, but getting back together with her is huge. I’m gonna kick his ass for taking her back and again for hurting you.”
“He didn’t know I was pregnant. Hell, I didn’t know until a few days ago. He never said we were going to be together forever or that he loved me. He never led me on. I was the one who fell in love, not him.”
I hated that I was defending Drew. I wanted to hate him, but I couldn’t. Even through everything, I couldn’t hate him. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t love me. I was the one who changed things and fell for him, not his fault that he didn’t fall with me.
“Your insurance is still active. You still work for me and I’ll keep paying you until you find something else. I hate that he did this to you. I knew he wasn’t ready for a relationship but obviously he’s too much of an ass to think of anyone but himself. I never expected this from him,” Xander said, sounding disappointed.
“Thank you. It means a lot to have you as a friend. I don’t want this to ruin your relationship with Drew though, or to ruin your business. I’d never forgive myself if I was the cause for you two to have a falling out. As much as I want to hate him, I know he didn’t do anything wrong. I did.”
Xander shook his head. “You didn’t do anything wrong. He never should have gotten involved with you if he was thinking of that bitch. I’m sorry she was so… herself, but you’re better off without him if he’s going to treat you that way.”
I nodded through my tears and yawned widely, the medicine kicking in even harder.
“I’ll let you get some rest. Let me know if you need anything. I’ll give you a great recommendation. I wish you would stay on, but I understand why you can’t. Mandy and I will be by tomorrow to check on you.”
I nodded as Xander let himself out of the room. My eyelids drooped as the door closed and I fell into a deep sleep.
Twenty
The next morning I woke up confused. I had crazy dreams all night long about Drew. First he was there with me, crying, then he was arguing with my sister. It was odd. He wasn’t the Drew I knew, the strong silent type. The man in my dream was broken, shattered. He was just as damaged as I was.
It made sense that I was thinking about him, even dreaming about him. I’d been dreaming about him for months and in the week we’d been apart my dreams got even more frequent. Still, none of my dreams were as real as that one. It must have been the drugs.
All night the nurses came in and checked on me. I felt like I’d gotten very little sleep, but I was re
ady to get out of there. I needed to move on with my life and the first step was getting home.
Megan was sleeping in a chair at the foot of the bed. I propped the bed up and called her name. She startled awake and rushed to my side. “How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?”
She handed me a cup when I asked for water. “When can I go home?”
“I’m not sure. The doctor is supposed to come in this morning, right?”
I nodded. “What are you doing here?”
Megan took my hand. “I wouldn’t let Mom stay. She wanted to, but I knew her back would be killing her this morning if she slept in that chair. Neither of us wanted to leave you alone so I offered to stay.”
Tears filled my eyes. “Thank you.”
“Listen, I know we haven’t been close, but I’d do anything for you. I hope you know that.”
I nodded. Even though I didn’t really know that, I believed her. Megan was never one to lie so I knew it was the truth. Plus, she stayed with me. She proved it.
“And I want to tell you how brave you are. I don’t know what happened with the father, but from what your friends said none of them knew you were in a relationship either. I’ve been there and know how much it sucks.”
“What do you mean?”
She huffed a small laugh and focused on the wall beyond my bed. “I dated the anchor of the show for about a year.”
“You mean Bill Hillard?”
“Yeah. There isn’t a rule against it, but generally it’s frowned upon. He didn’t want anyone to know so we didn’t tell. I thought he loved me, but I was just a convenient lay. Unfortunately for me, I didn’t figure that out until he got engaged. He still wanted to continue seeing each other but I refused to be the other woman. If I’d known I never would have gotten involved with him in the first place.”
Tears leaked down her cheeks and she wiped them away hastily. I reached for her hand and held onto it, my own tears falling. We sat there for a few minutes, crying over the men who didn’t love us enough for us to be the focus in their lives.
Megan pulled herself together faster than I did. “Anyway,” she said, “I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I know, at least a little bit, how hard it is. I wish you felt you could have come to me, but maybe in the future things can change between us.”
I nodded, wiping my tears. I wasn’t going to cry over Drew anymore. “I wish you could have come to me too. And yeah, I’d like things to change.”
“Good, because I need my big sister sometimes. I learned to be brave and to fight for what I wanted watching you. I know I have a lot more to learn.”
“How about we learn together?”
Megan nodded and we hugged, both laughing and crying all over again. My mom walked in and immediately rushed over when she saw us crying. “Carrie, are you alright?”
“Yeah, Mom, I’m okay. Megan and I were just talking.”
Mom collapsed into a chair as though her energy was zapped that quickly. “Thank God. Now, are you going to tell me about the boy who did this to you?”
Megan and I shared a private laugh before I faced our mom. “No. I’m not going to tell you. There’s nothing to tell because we’re not together. He’s seeing someone else now and he’s not a part of my life.”
“If your father was here you’d tell him. You were always closer to him,” Mom pouted.
“No, I wouldn’t tell him. Dad and I were close but so were you and Megan. After Dad died I felt like an outsider at home most of the time. I’m starting to realize I never tried to fit in with the two of you and I regret that, but Megan and I agreed we’re going to change our relationship and get to know each other. Maybe you and I can do the same?”
My mom smiled after a minute and took my other hand. “I would like that.”
The three of us sat and talked until the doctor came in. I was cleared to go home once the paperwork was complete and given strict instructions to rest for a few days. Megan offered me a ride home and Mom rode with us once Megan agreed to bring her back to the hospital for her car later.
Riley and Connor were in my apartment when I got there. They cleaned my whole place and were cooking lunch. Riley told me they’d all worked out a way to be there for me for the next week so I would have help. I was touched, but I also wanted to have some time alone. I needed to process and heal. And I couldn’t ugly cry in from of the guys.
Megan had to get to work so she and Mom left since I was being taken care of but promised to call later. I hugged them both goodbye and thanked them for being there for me. It felt good to know we were finally getting along, even if it took a tragedy to get there.
“How are you feeling?” Riley asked once they left.
“Like I just lost my baby,” I admitted softly to my best friend. I wasn’t sure if the feeling of emptiness would ever go away. Even though I’d only known I was pregnant for a short time, I was excited about the idea of having a baby. The utter joy I felt thinking I was about to become a mom, albeit a single mom, was the most wonderful thing ever.
Having it all crash down around me like needles on a Christmas tree… it fucking hurt.
A knock on the door brought my attention back to life outside my four walls. I was tired and really just wanted to rest without having nurses come in and bother me. With Connor and Riley already there I wasn’t sure who else would be coming by, but I needed to sleep soon.
Before Riley or Connor could make it to the door to let in my next visitor I heard his voice. “Carrie, I know you’re home. We need to talk.”
I froze, like he couldn’t see me, wouldn’t know I was there if I was still enough. It was stupid though because Drew wasn’t going to give up. He wasn’t the type. Once he got something in his head he would stew on it until he got his way or someone showed him a better way. He wasn’t going anywhere.
“Who is that?” Riley whispered when she saw me freeze.
“It’s Drew.”
“Drew? Xander’s friend? Your boss? Why would he be here?”
Riley looked from the door to me and I watched as recognition dawned on her. She paled before my eyes, and raised a questioning eyebrow at me. I nodded, giving her the answer I refused the day before. The answer to the question everyone wanted to know.
The answer I didn’t want to give.
Riley jumped to her feet and yelled at the door, “Go away, Drew. She doesn’t want to see you.”
“I’m not leaving until I talk to her. I don’t care how long I have to sit here, I’m not going anywhere.”
Knowing he was telling the truth and knowing I didn’t have the strength to hold up against him for long, I told Riley to let him in.
“Are you sure?” she questioned me as though I was completely losing my mind.
I was pretty sure I was. I’d spent the last seven days, since Brandi walked back into his life, not wanting to see him. I’d not only quit my job, but I blocked his number on my phone. Then I’d lost his baby, our baby. Seeing him was the last thing I wanted to do, but I knew I’d never move on unless I got past whatever he wanted to say.
“He’s not going to leave. Let him in and I’ll talk to him. When he’s said what he came to say Connor can make him leave.”
Riley answered with a nod then went to open the door. Drew’s eyes met mine the second he was in the apartment. He looked as tired as I felt with deep circles under his eyes and more than a few days worth of stubble on his jaw. I hated that I also thought he looked hot, despite being tired.
“We’ll be in your room,” Riley said as Connor followed her. “Call when you need us.”
I nodded and squeezed her hand then hugged Connor when they walked by. I’d learned over the last few days just how wonderful of a man Connor was. He wasn’t only dedicated to Riley, but to me as well. Knowing that made it possible for me to face Drew.
“What do you want, Drew?” I asked him exhaustedly. I wasn’t in the mood to pussy-foot around.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
&n
bsp; “Tell you what?” I asked, intentionally obtuse.
“About the baby, Carrie. Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?”
I shrugged and feigned innocence. “It didn’t matter.”
He closed his eyes as though gathering his strength and hung his head. “It mattered to me,” he mumbled without looking at me. “Our baby mattered to me.”
Hearing the words from his lips brought about a fresh wave of pain, not the surgery pain, but the emotional kind. I continued my previous walk into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water. I’d love to go for a few shots of tequila, but it was a strict no-no with the pain meds.
Just one more thing that made the world unfair. Not only did men get to skip the whole getting pregnant thing, they also got to drink whenever the hell they wanted.
“Honestly, Drew there wasn’t much to tell. I would have eventually told you, but we weren’t exactly speaking. The last time we saw each other you were drooling over Brandi. I wasn’t going to be one of those women who got pregnant to keep their boyfriend, or told him she was pregnant to keep him, or anything. You needed to be able to make your decision without knowing anything about the baby.”
“Why?” he bellowed. Drew had never gotten angry with me. Hell, I don’t think I’d ever seen him upset at all. The volume and force of his voice were almost too much. Like he was blaming me for losing the baby. Like if he’d known about our child it would have made a difference. It could have saved her.
“Because I couldn’t wonder for the rest of my life if you had chosen me because you wanted to be with me or out of a sense of obligation. I knew if you chose her then I would let you go and agree to some kind of terms for you to know your child, but if you didn’t know if you wanted me… I wasn’t going to use my child to force you into it.”
Drew ran a hand through his hair and turned away. He stalked across the room to the door and I thought for a minute he was going to just leave. My heart started pounding, an internal debate on whether or not him leaving was going to be the best thing. He didn’t want me, not before the baby, and I couldn’t handle thinking he might now, not out of obligation.
Husky & Hot Page 18
