by Tracy Brown
When she complained, Jamari lightened up. He would pretend to be understanding and supportive. But, it wouldn’t be long before he started tightening the reins around Jada’s neck. One day, the subject of Jada’s relationship with Born came up. Jada shared with him the fact that she had a lot of regrets when it came to their relationship, particularly how it had ended. Jamari went ballistic.
“You’re playing yourself,” he seethed. “You’re pregnant with my baby, and you got the nerve to sit here and express regret over the next man.” His face was twisted into a look of disgust.
Jada tried explaining that she had a lot of history with Born. “You said I could talk to you about anything. Well, that’s how I feel. I can’t control the way I feel, and I’m entitled to my own emotions, whether you like it or not.”
Jamari laughed at her. “Regardless of what you’re feeling, Born would never take you back now.”
Jada sat in silence, thinking about the truth in his words. No matter how much love she still had in her heart for Born, she was pregnant with someone else’s baby. All the regret in the world wouldn’t change that. She looked at Jamari, who smiled at her sinisterly, and saw for the first time just how cruel he could be.
She was still little then, even though it was almost her fifth month of pregnancy. Jada was hiding her belly behind cute outfits. The pregnancy was progressing normally. The only problem was Jamari’s personality. At first she dismissed it as her irritability due to pregnancy hormones. She figured he was getting on her nerves more because she was more on edge than usual. But when she mentioned Born, Jamari got too personal with what he was saying about him.
“That nigga ain’t shit!” he yelled. “I used to be friends with the muthafucka back in high school. Both him and his crackheaded daddy wasn’t shit.” Jamari was really saying some disrespectful shit! It seemed like he had real hatred in his heart for Born, and Jada couldn’t understand why. So she asked him about it.
“What’s the deal with you and Born? How come you hate him so much? It’s almost like you’re trying to turn me against him or something.”
Jamari frowned, and shook his head. “I ain’t trying to turn you against nobody. I know that y’all got history together, or whatever. But I happen to know the nigga longer than you have, and I know he ain’t the hero you try to make him out to be.”
“What happened to make y’all stop being friends? You said you two used to be close.” Jada took the direct approach. She got results, too.
“The nigga thought I stole from him. He took a loss on five grand, and acted like it was fifty grand.”
“Did you steal it?” Jada looked directly in his eyes, the way that Born had always taught her. She was searching for the truth.
Jamari shook his head, and diverted his gaze. “I ain’t steal nothing from Born. Fair exchange ain’t robbery. I did a lot of work for that nigga. I took a lot of chances, and made a lot of moves for him. And I never got compensated for those things. I ain’t never complain. The one time he took a loss on my end, he acted like it was the worst thing in the world. The nigga cut me off like we were never close at all. He did it to you, too! So you should know exactly how I feel.”
“He did, but I deserved that. I never knew him to do nothing to anyone that didn’t deserve it. He’s not that type of guy. And I’m starting to wonder if you really did steal from him. Born’s a smart man—”
“If he’s so fuckin’ smart, then he must be right about you. You must be just a fuckin’ crackhead who ain’t never gonna change.”
Jada looked crushed.
“I don’t think that’s what you are,” Jamari clarified. “But that’s what he said you are. And if he’s so smart, then that must be true.”
Jada stared at Jamari, her eyes probing. “There’s more to the story that you’re not telling me. I know there is.”
Jamari looked at her, and wanted to tell her all of it. But he knew that the truth would make her cringe. He wasn’t sure if she was worthy of knowing. But he reconsidered, realizing that she was about to be the mother of his child. She was entitled to know the truth, for whatever it meant to her. She needed to know why, as his child’s mother, she had to forget about Born.
“Sit down,” Jamari said. Jada obliged, hoping to gain some insight into why he hated Born so much. She wasn’t disappointed.
“I grew up, like, ten minutes away from where Born grew up. We went to different schools until we got to junior high school. That was when we started hanging out, and he would invite me to his hood, and all that. We got to be good friends, but for some reason, my mother didn’t like the idea at all. At first she asked me what his last name was, and what his mother and father’s names were. She pretended not to know them, but she said that she had heard bad things about Born being a troublemaker, and all that. She kept telling me he was nothing but trouble. She told me she had heard all about Born, that he was a bad influence. I didn’t listen to her. I just kept doing what I was doing. My mother had a habit, so I wasn’t sure if she was one of Born’s customers on the low, or some shit like that, you understand?”
Jada nodded, since Jamari had told her long ago about his mother’s addiction. She understood why he would question what his mother had really had against Born.
Jamari took a deep breath, and looked at Jada to see what her reaction would be. “I never knew my father. Whenever the subject came up, my moms would tell me that it didn’t matter. The nigga never did shit for me, so what difference did it make what his name was—that’s what she’d tell me. So my mother waited until I was twelve years old to tell me that me and Born had the same father.”
Jada gasped. “Are you serious?”
Jamari nodded. “His pops and my mother were friends. I guess birds of a feather and all that. Anyway, they were friends with benefits. Leo was hitting it, even though she knew about his wife and his family. She was the other woman, and she got pregnant. And she said that when she told him, he told her he ain’t want no more kids. He denied me, and he raised another son the same age as me. Good old Leo Graham. She dropped this bomb on me after me and Born were already really good friends. She told me that Ingrid didn’t know about me. Leo never told Born’s mother about me, because as far as he was concerned, my mother was just looking for someone to blame for her situation. She said that my father had denied that I was his child. And she was a loose woman, so she wasn’t surprised. But when I met Born, and I saw how he lived, and how his mother was different from my mother, that shit bothered me. He grew up with his father, and the same man denied me as his child. That shit hurt.”
“Does Born know about this?” Jada asked.
“Nah. My moms made me swear not to say nothing. Remember, Leo was still alive at the time. I guess she didn’t want to start no shit, and I respected her wishes. I kept my mouth shut. But it was strange being at Born’s house and getting to know his mother. All the while knowing that her husband was my real father. Then my moms died two years after Leo did, and by then, me and Born weren’t on speaking terms no more.”
“How do you know that your mother was right about him being your father? No disrespect, but you said yourself that she was kind of loose. Maybe she just wanted you to be Leo’s son—”
“I thought about that. I mean, all I know is what she told me. She said that he was my father, and that he ain’t want nothing to do with me. I didn’t ask for no DNA test, or no shit like that, so all I can go on is what she told me. Leo never acted like he knew who I was, or knew who my mother was. I don’t think he was really thinking about shit like that at that point in his life. He was just as strung out as my mother was at that time.” Jarnari smiled bitterly, as he thought back on how he felt seeing how Born was living. “But the nigga had them living like royalty at Born’s house. They had VCRs, video games, a floor model TV, nice furniture. I never had any of that shit growing up. I used to borrow clothes from Born all the time, spend the night, and all that. Just to have an up-close and personal look at how the other h
alf lived. I used to lay awake in Born’s room while he slept, praying for what he had, and wishing that my moms could be how Ingrid was. There was always food in their refrigerator and in their cabinets. But not at my house.”
“So were you jealous because of all that?” Jada asked, already knowing the answer. She was amazed, because she knew that Born felt differently about his childhood. Born was so caught up in not having his father there for him like he needed. But one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Jamari had obviously wanted what Born had.
“I never said I was jealous.”
“But you keep talking about all the things he had that you didn’t have. It sounds like you were jealous.”
“I wasn’t jealous. I felt like I got a raw deal. Born got two parents, while I had one. All I had was my moms, and she was fucked up.”
“I understand what you’re saying. But even though he loved his father, Born was disappointed in him, because he was an addict. It’s not like Born grew up with the Huxtables, or anything.”
“But at least Leo was there for him. The nigga was never there for me. I didn’t think that shit was fair. That Born grew up with his father and a good mother, and I didn’t.”
Jada frowned. “Well, it’s not Born’s fault that he had a good mother. And it’s not his fault that Leo loved him. He never even knew that you could be his brother.”
Jamari looked at Jada coldly, upset that she was defending Born. “Whether he knew or not, he still played me. The nigga cut me off ‘cause of one fuckin’ mistake.”
“Yeah. But that was a lot of money, Jamari—”
“I made the nigga a lot of money! Whose side are you on? I didn’t take shit from him that wasn’t due to me. All the time I spent putting in work for that nigga, and all the times I had his back when the rest of his crew deserted him … the nigga owed me more than that. Five thousand dollars wasn’t shit to Born, but that money meant the difference between life and death to me. I was the one who never had shit growing up. Not that nigga! It was my chance to do me, and I wasn’t gonna let that nigga stop me from doing what I felt I needed to do. He had all the riches to himself all his life. Even the brothers and sisters that he did know about didn’t get as much as he did.” Jamari took a deep breath, and tried to clear his head. He was very animated, and he didn’t want to give off the impression that he was losing control. “All I’m saying is this. When Born cut me off, he made it easier for me to take what I felt should have been mine all along.”
Jada looked at Jamari, and saw him in a whole new light. She wondered if she was one of the things Born had once possessed that Jamari just had to have for himself. She started wondering if she was being used as a pawn, and Jada felt played. She felt stupid, and wondered what Born must think about her being pregnant by a nigga who had double-crossed him. Had she known all of this sooner, she would never have allowed herself to become involved with Jamari. Thinking back on her reluctance to be a mother in the beginning, she quickly felt that she had made the wrong decision. She never would have kept the baby had she known the whole truth. She felt stuck, since she was approaching her sixth month of pregnancy.
Jamari saw the look on her face, and assumed that she was upset. “So now what? You feel like I’m a monster or something?”
Jada stared back at him, neither confirming or denying that fact. “I understand this shit between y’all a lot more now,” she said. “I understand why you two hate each other so much.” Jada stopped talking, and let the silence linger momentarily. “Why would you wait until now to tell me this, Jamari? You knew how I was dealing with Born, and from the beginning you never let on about any of this. And both of you have this hatred toward each other. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Born never told you,” Jamari said. “He never mentioned how he thought I stole from him. So why should I have told you?”
Jada shrugged, unwilling to try to explain it. “I still think you should tell Born about you being his brother—”
“For what? That ain’t gonna change shit. We’re grown-ass men now. I don’t need him to be my brother, and Leo ain’t around to be my father. Fuck it. That’s the hand that I was dealt.” Jamari shrugged his shoulders. “But that nigga Born is gonna get what’s coming to him, though. No matter what happens, I know he’s gotta get his in the end. The nigga had it too good for too long.”
Jada looked at Jamari, and absorbed the words coming out of his mouth. She was disgusted. This nigga—this hating-ass nigga—was the father or the child growing in her womb. From that moment on she hated Jamari, since she felt that he was only out to hurt Born, and was using her to do it. She made up her mind then and there to get him back. Not just for playing her, but for having so much resentment toward Born as well.
Jada knew that Born was a good man. She had let him down, and that was why he’d left her. But Jamari had painted him as some animal, and Jada knew it all stemmed from his own jealousy over Born’s lifestyle. She also wanted to pay Jamari back for deceiving her for so long. She started wishing she could undo it all. Just go back and fix her mistakes. But looking at her swollen belly, she knew it was too late.
So instead of aborting her baby and leaving Jamari like she wanted to do, Jada devised a scheme that would have made Sunny proud. She would hit Jamari where it hurt the most, and at the same time give her the resources she needed to leave his sorry ass for good.
Jamari was still hustling with Wizz at that time. Born was gone, and his team had fallen apart. Dorian was gone, with all his artillery and manpower. So Jamari and Wizz were huddled together plotting takeovers like Pinky and the Brain, night after night. Soon they were doing big business, because all the heavy hitters from back in the day were either dead or in jail. The game was changing, and those two knew that they were in the perfect position to shut shit down. They started moving more and more bricks.
Jamari stopped bagging up at home, so Jada didn’t see it moving through the house as she used to. He had enough common sense to know that he shouldn’t tempt her with it, knowing how she was jonesing for it. But a couple of times Jada was with him when he met his connect, so she had an idea of the type of money that was changing hands. His name was Elliot, and Jada got to know him well. Elliot was Guyanese, and he was handsome. But the nigga was ruthless, too. Jada knew that Jamari was afraid of him, because his whole demeanor changed around Elliot. He would sit straighter and talk more ghetto, and she could tell it wasn’t really in him to be all hard like that. He wanted people to think that he was this rugged, thugged-out hustler. But she was finally starting to see that he was a wannabe. Jada had been through these types of meetings with Born, and he had never changed who he was just to be accepted. You took him at face value, or you didn’t fuck with him at all. Jamari was nothing like Born.
She had nothing but time on her hands to think. And she thought about how Born had loved her. He had loved her completely. And he had trusted her, even though he didn’t trust people easily. She had let him down, and she was sad about that. Then, to find out that Jamari had done him dirty. She wished that she could talk to Born, but she knew that she was probably the last person he wanted to talk to. Jada didn’t care about the baby, and stopped taking her vitamins and eating right, hoping to have a miscarriage. She just wanted to get high again.
The difference between Jamari and Born was that Jamari didn’t give Jada any money. None at all. If there was no food, he went food shopping with her. If she wanted clothes, he took her shopping. If she had a craving, he took her out to eat. She didn’t have any money in her hands from the moment she spent the last dollar in her bank account. Once she ran out of cash, Jamari took care of her, but never gave her her own dough. He knew that would have meant independence to Jada. And that was the last thing he wanted.
After a while, the block got hot, and Jamari’s scared ass got nervous. He and Wizz were moving a lot of blow through the borough, and the cops were stepping their game up. Niggas from all the hoods—West Brighton, New Brighton, Stapl
eton—were getting knocked left and right. Sweeps took place on Jersey Street, Targee Street, Broad Street, and Henderson, and soon half the borough’s hustlers were fighting cases or copping pleas. Jamari and Wizz were scared. But they had to make money. The final straw for Jada was when Jamari asked her to make a trip for him. She was visibly pregnant, and the son of a bitch asked her to make a run uptown for him. He wanted Jada to go and get a package from Elliot, and then bring it to Wizz. Naturally, she said no, and told him to kiss her ass. Jamari explained that he was only asking her because the cops wouldn’t suspect Jada of anything, with her being pregnant and all. So Jada was mad at first that he asked her to do it. Then she thought about it, and realized that this was her chance.
She waited until he brought it up again, and then she agreed to it. She told him that she knew he was only trying to look out for her and the baby, and that she would have his back the same way he had hers. Jada asked him to tell her what he needed her to do in detail. What she was hoping was that he would give her the money, and she would fake, like she was going uptown, and just break the fuck out. But that’s not what his arrangement was. Jamari was getting his shit on consignment. He had set it all up with Elliot, and Jada was just supposed to go and get it, and bring it back. But she had a whole different plan.
When she went to meet with Elliot, Jada was supposed to get two bricks for twenty-three grand apiece. They had to get the money back to Elliot after they moved the drugs. Jamari and Wizz were mimicking Born’s operation, and selling cocaine in different forms, from wholesale to retail. Elliot had done lots of business with them. But when Jada went to meet with Elliot, she had to convince him to give her five bricks instead of the two she was supposed to pick up. Jada used her pregnancy as a prop.
She explained to Elliot that Jamari and Wizz really needed five bricks and not the two they had discussed. Jada wasn’t sure for a minute if the nigga would go for it. She sat across from Elliot, who stared back at her, suspiciously. She wasn’t sure if he was buying her story or not, so she repeated it for clarity.
