by Leanne Davis
“Brothers?” She flashed a glance at Donny. “Seems like you brothers have done enough damage to my sisters.”
“No one is damaged.” Donny rolled his eyes. “Vickie got mad like a child who throws away an old toy she didn’t want, but doesn’t want anyone else to have. She’s not all that broken up. Tracy is all torn up though since she was always considered Vickie’s sane, and usually supportive older sister, I would think you’d see how really tough this has been for her. First Micah. Then me. You can bet this was not who or what she wanted. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to talk to her and make sure she’s okay.”
Gretchen stepped back. “Why didn’t she come to me?”
“She didn’t want to put you between Vickie and her. She is a good sister. No matter what your mother says.”
Gretchen closed her eyes and when she reopened them, she glared at Tony and then at Donny. “This is really fucked up.”
“Yeah, well, welcome to our lives over the last year. The only thing that doesn’t feel that way is being with each other,” Donny replied.
Gretchen set her hand on Tony’s side. “I had no idea. None at all.”
“No one did. Except Vickie. Go figure.”
****
It was not on Tracy’s radar to discuss her burgeoning relationship with anyone; let alone, with her two daughters. But there was so much going on, and everyone else was talking about it, along with the animosity from her mother, that there was no way her daughters could avoid picking up on something going on. And as she promised them, they were in it together. No more secrets or half truths. It worked both ways. And it was working well to date.
She asked Olivia to leave the bedroom, and sat down on the bed across from them. They were twin beds with matching, flowered quilts. She rubbed her hands together and inhaled a breath for courage. “So… there’s something pretty confusing to talk about.”
“Worse than Dad?” Kylie asked. Her gaze was solid and firm on Tracy.
“No. Nothing like that. I hope… well, I hope this will be kind of minor in comparison. But if it’s not, tell me and we’ll deal with it, okay?”
They both nodded. Their nervous gazes were indicative of kids who had endured tragedy at a young age. That was something she could not take away. It would, forever more, play a part of their perspective of the world, and no doubt, affect the young women they would soon become.
“Remember when we talked about me dating Jim?”
“Yes. Isn’t that over?”
“It is. Except, I have feelings, pretty important feelings, for someone else. Someone you know. Someone who could confuse you.”
She wanted to drop her face and simply mumble his name to her feet. She wanted to stare at her hands she was anxiously twisting. Her dad’s words stayed with her, after he listened to her talk about Micah leaving for an hour, as well as describing the girls’ distress along with her own. Then she explained how Donny fit into that. Her dad questioned if she thought that could just have been rebounding, and she didn’t deny the possibility. But she wasn’t sure, or ready to say yet.
“Who?” Ally asked, furrowing her forehead in concentration as she seemed to be mentally itemizing all the men in Tracy’s life.
“Uh, well, your uncle Donny.”
“Donny? Uncle Donny!?”
Tracy drew in more oxygen for courage. “Yes. Your Uncle Donny.”
“Oh my! Crap! That’s gross!”
“It might seem so for you. But we are not blood-related. I didn’t even know him until three years ago. We never felt anything special towards each other until after your dad left. And after Vickie was gone. It just kind of developed on its own.”
“What about Aunt Vickie?”
“She knows. It’s not perfect, but she’s accepting it. Actually, I won’t speak for her. If you want to ask her, you should. You should do whatever you feel you need to about it.”
“Are you marrying him?”
Tracy jolted to attention. “No. Unequivocally, no. Nothing like that right now. We’re… figuring things out. We just like to spend time together.”
“Like moving in? I liked it being just us.”
“Me too. I have no intention anytime soon of changing that. I mean it. I won’t promise you that it will never happen. But right now? Or next year? No way. I wouldn’t have even told you if everyone else hadn’t found out. We don’t really know the answer to those questions. We just know we make each other happy, and for so long, no other adults did.”
Ally stood up. “What if I tell you no? Gross! I don’t want you dating my uncle.”
“Then I’d probably tell you I’m very sorry, and promise to try and make sure you are affected by it as little as possible.”
“You’d still do it?”
Vickie. Her mother. Gretchen. Her kids. All the reasons she didn’t want to have such feelings. But as her dad pointed out, she deserved a good life too. She deserved to find happiness. “I’d still do it.”
Ally sat back down, now quiet. “Okay.”
“But you just said…”
“I just wanted to know if you would. It’s still kind of gross. I mean, Uncle Donny? I’m not calling him dad.”
A laugh started to climb up Tracy’s throat at hearing Ally’s grumbled response. “Of course not.” She held her hand out and touched Kylie’s leg. “And you? Is it gross for you too?”
Kylie just shrugged and stared at her knees. She traced a scab with her short fingernails. “I just wish Dad never left. It was so much less confusing.”
Tracy went over and sat down next to Kylie. She wrapped an arm around each of her girls. “It was so much less confusing. But I love you two. Nothing will change that. No other person will ever come between us.”
“You won’t make us move?”
She nuzzled Kylie’s head. “No. We aren’t moving. And if anything happens with Donny and me, it won’t be until everyone else is comfortable with it. It can take a long time. There is no hurry. Not anymore.”
“So… like… Julia? She’ll be our cousin, and maybe our step-sister?”
“Let’s just start with cousin, okay?”
“Are you going to quit your job and take care of her?”
“No. I’m not. She’s not my daughter. She won’t be my daughter. That doesn’t mean I don’t love her. And you both love her. But she has a mother. Believe it or not, Aunt Vickie is going to do her best to be a good mother to Julia, in her own way.”
“This is all… so weird.”
“I’m sorry I added to the weirdness. I never meant to.”
Ally patted her leg. “It’s okay. At least, you stayed and told us.”
“Not the highest standards to be judged by, but I’ll take them.”
“So can we go play with Olivia now?”
Tracy lifted her hands off their shoulders before they scurried out of the room. She heaved a heavy sigh, falling back on the bed. Maybe Olivia would be a good distraction and help take their minds off such “gross” things.
A knock sounded on the doorjamb. She glanced toward the open door and saw Donny. They exchanged a long look as she slowly sat up. She sat with her feet flat on the floor.
His smile was small, and almost timid when he entered. “Everything okay?”
“No. But then again, when is it ever?”
“How did it go with the girls?”
“Well, the best they used to describe it was ‘gross.’ So I’m not sure. But then again, like you said, no kid should have to picture her mother having sex. It’s gross and confusing no matter who the partner is. This is all very new to them.”
“I knew I’d find you in here, telling them.”
He sat down on the opposite bed and looked somehow reserved. She could sense his nerves as he tapped a finger to his knee and cleared his throat. “So, uh, out there, I shouldn’t have spoken up about all that. I know we agreed to keep it a secret, but after what Vickie said, I just couldn’t let it stand. Not anymore.”
“Sh
e had a right.”
“She didn’t.”
Tracy shrugged. “It worked out. It’s done now.”
“Where are you? I can’t get a read on where you’re at. I mean that was brutal out there.”
She watched him drawing little figure eights on his kneecap. He was nervous, and obviously worried about how she felt. A small smile started on her lips. The same man who could tie her up nearly into submission when he was aroused, now was awkward and nervous about her. She didn’t have that effect on many men. Her opinion didn’t matter to many people. Except Donny. Even long before all this began, he always listened to whatever Tracy said about Julia. And Vickie even.
She stood up, walked across the room and slid into his lap. He jerked to attention at her sudden boldness. His weary, serious gaze looked her over as she said, “I’m right here.”
His gaze searched her face. “Meaning?”
“Meaning, when we get home, you can take me out to dinner.”
“And?”
“And nothing. This isn’t Vickie. This is for real. All adult and for real. And the thing is: we have no timelines. And there is no finish line. We can just… be together. We can go on a date.”
“So, now we’re dating?”
She smiled and leaned forward to touch her lips on his neck. She inhaled his scent. He wore nice, subtle aftershave that never failed to stir her senses.“That’s what grownups do. And after spending a dozen years married, I’m nowhere near ready for that again. Neither are my children. I like living with them. We’re closer than we’ve ever been. And I love my job. I’m not the same woman Micah abandoned. I might never have changed; but now that I have, I never want to go back. And whether we like it or not, it’s a lot for others to take in. Time does wonders in letting people grow used to a situation.”
“Because we’re so gross?”
“Because we’re so gross.” She leaned her head on his shoulder. “Thank you for what you said out there. No one has ever made me feel like less of an afterthought than you did.”
“You’re all I think about. Hard to be considered an afterthought.”
“This will be complicated. My kids. Yours. Vickie. Okay, Vickie, most of all.”
His arms tightened around her. “Complicated and gross works. Slow works too.”
“Should we go join everyone?”
He nodded. She stood up and he followed, only to grab her just before the door. He took her face between his hands. “I love you. Slow or not. My feelings are real.”
He pressed his lips to hers and kissed her softly. She only stopped when the peal of girlish squeals came from behind them. They quickly separated only to find Olivia, Ally and Kylie shrieking as they covered their eyes in the hallway. At the sound of their piercing screams and squeals, Vickie and Gretchen came out of another room. They scanned the hallway before glancing at each other. Then, much to Tracy’s shock, they also covered their eyes and screamed, “Gross!” in high-pitched tones.
Only when Vickie peeked through her fingers and smiled before flipping Tracy off, did Tracy’s heart finally relax. Vickie stuck her tongue out, gathering the girls around her as they all started chanting, “Tracy and Donny, sitting in a tree… K-I-S-S-I-N-G…”
She hid her face in her hands, but eventually smiled back when Vickie caught her eye again as she chanted. Maybe she wouldn’t lose her family after all. They still loved her. And it didn’t even seem to matter that, for once, she was not behaving perfectly.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS ON THE line.”
Donny grabbed the phone when Zelda called through his open door before she returned to the accounts she was meticulously balancing. He snagged the receiver with one hand while continuing to type with the other. He was slammed. And still broke. After meeting with his accountant this morning, the forecast was: it would take another two years before he could get out of his current financial hole, pay his parents back, and get to a place where he could start earning a profit again. Of course, that was providing business stayed good and he continued to work the grueling hours he had been working for the last two years. He didn’t know for sure if he could make it happen, but intended to try his damnedest to succeed. He did not want to lose his house or business or have to declare bankruptcy. And he’d work his fingers to the bones before taking the easy way out.
Vickie’s demands weren’t any help, of course. But Tracy wasn’t really sympathetic to his complaints. Her comments were along the lines of you play, you pay. Still, even after a year since divorcing her, and settling a large portion of his formerly decent income with her, she still called Donny with miscellaneous demands. Last week, she wanted him to foot the bill on half a condo, and justified it by saying she needed it when Julia came over. He hung up, then called her back and offered to pay for half an apartment. He capped it with a price limit, and said it had to be within reason.
Vickie was back from Washington D.C. for only four months. She spent over a year there, and to date, her sobriety anniversary was the same date as when she and Donny decided to separate. He was proud of her and told her often. He showed it by allowing her increased visits with Julia. Julia stayed overnight with Vickie at least once a week. Once fully allowed not to be there for Julia, Vickie was surprisingly involved with her care now. She wasn’t the most natural mother, but she could definitely hold her own and she was happy with the increased visitation. It made Donny content to know his daughter wasn’t abandoned by her own mother.
Tracy refused to cross the line of becoming mother to Julia. She was good, as always, with her and loved her just as much as always, but she hung back too. She made it clear she was not ever stepping in as her surrogate mother. That was Vickie’s job.
It complicated things besides the three kids, and a not always sane, rational, or unbratty ex-wife. Tracy’s need for independence kept her focused on what she wanted from him. She worked insane hours, and so did he. The girls had constant scheduling conflicts and they sometimes didn’t see each other for days.
Ally and Kylie eventually became full on teenagers, but only recently ceased squealing, “Gross!” whenever they happened to catch Donny smooching with their mother. He never did more than peck her cheek or lips in front of them.
What they and no one else knew or saw was that he finally got Tracy all to himself. Somehow, they managed to find times to express their intimacy, and even if it came with a lot of hassle, waiting, and chaos, all their patience was worth it. Tracy was right; grownup dating was pretty hot too. There was so much anticipation. And arguing that actually had a purpose and resulted in change, even if it were a compromise. There was no more crazy, however, and no more pointless drama.
He held the phone to his ear. “What’s up? You have to cancel tonight?” Dinner with his parents. They were shocked, to say the least, at hearing who his next girlfriend was. They finally came around and understood, but only after seeing Tracy and him together and not imagining what should have been, but accepting what actually was.
“No. Maybe. I need to talk to you.” He dropped the file he was perusing and grabbed the receiver with more force.
“What’s wrong?” Tracy never sounded upset unless she was. “The girls okay?”
“Yes. For now.”
His stomach cramped. No. What could have her sounding so twisted in knots? “What is it, babe?”
She let a breath out into the phone. “They found him.”
“Him? Who?”
“Micah.”
Donny froze. He literally quit moving. Micah? Donny hadn’t thought seriously about him for two years. Three, since they last saw him. Micah fucking McKinley.
“Where are you?”
“Work.”
“I’ll be right there.”
“No. I have an important meeting.”
He sighed. They were always busy. Not even enough time to commiserate over Micah fucking McKinley. “What happened?”
“A detective called me. Micah…” her voice
cracked. He braced himself, waiting to hear Micah died somehow. “They found him, Donny. They found him and brought him back to the state to be formally charged. Micah is back.”
“Holy shit. I’m speechless. Where was he? How was he found?”
“Someone recognized him. He was in Las Vegas, of all places, working as a card dealer. It doesn’t seem like he lived very well. He stole a lot of money, and spent it on me.”
“Doesn’t make up for what he did.”
“I know. I’m not sure what to feel. I never thought I’d see him again. He’s there in jail, and asked to see me. Should I?”
Donny leaned his head on the arm support by his desk. “I want to tell you no. But I think maybe, you should.”
“What should I tell the kids?”
“The truth, like you always do. All badass you. You just tell them and let them decide if they want to see him.”
She inhaled sharply. “Thank you. I’m so glad I have you by my side.”
“I’m glad to be there. But you’d be okay even if I weren’t.”
Silence followed his pronouncement. “I wasn’t okay after Micah left. I was lost. I had no sense of myself outside of us. I like having that now. I love that you let me have that. I love how I feel being us.”
He sat back down, forgetting Micah fucking McKinley for a moment. Lulled by her words, he turned his chair so Zelda couldn’t see him. “I love how everything feels with you.”
“Donny?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you come with me? To the police station? I know it can’t be easy for you, but I think I need to see him. I was married to him for twelve years. I share kids with him. I just need to do that.”
“I know. Of course, I will. Just tell me when.”
“Tonight. After work. I don’t want to draw it out.”
“Should we meet at your place first?”
“Yes. Six o’clock?”
“Sure.”
****
She didn’t know how she could find the courage to do this if Donny didn’t come with her. They stood before the small, one-story police station that housed Calliston’s undersized police force. Her stomach felt like worms were squirming around in it. Donny held her hand, squeezing it as she stopped before the front door. She could see their reflection in the glass. They were a handsome couple. He was tall and business neat, while she, looked also neat in her own blazer and slacks. Her hair was pulled back. Her makeup was subtle and classy, and her heels, low and appropriate. She was nothing like the woman Micah left, although she missed that woman sometimes. The stay-at-home mom, with the pretty house on the lake. She was happy. For many years, she was very happy building a home and family for her husband and kids. She never dreamed she’d become the woman she was today. A woman with her own career, and condo, and boyfriend. A woman whose almost high school-aged kids were as much her friends as they were her daughters.
