Backstage

by Mandy Bee

  I get some clothes from my storage slot and head for the bathroom. This bus is pretty cool, it has a big stand alone shower on one side of the bus and a nice size bathroom on the other. John, Dave, Scot and Chris up front playing video games, this just makes me laugh. I love when Chris can have fun, he worries too much and mostly about me.

  “Hey, you’re up.” Chris says jumping up to give me a hug.

  “Yeah, I’m going to shower if that’s okay.” I look at the other guys and they just nod.

  “Sure, lock the door. We have to be at a radio interview in about a half an hour. There is skim milk in the fridge, you’ll have to make some more coffee, everything is in the cabinets, oh and Justin left this for you.” He hands me a note while looking at me with a ’what are you up to’ face.

  “Thanks,” I hug him then turn to go get my shower. “have fun at the interview.” I yell as I close and lock the door.

  After a wonderfully long, hot shower I feel relaxed and hungry. I changed into a pair of jean shorts and a tank top. I can’t wear this to the show tonight because Chris will flip but just around the bus should be fine. Chris doesn’t like it when I show too much skin, and with the type of the people that hang around on the tour it is not a great idea for a seventeen year old to look like a slut. Ever since I started to grow into my body I have been noticing that guys look at me differently. I’m not a model type but I’m fit. I always wear my hair up in a pony tail or in a clip, my long legs are always smooth but that’s because I think it is gross to have hairy legs. I don’t have large breast but I’m not flat cheated either. I’m wouldn’t say I’m hot, but I don’t try that hard to be hot.

  I fix myself some coffee and some oatmeal, then sit down at the booth and listen to my music. I have my iPod plugged into some mini speakers. I don’t know how long their interview is but I hope I get an hour or so to myself. After finishing my breakfast I take my meds, this is something none of the band members know about. I know the manager does because Chris told him incase something happened and I would have to go to a doctor, but he asked him to keep it to himself, it is not something I share with everyone. I fix another cup of coffee and settle back into the booth while Jason Aldean sings about a big green tractor. I lay my head against the wall and just sit there peacefully, this is heaven to me.

  I pick up the note from Justin, I run it through my fingers a few times. Do I even want to read it? I don’t want to start anything between us, good or bad. I want to be nothing, just someone in the background, this is the only way I can survive. I can’t let myself get friendly with him, and I can’t let myself hate him either. I have to spend six months traveling the world with this man, I don’t need him causing me trouble. I open his note and start reading it.

  Flower,

  I’m sorry about last night. I never meant to upset you. I was just asking questions so that I can get to know you better. The way you and Chris live is so strange to me, but in a good way. I was raised with a mom and a dad and two brothers. So to meet someone who has a brother and no one else it amazes me. I have cousins, aunts and uncles, and tons of people that would let me crash with them if I needed too. You said you didn’t have anyone but Chris, I guess I just wanted to know why. I am truly sorry if I hurt your feelings, I never meant too. I hope you will still let me listen to music with you one day.

  Justin

  I have now read the note three times and I still can’t figure this guy out. I’m still staring at the note when Chris walks onto the bus. I guess he could see I’m lost in space thinking because when I finally look up at him he looks worried.

  “Don’t give me that face Christopher Jacob Marshall!” I snap at him. I’m not angry I’m just annoyed.

  “What is wrong with you? Did Justin’s note upset you? What did it say?” He tries to take it out of my hand and I snarl at him.

  “I’m not upset, I’m just annoyed, and the note is none of your business.” I get up and head to my bunk, I know he is following me but right now I don’t care.

  “What is going on? I want an answer right now! Did he say something last night at the party? Come on you have to tell me something!” He has pulled me into a hug and is holding me tight. I want to start crying but I know that is a bad idea.

  “Look it’s nothing really, I think I may have took some of the things he said last night the wrong way, but I don’t know. Just sit down and I’ll tell you okay?” We go to the back of the bus were there is a wrap around couch against the wall, and a small table in the middle of the space. This room is mostly used for meetings. “You have to promise me you will not get mad over anything I tell you, or I’m not telling you.” I stare at him and he nods so I continue. “At the party Justin came and asked me why I wasn’t over with everyone else, I tried to be nice but you know that is hard for me. We talked for a few minutes and he asked if he could listen to music with me, you came over a minute later and saved me. He is the type of guy that worries me. But last night after you went to sleep, I was reading when the others got on the bus and went to bed, well all but Justin. He knocked at my bunk and asked if I liked my Kindle, it was his idea to get me a gift to make me feel welcomed, his mom picked it out.” I smile at the thought then shake my head and go on. “Then he said he was going to watch TV up front and I could join him if I wanted too. I know I shouldn’t have but I did, it was nice at first but then he started asking questions. He asked if we had a home, weird I know. I told him about the house in Sacramento, hoping that would be the end of it, nope. He asked why I went on tour with you, didn’t I have friends or family I could stay with or something. I snapped at him telling him he was stuck with me because you’re my only family. I’m sorry Chris, I really am.” I started crying, and couldn’t stop. Chris just puts his arm around me.

  “It’s okay, you didn’t say anything that I wouldn’t have. I’m guessing your tone of voice was a little harsh if I know my baby sister.” He laughs “But what did he say in the note? Was it good or bad?”

  “Good I guess, he said he was sorry about upsetting me. He just wanted to get to know me, and had never meet anyone like us I guess. He talked about his family and stuff. Oh here just read it.” I hand him the note and wipe away my tears with the bottom of my shirt. I watch him as he reads it, he gives nothing away.

  “Well, what are you going to do now?” Chris asks calmly.

  “What do you mean?” What is he talking about? What should I do? I don’t want to do anything, I just want to be left alone!

  “Are you going to be nice to him or avoid him? I know you don’t like being around people, I know you don’t want to make any friends while on tour but it looks like Justin wants to at least be nice to you. Look I’m not asking you to suck up to the guy but if you could just move past this and at least be nice then that would help everyone out.” On;y Chris could get away with saying things like this to me, anyone else would be on the floor bleeding by now. Yeah that’s another thing about me, I sometimes get into fights that end badly. And by badly I mean the other person takes a trip to the ER.

  “I will play nice, but not too nice. I don’t want him thinking I like him too much. When do we have to leave? I want to use your laptop to find some books for my Kindle.” I say taking the note back and folding it.

  “We have a little over an hour, are you hungry? The guys went to get pizza.” I sigh, pizza, tacos, burgers, and chicken is all we eat. It’s a wonder that I don’t weight five hundred pounds.

  “Sure, do you think they would mind if I hang out back here some when no one is using it?” This would be a great place to hide.

  “It should be okay, they only used this room for meetings and stuff, so as long as no one is in here I don’t see why you can’t use it. I’ll go get the laptop, do I need to set up the credit card on your account?”

  “No I’ll stick with the free books for now.” I smile up at him, he is always thinking about me and what I want or need. He runs and gets the laptop for me and then leaves me alone for a while. I hear the
others a few minutes later, John yells at me that the food is here but Chris brings me a plate and a soda. He tells me that Justin is upfront, I tell him I’m not ready yet. I just need some time to think. He also tells me I have to change before we leave, this I already knew.

  I have just changed into jeans and the Freak Street t-shirt that Dave gave me, this is my way of playing nice. I’ll be wearing my hoodie most of the night so it’s not like anyone will see me wearing it anyways. You wouldn’t believe how cold it can get backstage. I make sure to pack my Kindle, iPod, earbuds and meds in my bag before I leave. I have loaded my Kindle with fifty new books. I couldn’t believe how many free books there were, I’m going to be doing a lot of reading. And all because of Justin. I can’t let my mind go there right now. I still haven’t talked to him, I don’t know what to say. Maybe I should write him a note, like he did, that might work.

  I follow the guys off the bus while holding Chris’s hand. I swear if people didn’t know he was my brother they would think we were dating. I know he does this just to know I’m okay, but at some point the hand holding is going to have to stop. Once in the dressing rooms I find a couch and start to get comfortable. I can’t really read with all the noise going on so I decide to listen to music. I had just put in my earbuds when I see Justin walking up to me. I give him a weak smile.

  “Here,” He hands me a blanket. “the heat is out in the building, it’s going to get really cold back here tonight.”

  “Thank you.” I almost whisper. I hope he can tell how nervous I am.

  “You can always come stand by the stage and watch the show, if you want too.” He sits down beside me, but won’t look right at me.

  “Um, that’s okay. I wouldn’t want to get in the way.” And I hate your music.

  He looks up and we lock eyes. “I am sorry, you know that right?” He looks so crushed, I can tell he really means this. I’m really touched by this.

  “I know, I got your note. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I’m just not used to people asking me questions, about anything. I like to be left in the background.” I look down as I say this, its all true but weird at the same time.

  “I understand, will you watch TV again with me tonight? I promise not to ask you any questions.” I glance up at him, he is biting his lip.

  “Only if we watch The Golden Girls.” I smile up at him. He nudges me with his arm then gets up to go get ready for his show. I look over at Chris, he has been watching us. I roll my eyes at him and hit play on my iPod.

  I did end up using the blanket Justin brought me, it was freezing backstage. The guys still came off stage sweating like pigs but that didn’t last long. Chris and I were the first ones back to the bus, no after party tonight. The others are signing autographs, Chris is just a back up drummer so he doesn‘t have to stay with them for that. This is a good thing, we get time to get ready for bed before the others get here. I change into some night clothes but go sit up front.

  “Aren’t you going to bed?” Chris asks me after his shower.

  “Um, I kind of wanted to watch some TV up here, if that’s okay?” I hold my breath praying he doesn’t fight me on this.

  “Okay, but keep it down. When the others get here you may want to come on to bed.” He gives me a hug then heads back to the bunks. I turn on the TV and smile when I find the channel airing The Golden Girls. It was only a few minutes later when the bus door opens and the rest of the guys get on.

  “Hey” Scot says to me. He is the keyboard player, I haven’t been around him much. If he’s on the bus he is mostly in his bunk. I just nod at him as he walks by. John and Dave smile and keep walking. I want to kick myself for how excited I am over waiting for Justin to get on. Like always he is the last one on, he smiles when he see me then laughs when he sees what I’m watching.

  “You started without me!” He laughs and sits down across from me. We stayed up till three in the morning watching TV together. I ended up having to get my comforter off my bed, he laughed and asked me why didn’t I ask him to get it for me, I said I can get my own blanket. Other then that we didn’t talk much. I did catch him looking at me a few times, he would just smile then go back to watching TV. When we did go to bed I crashed I was so tired, but relaxed also.

  THE NEXT DAY was a driving day, the only time we could get off the bus was when we stopped to eat. Even then I didn’t want to get off, I had Chris bring me something from where ever they ate at. I spent most of the day in the back room reading or listening to music. I was just happy to be left alone. It was a little after six when I heard a knock on the door.

  “Yeah?” I yelled at whoever was there.

  “Can I come in for a minute?” It’s Justin!

  “Sure” I sit up and fix my pony tail. He walks in and shuts the door, don’t know if Chris will like that. He comes and sits right beside me, Chris may not like this either.

  “You’ve been back here all day, are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” I smile and turn off my Kindle and lay it on the table.

  “I’m so glad you like this.” He says picking up my Kindle then laying it back down. “To be honest I was worried if you would or not. When my mom showed it to me I thought, what if she doesn’t like to read or what if she has one already.” He softly laughs.

  “I love it, I’ve wanted one for a while. Trust me it will be very well used. It will help me pass the time.” I play with my comforter which is laying on my lap.

  We spent the next hour talking about our favorite books and types of books we like or hate. It amazed me to find out he likes romance books, most guys hate them. We both hate horror books, he likes mystery novels, me not so much. Turns out he has read Pride and Prejudice more then once and we started fighting about the real reason Elizabeth fell in love with Mr. Darcy. He thinks its because Mr. Darcy paid Wickham to marry her sister after they ran away together. I pointed out to him that she was already showing feelings for Mr. Darcy before that even happened. We both jumped when there was a knock at the door, then Chris walked in.

  “Flower, you okay?” He looks from me to Justin.

  “Yeah I’m good, are we going to stop for dinner?” I smile at him trying to let him know I’m really okay.

  “John said there is a place a few exits up that has great Mexican food. I wanted to ask you if you would come with us.” He looks at Justin then at me, then arches his eyebrow in a silent question.

  “Yeah, come eat dinner with us.” Justin says taking my hand and trying to pull me up. I let out a giggle, but when I see Chris’s face I cover it with a fake cough.

  “Justin can I talk to my sister for a minute please?” Chris asks. Oh no, I know that voice. Justin just nods at him then smiles at me as he leaves.

  “Please don’t start in on me. I was being nice like you said, turns out we have a lot in common.” Why does he make me feel like a child who got caught doing something wrong?

  “Flower, I know I said to be nice to him. I know I also said to try and make some friends but you and Justin…..” He stops and looks like he is trying to find the right words to say. I think I know what he wants to say.

  “Chris I’m not going to be anything but friends with Justin, and right now I don’t know if we are even friends yet. We were just talking, nothing more. I can see that you think it may lead to more in another way but it won’t I promise. But will you let me enjoy that for once someone wants to talk to me without wanting something from you?” I look down as I say the last part. This is the first time ever that someone we were touring with wanted to be nice to me without wanting to sleep with Chris.

  “I trust you, but he is a nineteen year old boy. I know what it is like to be that age and around young girls too.” He laughs and finally comes and sits down.

  “Chris trust me on this, that will never happen with Justin. And I’m still freaked out that I am even thinking about a friendship with someone. But maybe we get along so well because we are so close in age.”

  “Okay, but
promise me that if something does happens between you two, you will come and talk to me?” Big brother/father Chris, you can’t help but love him.

  “I promise, but if I’m going to dinner with everyone I need to freshen up first.” I hug him and walk out to start getting ready. I spot Justin watching me as I go into the bathroom, I just smile at him.

  Dinner with the band was something I may never do again. The Mexican place John wanted to try had wonderful food, it was the company of the band that made it an awful experience. They set us in a over sized booth. Dave, John and Scot all sit on one side leaving me with Justin and Chris. This wouldn’t have been that bad if they didn’t sit me in the middle. Justin was by the window, then me, and then Chris. The other guys could see the tension. Everyone tried to make small talk, but I could see that I was an outsider. After the food came everyone seemed fine, because we didn’t have to talk. Justin only talked to me once the whole dinner.

  “Can you pass the chips?” He asked, I hand him the basket, we both smile then I saw his face change. I look over at Chris and he is evil eyeing us! I let out a big sigh and swear to myself I will never eat out with them again!

  As soon as we get back on the bus I head for the back room. I left all of my stuff there from earlier today. I sit down where I was before and let out a big grunt, I put my face in my hands trying not to scream. I didn’t even hear the door open.