To Know Me (The Complete Series, Books 1-4)

by Marcy Blesy

  “He mentioned something about that.” I don’t know what to say. How did I even get myself into this position?

  “I guess you hate me, too.”

  “Certainly not,” she says.

  “Look, Mrs. Barber, I think you’re great. I think Ty’s great. It’s kind of a really bizarre story, but I have reason to believe that I have met Ty’s birth mom. She’s local. She’s trying to clean her life up. I feel kind of indebted to her. I know that meeting Ty and seeing what a great guy he is would really motivate her to keep improving.”

  “And have you considered how Ty would feel about this?”

  “Well, we talked once, and he said he’d want to know more about her.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Did you not know that?”

  “No, I did. I’m impressed that he shared all of that with you. He’s generally more guarded with that part of his life. You must mean a lot to him.” I expected Mrs. Barber to chew my head off. Instead she’s saying nice things about Ty’s feelings for me. It makes me want to hurdle over the front rows and throw my arms around Ty. But just because his mom isn’t mad doesn’t mean that Ty’s not.

  I tell Mrs. Barber what I know about Patsy. She doesn’t talk a lot but listens carefully, nodding her head as I speak.

  “So, you’re okay with me telling Ty about Patsy?” I ask after filling her in on everything I know.

  “Yes. Ty is eighteen. You can tell him whatever you want to tell him. Personally, I’d like to meet Patsy, too.”

  “What for?”

  “To thank her, of course.”

  “For what?”

  “For giving us our son.” What she says makes sense. I know what it’s like to want something so desperately you’d do anything to make it happen. It’s nice when things can have a happily-ever-after ending.

  Ty’s race is next. He’s stretching on the sidelines looking confident. There’s another Woodson boy in the finals with him, too, but I don’t know his name. I was hoping that Kyle’s time at the last meet would disqualify him from the state meet. That hasn’t happened. He’s only two lanes away from Ty. I wonder if they spoke—about me. I’m prepared this time. I won’t be ambushed by Kyle. If he tries to rattle me, I’ll walk away. There’re no more secrets. He doesn’t hold any power over me.

  The race is tight. Ty usually comes in first or second, but today three of them are racing for that top spot. I stand on my feet along with Ty’s parents. We’re jumping up and down with excitement and nerves. A guy from another school I don’t know, Ty, and Kyle run like rockets on the final straightaway. I can hardly catch my breath. All I am thinking is Don’t let Kyle win. Don’t let Kyle win. Then they cross the finish line: one, two, and three within mere seconds of each other. I don’t even realize who won until Mrs. Barber surprises me with a hug.

  “He did it! Ty’s the state champion!” I look to the track. Ty’s pumping his fist to the crowd and looking for his parents. We see each other at the same time. He drops his fist and looks away. I am crushed.

  “Give him time,” says Mrs. Barber. “He’s got a tender heart.”

  “Do you think we should go?” Sarah whispers in my ear. I didn’t even know she had moved to the row behind us. I don’t know what to do anymore. I came here to talk to Ty. Now what? He won’t give me the time of day.

  “I guess.” I thank Mr. and Mrs. Barber for understanding and excuse myself through the crowd that is waiting for the final races of the day to end.

  “Leaving so soon?” I hear from behind. Why can I never see him before I hear his obnoxious voice?

  “Not here. Not now, Kyle,” says Sarah, defending me.

  “Thanks, Sarah. I got this.” I look him straight in the eye and dig in my heels. “Kyle, I despise you. I loathe your existence. But mostly, I pity you because you are stuck in the past. I’m learning to move forward. I suggest you do the same, if there’s any hope at redemption.” Kyle does that smile with half of his mouth taunting me, but I don’t let it get to me. Not anymore. “Grow up.”

  “You heard the girl. Now get the hell out of here.”

  “Ty!” I say.

  “What are you gonna do, pretty boy?”

  “Come on, Mae…cy. Let’s go.” He reaches for my hand and leads me away. Sarah follows us to my car in the parking lot.

  “Ty, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” She sticks out her hand to shake his. “I’m Sarah, Macy’s best friend. I’ve heard a lot about you. Seems you’ve been able to do the impossible that no one else could: get Macy home. Thanks.”

  “Nice to meet you, too. Sorry to say I haven’t heard much about you.” I can tell by Ty’s icy tone that things aren’t back to normal.

  “Yeah, I know, the whole ‘gotta lie’ thing,’” says Sarah.

  “Hey!” I say. “I’m standing right here.”

  “You deserve it,” says Sarah, but I know she loves me. “I’m going to sit in the car because…well, because that’s what I’m going to do. See ya.” She opens the car door and sits inside, pulling out her phone.

  “Ty.”

  “Macy.”

  “Sorry.”

  “I was really pissed that you left that night in the hospital. You had no right to do that, especially after what we’d been through.”

  “I know. You’re right. I just…I.…”

  “I get it. I know your fears. But do you want to live the rest of your life always waiting for the other shoe to drop and thinking it’s you that caused it to fall? Because that’s no way to live.”

  “I’ve started counseling.”

  “About time. That’s the best news of the day,” he says.

  “Even better than beating Kyle and winning the state championship?”

  “Well, it was pretty fun to kick his ass.” For the first time, I see a hint of a smile.

  “I really don’t think a half a second qualifies as kicking his ass.”

  “Hmmm, funny.” He touches my cheek with the back of his hand. I shiver.

  “We need to talk,” I say.

  “I know. Not here. Can I come over to your house tomorrow?”

  “It’s been a long time since I’ve had a friend over.”

  “Then it’s settled…if your mom won’t mind.”

  “Are you kidding? My mom will be thrilled. But it’s an hour drive from Woodson to Andersonville.”

  “I can handle it.” He smiles. “You better get back to Sarah. She’s probably roasting in there.” He points to the car.

  “Uh, yeah. You’re right.”

  “Text me your address.” He turns back to the track. “But I’m still really mad at you,” I hear as I open my car door.

  “I know!” I yell back.

  Chapter 13:

  I’ve spent the last hour tidying up a house that doesn’t need cleaning, moving frames from one shelf to another, putting fresh cut flowers from the garden in a vase on the kitchen table, changing the coffee table magazines from US Weekly to Newsweek. We’re a middle class family, with half our population missing. With Dad and Laura gone, there’s still a wave of sadness in the house. Mom takes long walks when things get overwhelming. I run my old route through our neighborhood relaxing in the comfort of all things familiar. We’re making things better, though, reading those self-help books about grieving and how to make peace with the path we’re now on, a path to healing. Mom enrolled in a pottery class. I’m reconnecting with Sarah and a couple of kids from school. It feels weird not attending high school. My whole purpose of running away was to have the “high school experience” and earn my diploma. I realize now that I missed out on a lot of that experience by not putting down roots as my true self, but I can only move forward: get my GED, enroll in community college for a year, transfer to a university, and make something of myself that would have made my dad proud. I always thought I was living my life for others when I ran away: trying to protect Mom and Sarah from all the bad things that happen to people who know me. Instead all I was doing was causing more pain. Grandma
was a wise woman. She was right. It was all dumb, bad luck that all those things happened. It’s life. And sometimes life doesn’t discriminate on whom to dump its crap on.

  The doorbell rings.

  “Going to get that, Macy?” I put my hand over my heart to steady it. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. Mixing my past and my present is a bit jolting. One life I was given. The other I created. It’s time they come together. I take one last deep breath.

  “You found it,” I say when I open the door. Duh, what a stupid way to start our time together.

  “GPS is like magic,” says Ty. I can’t help but get lost in that wide smile again. “You going to invite me in?”

  “Oh, sorry! Yes, please come in.”

  “Nice place,” he says as he surveys the room. “Who plays the piano?”

  “My sister. It was my Grandmother’s piano. She passed to down to Laura when she committed to taking lessons.”

  “You didn’t take lessons?”

  “I did, but I stopped. You could say I had a commitment problem.”

  “Had? I think you mean have.” I punch him in the arm. He’s still defending himself when Mom comes in the room.

  “That’s quite a way to welcome your guest,” says Mom.

  “He deserved it,” I joke. “Mom, this is Ty Barber.” I suppose they didn’t have a proper introduction at the hospital the night of our car accident.

  “Pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Tatum,” he says shaking Mom’s hand. “You have a lovely daughter.” I smile despite his obvious attempt to butter me up.

  “Thank you. I’m happy to have her back,” She pauses, “but thanks for taking care of her.”

  “You’re welcome. It’s not an easy job.”

  “Does no one realize I’m standing right here?” I ask. They enjoy a laugh at my expense. And I love it.

  Mom takes Ty to the kitchen for her special homemade chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. I look around the empty room, but for the first time in a long time, it doesn’t feel so lonely.

  At the city park in Andersonville, I spread out a blanket for a picnic lunch Mom helped pack this morning. Ty is baiting a hook with a worm. There is a small pond in the center of the park with a family of ducks skimming along the edge. The sun is at its full height and feels fabulous. I lie on my stomach with my chin on my hands and watch him be manly trying to catch a fish. It’s a lot like that perfect scene from a movie, hard to believe it’s happening in my life.

  “I think you should give up on that and come eat lunch!” I yell.

  “I don’t give up that easily,” he shouts back.

  “Glad to hear that.” I close my eyes and relax in the warming sun.

  Ty startles me when he touches my hair, tucking it behind my ear.

  “You’re beautiful, Mae,” he says.

  “I hope you washed your wormy hands first,” I say.

  “This isn’t the time to joke.” I roll over. He kisses my neck as he brushes my arms with his fingertips. “I could get used to this.”

  “Me, too,” I say. He lies down next to me on the picnic blanket, pulling my body closer to his.

  “I’d better get back home,” Ty says after hours of lying in the sun together.

  “I know,” I say.

  “I’ll come back,” he says.

  “I hope so.”

  “I will.” He pulls me in closer, kissing me again.

  “The feeling is mutual, but…”

  “I know. Baby steps.”

  I don’t need to explain myself to Ty. He knows Kyle messed me up in more ways than one. Ty gets it. If the time is right, I’ll know. And Ty will be the first one I’ll tell.

  I pack the picnic basket while Ty gets his fishing gear. It’s not until we’re in the car that I bring up the subject that’s been on both of our minds.

  “I talked to your mom about your…” I start to say.

  “my biological mom,” Ty finishes.

  “She told you everything then?” I ask. He shakes his head yes. “I don’t even know if she’s still at the halfway house, Ty, but you mentioned once that you were curious about her, and nothing would make her happier than to know you’re okay. I would love for you to meet, but I don’t want to…”

  “I’ll do it. I’ll meet her.”

  “You will?”

  “But I’m not saying I want a relationship, just a meeting. Can you arrange it?

  “Yes, of course, I’ll handle everything.”

  “And I want you to be there, too, okay?”

  “Yes.” I lean my head on Ty’s shoulder the rest of the way back to my house. I don’t want him to go. Goodbyes are never easy, especially when you’ve lived with a dark cloud of potential doom for years. But for once in my life, I’m spying sunny skies ahead.

  “It’s going to be okay, Mae. Nothing’s going to happen to me.”

  “It’s hard,” I say.

  “Yep, life sucks sometimes.”

  “But not always.”

  “There you go, a hint of positivity. Counseling must be working.”

  Mom has a chocolate cake waiting for us when we return from the park.

  “Mrs. Tatum, you are an amazing cook,” Ty says.

  “Thank you.”

  “If you will have me, I’d love to come back just to keep eating in your kitchen, even if your daughter tires of me.” He smiles and bats his eyes in my direction.

  “I would like that. You are welcome any time,” Mom says.

  I walk Ty out to his car. I don’t want him to go. I lock my arms around his neck and kiss him first on the lips. He kisses back, aware that my mom is inside the house just a few feet away.

  “Can you come out next weekend?” he asks.

  “A whole week?” I ask.

  “Sorry, Mae. The drive is tough on a school night. Finals are coming up. We’ll text and call. We can FaceTime, too. You won’t even know I’m gone.”

  “I can’t do this, though.” I grab his butt and pull him closer, kissing him square on the mouth.

  “No. That alone might be worth me making the drive.”

  “Ha! You’re right, though. I’ll plan for next Saturday then.”

  “And call Patsy. If her schedule is good, I’m game to meet her.”

  “Thanks, Ty. I can’t promise anything.”

  “You never can with life. Gotta learn to go with the flow.”

  “Yeah, I’m working on that.”

  “See ya.” With a final kiss good-bye Ty gets in his BMW and drives away. Next weekend can’t come soon enough.

  Chapter 14:

  Mom and I went to counseling together today. I feel uninhibited when I’m talking to the counselor, so I was pretty honest. It’s nothing Mom didn’t know. The usual “I feel responsible for Dad’s death and Laura’s accident and Grandma’s broken heart.” But today for the first time after saying it out loud I realized how utterly stupid it all sounded. I mean, I always knew, to some extent, that those thoughts were irrational, but saying them out loud really pounds that point home. And it’s also kind of freeing to let it all out. The counselor says that sometimes saying things out loud lets you release the negativity from your mind.

  On the way home from counseling, we went shopping. I’m wearing one of my new purchases, a short, flowy green skirt and white eyelet tank. I pin a fake green flower in my hair to match. The lady at the makeup counter we visited talked me into new emerald eye liner. I do have to agree with her analysis. My eyes pop. A dab of light cherry lipstick completes my look.

  “Have a great time!” says Mom. “You look great.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  I pick Ty up at his house. His shaggy bangs are slicked back to the side with a little hair gel, and he’s wearing a button down shirt with khaki shorts. He looks so hot it’s hard to focus on anything else but him.

  “Hey, beautiful,” he says.

  “Hey back.”

  “Why are you smiling?”

  “Just happy.” He doesn’t say anything which is wei
rd for Ty. Usually, he’s all about my improved attitude. “You okay?” I ask.

  “Sure, why not?”

  “You’re scared.”

  “Wouldn’t you be? The last time I saw my mother she’d just been shot by my father and was stabbing him with a kitchen knife and yelling at me to get the hell out of the room. Not exactly a pleasant memory.”

  “Do you want your adopted…I mean Mr. and Mrs. Barber…I mean…” I stumble for the right words.

  “My parents, Mae. My parents are the people I live with, the people that raised me. And, no, I don’t want them to go. I don’t want this woman to recognize them and then start crawling around for money. And she might since Mom’s always in the paper for her charity work.” He laughs. “That’s kind of ironic considering her charity work is supporting some of the programs that have helped my biological mother get clean and off the street.” I don’t know what to say, so I squeeze his hand as we drive to Infusco across town, the place with the best cinnamon donuts in the world and the site of my first “date” with Ty. Patsy should be waiting for us there. That day I left my furniture at the halfway house, Margaret, the woman running the home, gave me her business card in case I found more stuff to donate. Of course, I knew I didn’t have anything else, but I’d kept the business card. When I called and talked to Patsy, she freaked out, screaming like she did that day I took her to the school and she recognized Ty. I told her she had to be calm or Ty wouldn’t stick around to talk to her. She promised she’d do her best. I thought having her take the bus and meeting us at a neutral location would be a good idea.

  We pull up to Infusco and park. Ty doesn’t move. Poor guy. As much as I’ve pitied myself for the loss I’ve had in my life, I know that I’ve always been loved, wanted, and cared for. I can’t imagine what it would be like to not know that feeling your whole life.

  “You change your mind?” I ask.

  “No, just psyching myself up.”

  “Take your time.”

  “No, let’s get this over with.” He stares at me, his blue eyes reflecting the uncertainty in his mind. “You know, I’m doing this more for her than me, I think. I’m doing great in my life.”