To Know Me (The Complete Series, Books 1-4)

by Marcy Blesy

  “Do you have something you need to say?” Matt asks.

  “No. Sorry. I didn’t mean to…bother you. Have a good night, Matt.”

  “Mae, wait.” I pass Garry, our manager, who goes out to the restaurant to count the drawer, everyone else gone for the evening.

  “What’s wrong, Matt?”

  “I haven’t been completely honest with you.” He washes his hands. The grease drains into the sink. He wipes them on his jeans, and I wait for him to continue. “I don’t have a girlfriend anymore.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry.” I touch his arm. It’s warm and strong. No wonder he’s been so sour today.

  “I haven’t had a girlfriend for six months.” I let the words sink in.

  “What? I don’t understand.”

  “I only told you I had a girlfriend because I didn’t figure you’d hang out with me if you thought I was making the moves on you. Because of Ty and all…”

  “But you don’t know that. I still would have hung out with you, Matt. You’re a cool guy. You’re one of the only friends I have here anymore, besides Sarah.”

  “No, you wouldn’t have. There’s something in that heart of yours that would have felt guilty being with me when you have a boyfriend. You do give a damn about people’s feelings, and you wouldn’t have wanted to hurt Ty. But when you thought I had a girlfriend, then nothing could be wrong, right?” He looks up at me. He reaches out and grazes my cheek with the back of his hand. It feels rough. “Mae, I have to go.”

  “Matt, I still don’t understand. Why tell me the truth now?”

  “Because I can’t lie anymore. At first it was just to hang out and flirt with you. That’s kind of my thing. Now there’s more, but you made it clear last night where your loyalty—where your heart—will always be.” I blink my eyes and shake my head trying to make full sense of what he’s saying. “You’re so damn cute. Why can’t you just be a bitch?” He grabs me by the shoulders and forces me to look up at him. “Mae, I want to be the one.” He kisses me on the cheek. “Ty’s a lucky guy.” He grabs his jacket and leaves the restaurant. I stand still, as if stuck to the floor like the grease to Matt’s hands. I should feel flattered. I don’t. I feel sad, and I’m not sure why.

  Chapter 12:

  Today is my last set of exams, English Literature 101 followed by World Religions. Only a few more hours and I am off to see Ty. He should be on the road since his last exam was at 8:00 this morning. He sent me a text when he was finished. I reread his words.

  Ty: Looking forward to break. C u soon.

  Me: Love you!

  Ty: Drive safely. So he didn’t say I love you back? No need to worry. I’m sure of it.

  As I arrive for my World Religions exam, I see Matt in the front of the class rather than the back where we usually sit together. I think about sitting in the back, but dammit, why can’t we still be friends? I march to the front of the classroom and take the seat next to him.

  “Hey!” I say.

  “Hi.”

  “Good luck on your exam.”

  “You, too, and Merry Christmas.”

  “Merry Christmas, Matt.”

  He finishes his test first. I glance up at him when he hands his exam to the professor. I try to make eye contact as he walks by, but he never looks in my direction. So be it. I didn’t do anything wrong, and it is going to be a Merry Christmas.

  Chapter 13:

  I barely get out of my car at Ty’s house when he picks me up and twirls me around.

  “About time you got here. How were the roads?”

  “Icy.”

  “Come inside. Dad started a fire. He kisses me on the lips. It’s so cold I think if we stayed like this for long our lips would stick together. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.

  Ty’s home is a virtual Christmas store. I have never seen such extensive decorating in someone’s home: Snowmen and Santas, reindeer and nativity scenes, snowflakes and trees. There are three trees in the main living room alone. One, with white lights, reaches nearly to the ceiling and shines through the main window. Another, with all blue lights, features strands of tinsel that reflect the blue lights sending off a moonlight-like glow in the room; and the third, with colored lights, is decorated with ornaments that look handmade.

  “Did you make these ornaments?” I ask Ty as I touch a clay ornament shaped like Cookie Monster.

  “I most certainly did. Pretty talented for a six-year-old.”

  “Clearly,” I say, understanding why Ty bought me the Cookie Monster pants rather than the Elmo ones. He’s the one with the obsession. “Do you know how much I love you?”

  “Show me.” He leads me upstairs, past the trees and the life-size Santa Claus that breaks into Have a Holly Jolly Christmas as we walk past it.

  “Aren’t your parents home?”

  “They just left for dinner. We were supposed to go, too, but we’ll make it up to them tomorrow.”

  “I’m starving,” I say.

  “Oh, okay then. I guess we can go meet them.” I stop to ruffle his hair. He really needs a haircut, but I love it just the way it is.

  “No, silly, I’m hungry for you.”

  I look at the clock, too early to get out of bed. I roll back on my side and remember Ty holding me close when he snuck into my room in the middle of the night. We fell asleep like that until I tickled him behind his neck to wake him after 4:00 a.m.

  “I don’t want to go,” he’d said.

  “I don’t want you to go, either, but I’m already on shaky ground with your parents. I don’t want to do anything to rock the boat this weekend.”

  “Are you sure?” he’d said, grabbing my butt and pulling me closer to him.

  “Shhh…be a good boy, and go back to bed.” I’d kissed him, with meaning and warmth, and gently pushed him to the door. He’d come back for another kiss. A final smack on his butt, and he was off. I haven’t woken up this happy in a long time. I wish we could always have nights like this. Waiting a month and a half or more between visits with Ty is so hard. I can’t even imagine what it would be like if we lived in the same town. One more semester and summer break to go. Then, if I’m lucky enough, I’ll get in to University of Michigan, too. What if I don’t, though? Will we…? I throw the pillow over my head and shake away the thoughts. No room for that kind of thinking this weekend.

  “Good morning,” says Ty. He is greeted with a kiss at the kitchen table. Mrs. Barber has prepared a spread.

  “Good morning, Mae. So nice to see you again. Homemade waffles will be ready in another minute. Help yourself to some juice and cereal while you wait. There are bananas and blueberries, too.”

  “Mrs. Barber, you are amazing. Thanks so much…for everything.” For a second we lock eyes. I know she forgives me for leaving so abruptly in November. She’s not one to hold grudges, but I still feel bad. I am ready for a drama-free weekend.

  “You are always welcome, Mae. You know that. So, what are you two going to do today?” I look at Ty for the answer.

  “We’re having lunch with Patsy. She’s invited us to see her new apartment.”

  “Wonderful. I am sure she is proud for you to see how she’s turned her life around.”

  “Mrs. Barber, was the fundraiser event as much of a success as you had hoped?”

  “Absolutely. Even better. We raised over $60000 from ticket sales and private donations. The money moves us toward our goal significantly. Now I’m working on corporate sources. We need at least another $100000 before we can break ground. It will happen, all in due time, though for some women, even tomorrow will prove too late.” She lets out a sigh as Ty gets up to give her a hug. It’s easy to see where he gets his compassion. I hope he remembers his mom’s capacity for patience, too.

  I tighten the sash on my jacket as winter has arrived in full force. A light layer of snow covers the ground as only one week separates us from Christmas. Though I have to return home tomorrow, Ty is coming to Andersonville on Thursday afternoon to spend Christmas with us. I ha
te having to share him with his family, but I know that is what must be done. Maybe someday we’ll never have to spend a day apart. It can’t hurt to dream. We drive across town to Patsy’s new apartment. Ty takes my hand and leads me up the building’s rickety steps. It’s not that the building is completely run-down, but from the outside, the wear-and-tear of years of weather pounding at the exterior screams a strong need of a good can of paint. The structure looks sound. No broken windows or trash lying about. The biggest perk? The apartment building is located in a nice part of town. Yes, it’s near a lot of restaurants and stores, but there is nothing seedy going on anywhere nearby, at least not out in the open. I knock on the door. Patsy peeks out from behind the curtains. I guess it’s hard to break old habits. No untoward drug dealer comes to collect a late payment or a jilted lover to seek revenge, just her biological son and his girlfriend.

  “Hi. Thanks…thanks for coming. Please.” She gestures for us to enter. The apartment is tiny, but it’s neat and homey. Her new couch sits against one wall. A coffee table with a decorative bowl sits in front of the couch. A small flat screen television is mounted to the opposite wall. She sees my eyeing it and is quick with explanation.

  “Black Friday sale. I got a really good deal on it with my first couple of paychecks.”

  “That’s great, Patsy. You deserve a treat,” says Ty.

  “Please have a seat.” She goes into the galley kitchen and comes back with two glasses and a pitcher of lemonade. “Care for a drink?”

  “Sounds great.” Although I’m thinking hot chocolate would be more appropriate for a day like today, I don’t say so. She’s trying so hard to be the proper host.

  “How is school?” The question isn’t directed at either one of us specifically.

  “School is great,” says Ty. “I am taking a lot of general classes right now since I’m a freshman. Next semester I’ll get to take my first social work class which will be exciting.” She nods her head.

  “And I finished exams yesterday. I’m planning on attending University of Michigan next fall with Ty.” I look at Ty expecting a smile. I don’t get it. That’s not like him.

  “So the two of you will move in together at the university in the fall?” asks Patsy.

  “Well, we haven’t really thought that far ahead,” says Ty. “Mae might finish out at Andersonville first and gets her associate’s degree before she transfers.” I can’t believe what I am hearing.

  “Some of us have thought a lot about this matter.” I cross my arms over my chest. I know it’s a toddler move, but I cannot believe Ty hasn’t given our future at U of M any thought. And since when did he think I should graduate at Andersonville first?

  “I’m sure the two of you will figure it out.” Patsy is clearly sensing the tension as she pours more lemonade.” Her hand is shaky. She wipes sweat from her forehead.

  “What’s wrong, Patsy?” I ask.

  “Nothing. I’m good.” Ty shoots me a look. I’m still mad, but I understand what he’s saying. Patsy has the shakes. That most likely means she’s showing withdrawal symptoms from something. The thing is, though, she’s not supposed to have been on anything at all anymore.

  “Patsy, tell us more about your job.” I put my hand over hers to steady it. She looks up. She knows that we know.

  “It’s fine. I clean houses. The woman I work for is kind of tough. It’s not glamorous work, but it pays the bills.”

  “And what about your friends?” Ty asks the question with irritation. I don’t know if he’s mad at me or Patsy or a combination of the two, but I am not used to this side of Ty.

  “I don’t have many friends.” She looks away from Ty.

  “It seems you must.”

  “What are you implying, Tyson?”

  “Don’t call me that. You don’t have the right to call me that anymore.”

  “Ty!” I say.

  “No, it’s okay, Mae. He’s right. I don’t have the right anymore.”

  “Oh, stop it,” says Ty. “I am so sick of everyone I love playing the pity card. Have some self-respect. Be proud of yourself. Stand on your own feet.” I don’t know if Ty’s words are directed at me or Patsy. All I know is that I want to get the hell out here. I want to get the hell away from Ty.

  “Patsy, I think we’ve overstayed our welcome. Your apartment is lovely. The lemonade was delicious. We’ll be in touch.” I give her a quick hug, put on my jacket, and walk out the door. I don’t wait for Ty to follow, but I know he does.

  We ride silently for at least ten minutes, driving nowhere in particular, at least it seems that way. I’m not running away, not this time. I want to talk this out. Well, I don’t want to, but I deserve answers. Anyway, if I leave they’ll label me a runaway again, and I’m sick of that label. I pull out my phone. I may want to talk, but I’ll be damned if I’ll be the first one to start talking. Sarah has sent me a selfie of her and Tim followed by a group shot of her, Tim, and Timothy. Now that has to be an interesting story. I’ve got to give it to the girl, though. She’s having fun, and why not? She should. Why can’t I have fun? Are you no longer allowed to have fun after a family disaster? Are you scarred from ever having carefree fun? What if I said to hell with it all and flitted from guy to guy doing whatever makes me happy? I have fun with Matt. He wants to be with me. He likes going to the same college as me. But I love Ty. Shouldn’t that make things easier? I scroll through my old messages.

  Matt: See you at the restaurant. Got you a hairnet.

  Me: A what?!

  Matt: You’ll get more tips with it on. Trust me.

  Me: You’re crazy.

  Matt: Crazy for you.

  Me: Enough, you goof. Give it to your girlfriend. C u.

  Matt: K.

  That was before I knew he’d invented his girlfriend. I liked the flirting, but I thought it was innocent. Now I feel guilty for liking it and wonder if Ty would be mad. Maybe it wouldn’t even matter. He doesn’t care if I go to school with him or not.

  Ty pulls into Infusco’s parking lot. It was the site of one of our first dates not so long ago, actually. When Ty had come back to our table with cinnamon sugar donuts like my dad used to buy me, I knew he was someone special. He stops the car and turns to look at me.

  “We need to talk. You’re not running out on me again.”

  “I know that, Ty.”

  “You have to promise me that no matter what happens in there,” he points to the restaurant, “that you won’t bolt. Not again.”

  “Really, Ty? Is that what you think I’d do. Really?” He looks at me skeptically. I am so mad I want to bolt. I know he’s right. That’s what I do, but don’t I have a right? He hasn’t walked in my shoes. No one has. No one has any right to think less of me ever unless they’ve lived the same set of life circumstances as me. I open the handle on the car door and walk to the restaurant.

  Once inside, we sit in a booth at the back, not that it matters anyway. It’s a coffee shop, and not many people frequent a coffee shop in Woodson in the middle of the afternoon. I order a caramel coffee.

  “That’s a new order,” says Ty. “Sounds good.”

  “It is my new favorite.” I think about Matt and his offerings of coffee shots. I seem to have a problem with being angry in a coffee shop.

  “Let me explain.” Ty grabs my hand across the table. I yank it back. “Fine. Anyway, I’m sorry I said what I said about the whole pity card thing. I’m just really angry at Patsy for going back to drugs, you know?” I nod in agreement. “You have a right to feel the way you feel, Mae, about whatever. It’s not the same with you as it is with Patsy. I’m sorry I kind of lumped that all together, but…” I raise my eyebrows, waiting. “You do tend to get a bit melodramatic with your feelings. I’m sorry, but sometimes that’s hard to take. I just want things to be fun and light-hearted like they used to be before—”

  “Before I told you everything about my life and let all my emotions out?” I say.

  “That’s not what I meant.”<
br />
  “Sure it is. Everything was easy when I kept ‘Macy’ out of the picture. You didn’t know the real me then. You fell for the wrong me, the fake me.”

  “No, I didn’t. You’re both sassy, strong Macy and loving, sensitive Mae. I love them both. I love you.”

  “Is that all?” I glare at him because he hasn’t even mentioned an apology about not wanting me at the University of Michigan next year.

  “I’m really sorry, Mae. I love you. Let’s enjoy the rest of the weekend together. Christmas is next week. We have a lot to look forward to.”

  “Do we?” I say.

  “What’s that mean?”

  “It means you told Patsy you wanted me to get my associate’s degree at Andersonville before I transfer to U of M.” Ty lets out a sigh. My gaze shoots arrows straight to his heart, at least that’s what I’m hoping as I lock eyes with him.

  “Don’t you think that’s best, Mae? Most people finish two years, not one, at a community college before they transfer schools. What if you have credits that won’t transfer after only one year? Plus, I’m sure your mom likes having you home again. Doesn’t she deserve that time?”

  “But, Ty, I thought you’d want me with you as soon as my grades can prove I’m smart enough to get into U of M.”

  “It has nothing to do with you being smart enough. You are very smart, Mae. They’re really picky, though, and you don’t even have a high school diploma.” I can feel my face getting hot.

  “I have my GED!”

  “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just—do your thing at Andersonville. Then see what happens.”

  “See what happens? Are you serious? Do you not see a future with me, Ty?”