To Know Me (The Complete Series, Books 1-4)

by Marcy Blesy

  “You don’t have any tables right now?’ asks Leo as he snags a chip from my plate. It’s no open-faced roast beef, but it will serve its purpose.

  “Just you. All my other tables left at the same time. That hardly ever happens. Anyway, I promised to stay and close tonight since Matt changed his mind about working, I guess, so Garry couldn’t stay mad.”

  “Do you think he’s sick?” asks Leo.

  “Hell, no. He doesn’t want to see me,” I say.

  “Mae, you have to go over there and talk to him when you get through tonight.”

  “I’ve said what I need to say. He has to choose between Kelcy and me. He won’t, so I’ve made the choice easier for him.”

  “Do you really think it’s easy for him?”

  “It might not be easy, but love’s not supposed to be easy. It’s work. He’s just not willing to work here or with me.” Leo shakes his head at me in disagreement. This break is over. I swig the last of my Coke, and stand up.

  “Mae, sit down, for goodness sakes. You’re so impetuous.”

  “Don’t go using your fancy language on me, Leo. I am not being impetuous. I am just tired of working so hard for love. I want someone to work hard for me.”

  “Matt is working hard. He loves you, and you know it.”

  “If he loved me, I wouldn’t have to share him with another girl, no matter what. Plus, Kelcy’s getting better. Then what? No, Leo. I am not being impetuous. I’m being preemptive and ending this before he has a chance to stomp on my heart when he realizes he can be with Kelcy again.” Leo doesn’t speak. I don’t know if it’s because he doesn’t want to provoke a fight or because he agrees with me now. No matter. This break is over.

  When I wake up, I pull my pillow over my head in an attempt to suffocate the realization that I am truly alone, for the first time in a long time. If I stay in bed, maybe I can stay here forever, and in my dreams all will be right with the world. The doorbell rings, wrecking my plans for a silent day of self-pity.

  “Macy?” I hear Mom’s voice calling outside my window. Ugh. Mom will want an explanation.

  “Go away, Mom,” I say to myself. She rings the door again and pounds on it for emphasis. I throw off my comforter and stumble to the front door.

  “My heavens, what happened to you, Macy?” I look down. I’m wearing one of Matt’s old high school t-shirts which has suffered from years of non-stain removal, but it’s always been my favorite because it has soaked up every ounce of Matt that I love, a mixture of his cologne and deodorant and sweat. When I’d put it on last night, the tears had started falling in a chaotic, turn my world upside down kind of way. I miss Matt more than I ever knew possible. Sure, when Dad and Laura and Grandma died, the pain was unimaginable, but there’s a tiny part of me that wonders if it’s harder to lose someone who is still living and know that they will never be in your life again. I know that’s a crazy thought, but that’s how badly it hurts right now.

  “It’s just an old t-shirt, Mom,” I say.

  “It’s not the t-shirt, Macy. Did you not wash off your makeup last night? Or shower? When was the last time you washed your hair? Are you hung over?”

  “Just go, Mom.”

  “I will not go, young lady.”

  “I’m sorry. What do you want? I’m not feeling well.”

  “Because you’re hung over?” Will she not stop?

  “Mom!”

  “You can’t blame me for asking. You look like a mess.”

  “Why are you here?”

  “I was worried about you. I’ve been trying to get ahold of you since Greg and I got back from wine tasting, and you’ve not been answering your phone. Forgive a mother for caring about her daughter.” She turns to go, and I remember the hell I’ve already put her through when I ran away. My not-giving-a-crap what my mom thinks quota was used up a long time ago.

  “Mom, wait, I’m sorry. Come in.”

  After Mom and I talked for a couple of hours, I take a shower in an attempt to restart my day in a more presentable manner. She wants me to come over later and help her address the invitations. The wedding is only three weeks away, and although it’s going to be small, there is still plenty to do. As maid of honor there are certain responsibilities I can’t ignore, especially when I’m also the daughter of the bride. I wish I could say there was a new sense of clarity after talking with Mom, but there’s nothing more she could add that would change my decision to end things with Matt before he could end them with me.

  Chapter 7:

  Mom and Greg have been great. Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without them this last week. It’s pretty pathetic when your mom and her fiancé have become your sole social life at the ripe old age of twenty. Between work and wedding preparations I’ve been trying to stay busy, but I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t miss Matt like crazy. He stopped working at the restaurant. I knew it was coming with his leaving for the U of I soon, but when I showed up for work every night this week expecting to see him flipping burgers in the kitchen and he wasn’t there, it sucked. He texts a couple of times a day. Stuff like: Mae, I miss you. or Mae, I love you. But when he’d added, Mae, you’re being a stubborn fool, I just shut down my phone. He’s being the stubborn fool. Not me.

  I’m not expecting company this morning when my doorbell rings. Maybe it’s Mom dropping off the tulle for the bows she wants me to make for the church pews. I’d told her that was so 90’s, but she didn’t care. No sense trying to bring her style into the 21st century when she’s marrying Greg, the most boring and predictable polo shirt wearing kind of guy ever. Yes, they are perfect for each other.

  I pull the band tighter on my ponytail and throw on a clean t-shirt over my tank top. Just in case it is Mom, I don’t want her thinking I’m hung over again. Geesh. I glance in the mirror to approve my shorts and t-shirt ensemble, add a fresh coat of lip gloss and peek out the front window. It’s not mom.

  “Hi, Ty,” I say as I open the door slowly, trying to process his presence at my front door.

  “Hi, Mae. Sorry to visit without calling, but I wasn’t sure you’d let me come over if I asked.” I don’t say anything. He runs his hand through his hair, the wispy blonde bangs a tad bit longer. He clenches his fists and takes a deep breath. The muscles in his arms relax but not before I can tell he’s spent a lot of time at rehab working out. “Can we go for a walk or something, Mae? I need to talk to you.”

  “Did you finish your rehab already?”

  “No, but I have day privileges now. So, can we take that walk?”

  “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” I ask.

  “I won’t try anything funny. I promise. It’s not like that now. Well, you have no reason to believe me. I get that, but there are some things I want to tell you that I didn’t want to say over the phone. Plus, you probably wouldn’t have even answered.” He gives me a crooked smile that makes me smile back. “I’ll leave the minute you tell me to.”

  “Let me get my shoes. I’ll be right out.” I close the door, leaving Ty on the front porch of my apartment. I can’t believe I am about to go anywhere alone with Ty. Sure it’s only a walk, but a couple of months ago he busted down my door in a fit of rage over my relationship with Matt. Matt. Just the thought of his name in my head hurts.

  We start walking away from my apartment and toward the park that Matt and I rollerbladed through when we were newly dating. I wish so badly that things could be different.

  “You seem like you’re in a hurry, Mae,” says Ty. “I thought I asked you for a walk, not a run.”

  “Ha, sorry.”

  “Yeah, we’ve been on a few of those together, haven’t we?” he asks.

  “Ty, just tell me why you’re here. I’m not interested in rehashing the past.”

  “Even the good stuff?” Ty asks.

  “Especially the good stuff.” We enter the park and pass the playground where I’d sought relief from my rollerblade blister I got the first time Matt and I were here together.


  “Okay, fair enough,” he says. “I wanted to tell you in person that Patsy died a couple days ago.” I stop walking and almost fall over a child skimming past on his skateboard.

  “What?”

  “Yeah, you can fill in the details, I’m sure. The police found her in a stolen car down by the lake, stooped over the steering wheel. There were no signs of foul play other than the fact that she was in a stolen car. The early toxicology reports showed high levels of alcohol and heroine. The autopsy results are due in another week or so, but it doesn’t really matter to me.”

  “Ty, I’m really sorry.”

  “Me, too. Rehab has given me a lot of time to think about my past and how my biological parents’ choices impacted my life and how I let those choices be my excuse the last six months. No one made me start drinking, not Patsy or the fact that she killed my abusive father, or even the Barber’s and their desire to keep up appearances. I made my own decisions. I have to live with the consequences.”

  “You’re not the only imperfect person. We all have to live with the consequences of our decisions, Ty.” We round the end of the lake and start the walk back toward my apartment. A few drops of rain fall from the sky, and the wind whips by making me shiver.

  “Maybe I should have checked the forecast. Sorry,” says Ty.

  “It’s fine. We’ll be back in twenty minutes.” Ty points to a large black cloud in the sky that seems to park itself over the lake we are walking around. Just then a crack of lightning flashes through the sky. Ty grabs my hand and pulls me toward the gazebo that sits a few feet from the lake. The cloud above opens up. Pouring rain pelts our faces as we sprint toward the gazebo.

  “Are you okay?” asks Ty.

  “Terrific. Never better.”

  “Great,” says Ty. “But you look a little…ridiculous.” He points to my hair. I touch the top of my head which reveals that most of my ponytail has come loose. Strands of hair are plastered all over my head. I imagine my mascara runs down my face, too. “And by ridiculous, I mean adorable.” He takes a loose strand and tucks it behind my shoulder. I shudder, but I’m not sure it’s due to the fact that it’s freezing. I look up at Ty, and he is staring at me. “Do you remember when I asked you to prom in the courtyard at school in the rain?” He moves another strand of hair.

  “Ty, don’t,” I say.

  “I wish we were reliving that moment instead of this one.” He touches my cheek.

  “Ty, please. It’s too late.”

  “I know, and it’s all my fault.” He bends toward me and brushes my lips with his, barely even meeting mine. I close my eyes for a second, and when I open them I am disappointed that Ty is standing in front of me. For in that split second, it was Matt I was kissing back in my mind.

  “The rain is letting up,” I say. I walk away from the gazebo without waiting for Ty.

  “Mae, wait!” He reaches for my arm, but I shrug it off. “Mae, stop. You felt it, too. Don’t deny it. We have real chemistry. You know it as much as me.” I turn around so fast he almost runs into me. The rain is still drizzling and the cool breeze flows through my clothes making me shiver.

  “Ty, what we had was special, but it didn’t last.”

  “I know—because of me, but I’ve changed. Let me prove it to you, Mae.”

  “What about Carmen?”

  “Carmen’s my friend, nothing more.”

  “Try telling her that.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” I can’t believe the blindness in this guy.

  “Look, I’m really sorry about Patsy. Truly, I am. She couldn’t conquer her demons, and that sucks. I’m proud of you for trying to overcome yours, but I can’t play a role in your recovery. I won’t. Good luck, Ty.”

  “I love you, Mae. I always will.” This time when he goes in for a kiss, I turn my head. He lets me go, and I walk away. It’s only then that I see Leo standing in the parking lot with what looks like a baby carrier with a zipped canopy. He must be taking the cats for their daily walk. He shakes his head in disappointment. I don’t even feel like explaining because I didn’t do anything wrong. The world and all it expects from me right now can go to hell.

  Garry says I might make Employee of the Month if I keep up the hard work I’ve proven the last week. I have nothing else to occupy my time with before classes start, so I’ve thrown myself into my job. It’s not all bad, especially the tips. It’s amazing that the nicer you are to customers, the bigger the tips. And I always thought that was an old wives’ tale created to force minimum wage workers to work harder. Who knew? My phone rings as I’m locking up for the night.

  “You need me to stay with you while you take that call?” asks Garry as I check the number of the person calling.

  “No, Garry. You go ahead. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

  “Thanks, Mae. Have a good night.” He gets into his green convertible and puts the top down. The restaurant business is good for the boss. I don’t recognize the number but decide to answer it anyway. Who calls this late unless it’s important?” I lean against the back of my car and slide the screen to answer.

  “Hello?” I say.

  “Mae?”

  “Yes, this Mae.” Everyone from Andersonville still calls me Macy, so it must be someone new I’ve met.

  “This is Lanie.”

  “Matt’s sister?” I ask, confused.

  “Did I wake you?”

  “No, I was just leaving work. What’s the matter, Lanie?”

  “Nothing. I just, well, I was hoping you’d come visit.”

  “In Iowa?”

  “Of course, silly. Where else?”

  “Lanie, I don’t know if Matt told you or not, but we broke up.” Saying the words aloud burns a new hole in my heart.

  “That’s kind of why I’m calling. Mattie’s miserable without you, and he said that all he wants for his birthday is for you to come to his party.”

  “He said that?” A butterfly lands on my side mirror. A sign of hope?

  “Sure, he did, will you come? But don’t say anything because he doesn’t know the details of his party or anything like that.”

  “Lanie, is…is Kelcy going to be there?” I whisper her name because somehow it hurts less.

  “Of course not. I’ve gotta go. I’ll text you the details, but the party is Saturday night. Wear something pretty. See you soon.” She hangs up the phone before I can ask any more questions like, Am I being played by a fifteen-year-old girl?

  “Of course, I think you should go,” says Mom. She hands me another white ribbon to tie on a champagne glass. It’s the 20th I’ve tied in the last fifteen minutes, another 90s trend that defies reason. “You’ve not exactly been a joy to be around the last two weeks—no offense—and Matt’s leaving for school next week. You need to go to this party and make things right before he goes.”

  “But what if Lanie’s just messing with me and Matt hasn’t missed me? And what if Kelcy’s there? Then what?”

  “I can’t answer any of those questions, but I know that you and Matt are not finished forever, and you need to see him before he leaves.”

  “But your wedding’s next week, Mom. Don’t you need my help?”

  “Only if you don’t tie faster.” She hands me another champagne glass. For a simple wedding, this is turning out to be pretty complicated.

  I check my phone for the hundredth time, trying to talk myself into changing my mind about going to Matt’s birthday party in Iowa. Lanie has texted me all of the details: the name of the country club, the time, the attire (semi-formal). How any of this is going to be a surprise for Matt is beyond me because the boy will not do semi-formal without a fight, and certainly not without knowing that something’s up. My phone lights up while I’m going over Lanie’s instructions again.

  Leo: We need to talk.

  Me: I’m listening. What’s wrong?

  Leo: Meet me at the park.

  Me: Walking the boss’s cat again?

  Leo: Don’t judge.

&nbs
p; Me: I have to go soon, but I’ll be there in ten minutes.

  When I walk to the park, Leo is already waiting. The cats are not in the boss’s carrier or anywhere near his car. “You lied,” I say.

  “I’m the liar?”

  “Geesh, Leo. I was totally joking.” I point to the car. “I mean that you lied about the cats being walked. They’re not here.”

  He laughs nervously. “Yeah, I guess I did. Sorry.”

  “What do you need? I am actually heading to a surprise birthday party for Matt in Iowa, believe it or not, and need to get going soon.” Leo’s eyes nearly bulge out of his sockets.

  “Really?”

  “I’m surprised, too. It doesn’t make any sense to me, either.”

  “Because you’re cheating on him with your ex-boyfriend, you mean?”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “I saw you, Mae.”

  “Saw me, what, Leo?” I throw my arms across my chest in an involuntary response of anger.

  “Last week in the park, when it started to rain. I was walking the cats then.” I know what he’s talking about, but he has everything wrong. Ty kissed me. I didn’t kiss him. In my mind I was kissing Matt. If anything, that kiss was confirmation that I belong with Matt. That’s so much clearer to me now that I’m being accused of cheating on the man that I’m no longer even with.

  “You don’t know what you saw, Leo.”

  “You don’t owe me an explanation.” His voice softens. “I just…I just…Matt is my friend. I came here to yell at you because I saw you and Ty in the park, but the truth is I believe you, and even if I didn’t, I’d understand since Matt’s back in Iowa with Kelcy, and—”

  “What do you mean Matt’s back with Kelcy?”

  “Nothing. I just assumed that since he’s been going back to Iowa almost every weekend that it was because she was better. I know she’s living at home now and all.”

  “Did he tell you that?”

  “That she’s living at home?”

  “NO. Did he tell you that they’re back together?”