If You Love Me

by Reese Gabriel

  “If you don’t want me to piss on you, I will leave you alone. I won’t talk to you for the entire three days.”

  “Goddess, wait, I can’t bear that.”

  “Then beg for my piss.”

  “Please, Goddess, piss on me.”

  Catia felt the tinkling in the dark, a few seconds later. Warm liquid on her body. Nadia’s golden rain.

  “What do you say, slave?”

  “Thank you,” she croaked. “For peeing on me.”

  “Are you playing with yourself?”

  “Yes,” she groaned.

  “I want to hear you come, like an animal. Loud.”

  Catia grunted, performing as ordered. Her body shuddered as she released herself in the cloying dark.

  “Very good, slut, I think we are going to have a wonderful time together, don’t you agree?”

  “Yes, Goddess.” Catia’s mind was drifting. She had no sensory input but that of her hand and the disembodied voice, the feel of her own sweat, the caking dirt on her skin. Her mind had nothing to connect to. She barely knew Nadia. She needed something familiar.

  She was too ashamed of herself to think of her mother. How harsh she had been with Julyana, and now look at what she herself had become, the depths she’d sunk to. She was so very alone...who could fill this void?

  Not Sergei, he would use her, he would mold and teach her, but Sergei’s pet was Nadia, he would never love her. Not like Ulexi. Yes, Ulexi was her man and she loved him still. Now more than ever. He hadn’t put her here; he had been powerless to stop it.

  One day he would come and rescue her.

  That was the thought she needed to hold onto.

  Not anything Sergei had told her. She was more than nothing, this place would not reduce her, she was something, to him, he cared for her, and they had played together and laughed.

  If you love me, Ulexi had told her, you will do these things. One thing after another, whatever his mind came up with.

  Yes, Ulexi. I love you. I am here, come and find me.

  What I do, the fact that I live in this hole and breath and survive, I do to prove myself to you. When you find me you will know I am yours. Only yours.

  “What are you muttering about?” demanded Nadia.

  “Nothing, Goddess...I am feeling confused.”

  Nadia laughed. “You had best center yourself on me. I am the center of your universe.”

  “Yes, Goddess.”

  It was a lie. Nadia was the nothing, Sergei was nothing; this entire place meant nothing.

  I am here, she called to him again. Come and get your Catia.

  Chapter Eight

  From the moment Catia got out of the Hole, she was a different woman. Cooperative, completely obedient to Nadia and everyone else, but at the same time deeply strong. It was like she had been broken and healed up with iron where there had been bones.

  Or perhaps it was merely that she had nothing left to lose. Nothing but her dream of Ulexi and this could no more be taken from her than a ghost could be knocked in its head and dislodged with a steel shovel.

  Sex and sweat and concentration, this was Catia’s essence. And the results were quickly noticed. Focused, intense, a dream of pleasure to anyone who had her. Even Nadia found herself intimidated. She tried to keep Catia under wraps, making her submit and grovel at her feet, but there was no denying Catia’s blossoming into a creature of exquisite desire.

  Sergei kept her in the back rooms at first, as a cigarette girl, meaning she could be had for the price of a few cigarettes, her body chained spread eagle to a thin mattress on the floor. For twelve hours at a time she was chained. Other girls were in charge of cleaning her body, wiping away the come that leaked from her sex or wherever else her users chose to deposit themselves.

  Once every so often she was allowed to use the toilet, little more than a bucket on the floor. The way she writhed, the way she climaxed for the men won her attentions. She had lines while her roommates went unused.

  Sergei and Nadia were right; the mattress was a tremendous luxury in comparison to the horrors of the Hole. Just to be able to lie on her back, to stretch her toes, even if her ankles were chained. And she could wiggle her fingers, too, and she could open her eyes and see, a whole glorious universe. A wonderful ceiling, white and interesting, with its cracks and its blessed strains, reminding her she was alive, that there was a universe to engage.

  And there were the faces of the men. Old, young, ugly, handsome, cruel, kind.

  Every one of them she transformed into Ulexi. Every body was his, every cock, and with every thrust inside her, she imagined him and wondered where he was.

  She willed him to fight like she was. To survive and triumph. So he could rescue her and begin their life together.

  One day Nadia came to her, angry. “I don’t know what game you are playing, but you won’t fool me.”

  “I do not understand, Goddess.” Catia answered from her usual position, face up, arms and legs as wide apart as could be managed.

  “You understand perfectly well.” Nadia sat beside her. She was wearing a short Japanese silk robe. Her nipples peaked under the thin material, white and yellow and gray in the patterns of clouds and birds flying over mountains.

  “Yes, Goddess.”

  “Don’t you ‘Yes, Goddess’ me, insolent cunt.’ Nadia held a pin, small and sharp. She pressed the point to the side of Catia’s nipple. “You think I won’t skewer you, right now?”

  “Goddess, I do not doubt you.”

  “Yes, you do.” Nadia pierced her. “Scream and I will whip you until you bleed.”

  Catia endured the pain. When the needle was half way through, she stopped. “You look ever so much prettier like that.”

  Catia swallowed the pain, reabsorbing it deep into her blood stream.

  “I don’t think I have your attention.” Nadia took a second needle, punching a tiny identical hole in her second nipple.

  “You...have it...now...Goddess.”

  Nadia looked at the gritted teeth of her victim. “It seems I do. Should I keep your attention by leaving you like this, letting your customers have a go at you? Or should we play another game? Say with lit cigarettes?”

  “What...do you want?”

  “Nothing you can give me, except unending pain. And that won’t happen if Sergei gets rid of you. Or promotes you out of my reach.”

  “I will always...submit, Goddess.”

  “You say that now.” She flicked her clitoris. “But that would change, if fate reversed our positions. Do you know where I was born, Catyisha?”

  Catia shook her head no.

  “I was the daughter of a factory director. He drank too much, on account of the stress. One day he came in five minutes late. As punishment, I was sold into child slavery, in Siberia. When I came of age and showed potential as a whore, they brought me back here. Sergei paid the equivalent of six hundred American dollars for me. He always jokes about how many times he’s made his money back. Sergei used to work in my father’s factory. Now he is a prominent pimp, while my father is long dead. Three days after I was taken from him, his only child, just nine, he shot himself dead. So don’t think you know pain. I have one thing to sustain me—the fact that I have bitches like you to take my aggression out on.”

  Catia lifted her hips. “Punish my cunt,” she hissed. “Punish it, Goddess.”

  Nadia slapped Catia between her legs.

  “Nnnhh...”

  She did it again. “Come for me,” said Nadia. “Come from the pain.”

  Catia took the stimulation, panting and groaning, clenching her pussy, thrusting upward to take as much as she could manage. Nadia squeezed one nipple. Catia screamed, blood curdling. Her body stiffened, electricity running through her veins. She thrashed, pulling at her bonds, she was ready to lift up the entire mattress.

  “Not bad,” said Sergei when it was over.

  “Master,” said Nadia.

  Sergei had been standing in the doorway, watchin
g.

  “You use her well, or is Catyisha using you?”

  Nadia went to him. “I only hurt for you.”

  “I bet you do.” He accepted her embrace, letting her rub her body like an alley cat.

  He grabbed her ass, squeezing through the silk. “You better not get too big for your britches.”

  Nadia undid her robe slipping it off her shoulders. She rubbed her naked breasts, invitingly. “Take me, Master.”

  Sergei reached for the sash to her robe. He twisted her arm painfully, positioning her wrists behind her back. He knotted the belt, imprisoning her arms. Throwing her forward, he laid her across Catia’s belly.

  Nadia spread herself in anticipation for invasion, hot and open.

  She moaned, stomach to stomach with her great adversary as Sergei plunged himself home, claiming her cunt, his cock pushing all the way to the hilt. “Manipulative cunt,” he hissed at her. “You little cruel, game playing demoness. Tell me why I love you so?”

  “I...do not know, Master.”

  “Because we are alike,” he pounded at her.

  Catia cried out from the pain in her nipples, still she ground her crotch, trying to get off again.

  “You and I will grow old together, fucking and tormenting poor little Catyisha.”

  “Yes, Master...I love you, Master.”

  Catia wondered if it could be true, if Nadia even knew the meaning of the word love, a girl like her, with no heat, nothing to live for, by her own admission, but vengeance. She had no Ulexi, no real hope.

  “And I love sex and hurt...and money. Catyisha is a money maker, don’t you agree, Nadia?”

  She moaned, loathe to make the admission. “You know best, Master.”

  “I do know and I am going to make a fortune. Catyisha is moving to the front rooms. She will dance and flirt with customers. She’s going to give you a run for your money don’t you think?”

  “But I am first, Master, me, always first.”

  He laughed. “I said we’d grow old together, I never promised you what kind of life. For the rest of the month you and Catyisha are in competition. If she wins and collects more profit for me, you go back in the Hole.”

  “What if I win?”

  “Then Catyisha will be sold.”

  “Oh, Master, thank you. You won’t be sorry you got rid of her.”

  “You haven’t won yet,” he laughed.

  “I will, Master. I will, I will.”

  Sergei ejaculated deep in her. “That’s my, girl, my favorite come hole.”

  “Your hole,” she sighed. “The only hole you need, Master.”

  Sergei withdrew. “Prepare Catyisha, tonight she will dance.”

  “Yes, Master.”

  Nadia waited until he was gone. “I will do as Master says,” she glared. “I will prepare you. But when it’s time, you will be beaten by me, do you understand?”

  “Yes, Goddess Nadia.” Catia’s mind was turning. “Just out of curiosity, where would he sell me, if I lose?”

  “When you lose, you mean. He will sell you to some pig of a pimp who uses girls on the street, like meat.”

  “On the street.” Ulexi might be on the street one night. He might see her there. Far easier than he would find her in this place.

  Catia made up her mind. Tonight, she would lose. She would do her best to turn off the interest of the men. No matter how angry it might make Sergei.

  ***

  Catia’s plan did not succeed. She was too visually alluring, the skimpy rags on her body, far too inviting of the male touch. Everything about her screamed prey.

  When she tried to show contempt with her eyes, it only invited them all the more. Every one of them wanted her. Their eyes glued to her undulating flesh up on the cheaply lit stage. Nadia seethed watching her and with every glare, she promised revenge on Catia.

  But Catia could not help it. She felt the heat herself and the desire. She wanted to be wooden, to be a creature of ice so that Sergei would get rid of her; instead she was a pillar of fire.

  Hands grabbed at her ankles. She removed the skimpy skirt and the sequined top, revealing her naked breasts and her sex barely covered by a g-string.

  Something of a bidding war had begun. Sergei took the stage. He grabbed Catia by the back of her hair, bowing her back. “Surely you would pay more for the young beauty? Her debut night,” he lied. “Only yesterday she was home on the farm.”

  “Sergei must think we were all born yesterday as well,” called out a voice. The laughter boomed.

  “I take poetic license,” Sergei declared. “But tell me, can you not imagine as well as I? She is as close to a virgin as you’ll find in this locale.”

  “You tell ‘em, Sergei!”

  “Sergei, the Magnificent.”

  “A hundred voldars,” cried a man, optimistically.

  “A hundred voldars?” Sergei scoffs at the national currency. “Make it a million voldars, at least I can wall paper my room.”

  “Ten pounds,” called another man with a Polish accent.

  “Ten pounds, not bad.” Sergei pawed Catia’s bosom to the delight of the crowd. “What ten do you want? All together, the little dish is one ten, though, if she is an ounce.”

  “That’s ten pounds, British sterling,” the man clarified.

  “How much for just the cunt, Sergei?” joked a man, very drunk.

  “It’s a package deal. Not that you’d find your way in after all that vodka.”

  “How about one thousand dollars. American.”

  The room fell silent.

  “Who said that?” demanded Sergei.

  The man stepped forward. He wore a leather jacket, in the style of an air force pilot. His pants were khaki. His shirt was gray. He had dark, slick hair, a mustache. Silver at the temples, perhaps fifty, though he could pass for younger.

  “Italiano,” Sergei identified him.

  The man bowed. “Very good.”

  “I trust you have the money on you?”

  “Don’t you want to see if there is a higher bid?”

  “With this lot? Not bloody likely. Show me the greenbacks, and the little lady is yours. For the night, the week.”

  “A night will do for now.” He removed a billfold from an inner pocket. Catia saw the pistol, black, semi automatic. It hung from a shoulder holster.

  The Italian counted out the money, ten one hundred dollar bills, crisp and new. “I will need to take her to my hotel room.”

  Sergei took the money. “No offense, Sir. But I can’t let you take my merchandise off premises.”

  “How about a deposit in her place?” The man took out more of the hundred dollar bills. Many more.

  Sergei counted dumbfounded.

  “Is that sufficient?”

  “Sufficient? I may hope you never bring her back now.”

  “We will return at dawn. You have some clothing for her?”

  “Nadia,” said Sergei. “Tend to it.”

  Nadia let Catia to the dressing room.

  “Whore.” She slapped Catia as soon as the door was closed. “How dare you embarrass me like that?”

  Catia held her cheek, stinging and hot. “What did I do?”

  “You outshined me, like I was a dull creature made of mud. No one will ever forget this night. I will live in your shadow the rest of my life.”

  “Goddess, I didn’t ask—“

  Nadia knocked her to the floor. Catia tasted blood at the corner of her mouth. “Shut up, you hear me? I don’t want to hear another word. And I hope I never see you again. If you come back, I will make you pay, so you will wish you were never born.”

  Catia pressed her lips to Nadia’s shoe. “I owe you my life.”

  “For what?”

  “In the Hole. I would have died without your voice. I would have gone crazy.”

  “Should have told me, I would never have said a word.”

  “You wanted to save me, didn’t you? You didn’t want me to die.”

  “I don’t
know what you’re talking about. Get up,” she kicked at her. “Your new lover is waiting.”

  Nadia put her in a green dress, pretty, gathered tight at the waist with a flaring hem in the latest style. She combed out her hair, leaving it loose over her shoulders.

  The feeling in Catia grew. Nadia did not truly wish her ill, she cared for her. Maybe even more...

  “I hope he makes you suffer, Catia.”

  Catia smiled, sadly. She touched Nadia’s cheek. “I will think of you.”

  Nadia recoiled, fear in her eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Your secret is safe with me,” she promised.

  “I don’t have secrets from you, crazy bitch.”

  Catia kissed her cheek. Nadia shrieked.

  It was true, then. Nadia was in love with her.

  “If I don’t see you again, Nadia...”

  “I will be a happy girl,” she finished the thought.

  “It’s okay,” she whispered. “I understand.”

  Nadia’s eyes watered. “Go on, get out,” she snarled. “You’re making me mad.”

  She heard Nadia sobbing as she left. Julyana’s words echoed in Catia’s mind. It’s not easy being a woman in this world, no matter what. Gay, straight, communist, capitalist, rich, poor.

  Sergei had the final word with her on the way out. “Not the course I’d envisioned, kiddo. But make us proud, eh?”

  “I’ll be back,” she accepted his hug.

  “Who knows,” said Sergei.

  Catia was afraid. She hadn’t realized until this moment how much she relied on Sergei’s control and power in her life. She might dream of Ulexi, but this man was the day to day reality.

  “Master, I don’t want to go.”

  “You have to, girl. I took money. Your ass is always up for rent, you know that.”

  “Rent, not ownership.”

  “Go,” he smacked her ass good-naturedly. “You think too much. You’re a sex slave, you live night to night, cock to cock, go, enjoy.”

  The customers gave a cheer for her. The Italian let her take his arm, as though it were a real date.

  She leaned hard against him, gasping as they walked outside.

  How long had it been?

  Exactly how many days had she been here? This ordeal had forged and changed her. Who was she without the Hole, the mattress and cuffs? Without Nadia and Sergei?