Rachel sighed. “Oh I know, but living it is a different thing altogether. Do you know what I’m talking about?”
Kate pursed her lips. “I do,” she said, “but don’t allow fear to consume you.”
“It takes a strong woman to face her fears and walk right past them. Sometimes I don’t feel that strong.”
“Oh honey.” It was everything Kate could do not to cry. “You are one of the strongest women I know.” She thought about the hell Rachel had gone through as a young child. The horrors she’d had to face. “You’ve taught me a thing or two in my old age about embracing life.”
Rachel’s finger drew circles around the rim of the coffee cup. “At my real father’s old cabin there was a book he used read whenever he was drunk. I think it was a journal he found from a miner. I remember him reading me the stories late at night. I’d get nightmares. He said I needed to learn to face my fears instead of indulging in fairy tales.”
Kate leaned forward. It wasn’t often Rachel would talk about her childhood. God knew they weren’t full of good memories. A drunken mother, an abusive father. Kate knew you should never speak ill of the dead, but Rachel’s parents were no angels. “What’s so special about this book?”
“I think it might have the answers we need. If this myth is true, this journal might hold the secret to saving the soul of the most devout.” Rachel’s face blanched as she whispered the words.
“Do want me to come with you?” She knew right away that Rachel intended to go to the cabin for this book. But as far as she knew, the girl had only ventured to the cabin twice in her life since her father killed her mother and left Rachel alone in the woods.
Rachel shook her head. “No. This is one fear I need to face. His ghost can’t scare me. Not anymore.”
Kate didn’t think that was a wise move. “Take Nathan with you at least.”
Rachel’s brow lifted. “He’s too scared to face his own past. I don’t think asking him to face mine would be right. Not now at least. Our relationship seems to be at a standstill.” Rachel shrugged her shoulder. “I’ll be fine.”
Kate bit her lip. Jack would be telling her to mind her own business right about now.
“Do you love him?”
A myriad of emotions covered Rachel’s face. “It’s hard to love a man who won’t be honest with you, let alone himself.” She sighed. “It’s even harder to love a man who doesn’t love you back.”
Kate shook her head. That wasn’t true. “He loves you Rachel. He’s just confused. His anger towards God masks everything else in his life.”
The smile Rachel gave Kate was half-hearted. “He doesn’t seem to be confused when it comes to Eva. Have you noticed that?”
Kate had. And she didn’t like it.
Kate sat in silence, contemplating her answer. She casually glanced back out the window and noticed Eva was no longer alone. Nathan now sat beside her on a park bench, facing the large walnut tree in the centre.
Something was going on between those two. Since the day Eva first drove into town on that fancy motorbike of hers she’d stuck to Nathan’s side like glue. Kate pursed her lips. She didn’t like it. Not one bit. If that boy had any soul left to save, spending time with that devil’s child wasn’t the answer.
“Don’t give up hope.” Kate said. “He needs you. More than he knows.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
A chair scraped against the cold hard floor. Joanne struggled to raise herself up from where she lay.
“I’ve got to tell you, Joanne, for a while there our son was turning out to be a disappointment.”
“He’s not your son. He’ll never be.” She spit the words out as her anger rose to the surface. She bit her lip. Letting him rile her was a mistake.
“There’s the spunk I’ve missed.”
Joanne snorted, then winced at the pain. “I doubt that.” The moment he’d walked out of her life forty years ago proved it. So why was he back? There was nothing she could do for him.
“You’re wrong. Why do you think I picked you in the first place? That wasn’t a random meeting. I didn’t set foot in a church to pray to God.” The disgust in his voice mystified her. She’d forgotten he could read her thoughts.
“What do you want, Max? Or is that even your name?”
The chill in his laughter caused shivers to run along her skin.
“Close. Morax.” The pride in his voice sickened her.
Morax. Dread filled her soul. The last name of her doctor was Morax.
How? She would have recognized him. Dr. Morax was a Christian man, she was sure of it. She never saw demons surrounding him. There was a bright glow about him. It’s why she trusted him so much.
Then she remembered that she’d never seen demons around Max either. Not until the very end.
“What do you want?” She couldn’t imagine what he wanted with her. It didn’t make sense. She was older now, while he sounded as if he’d never aged. She hadn’t lived in the real l for years. Her son had forgotten about her. She was of no use to the man she’d once loved more than life.
“The pastor aspect to our son surprised me. Your influence was too strong. So was that weak willed woman he married. I knew getting you out of the way was the key. He’s right where I need him to be. And don’t worry, he’s not alone. Hasn’t been for a long time. And soon he’ll realize that.”
She was glad for her forced blindness. For years she’d longed for just one more look of his face but now she welcomed the dark. The cold from the cement seeped into her bones and she tried to readjust her angle. Her numb limbs wouldn’t respond.
At the snap of his fingers icy, talons grabbed hold of her body and lifted her. Demons. His minions. If she’d been able to see them when she’d first met Max, she would never have fallen for him. It wasn’t until afterward, after she’d given her virginity to him.
The radiant skin of a fallen angel only diminishes with time. It fades but never goes away.
“Leave me alone,” she muttered, angry at herself for dwelling on him, on their past.
“I’ve never left you alone. Why would I start now?” The husky tone to Max’s voice warned her.
Her body stiffened when he held her and drew her close. She angled her head away from his chest. She stifled a scream as it lodged in her throat. He took three steps and placed her on a softer surface. Rusted springs creaked as her weight bore down on them. She imagined herself on a cot and tried not to think about what infested the mattress she laid on.
“I’m hurt, Joanne. To think that after all my tender care towards you as a patient, that you would feel this way about me now. Have I ever let you down? I gave you the greatest gift I could. A son. Our son - made for greatness. I’ve taken care of you when everyone else forgot you. I’m hurt.”
Her hands fisted and her nails dug into her palms. Sincerity dripped from his voice like poison from a forked tongue. Under her breath she prayed the Lord’s Prayer.
“Why do you bother? He’s already given up on you. He tested you and you failed. He may be the God of second chances, but when you sell your soul to the Fallen, there’s no second chance.”
She listened for his footsteps. She needed him to walk away. To leave her alone. To stop reading her every thought.
“I’ll never leave you. Nor forsake you.”
His bitter laugh as he walked away filled her with dread.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Aren’t you freezing?”
Nathan scuffed his feet against the fallen leaves. He hunched his shoulders against the brisk wind at his back.
Eva shrugged. “I feel alive. That’s what matters, isn’t it?” She patted the space beside her on the bench.
He glanced over his shoulder towards the windows of the cafe. He’d seen Kate in the window earlier, sitting with Rachel when he’d pulled up, but it was the draw of motorcycle parked across the road that pulled him.
He cleared his throat as he sat down. “I owe you an apology.”
“Yeah.
You do.” Eva crossed her arms.
She wasn’t going to make this easy for him.
“Thank you for the journal. It’s been a long time since I last wrote in one. I—”
“Need it. I know.” A brief smiled graced her face, her cheeks flushed from the cool breeze. Her long black hair rose slightly in the wind and Nathan swallowed.
“How did you know?” He’d never told anyone about his journalling habit that died along with Sue.
Eva’s eyebrow rose as she twisted towards him and rested her arm on the back of the bench. “It’s kind of hard to miss your bookshelf full of journals. I noticed you didn’t have one yet for this year, or for last year. I know it’ll be hard, but…” Her shoulder lifted in a shrug as she bit her lip.
“Sue used to buy me my journals.” A shiver ran down his back. He’d promised Sue yesterday at her graveside that he’d start to journal again.
“She never would have wanted you to stop.” Her fingers teased the back of his neck with their gentle caress. It didn’t take much for him to imagine the feel of her fingers in his hair—stop. He shouldn’t be going there with his thoughts.
“There’s a lot of things Sue wouldn’t have wanted me to do that I’ve done since her death.” Nathan shrugged.
Eva gave him a smile that told him she knew more than she let on. More than he thought she knew. “You’re a changed man. Don’t beat yourself up over what could have been. Living in the past only hurts you, no one else.”
Silence reigned between them. Memories of decisions made played out in front of Nathan. Of stepping down as pastor, of turning his back on God. Decisions he could never redo. He glanced at Eva only to find her staring at him.
Eva nodded her head towards the cafe. “Go on. They’re waiting for you.”
Nathan glanced over his shoulder. The parking lot to the cafe was empty save for his Jeep and two pick up trucks. Which was odd. The place was normally packed in the mornings. Everyone came for Jack’s breakfast waffles or eggs.
The sight of her motorbike snagged a memory.
“When you zipped past me yesterday on the highway, didn’t you notice the crows?” They’d invaded his dreams last night, their beady eyes hounding him.
Her eyes darkened as she stared at him before turning her head and staring off into the distance. “Yeah, I noticed.” Something in her voice caught his attention.
“I’ve never seen so many of them before, not like that.”
Eva withdrew her arm from the back of the bench and gripped her hands together. “My…father…believes the gods use them as messengers,” her voice dropped.
Nathan leaned forward. Eva never talked about her father unless it was to call him devil incarnate.
“He used to tell me if I ever needed help, to search for a crow. There would always be one around when I needed it.” She laughed, bitterness laced in the sound. “What parent tells his daughter to search for a crow?” She shook her head. Nathan noticed her knuckles were white. “Funny thing was, he was right. Whether I want them there or not, there is always a crow.” She bit her lip, the sadness evident on her face. “Never a father.”
Nathan reached out and covered her hands with his own. Eva unclenched her hands and threaded her fingers through his. She winked as he smiled at her.
“Go on,” she said. “If you’re not careful, Kate will serve you cold coffee.”
Nathan stood but didn’t let go of Eva’s hand. He didn’t think he could even if he had wanted to. “Come with me.”
Eva chuckled. “Kate would have a heart attack if I stepped foot in her store. And poor little Rachel would be beside herself. I don’t mind sharing you.” There was a gleam in her eyes, a predatory glance. “For now.” She smirked.
Nathan took a step back, letting go of her hand. He watched as she clenched her fist and stuck both hands inside her black leather jacket pockets. She leaned back against the bench,kicked out her legs and crossed them at the ankles. Her head dropped back, her black hair swinging close towards the ground. The way her lashes brushed her cheeks as she closed her eyes…Nathan’s heart skipped a beat.
Mine.
The thought startled him. He turned towards the cafe, knowing there was another woman inside he should be claiming instead. If he had any hope of redeeming himself, of getting back to the life he once had lived, it was with Rachel. Not Eva.
So why was every step he took away from the beautiful woman on the bench difficult? Why did his throat tighten at the thought of leaving her?
A harsh caw filled the air. Nathan glanced up to find a single crow circling the air above him.
“See Nathan. They’re always there.” Eva’s voice carried across the park.
*****
Nathan rubbed his chilled hands together as he stepped into the cafe. He spied Jack in the corner pouring coffee into mugs resting on a tray.
“Please tell me one of those is for me,” Nathan called out as he walked over to where Jack stood.
The big man shrugged one shoulder before he turned, a fierce frown covering his face.
Nathan smiled sheepishly. He had no idea why Jack was in a sour mood, but he knew enough to keep quiet.
“About time you got here,” Jack grumbled as he grabbed another mug and slammed it down on the counter. He glared at Nathan while he filled it up to the brim with coffee.
“Damn diner is too quiet this morning. Crazy folks believing demons walk the streets.” Jack narrowed his gaze.
Nathan gave a quick glance over his shoulder to the empty street outside. “What demons?” He noticed Eva still sat on the bench, her body hunched over so that her hands hung below her knees. He never did ask why she was out there, alone.
Jack growled low under his breath, causing Nathan to take a step away from the counter. Pure anger filtered across Jack’s face as he glared at Nathan.
“What’s going on, Jack?”
“As if you don’t know.” Jack marched around the corner of the counter. Nathan took another step backwards but the back of his legs hit the bar stool. He reached behind him and placed his palm on the counter.
“You need to ask?” Jack stabbed his finger against Nathan’s chest. “You brought a demon into this diner last night.”
Nathan’s eyes widened. “It was already here.” His chest ached. Jack had used every ounce of strength is in his bulging muscles and damn it hurt. “Whatever that …thing…was, it was already here when I arrived. Kate served the man a coffee. I didn’t bring him…it…in.” Anger boiled inside Nathan’s soul. How dare Jack accuse him of something like that.
Jack glanced behind him before directing his gaze back at Nathan. “Kate saw nothing. You were the one to see that cursed thing last night. Not Kate. Don’t go blaming her for something that is your fault.”
Nathan brought his arms up and knocked Jack’s hand away. “I’m not blaming anybody for anything. What the hell is your problem today?”
Jack took a step back before rubbing his hands over his face. When he took them away, he looked haggard.
“Something is happening in our town and I don’t like it. Not when it affects Kate. Cause then it affects me. You’ve got her worried, boy. You keep running in circles when it comes to the calling God has on your life. And let me tell you —I’m getting tired of seeing you make the same mistakes. Reminds me of my dog chasing its tail.”
Nathan’s jaw dropped. Jack was the one man Nathan knew would always be there for him, supporting him and offering a listening ear when Nathan needed it. Not once since before Sue’s death had Jack confronted him like this.
“Well, Jack--”
“Don’t bother trying to explain. I’ve had enough of all your silly excuses and explanations. Mood swings are fine for children, but you are a grown man. When you’re beaten down, act like a man. Swing back. There’s always a season for sorrow and questioning. I reckon God ain’t too afraid of our questions and He’ll even give us a bit of leeway when we need them. Yours have gone on for long enough.” Jack
crossed his arms. “Step up and be the man God made you to be instead of the boy you used to be.” He turned away and headed back to the kitchen.
“Now go on over and give my Kate a big hug. She’s been waiting for you.” Jack called over his shoulder.
Nathan reached for the mug Jack had left and filled it with coffee from the pot sitting on the electric warmer. Sure, he was mad at God. Why wouldn’t he be? God let his wife and unborn child die. But that was in the past. Every man made a course change in their life one time or another. Just because he used to be a pastor didn’t mean he always had to be one. Didn’t mean he wanted to be one either.
Why believe in a God who didn’t believe in you?
CHAPTER NINE
Kate couldn’t figure out Jack this morning. She heard the tongue-lashing he’d given Nathan. Everyone in the diner had heard. It’d been a long time coming, but that didn’t excuse his gruffness. The man was cranky and she hated to see Jack in that mood. She relied on him to be her rock. Especially when she was having a bad day.
Like today.
“Sorry, Kate,” Nathan mumbled sat in the booth beside Rachel and reached for her hand.
“What are you apologizing for?” She leaned back in the booth and watched the silent exchange that occurred between the two.
“You don’t need to worry about me. I’m okay,” Nathan shrugged his shoulder before reaching for his coffee mug.
Kate snorted. “That’s the largest bald-faced lie I’ve heard today. Try again.”
Nathan just shrugged. Kate shook her head at the boy. Some day he’d get rid of the blinders he wore. She just wished the walls he built around his heart would crumble. She was getting tired of the hard exterior.
“Was the cake okay?” Rachel’s soft voice broke the silence.
Kate held her breath, unsure how Nathan would respond. If he hurt this girl, she’d make sure Jack broke a few fingers. Her lips pursed together. Son of her heart or not, the boy needed to learn a lesson if he broke Rachel’s heart. She caught the brief clouding in his gaze as he glanced at her before looking towards Rachel.
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