An uncomfortable silence fell over the group and several minutes ticked by with no one looking at anyone else.
“I think,” Brandon said finally, “that you’re not listening to your own words, Ben.”
“Meaning?”
“You said Megan has the right to make her own decisions,” Brandon said quietly. “Aunt Charity has a valid point. Megan doesn’t have all the data she needs to do that decision-making.”
“Enough,” Ben said wearily. “I feel like a bug under a microscope. Let’s mind someone else’s business for a while. Andrea, say something pregnant.”
Andrea smiled. “I have to go to the bathroom.”
“Thank you,” Ben said, chuckling in spite of himself. “You may be excused.”
“Go along with Andrea, Charity,” Prudence said.
“Why?” Charity said. “I don’t have to use the powder room.”
“I know, dear, but Andrea needs to give you a stem lecture about not nagging our Ben. Now, shoo.”
“Such silly people,” Aunt Charity said, getting to her feet.
“I do believe I’ll join you,” Aunt Pru said.
Ben watched the three women walk away, then looked at Brandon.
“Well, that was as subtle as being hit by a rock,” Ben said. “What’s next on the grand agenda since the ladies cleared the deck? You whip a man-to-man routine on me about Megan?”
“Don’t look at me,” Brandon said, raising both hands. “I’m the last guy in the world who would claim to know how women’s minds work. I don’t have a clue as to what I’m supposed to do now that I have you alone.”
“Good,” Ben said gruffly. “Then just shut up and eat your dinner.”
“Fine with me.” Brandon paused. “Except...”
“Ah, hell, here it comes.”
“Look, buddy,” Brandon said, “all I know is this. You were the one who sent me after Andrea when she left me and went back to Phoenix. If I hadn’t gone after her like you urged me to do—hell, I don’t even want to think about what might have happened. Or, to be more precise, what might not have happened.“
“This is entirely different, Brandon.”
“Why?”
“You had everything to offer Andrea. A future, that baby she’s carrying right now. What’s it going to take to get through to you people? My future is empty. Dark, cold and empty. If Megan’s smart, she won’t ever return to Prescott. She’ll just cut ties with me now while she has the chance.”
“Is that what you want?” Brandon said, staring at Ben intently.
Ben leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling for a long moment. He took a deep, shuddering breath, let it out very slowly, then met Brandon’s gaze again.
“No,” Ben said, his voice raspy with emotion. “No, that’s not what I want. Not even close. I want to marry Megan, have babies with her, be the best damn doctor I can be until I’m too old to function. Then? I want to grow old with the woman I love, bouncing grandchildren on my knee.
“But, Brandon, none of that is going to happen. None of it. I’m not going to be a husband, father, grandfather or doctor. All I’m going to be is blind. End of story. For the sake of our lifelong friendship, hear me talking. The subject is closed.”
Brandon nodded slowly. “I hear you, Ben.”
“Good. Fine.”
“I’m sorry,” Brandon said, shaking his head. “I’m just so damn sorry.”
“Yeah,” Ben said, his voice hushed. “So am I. I was close, but no cigar, huh? Ah, well, that’s life.”
“It stinks,” Brandon said.
“In spades.”
The women returned to the table and the meal was completed with idle chitchat and gossip. Hugs and handshakes were exchanged in the lobby of the hotel, then Ben drove home.
Alone.
Megan signed her name to yet another document, then set the pen down firmly on the stack of papers.
“That’s it,” she said. “The last of it. I’m finished. And on a Friday. T.G.I.F. I’m done.”
“Indeed you are,” her attorney said. “Except for testifying at Charles’s trial when it’s scheduled. That’s no doubt months away, though. What are your plans now, Megan?”
She got to her feet, a lovely smile lighting up her face.
“I’m getting into my packed-to-the-maximum car,” she said, “and driving up the mountain to Prescott. I’m going home.” She laughed with pure joy. “To Ben.”
Ben finished making notes in a patient’s folder, then tossed it onto the stack waiting to be filed. The office was quiet after a particularly hectic day. The work week was over, and Sharon and Cynthia had told him to have a nice weekend before the two women had left the building.
A nice weekend? Ben thought. Fat chance.
He shook his head in self-disgust and dragged both hands down his face.
If he didn’t get a grip, no one would want to be around him.
Enough was enough. He was overdue to shape up and start working on accepting things as they stood.
First on the agenda would be to call his brothers, which he would do before the weekend was over. The update on the condition of their sight might give him a clearer picture of the time frame he was facing before his own eyesight began to diminish.
Then he had to start dealing with his reality.
A reality that included the fact that Megan was not going to return to Prescott, to him.
He knew that was true because for the first time since he’d put Megan on the plane for Phoenix, she hadn’t called him to say good-night. The previous evening had been a seemingly endless series of empty hours waiting for the telephone to ring. But it never did.
Ben sighed and leaned back in his leather chair.
Megan was doing the right thing. He knew that. She was physically separated from him in Phoenix, and now she was starting the emotional distancing, as well.
She was realizing, he was certain, that her entire life lay before her like a lush buffet just waiting for her to pick and choose what she wanted to do with her future.
A future that would not include being saddled with a blind lover who had nothing to offer her.
Yes, Megan was doing the right thing by backing off from him. Damn it, he knew that But, oh, man, it hurt. He missed her, ached for her, for the sound of her laughter, the sparkle in her big, blue eyes, her aroma of sunshine, fresh air and flowers. The feel of her soft body nestled next to him through the hours of the night.
Would the day come when the memories of what he’d shared with Megan would bring him a sense of warmth, of knowing he had experienced a love that was rich, and real, and honest? He hoped so, because the remembrance of the wondrous days and lovemaking nights with Megan would be all that he would have.
Accept it, Rizzoli. He had to start acting like a man about his fate, instead of a child.
He had to begin to think about how he would fill his days when he could no longer see, what he would do to justify his existence.
Teach, Andrea had said. Share with the physicians of tomorrow what he had learned, the knowledge he had. Make his years as a doctor continue to count for something, even though he could no longer practice medicine himself.
Teach. Maybe, just maybe, there was something solid there to hang on to. Something that might possibly give meaning and purpose to his life. Maybe.
What he did know for certain was that Megan had gathered her inner courage and squared off against her past with class and dignity. And he, by damn, would do the same thing regarding his future. Somehow.
Ben left the office and drove toward his house. As the A-frame came into view, his eyes widened and his heart seemed to actually skip a beat.
Smoke was curling from the chimney and a late-model blue BMW was in the driveway. Ben parked next to the expensive vehicle and saw that the passenger and back seats were filled with boxes and suitcases.
Megan? his mind thundered. Megan?
He ran to the front door, fumbled a second getting the key
in the lock, then burst into the living room, slamming the door behind him.
“Megan?” he called.
She appeared from the kitchen area, a bright smile on her face.
“Ben!” she said.
They moved at the same time, rushing to close the distance between them, meeting in the center of the room. Megan flung herself into Ben’s arms, causing him to stagger slightly. Her hands encircled his neck; his arms wrapped around her waist to pull her close.
Their lips joined in a kiss that was an explosion of senses.
I’m home, Megan’s heart and mind sang.
Megan was home, Ben thought hazily.
The kiss went on, and on, and on.
Ben finally raised his head to take a rough breath.
“You’re here,” he said, his voice gritty. “I thought...I mean, when you didn’t call last night I—”
“I wanted to surprise you,” Megan said, her own voice slightly husky with desire. “I knew I would finish everything I needed to do in Phoenix today, and I was afraid to speak with you in fear that I wouldn’t be able to keep from telling you that I’d be driving up this afternoon.” She smiled. “Are you glad to see me?”
“Nope,” Ben said, matching her smile. “I greet anyone who happens to be hanging around my house the way I just said hello to you.”
“Ah,” she said, laughing. “No wonder Nutmeg the cat keeps coming to see you. Oh, Ben, I’ve missed you. It seems like I’ve been gone for an eternity. So much has taken place since I got on that little plane and flew down to the valley.” She paused. “How’s your hand?”
Ben released his hold on her reluctantly, then held up his right hand.
“It’s a nuisance. Mike Hunt is going to switch this cast to one of those lightweight numbers in a week or so. That will help the situation. Hey, something sure smells good in here...besides you.”
“That’s part of my surprise. I stopped at the grocery store on the way through town. We’re having lamb chops, baby peas, mashed potatoes, salad, and cherry cheesecake for dessert. I used the house key in the phony rock in the back yard that you showed me and—ta—da—here I am.”
For how long? Ben’s mind yelled. Was her car still loaded because she hadn’t had time to unpack, or was she just passing through on the way to wherever she planned to start her new life?
Damn it, Rizzoli, get a grip. He’d already determined that Megan wouldn’t—shouldn’t stay with him. She needed to move on. It was the best thing, the only thing, for her to do that made any sense.
But, oh, man, he was glad to see her. For now, Megan was home.
“Are you hungry?” Megan said. “Dinner is just about ready. I was crossing my fingers that you wouldn’t work late.”
“I’m a starving man.”
“Wonderful. Go wash up and I’ll start putting this banquet on the table.”
Ben dropped a quick kiss on her lips, then strode from the room. Megan returned to the kitchen and began to transfer the hot food to serving dishes.
She was so nervous, she thought. Even though she’d been busy preparing dinner, she hadn’t been able to keep her apprehension at bay.
She was no longer Megan with amnesia, nor Megan Chastain, who lived in fear that Charles would find her. She was a woman whose entire future stretched before her.
She was free.
Everything was different, changed. She didn’t need Ben to protect her from her past, from the evil man who had terrified her. Ben had provided her with a safe haven, a port in the storm, but the storm was over.
She mustn’t assume that she was still welcome to stay with Ben, to remain by his side. Her worldly goods were still in her car because she wasn’t certain that Ben wanted her there.
How would she broach the subject? What should she say? Good heavens, she had so many butterflies swishing in her stomach, she’d never be able to eat a bite of this meal she’d prepared.
Ben came into the kitchen. “Put me to work.”
“No, no, you sit down,” Megan said. “Everything is ready.”
Ben settled onto one of the chairs at the table and watched Megan bustle back and forth with the serving dishes. He drank in the sight of her, allowing himself the luxury of letting the warmth within him fully consume him.
Enjoy it while you can, he told himself. Megan couldn’t stay here, even if she wanted to, because while her life was completely changed, his wasn’t.
Megan sat opposite Ben.
“There,” she said. “I hope you enjoy it.”
“And I hope you don’t mind cutting my meat. Until I get the softer cast on this hand, I’m at the mercy of someone with a willing fork and knife.”
“My pleasure, sir.”
The task completed, Ben ate in silence for several minutes.
“Delicious, and I thank you,” he said finally. “Hey, you haven’t taken a bite yet.”
“Oh.” Megan shoveled in a forkful of potatoes.
“So,” Ben said. “Bring me up to date on your doings. I know you’ve put the television interview offers on hold. I know you have a restraining order against Charles.”
Megan nodded. “I’m still stalling in regard to the interviews. I just haven’t had time to really think it through yet.
“As for the restraining order, Charles’s attorney has assured me that Charles has no intention of violating that order. He’s in enough trouble, because I intend to testify against him at his trial when it’s scheduled. He’s out on bail, but he’s hiding from the press somewhere. He’s finished, Ben. He’ll never be governor.”
“Thanks to you. I told you on the phone, but I’ll say it again,” Ben said. “What you did took a great deal of courage, and I’m awed by everything you’ve done.”
“It was the thought of Charles remarrying, of abusing another woman, that gave me the strength to see it through to its proper end,” Megan said quietly. “I just have to wait to testify at the trial. In my mind, though, I’m free.”
Ben nodded. “Yes. Yes, you are.”
“I signed documents today regarding a new settlement in connection with the divorce.”
“Oh,?”
“I told my attorney that I didn’t want anything except my personal belongings and the small amount of money I’d brought to the marriage so I would have a nest egg to begin my new life. He convinced me I was making an enormous mistake.”
“Oh?” Ben repeated.
“He said that the original settlement had been grossly unfair, that this was a community property state and, heaven knew, I’d earned a right to my half of Charles’s assets. He went on and on about how I should be able to do whatever I wished now and deserved more than just a little nest egg.”
Ben nodded. “He’s right. I guess I underestimated your old suit-and-tie guy.”
“Well, I finally agreed and...and it would seem that I’m going to be a very wealthy woman, Ben. Stocks will be liquidated, the house and other properties sold, and so forth. I opened a special account where the money can be deposited. I came away with a huge sum already from the checking and savings accounts.”
“Ah, there we go,” Ben said, waggling his eyebrows at her. “I am now officially after your money.”
“Okay,” Megan said with a shrug, then laughed. “Oh, my, so much has happened so quickly that my head is spinning. I think I need some time for it all to sink in.”
“Mmm,” Ben said. “That makes sense. It’s wise, too. You shouldn’t make any hasty decisions.”
“Or I’ll repent in leisure?”
“However that saying goes,” he said, looking directly at her. “You need to consider all your options, Megan. You can do--be--anything you wish.”
Megan averted her gaze from Ben’s and fiddled with her spoon.
“Would...would you care to make any suggestions,” she said, “as to what I might do?”
“It wouldn’t be right for me to do that, Megan. It’s your life, your future.”
Megan sighed and looked at him again. “
Ben, I don’t have the experience, or sophistication, to be coy about this. All I can be is me, speak from my heart, be honest.” She drew a shuddering breath. “L ..I love you, Ben Rizzoli. I want to stay here, with you. That’s what I wish, what I want, with all my heart. I truly love you, Ben.”
Yes! Ben thought.
No! his mind hammered in the next instant
“I...um...don’t know quite what to say here, Megan. I’m very flattered, believe me, but—”
“But you don’t love me,” Megan said, attempting and failing to produce a smile. Quick tears filled her eyes and she got to her feet. “That’s clear enough. Silly me, I thought you did love me.
“Would you like some cherry cheesecake? I’ll clean the kitchen, then head into town and see if there’s a room available at Hamilton House. A suite, maybe. Heaven knows, I can afford it. Yes, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll pamper myself with room service and—”
“Damn it, Megan,” Ben said, lunging to his feet and nearly toppling his chair over. “Stop it.” He moved around the table to grip her shoulders, the cast a heavy weight where his hands landed. “Don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what, Ben?” she said, tears shimmering in her eyes. “I’m accepting the fact that you don’t return my feelings in kind. I’m attempting to be very adult about this. There’s nothing for you to be so angry about. It’s no one’s fault that you don’t love me as I love you.”
“Don’t love you?” he hollered. “What do you think this has all meant to me? Everything we’ve shared, been through together? What kind of man do you believe I am? Not love you? Ah, hell, Megan, I love you more than I could ever begin to put into words. I—damn it, what am I doing? Saying?”
Ben stepped back and dragged his uninjured hand through his hair.
“You...you love me?” Megan whispered, dashing two tears from her cheeks. “You’re in love with me?”
“Yes. No. Forget it,” Ben said, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Doesn’t matter?” Megan gripped Ben’s biceps and looked at him intently. “How can you say that? We’re in love with each other, Ben. How can that possibly not matter?”
The Most Eligible M.D. (The Bachelor Bet #3) Page 15
