“Megan, wake up,” he said, a pulse beating rapidly in his temple. “Everything has changed for you. You... are... free. The demons of your past are gone. You have your whole life ahead of you. Nothing has changed for me. I still have no future, nothing to offer you. I’m going to be blind.”
“I know that, Ben,” she said softly.
“Do you? Really?” he shot back. “Or are you going around in a rosy glow? Damn it, Megan, what I’m facing is why my feelings for you don’t matter. I’m not free of my demons and I never will be. Your future is not with me. It’s not.”
“Are...are you sending me away?”
“I can’t ask you to stay,” he said, his voice rough with emotion.
“And if I choose to stay?”
“Don’t be a fool, Megan. Get in your fancy car and go, as fast and as far as you can.”
“Is that what you want, Ben?” she said, tears echoing in her voice.
“Megan, please, you’re ripping me up,” he said, shaking his head. “What I want? I want it all, lady. I want to marry you, watch you grow big with my baby nestled inside you, spend the rest of my life with you.
“But, Megan? I want to see you every morning when I wake up. See our child’s first smile, first steps. See you when we’re old and gray, and playing with our grandchildren. I want to see.”
“Oh, Ben,” Megan said, a sob catching in her throat.
“Megan, make a life for yourself somewhere else, with someone else. Get everything you deserve to have. Do it, Megan.”
A shiver coursed through her, then she lifted her chin.
“Perhaps you’re right,” she said. “I’m reacting from emotion, instead of logic.”
“No joke,” Ben said, a bitter edge to his voice.
“However,” she said, pointing one finger in the air, “we’ve established the fact that I shouldn’t do anything hasty. I’ve had a great deal heaped on my plate at once, and I need to consider all my options. Therefore...” She tapped her finger against her chin.
“Therefore?” Ben said, narrowing his eyes.
“No past, no future...just now. You were the one who initially said we should exist in the now. Correct? Right.” Megan shrugged and smiled. “So, we’ll keep doing that until I figure out where to go and what to do with my newfound freedom and wealth.”
“What are you up to, Megan?” Ben said, studying her intently.
“Nothing,” she said breezily. “We’ve done it before, we can do it again, Ben. Just live in the now, the moment at hand.”
“Unless, of course,” she went on, “you’d prefer that I take up residency in Hamilton House while I ponder my future.”
“No!!”
“Well, that settles that, doesn’t it?” she said, smiling brightly.
“Megan—”
“So, Dr. Rizzoli, here we are again in our lovely crystal ball world, and I have one final question to ask you.”
“What is it?”
“Would you like some cherry cheesecake or not?”
Chapter Thirteen
Megan paced around Andrea and Brandon’s living room, alternating between wringing her hands and flinging her arms out in expressive gestures as she related her story to an attentive Andrea.
“I just bluffed my way through at that point,” Megan said, spinning around and retracing her steps. “I didn’t give Ben a chance to say much of anything about our living for the moment, because I just kept blithering on and on.”
“Good for you,” Andrea said, nodding decisively. “Then what?”
“Then?” Megan flung her arms out again. “Ben sat down and ate a piece of cherry cheesecake.”
Andrea laughed. “Oh, my.”
“He looked rather dazed,” Megan rushed on. “Sort of like he’d been run over by a bulldozer that he hadn’t seen coming.”
“Megan, why don’t you sit down?” Andrea said. “I think you’ve walked three miles since you arrived here.”
“Oh.” Megan slouched onto the sofa. “Ben loves me, Andrea, just as I love him, but he was fully prepared to send me away, to end our relationship, because he will be losing his sight.”
“Are you certain you’re prepared to spend the rest of your life with a man who can’t see?” Andrea said gently.
“Of course I am. I love him. He’d still be my Ben, no matter what. There’s no disclaimer on my love that says it will end at the moment Ben loses his sight. How can you ask such a question?”
“Just checking.” Andrea paused. “How did things go between you two the remainder of the weekend?”
“Just beautifully,” Megan said rather dreamily. She blinked and blushed a pretty pink. “What I mean is, Ben was fine. He seemed relaxed, happy, chatted about this and that. We went for a long walk in the woods, watched old movies, cooked together.
“There were no more heavy discussions. Things were like they were before I left for Phoenix. It was strange, very strange.”
“Not really,” Andrea said. “Ben loves you, Megan, and is apparently eager to postpone your leaving for as long as possible.”
“But I don’t want to leave at all,” Megan said sadly. “I want to stay with Ben forever. Our now is supposedly going to end when I decide what I wish to do with my newfound freedom.”
Andrea laughed. “Do you suppose Ben would notice if you didn’t make a decision during the next fifty years?”
“This situation,” Megan said, sitting bolt upright, “is not funny.”
“I know, I know,” Andrea said, once again serious. “You’ve bought yourself some time, but the problem hasn’t been solved.
“Ben has to realize that he can have a very fulfilling and productive life whether he has his sight or not. He also has to believe that he has every right to the happiness you two would have together.”
“Oh, is that all?” Megan said dryly.
“Megan, my friend,” Andrea said, “I don’t have a magic wand to fix this mess. We can only hope that time is the answer. You’re there with Ben, sharing, caring, loving. That’s all you can do. Ben has to find his own inner peace, and come to grips with his reality.”
“What if...I’m not one of the pieces?” Megan said, struggling against sudden threatening tears. “What if he sends me away, after all?”
“Don’t get gloomy, Megan. Men can be very dense and stubborn, but when the chips are down in regard to their hearts, they seem to do the right thing. Brandon did. He came after me, drove down to Phoenix to ask me to marry him. Ben was the one who pushed Brandon to do that. Ben knew it was what needed to be done.”
“Mmm,” Megan said.
“You sound like Ben when you do that,” Andrea said, smiling. “Let’s give Ben some credit here. He has a lot to deal with right now, but we have to believe he’ll figure it all out and do what needs to be done. Time is on your side. Use it well.”
Megan nodded. “Thank you, Andrea, for listening to me.”
“That’s what friends—family—do. We all love you and Ben. We’ll be hoping—praying—that you two get a happy ending, just as Brandon and I did.”
“Me, too,” Megan said, getting to her feet. “I must go. I’m supposedly at the library researching career opportunities. I’d better have something to report at dinner tonight.”
“Do you have any idea what you really want to do?”
“Yes, actually I do,” Megan said, nodding. “There’s a wonderful shelter here in Prescott for battered women. I thought I’d open a shop that sells used clothes, toys, furniture—everything—with the profits going to the shelter. I’ll fix up the store so it’s a fun place to browse. I’d advertise and urge people to clean house and donate their goodies.”
“What a marvelous idea.”
“I’m going to start looking for just the right storefront to set up business. But, oh, heavens, Ben mustn’t know that I’ve reached a decision about what I intend to do.”
“Good grief, no, not yet. My lips are sealed, except for telling Brandon. Ben needs this time t
o find the answers to his questions.”
“Time,” Megan said. “It’s all I have going for me.”
“No, Megan, you also have love on your side and that is very powerful stuff. Don’t forget that.”
“Yes. Yes, you’re right. I just hope it’s enough.”
Ben choked on a sip of soda and coughed, finally having to thump himself on the chest.
“Chickens?” he said incredulously, when he could speak. “You’re thinking about raising chickens?”
“Chickens are nice,” Megan said. “Goodness, this Chinese food you brought with you is delicious. Too bad I have no idea what I’m eating. Oh, well, it tastes good.”
“Back to the chickens,” Ben said, pointing his fork at her.
“I brought home a whole stack of books from the library on the care and feeding of chickens,” Megan said. “There’s a vast market for homegrown eggs, you know.”
Ben chuckled and shook his head. “Homegrown eggs? I’ve never heard it put quite like that before. So, okay, where would you raise these feathery fortune makers?”
“I’d buy some land here in Prescott that is zoned for chickens, have cute little houses built for them and, bingo, I’m off and running in the egg business.”
“Mmm,” Ben said.
“Andrea could work up some super advertising for me,” Megan blithered on. “If she and Brandon became one of my customers, they could say on the menus that Hamilton House serves fresh, homegrown eggs.”
“That ought to have people standing in line to eat breakfast at the hotel.”
“Sure.” Megan frowned. “There’s just one teeny tiny problem.”
“Oh?” Ben said, raising his eyebrows.
“I’m allergic to feathers.”
“Forget the chickens, Megan.”
“Right.”
Late the next afternoon, Ben walked slowly along the campus of Yavapai Community College, located near the edge of town.
He was early for his appointment with the representative from the University of Arizona, he knew, but he was enjoying the stroll in the crisp fall air, and the chance to unwind from a busy day at the office.
Chickens, he thought suddenly, causing him to chuckle. Oh, man, Megan was really something. He had to give her credit, though, for diving right in and exploring her career options.
But, chickens ? No, she’d come up with another, more sensible plan, one where she should direct her intelligence and drive.
Megan loved him. She honest-to-goodness loved him, and he loved her more than he could ever de scribe in words.
He frowned as he continued to walk.
Their love for each other, however, didn’t change what had to be the final outcome of their relationship. He would eventually have to end it, send her away, tell her to get on with her life and forget him.
Megan was convinced that she could live with the fact that he would be blind at some point in the future. But he didn’t quite buy her quick agreement that she wasn’t thinking past her emotions. He had a feeling she was humoring him, waiting for him to change his stand on the issue.
He didn’t doubt that she believed his losing his sight would make no difference to them as long as they were together.
Well, it made a difference to him.
Megan deserved better than what he would become. She should have a complete man for a husband, one who could give her a child, then stand by her side to watch—see—their baby grow into a happy, healthy adult.
Bottom line? He loved Megan far too much to allow her to stay with him. Once she’d settled on a career, what he and Megan had together would be over.
“So be it,” he said under his breath.
Ben entered the proper building. Ten minutes later, he was sitting in a small office opposite a man behind a desk.
Professor Wilson was in his mid-fifties, portly, nearly bald, and had a laid-back, friendly demeanor.
Ben was instantly comfortable, and twenty minutes went by quickly as Ben spoke, the professor listening attentively.
“There you have it,” Ben said finally. “I can’t give you a timetable on this proposal because...my friend has no idea when this menace will strike him, but...well, the evidence is all there that he’ll definitely be blind at some point in the future.”
Professor Wilson nodded. “That’s rough. However, I admire the fact that...your friend is already exploring avenues that might be open to him when he can no longer see and function as a physician.”
Ben propped one ankle on his opposite knee. “So, what do you think?”
“As far as I’m concerned,” the professor said, “it’s a done deal. I’ll hire him in a heartbeat when he’s ready. We’re getting this satellite campus of the U of A going here at Yavapai. To be able to offer a lecture series in the area of medicine would be fantastic for us.”
“Oh.”
“You seemed surprised, Dr. Rizzoli.”
“Ben. It’s Ben. He’ll...my friend... will be blind.”
“So? His years of hands-on experience will be invaluable to medical students. We’d need a course outline. I’d take that to the powers that be, and we’d iron out the wrinkles with your friend so that the class would qualify for credit for the students, then we’d be up and running.”
“Oh.” Ben shook his head. “I sound like a parrot. It’s just that I didn’t think this idea would be so well received. I mean—hell, I don’t know.”
“Ben, did you notice that I didn’t stand up to shake your hand when you came into this office?”
Ben lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “No, I really didn’t think about it one way or another.”
“Well, I couldn’t rise to greet you because I’m paralyzed from the waist down. I was in an automobile accident ten years ago that killed my wife and daughter, and left me unable to walk.”
“I’m sorry,” Ben said, dropping his foot to the floor. “I really am.”
“So am I,” Professor Wilson said. “For the first year after the accident I wanted to die. I’d lost everything of meaning to me—my wife, child, my career as a professor of anthropology that took me out into the field with my students.
“Oh, I went through the motions, attended my physical therapy classes, as well as those that were designed to show me how to function on my own, but my heart wasn’t in it. I was so angry and bitter at the injustice of what had happened to me.”
Ben leaned slightly forward. “But you’re here in a very productive and worthwhile career position. What changed your attitude, your outlook?”
Professor Wilson chuckled. “A woman. My physical therapist. One day she blew a fuse. She got in my face and told me she’d had enough of me. I either shaped up and counted my blessings, or she was quitting. She quite literally saved my life, right then and there.”
“I’ll be damned,” Ben said.
“A year later, she and I were married.”
“What?”
“Yep. I’m a happy man, Ben. Oh, I still remember the wonderful years I had with my first wife, still mourn for my daughter and all the living she never had a chance to do, but my existence today is rich, full, and I’m sharing it with a woman I love very deeply.” Professor Wilson glanced at his watch. “I have another appointment, I’m afraid.”
Ben got to his feet and reached across the desk to shake the older man’s hand.
“Thank you,” Ben said. “Thank you very, very much, Professor.”
“My pleasure. And, Ben? When you lose your sight, my office door will be open, waiting for you to walk through it. There’s a place for you here. Remember that.”
“You knew all along I was talking about myself, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” the professor said. “Because I heard the echo of anger, the self-pity, the frustration in your voice, saw it all in your eyes, as you were relating the story of your friend.
“You remind me of myself, Ben, many years ago. Let those destructive emotions go, son. You have a long life ahead of you that will be different from wh
at you’ve known, but no less meaningful.”
“I—”
“Think about it.”
Ben nodded, then turned and walked from the room.
That evening Ben reread a paragraph in a medical journal for the third time and realized he still had no idea what it said.
Megan was nestled close to him on the sofa, leafing through a fashion magazine showing a vast array of winter clothes.
“The fire is getting low,” Ben said. “Needs a couple more logs.”
“Mmm,” Megan said, her attention directed toward the glossy pictures. “Plum. Eggplant. Salsa. They’re actually using those names to describe the colors of some of these outfits.”
“Megan,” Ben said, turning his head to look at her. “What if I was paralyzed, incapable of getting up, going outside and toting in logs for the fire?”
Megan frowned as she met his gaze. “Where did that come from out of the blue?”
“Just answer the question.”
“Well,” she said with a shrug, “I’m perfectly capable of carrying in firewood. I’d just trot myself out there and get what we needed.”
“Okay, but try this one on for size. I couldn’t go up the stairs to the bedroom.”
“We’d get a house that’s all on one floor, or install a lift that would zoom you up the stairs.”
“I couldn’t drive.”
“Sure you could,” she said. “They convert vehicles to have the brakes and gas pedals workable from the steering wheel. If you couldn’t walk, we’d deal with it the best way possible.” She paused. “Am I missing something? Why are we having this conversation?”
Ben got to his feet and began to roam restlessly around the room.
“Take it deeper, Megan,” he said. “Make it real in your mind. I can’t walk, will never be able to walk. You’d be out of here, right? Long gone.”
Megan smacked the magazine onto the coffee table.
“That’s the most insulting thing I’ve ever heard,” she said, nearly shouting. “I love you, Ben. Don’t you even have a clue as to what that means?
The Most Eligible M.D. (The Bachelor Bet #3) Page 16
