The Day She Cried

by K. Webster

  My hands are greedy to touch every part of him. I decide I want to touch his bare skin and run my fingertips along his biceps to his forearms. When I touch them, we both freeze. Time stands still.

  “Coping mechanism,” he grits out as he pulls away.

  I want to grab his wrists and yank him back to me, but he’s already climbing into the car. The engine fires up, startling me. I’ve barely gotten into the car before he’s peeling out of the spot and barreling down the road.

  Frowning, I sink into my seat and wonder why he has scars on his arms. I want to ask him what made him do it that first time. Was it after Raven died? My mind whirs with questions, but I don’t dare ask them. His jaw is clenched hard and his focus is on the road. I fidget in my seat. My heart begs me to reach over and take his hand, but I know he won’t allow it. Too quickly, we arrive in front of my house.

  “How did you know where I lived? You showed up the other day and broke in. I never told you,” I say, my voice cautious.

  He reaches over and pulls my purse from the floorboard. As if it belongs to him, he rifles through it, ignoring me. After some time, he finds my phone and starts tapping away on it. Then he throws it back in my bag.

  “Get out of my car, sheep.”

  I glare at him for a long minute. He smirks. Fucker. “Whatever,” I grumble.

  Before I’ve even made it in my house, he peels off down the road. I’m still staring after his taillights when my phone buzzes in my purse.

  Unknown Number: I know everything about you.

  I save his name to my phone and shake my head as I reply.

  Me: Not everything.

  Rome: You have more pictures, don’t you?

  I mute the television and sit up to respond. I hadn’t heard from him in a couple of days until now.

  Me: If I did have them, would you take those too?

  Rome: Yes.

  Me: Then no. I don’t.

  He doesn’t reply and I let out a heavy sigh. Just when I start to doze off, he responds.

  Rome: When did you grow a backbone, sheep?

  I scowl and hold up my middle finger before taking a selfie. After I shoot it off to him, I reply back.

  Me: Since now.

  My phone rings and I jump. Shit. He’s calling me. Before I wuss out, I swipe it to accept the call.

  “Hello?”

  “You look like shit, sheep.”

  I frown because I know I do. After a double shift at Hamby’s, I’m exhausted and barely had the energy to shower. My hair dried wild and I don’t have any makeup on.

  “Thanks,” I utter, my tone dry.

  He chuckles, deep and throaty, and it shocks me. “When are you coming back to the shop? You haven’t showed in days.”

  I could almost cry at the thought of having to go back. I bust my ass at the diner most days and then my free days, I work on inventory at his shop. It’s starting to take its toll on me physically.

  “Tomorrow,” I say with an exhausted sigh.

  He’s silent for a moment and all I can hear is his breathing. “I don’t like you. You have pictures—pictures I haven’t seen.” A sigh escapes him. “That day was too intense. I never had an opportunity to see them all before the cops confiscated her phone for evidence. They didn’t share them all at the trial.” A dark, humorless laugh rumbles through the line. “I did see the ones of you fucking that old man.” I wince at the reminder. “The only reason I’m talking to you is because you have pictures and information I’d like to know about my sister.”

  Is that why you kissed me too?

  I bite back that question. “I see.” I’d never admit it to him, but my feelings are hurt. The way he kissed me at the lake was intense. I want more of it.

  “What happened between us…” His voice trails off. “It won’t happen again.”

  I don’t want to talk about the fact that we kissed and our chemistry was through the roof, but now he’s brushing it aside like it meant nothing. “Why didn’t you sit with your sister at school?”

  “That’s none of your damn business,” he snaps.

  I’m braver without him right in front of me, so I continue to probe. “It was weird. You sat in the lunchroom glaring at everyone. Raven sat outside under the tree as if she didn’t have a worry in the world. Twins are supposed to be attuned to each other. Why did you abandon her?”

  “Fuck you, sheep.”

  He disconnects the call and I feel sick to my stomach. Quickly I text him.

  Me: Why? Tell me.

  Rome: BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO BRING HER DOWN WITH ME. Happy now?

  No. Not at all.

  Me: You seemed fine to me aside from all the hateful looks.

  Rome: Did you feel fine when your dad died?

  My heart clenches and I shake my head even though he can’t see it.

  Me: No. I wasn’t.

  Rome: I wasn’t fine either after Mom died. My moods would drag Raven down. She was too happy and undeserving of my darkness. It was the only way to protect her.

  Me: So you threw her to the wolves?

  Rome: Sheep. You were all sheep. She was safe.

  I dial his number and can’t hold my tears in. As soon as he answers, I shout at him. “She wasn’t safe! You gave her no one! People laughed and made fun of her! People like me took advantage of her! Where the fuck were you?”

  “You think you know everything, goddammit. You don’t know shit,” he sneers. “I’m not the monster here. You are. So fuck you and the horse you rode in on.”

  He hangs up on me again. My chest hurts. This is the real punishment. I’d thought the small jail sentence and community service was bad. I’d thought losing my option to go to college was horrible. But this is where I atone for my sins. I’m forced to like a guy who hates me. A guy who reminds me every day that I’m the one who pushed his sister to suicide. She’s never coming back. I did this.

  Climbing off my bed, I go into my closet where I have a fireproof safe. The day I’d learned Raven had killed herself, before the cops showed up at my door, I’d backed up my phone. All the pictures I had of Raven were safely stored. Sure, the police confiscated my phone, but I had copies of everything they took. It kept me sane all these months—being able to see her. I had them all printed and keep them in a safe for moments when I need to feel her connection. Once I open the safe, I rummage through the pictures and find the one I’m looking for. I hold it up and snap a photo before sending it to Rome.

  Me: I know this picture right here was after your dad had just knocked you around. Raven was upset about it and wanted to talk to someone. She’d wanted to see how you were doing, but you slammed your door and hid from her. I know more than you think. And if you want me to tell you more, then I suggest you start treating me like a fucking human.

  I don’t wait for a response and shut off my phone. I spend the rest of the night curled up on the floor of my closet looking through her pictures and crying.

  Rome

  I pace the shop, waiting for her to show up. I’d called the diner and gotten her schedule from one of the other waitresses because fuck this not knowing. I need to know when she’ll be here fucking with my head.

  “You’re losing it, man,” Mike says from under a new Chevy as he inspects the broken axel.

  “I’m not losing—” The door to the shop flies open and Courtney fucking Moss prances across the dirty concrete like the princess she is. I stop for a moment to stare, just like every other idiot in this shop. The uniform shirt once again hides her shorts and gives the illusion she’s naked underneath. Her legs are long and tanned and smooth as fuck. My cock aches just thinking about having them wrapped around my waist. Today, she’s left her hair down and it looks less chaotic than normal—almost reminiscent of her high school days. She doesn’t look my way and disappears around the corner.

  I stalk after her, ignoring Mike’s laughter behind me. I catch up to her as soon as she makes it into the supply room. When I clear my throat, she jumps and jerks
around to regard me. I’m momentarily stunned by how pretty she is. She’s taken the time to do her makeup. It’s not as heavy as she used to wear it, but it’s enough that it accentuates how wide her blue eyes are and seems to make her lips even fuller.

  Why can’t I stay away from this bitch?

  Why must my dick get hard every goddamned time I see her?

  “What’s with the makeup?” I demand, crossing my arms over my chest.

  She narrows her eyes at me. “What’s with the attitude?”

  I charge over to her. She doesn’t back away like she’s done before. Instead, she holds her ground and stares up at me when our chests bump against each other.

  “Hot date later, sheep?”

  Her fierce gaze breaks from mine and she drops her eyes to my neck. “No.”

  I grip her chin with my finger and thumb before lifting her head so I can see her. “All this for me?” I arch a brow at her.

  “No,” she lies. Her nostrils flare and her cheeks blaze crimson.

  “You can’t wear shit like that here,” I gripe, my face leaning dangerously close to hers. I vowed to myself I wouldn’t kiss her anymore, but I’m dying to. Fuck, I’m dying to.

  “Why not?” she challenges, her voice carrying a bite.

  I drag my thumb across her bottom lip and smear the dark lipstick across her cheek. She lets out a groan that is more of a moan than an irritated sound. My cock responds by thickening and pressing against her. I swipe my thumb back the opposite direction, smearing off the other layer of lipstick on her top lip. Her face is messy. Like she’s some fucking clown. And fuck if she still isn’t hot as hell.

  “Rome…”

  “You’re not allowed to be pretty near me,” I whisper, my nose running along hers. Her breath is coming out in pants. Fuck, I want her mouth.

  “What if I want to be pretty around you?”

  “Well, you don’t get what you want anymore, remember? It’s about what I want.”

  It takes every ounce of self-control I possess to push her away from me when all I want to do is haul her against me. Her brows are crashed together as she stares up at me with a feral glint in her eyes. With or without makeup, she’s still so fucking gorgeous.

  “Get to work, sheep.”

  Her shoulders hunch and she nods. Guilt claws at my insides, but I ignore it. Nothing I could ever do to her is worse than what she did to Raven. When I think about my sister sexting with Courtney, it infuriates me. It’s enough to bring some goddamned sense back into my head.

  I leave without another glance in her direction.

  I’m lost in my head as I sketch a new transmission concept that would make more effective use of the engine’s torque and keep the engine operating at not only an appropriate speed, but an optimal one. Ideally speaking. It makes sense in my head, but making my concepts go from mind to paper to reality is a whole other ballgame.

  The sink turns on and I follow the sound to see Courtney standing there. She keeps swaying, which has me rising and striding over to her. I’m almost to her when her knees buckle, causing her to fall backward. I grab onto her before she hits the floor, but I stumble and fall on my ass in the process.

  “Courtney!” I bark out as I push some hair from her face. The lipstick I’d smeared all over her face earlier has been wiped clean, but she’s white as a sheet. Her eyes are rolled back and her skin feels clammy. I slap her face hard enough to rouse her but not hard enough to hurt. She flutters her lids open and stares up at me in confusion. My palm has settled on her cheek and my thumb is running comforting circles on her sweaty flesh.

  “What are we doing?” she croaks.

  I smirk. “You tell me. I think you just fainted. What the hell?”

  Some color returns to her cheeks as she breaks my eye contact. “I think I waited too long to eat dinner.”

  “I can’t have you fainting on the job, sheep. Liabilities and all. I wouldn’t want you suing me for all your money back.”

  Her nose scrunches and she huffs. “Can you go five minutes without being a mean-ass bastard?”

  The fire in her words has me chuckling. “No, actually, I can’t. It’s a personality trait at this point in my life.”

  “Personality flaw,” she corrects with a grumble.

  “I’m going to feed you and then I’ll take you home.” The last thing I want to do is take her to dinner, but even I can only be so much of an asshole. “Get up.”

  She slowly sits up and her face turns white again. When she rises to her feet, she wobbles. Quickly, I stand and wrap my arm around her waist. I guide her into the breakroom and she sits at one of the chairs while I rummage in the fridge. I steal one of Mike’s Mountain Dews and hand it to her.

  “Drink this while I wash up and lock up the shop,” I order.

  Fifteen minutes later, she’s looking much more like herself. We leave the shop and I drive her to a little pizza place I used to love to go to when my family was a real family. I know Courtney is feeling better because she chirps my fucking ear off about stupid shit the whole way there. We manage to snag my favorite booth, a round one in the corner, which puts us sitting close together.

  “I haven’t been here in ages,” she says wistfully. She leans across the table to grab the menu showcasing the specials and her knee brushes against mine. Instead of moving it away, she keeps it leaned against me. I should push her away, but I don’t. This is the shit she does to me. Confuses me.

  “Last time I was here was before my mom died,” I tell her, my voice gruff.

  She turns her head and bats her dark lashes at me, sadness glimmering in her eyes. “Sounds like you miss her terribly.”

  I clench my jaw and ignore her. The server shows up to take our order. By the time he leaves, she’s chattering on about some fucking movie I’ve never heard of before. Everything about her grates on my nerves, but the sound of her voice somehow soothes me at the same time. Her mindless jabbering seems to calm me.

  “I haven’t been here since before I made the cheerleading squad.” She scrunches her nose and blows an errant hair from her face. “Carbs and all.”

  I lift a brow at her. I knew Whitney dictated her all the way down to her diet. It’s one of the things that used to piss me off. Courtney practically wasted away throughout high school. Now, she actually has some curves. Her tits have filled out and she’s got an ass. Carbs look good on this girl.

  “I brought you something,” she says suddenly, her tone growing somber. She rummages around in her purse and then produces a picture.

  Raven.

  My heart hammers inside my chest as I carefully take the picture from her. Bright green eyes stare at me, but she’s not happy. She’s not my sister. Her thoughts are troubled in the picture. So lost. She looks so fucking lost.

  “She used to tell me people didn’t know the real her. When I asked to see the real her right that second, she sent me this picture,” she says softly.

  I’d seen this face once.

  I close my eyes because I can’t fucking think about that time.

  I’m about to beg Courtney to take it away when I feel her soft hand on my cheek. She turns my head toward her. When I open my eyes, she’s staring up at me with concern written all over her face. I don’t stop her when she leans forward and brushes a soft kiss on my lips.

  She’s a distraction from the pain.

  Because right now, I want to toss the picture and devour her perfect mouth.

  “I didn’t mean to make you sad. I just wanted you to know her like I did,” she breathes against my mouth.

  I lean forward and steal her mouth. I promised myself I wouldn’t kiss her again, but here I am, desperate for her taste. She moans into my mouth, sending currents of need straight to my dick. I break from our kiss and stare at her swollen lips for a long moment before speaking.

  “She caught me one day, not long after Mom died.” I close my eyes as I remember seeing the horror on her usually happy face. “I…I…” I trail off and swallow d
own my emotion. “The razorblades reminded me that I was alive. That I didn’t die when my mom did. The cuts were never meant to destroy, they were just there as a reminder. And they helped. Jesus, they fucking helped.”

  “A coping mechanism,” she murmurs, her voice slightly wobbly.

  “That’s what I told her when she walked in my room and saw the blood dripping from my forearm. The look on her face…” I close my eyes.

  Courtney leans forward and kisses me again, and fuck if it doesn’t make me feel better. Her of all people. Comforting me.

  “The look on her face fucking gutted me. I let her tend to my cuts and then she started acting strangely. It was then that I decided I needed some space from my twin or I was going to pull her into my dark hole with me. I sat by myself in the school lunchroom and she took the hint. She bravely faced me with a smile on her face when she said she preferred eating outside anyway. We never spoke about it again. It was better that way. Me doing my moody shit and her being free.”

  When I open my eyes, Courtney’s face is troubled. Her plump lips purse together as if she tries to keep words inside her mouth. I don’t think I want to know what those words are. A man can only take so much of a reminder of what an asshole he was to his own flesh and blood.

  She clutches my wrist and brings it to her. My breath gets sucked right from my chest when she kisses my scars that are somewhat hidden behind tattoos now. “This is why you wore hoodies all the time,” she murmurs, her lips kissing more and more messy raised lines. “You were hiding them.”

  “I was protecting her,” I correct. “I had nothing to hide. It was a part of me. But by having her not have to see them, or anyone else for that matter, it was easier for her to stay happy as she should have always been. I dragged her down that day she discovered them. I never wanted to drag her down again.”

  The tense moment is broken when the server delivers the pizza. Courtney, unlike the girl I remember from high school, devours the meal. She’s not counting calories or watching carbs, she’s just enjoying the fuck out of each gooey slice she picks up.

  “Oh God,” she whispers, her entire body going tense beside me. She stares out into the restaurant, her eyes locked on something.