The evening before the big event Marita asked Rose to take a stack of clean tablecloths to the church so the men could put them on the tables early in the morning as soon as the tables were put together. In spite of a sunny sky, Rose was still a couple of blocks from the church when the thunder cracked.
“Oh my!” she exclaimed to herself. “I guess it’s closer to run on to the church than home.” She lifted her skirts a bit in front and trotted as quickly as she could, hoping to get inside the church before the heavens opened.
As the thunder continued to rumble and crash, she took the tablecloths inside and left them with the other supplies for the following day. She hesitated at the front door, deciding whether she should try to make it home before the rain started.
As she was hurrying down the front steps, Robert Sheldon drove up in a covered carriage. Sticking his head out the side, he called out to Rose, “Is your father in the church?”
“He was earlier, but he is at home now helping Mother prepare for tomorrow. You are more than welcome to go over to the house to talk to him.” Almost immediately another crash sounded and the heavens opened.
Robert hopped out and held out his arm to Rose. “Climb in and ride over with me so you don’t get drenched in this downpour.”
Rose smiled her thanks and scrambled into the shelter of the carriage. “You are certainly a godsend today.” She laughed as she brushed the rain off of her face. “I hope this doesn’t ruin our plans for tomorrow.”
“These storms that come out of nowhere are usually very brief. We can certainly use the moisture, but I’m afraid this won’t amount to more than enough to tease the thirsty gardens in this community.”
Robert was right. The rain had stopped by the time they arrived at the Lewis home, and the sun was shining brightly again.
Bess had taken a large pot over to the Lewis home that Marita had asked to borrow. She was inside when the heavens opened and spilled a shower, but the rain was brief. As soon as the sun came out again, she excused herself to get back to her own cooking for the festive day.
As she and Marita finished their brief conversation on the front porch, a carriage drew up to the front. Robert Sheldon jumped out and stepped around to help Rose out.
As they strolled up the front walk, they greeted Marita and Bess on the porch. After Bess left for the boardinghouse, Robert, Marita, and Rose all went into the house.
As Bess walked to Clara’s, she made lists in her head of all that was left to do for their preparations for the big event the next day. She even took time to thank God for the shower. It was enough to settle the dust for tomorrow, but not enough to make mud or to ruin the plans. God certainly thinks of everything, Bess thought with a smile.
The rest of the day she worked hard on the picnic preparations. But, strangely, her mind kept straying to the memory of Robert helping Rose out of the carriage. Why did that scene bother her so? And why, in reflecting back, had her stomach tightened for an instant when she saw them together? There was nothing whatsoever improper about it—except maybe that it was so soon after her husband’s death. Was it a coincidence that they were together? Was there something between the two?
Bess hated the fact that it bothered her. She loved Rose with all her heart and had the greatest respect for her. And she cared for Robert as a good friend. They had been through a lot together with helping Anita walk and then her death and caring for the children. Was she jealous? Was it possible she felt more for him than she would admit to herself? The questions nagged at her.
That night Bess went to bed more tired than usual. She had cooked for their boarders as well as making lots of food to take to the picnic. It felt like she had been on her feet for a month. Her bed certainly felt good when she finally climbed in, and she thought she’d be asleep before her head was on the pillow. But sleep eluded her. Over and over she relived her surprise at seeing Robert and Rose together.
Finally, long after hearing the clock in the front room chime midnight, she began to doze. In her dream she saw Robert and Rose dancing together. She awakened with her heart pounding and muttered to herself with disgust, “They weren’t dancing together. But even if they were, they have that right. Now forget about it and get some sleep!”
Eventually she dozed back to sleep again, and this time she saw them dancing again. Each time they would twirl she could see Robert’s children between them. They were all merry and having a good time. Bess called to the children to wave, but they didn’t hear her, nor did they even look her way. She thought she’d have to leave the dance before they saw her cry, but the tears began anyway.
When she awakened, she really was crying. And she felt terribly alone.
At last early in the morning she fell into a dreamless, exhausted sleep. When she awakened, she did not feel rested at all. Nor did she feel ready for the day she had anticipated with such excitement. She scolded herself as she made her bed. “If you really love those children, you will want what’s best for them. And it would be great for them to have a mother again, someone to be there to teach and nurture them and help provide for their needs. You know it can’t be you. You were a prostitute. No man in his right mind marries a prostitute.”
Bess sat down hard and gasped while her hand flew to her face. “Was that it? Did I secretly want to marry Robert?” She sat there searching her heart for a while.
Then, being totally honest with herself, she admitted that it had never crossed her mind before now. What was truly bothering her were the children. She did not want to be replaced in their hearts. She honestly had wished with all her heart that they could all continue as they had when Anita was alive. She loved being the substitute mother for the children, and she cared for Robert as a friend, but Bess had no thoughts of taking on the role of a wife. Not now. Not ever. She didn’t even want to think about ever being with a man again. There was too much in her past that she had put aside to ever want to try to be a wife.
Finally, Bess admitted to herself that Robert would need a wife and probably would find one at some point. At that time, Bess would no longer be needed in the lives of those children. And if it had to happen, she couldn’t wish for anyone sweeter than Rose for Robert’s children. Rose was several years older than Robert, but what did it matter, really?
With a heavy heart and tired eyes, Bess tied on her apron and headed for the kitchen to make breakfast for their boarders. She also needed to be sure that the meals were prepared for the rest of the day for anyone who remained at the house.
As soon as she started the coffee and began breaking eggs, Clara came into the kitchen, took one look at her, and exclaimed, “Did you not sleep at all last night? You look awful. Don’t worry; you made enough food to feed an army. And your pies and chocolate cake will win the Best Cook Award with no trouble.”
Clara bustled around setting the table, but Bess said nothing about why she hadn’t slept. When the time seemed right, she might tell Clara about seeing Rose and Robert together, but now was not the day or the time.
Chapter 18
The tables were set up, and people were beginning to arrive when Bess and Clara came with their wagon loaded with food. It was a beautiful day—not too hot, not too cool. A light breeze kept any wayward flies at bay. It was truly a glorious day for a picnic.
Children were already playing tag behind the church and picking wildflowers for the tables as the women started to set out the food. Some of the older girls wove flowers into colorful crowns and necklaces for the younger girls. Bess sighed as she watched the children who had grown up together in this church playing together. How incredible that these children had such happy lives and wonderful opportunities. This is what she had missed as a child. But as she gazed at the children now, she mused, How can the other women be so busy that they don’t take time to simply watch and enjoy?
Suddenly something or someone slammed into her from behind, nearly knocking her off her feet. “Oh!” she said with surprise. But before she could say anything else, she r
ecognized the chubby little arms wrapped around her skirts. Taking the petite hands in hers, she bent to give Anna a huge hug. She buried her head in Anna’s neck and fought hard to keep the tears at bay. She had not taken the children this weekend since they were going to be together all day today at the picnic. But she missed them more than she would have dreamed possible.
While she and Anna were still hugging one another, more arms wrapped around them, and boy-sounding chuckles erupted as Conner and Philip joined in. Paul stood slightly behind with a reserved smile. Bess knew he was feeling too old to hug her in public, yet needed to be reassured of her love also.
“Come,” she said happily. “Let’s walk down by the stream so you can tell me all about your week. We still have half an hour before we need to finish up the food for lunch. I missed you all last night and can’t wait to hear it all. Paul, why don’t you start since you are the oldest? You sure look grown up today. Honestly, I think you grow constantly when I’m not looking.”
Paul grinned his pleasure, then told her of the new baby pigs and calves born that week. The five of them walked arm in arm toward the creek and away from the rest of the church folk. But the others seemed to understand their special bond and left them alone.
She watched Paul while he talked. She wondered if he would soon feel he was too old for these conversations. He was only ten years old, but Bess wasn’t sure when boys began wanting to act like men. It would be interesting to watch him grow. She did hope there would be at least two or three more years that she could be his confidante.
Now and again when Paul was talking, the younger children would add a comment or nod and grin their assent to what he was telling. When they reached the creek, Bess sat on a log while the children crowded around her on the log or on the ground at her knees. They all seemed to want to touch her and be touched by her. She realized they were hungry for a mother’s love, so she was careful to touch each cheek, pat and caress their heads, hold hands, or put her arm on their shoulders. But Bess knew it was just as much for herself as it was for the children.
Conner told about the garden and how things were growing. Bess had helped them plant some of the garden earlier in the spring and didn’t always have time to check on the progress on Fridays. Conner loved working in the soil and was quick to tell her each detail of the growing things. He reassured her they were keeping the weeds out of the garden and that she would be proud. Bess smiled and praised him.
When it was Philip’s turn, he showed her that he had lost some more teeth. They all teased him gently and lovingly about looking like an old man and not having enough teeth to eat the picnic lunch. He enjoyed the teasing and the attention.
Anna seemed unusually quiet. When Bess asked about her dollies, Anna answered the question but didn’t add much comment. Her eyes looked sad, and Bess felt her forehead and asked if she felt all right. She smiled at Bess and said she was fine. Finally, when Bess said, “Anna, I miss you terribly,” the big blue eyes swam in tears.
“Oh, Miss Bess,” she murmured, “it is so lonely without you and our mother. I know Mother can’t come back from Jesus to be with us, but I wish you would come live with us again. Every day the sun isn’t as sunny as it was when you lived with us, and the birds are sadder and even the bees are sad.”
Bess fought tears herself. “Oh, Anna! How do you know that the bees are sad?”
“They don’t buzz a happy buzz. Just a sad buzz.”
“It’s true,” Philip added. “She made me listen, and it’s really true. And Daddy’s soup isn’t nearly as good as yours, either.”
“And my dollies aren’t as much fun because they are sad. They were always happy when you lived with us. They used to tell me fun stories, and now they don’t talk at all. I think they cry when I’m not looking.”
Bess was stumped to know what to say. How could she explain propriety to these young children? What could she say? “Well, I miss you terribly also. I don’t know what Clara would do without me cooking for her boardinghouse, but let’s all pray about this, and we’ll watch to see what God will do about it, shall we? God knows better than anyone what we all need. He knows you need someone to care for you, and I’m quite sure He has a plan up His sleeve already. Don’t you?”
The scene of Rose and Robert getting out of the carriage darted uninvited into Bess’s head, but she refused to dwell on it. “Yes, let’s all pray about it, but let’s not tell anyone else that we are praying. This will be our secret.”
All the children, even Paul, had tears in their eyes or running down their pink and freckled noses, but they all smiled and nodded.
“Yes, it will be our secret,” whispered Anna loudly enough that they all heard her. The boys nodded their agreement, and Bess was happy to see that Paul did not feel too grown up to be included in the pact as well.
“Now one more hug all around and then we should get back to the picnic, all right?”
They all hugged Bess again, and then, holding hands in a row of five with Bess in the center, they all started back toward the church and the picnic, arriving just as Pastor Lewis was calling them all to gather around for the blessing.
Following the blessing, the children were still gathered around Bess. She searched the crowd for Robert to know what she should do. She was searching intently for him when she felt a soft touch on her elbow and heard a man’s voice say behind her head, “Looking for someone?”
“Robert!” she exclaimed. “You startled me. Yes, I was looking to see if you wanted me to help Anna and Philip with their plates. I’m guessing Paul and Conner will manage all right by themselves.”
“I would love to have your help, Bess. Why don’t we all go through the line together, in case any of the children need help?”
“That would be good. I will eat later with the women who are serving, but I would love to go through the line with you and help fill their plates now.”
After getting the children situated on a blanket in the shade with Robert, Bess returned to the tables to help the women who were serving. In spite of the wonderful weather, the bountiful food, the good spirit among the people, Bess’s heart felt heavy. She was burdened for the Sheldon children and could not feel as carefree as the others seemed to feel.
As she watched the other families, she noted that Rose also seemed to carry a heavy burden. In spite of her smile, her eyes seemed sad as she guided Mary Rose, Richard, and Allen in filling their plates. The children had already made friends and went to eat with the other children. Rose’s parents were occupied as shepherds of the flock, and Rose seemed more alone today than Bess had ever sensed before. So when it was time to fill a plate herself, Bess took hers over to Rose’s blanket and asked if she could join her. Rose happily made room and welcomed Bess.
“Are you as lonely as you look?” Bess asked gently as she sat beside her on the blanket. “Or would you rather not talk about it?”
“Oh, Bess, how sweet of you to ask. This is actually the first event we’ve attended without Timothy. I miss him terribly. I’m actually quite shy—or perhaps timid would be more accurate—and I miss his way of including me and helping me feel at ease. It is quite difficult for me to be assertive, but I know that I need to be friendly if I want friends and if I want to make others feel befriended. Mother was a good teacher in that regard.”
“You know, Rose, we all have our…hmmm, what shall I call it?…infirmities, so to speak. I don’t know if you are aware of my background, but I was raised to be a prostitute. My mother was a prostitute, and it was the only life I knew until finding this church and these dear folks. Anyway, now I realize how very wrong that lifestyle is. But God has forgiven me and has given me a wonderful new life. However, because of my past, I really don’t know how to be friendly with men without feeling like I am flirting. I’m all right with other women for the most part, but I still feel so new at all this that I fear someone will think I am acting out of place, so even with women I’m somewhat timid. Rebecca has been an incredible friend to me.
Her heart is so good and pure that I find myself trying to be like her, but I always feel like I fall short.”
Bess gestured toward Clara, who was chatting with some of the other women. “Clara has always been there for me. She also was a prostitute in the same institution I came from. She sort of adopted me when I was born, when my mother decided she didn’t want me, and we have always been very close. I am very glad and thankful for the friendship she has with your mother.
“At any rate, Rose, you are probably close to being in the middle of all of our ages, but we don’t really think much about age. Our hearts are similar, and we enjoy one another’s friendship. I know I speak for the others when I tell you we consider you one of us. There are lots of other friendly women in the church as well. But these are just the ones I have been around the most.”
“Thank you so much, Bess.” Rose’s smile was gentle and lovely, and a tear sparkled briefly in the corner of her eye. She blinked quickly and it started to run onto her ivory cheek, but she reached her handkerchief up and brushed it away. “It’s especially comfortable being with you and Clara since you also don’t have husbands. Around the others I somehow feel like an extra,” she whispered in a conspiratorial tone, and Bess nodded her agreement. “I truly am thankful for you and for your willing friendship.” Rose squeezed Bess’s hand gently.
The women ate in companionable silence for a short time. Suddenly Anna ran over and showed Bess a grass stain on her skirt. With tears in her eyes she said, “Oh, Miss Bess, is it ruined? I was running and fell, and it got all dirty.”
The Long Road Home Romance Collection Page 21
