Out Bad

by Janice M. Whiteaker

It wasn’t fair. Nothing about any of this was fair. Why could she not just forget him?

  It had been so easy with every other man she met. All the pretty boys in their slim cut suits at work, all the gym rats, even the guys at the coffee shop who tried to make conversation with her. No one made her think the things he did. No one since...

  It was only a matter of time before she had to come to terms with why.

  Gwen downed the last of the wine. The heat rising off the tub had quickly warmed it to nearly room temperature and it didn’t bite at her throat the way it did a few minutes ago. She grabbed a cloth and dipped it in the water before wringing it out. Sliding down in the tub, she rested her head against the edge as she draped the hot rag across her puffy eyes.

  She was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the insane feelings she had for a man she didn’t even fucking know. Overwhelmed with the way those crazy feelings were making her act. And overwhelmed by memories she’d been avoiding for a very long time. They seemed to be making their way front and center demanding her attention, but she wasn’t sure dealing with them was something she would ever be able to handle.

  ****

  Joe tapped his thumbs against the steering wheel as the streetlights began to flash on along the highway. This time yesterday, the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen was sitting dangerously close to him, suggesting he service more than her drain.

  He’d lain awake all night staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Gabbi told him in no uncertain terms to stay away from her sister and it was turning out that he probably should have listened.

  Gwen was a mystery. Based on looks alone, she should have every single man who laid eyes on her running after her. Add her obvious success in her career and the men should be beating down her door.

  So why him? Why not any one of the men she came across in her normal life? If it was simply a need she wanted met, there had to be any number of men that would line up to work that out for her, but as much as he hated himself for it right now, he would not be one of them.

  He couldn’t deny the physical reaction he had just being around her. The struggle to keep his eyes and his mind on the job was nearly impossible even before she tried to get him in bed, but he wasn’t looking for a bedmate. He was looking for a life mate and rumor was, Gwen was not thinking the same way. After last night, he considered believing it.

  It was just so damn hard to come to terms with. There was something between them. It wasn’t something he could explain, or even something that made sense to him. It was just a pull he felt anytime he was near her. An overwhelming desire to touch her, hold her close, and make her forget what she thought she wanted.

  It was a feeling he was going to have a hard time ignoring if he ever came across her path again.

  It was after nine when he pulled into his driveway to find the lights on inside his house. He pulled around back and parked beside Heath’s bike. He headed up the back steps and came in through the back door, dropping his keys on the counter and opening the fridge.

  “You are my favorite person right now.” He grabbed a cold beer from the case Heath brought and headed up the stairs.

  Heath was surrounded by a powdery white haze that had settled in his hair and was clinging to his eyelashes. A half empty beer sat on the ground in the hallway away from the fallout of the drywall dust. Joe put his on the opposite side of the door before heading in to help sand.

  “I better be your favorite person more than just right now. I don’t see anybody else here helping your ass with this shit.”

  Joe laughed as he peeled off his long-sleeved work shirt. The tank top he had on underneath would be much more comfortable to work in. This room was going to get real hot, real fast with both of them working in there and there was no reason to worry about someone seeing his skin. “Nobody called begging you to come over. I believe you showed up on your own.”

  “And brought beer.”

  “And brought beer. Which I greatly appreciate.” Joe ran his hand across the drywall feeling for rough spots.

  “Rough week?”

  “You don’t know the half of it.” And unless Gwen told Gabbi, he never would. “Why are you here for real?”

  “Gwen's at my house. I don’t know what happened but she was in a mood. That woman scares me on a good day, and I didn’t want to stick around and see what she was like on a bad day.” Heath stepped out and took a swig of his beer.

  “I just don’t know what to think of her. With Gabbi and the girls and even usually me, she’s one kind of person.” He tucked the lower half of his face inside the neck of his t-shirt and sneezed, the fabric helping him avoid sucking a huge gulp of drywall dust into his lungs. “But then I see her around other people, men especially, and she’s totally different. I mean she’s never gonna be as sweet and fuzzy as her sister, but damn.”

  The information dump couldn’t have come at a better time for Joe. Not wanting to do anything to stop this unexpected conversation he stayed quiet, nodding his head occasionally and taking it all in.

  “I’ve seen her punch a guy out cold before. Just clock him right in the middle of a bar. I’m not saying she was wrong, he had more than a few people who would have paid her to do it, but you just can’t go around knocking guys out for trying to hit on you.” Heath went to grab his beer and downed the last bit. “I’m gonna grab another. Want one?”

  “Yup, thanks.”

  He listened as Heath went downstairs. He thought about Heath's words as he walked around the room studying the walls running his hands over the smooth surface, feeling for any ripples that would show through the paint.

  Joe hadn’t expected his rejection to even faze her, but she was nothing if not unexpected. Of course, there was a chance it had nothing to do with him and something else had her wound up. But, if Joe was a betting man, the look on her face last night when he walked out would be a pretty good indication where he should put his money.

  Heath came back and handed Joe a cold beer. Joe twisted the cap with the hem of his t-shirt. “How long you gonna stay?”

  Heath shook his head. “I have no idea. Long enough to avoid my sister-in-law." He took a swig of his beer. “By the way, you called and begged me to come help you tonight.”

  “Yup.” The men went back to work, carefully sanding the drywall smooth before shop-vac-ing all the accumulated dust off the floor and wiping down the walls so they’d be ready for paint tomorrow. They were sitting on the couch downstairs watching TV and chatting when Heath’s cell started ringing.

  “Hey baby.” He was up off the couch, tossing his empty bottle in the recycling and collecting his stuff. “Alrighty. I’m getting ready to head out now. Love you.”

  That little bit of a one-sided phone call was enough to bring on a stab of jealousy. Maybe jealousy was the wrong word. Envy might be a more appropriate term.

  He was happy for Heath. He didn’t begrudge his friend any happiness. Hell, it was part of what helped Joe believe it could really happen. It just made him wish he could get some of his own.

  “The coast clear?” He did his best to seem interested only from the perspective that it was affecting his friend.

  “Who knows. I just know it’s always easier if you come when they call the first time.” He gave Joe a wink. “Add that to your list for future reference.”

  “Will do.” Hopefully someday he’d get to use it.

  “Thanks for coming. I’m ready to get that shower up and running. This bath only thing is killing me.”

  “Bath’s are way more fun when you have company.” Heath gave him a big grin. “Add that to your list too.” He gave him a wave as he headed out, the grin still on his face.

  Joe stayed on the couch to finish his last beer of the night before heading in to take another damn bath. He couldn’t help but imagine what a bath with Gwen in that big tub of hers would be like. Damn Heath.

  Nine

  Well that didn't help.

  Gwen rubbed at the h
ot pink blush covering her cheeks, checking her progress in her rear view mirror as she waited for the light to change. Normally spending a couple hours with her nieces was all it took to dramatically improve her outlook on life.

  Not today.

  It wasn't the girls' fault. They were as sweet and funny as always. It was her.

  She was just...

  God, she was so many things, but right now the only one that came to mind was fucked up. She was just royally fucked up and there didn't seem to be anyway to rectify it.

  She'd tried what she thought would be a sure fire way to get Joe out of her mind. Granted in hind-sight it was a terrible idea, but that was just another example of how very fucked up she was.

  On top of everything, her terrible idea hadn't even worked. Not at all.

  Instead of successfully ending this problem she was having by sleeping with Joe, she'd ended up only respecting him more. Liking him more.

  All she could think of as Caroline and Cassondra ran around her, giggling and bouncing, was their father's best friend. The girls played and sang songs and she wondered where he was. They covered her in cheap make-up and she worried about what he thought of her after the way she acted. She sat at a tea party imagining what might have happened if he'd taken her up on her offer.

  That was when she knew things were not getting better, but worse. Much, much worse, taking her already foul mood along for the ride. She finally gave up and made some excuse to leave. If Gabbi thought something was wrong, she didn't ask. It was probably a good thing since Gwen herself was struggling to come to terms with exactly what her problem was.

  Aside from Joe.

  But right now, she didn't want to think about Joe or the ninety-nine other issues she had going on. Right now, she wanted to feel better and there was only one other option.

  Retail therapy.

  Gwen pulled into the covered garage at the outdoor mall and slung her purse over her shoulder. At least it was a pretty day.

  She wandered slowly from store to store, looking through racks of clothes and displays of handbags. She tried on five pairs of pumps and six pairs of jeans.

  Nothing was worth buying.

  Finally she bought a back-up eye cream and some sort of bronzing powder that would hopefully make her look a little less pale.

  Maybe she could just spend some more time outside instead. She hadn't been outside the office or her house much at all recently. Maybe that's why the warm breeze and the sun on her face felt so good right now.

  She took a deep breath. Maybe this would all blow over. Maybe it would just take a little time and everything would be fine again.

  The smell of sesame oil and garlic blew past her. Her stomach growled. She'd wandered into the line of restaurants at the back of the sprawling complex. A large Buddha smiled at her from just outside the entrance of China Garden.

  She passed through the doors, the cool air-conditioned air chilling her skin, immediately giving her goose bumps. A young girl stood at the hostess station looking over the seating chart.

  "How long is your wait?"

  The girl jumped and quickly looked up. "I'm so sorry ma'am. I didn't see you come in."

  Ma'am. Ouch.

  "That's no problem. Do you have a wait?"

  The girl scanned the chart in front of her. "For a table we do, but you can sit at the bar and order food right now if that's okay."

  "That's fine." Gwen headed to the bar area. Multiple televisions were mounted high on the walls. At least she'd have plenty to watch while she ate.

  She slid into a seat at one end of the bar. The man behind the bar took her order and she had a glass of wine in front of her almost immediately. The girl wasn't lying when she said right now.

  The girl that called her ma'am. Gwen took a drink of her wine. She was a ma'am. Ready or not, she wasn't in her twenties anymore.

  She had her glass to her lips when a body filled the seat beside her. She rolled her eyes to the side and found a baby staring at her.

  Not an actual baby, that was just probably what his mommy still called him.

  "Hey." He leaned in close, a smile on his young face. "Can I buy you a drink?"

  What in the world was going on? "Are you even old enough to buy alcohol?"

  He laughed. "Yeah. Of course."

  "Oh. In that case, no thank you."

  The bartender set her food down in front of her, the smell of the spicy sauced chicken making her salivate. She grabbed her fork and had a mouthful before realizing baby boy was still beside her.

  "You're real pretty ma'am."

  What the hell? Was this some sort of conspiracy? Was the universe trying to make her have a total meltdown?

  "I'm sorry. Why are you here?" She kept her tone sharp. She was hungry, the last few days had been a little rough, and all she wanted was to enjoy her dinner in peace.

  "I thought maybe I could get your number."

  She almost rolled her eyes. "What for?"

  "You know."

  She narrowed her eyes at him. "I don't think I do."

  "I mean, you're a cougar, right?"

  Gwen heard Heath's voice in her head, 'you can't just punch a guy for hitting on you'. Well what about for calling you an old woman who sleeps with younger men?

  She looked the kid beside her up and down. She sighed.

  "Can I get a box?" She just couldn't catch a break.

  "Are we getting out of here?" Baby face jumped up beside her.

  She snorted. "No. I am getting out of here."

  She slid her food into the Styrofoam container and dropped some cash on the bar. "Go play with girls your own age. You're not ready for the big leagues little boy."

  She spun on her heel and marched out the door, not even feeling a little satisfied by the shock on his face.

  This whole evening was turning into a bust. She was actually in a shittier mood now than when she started off, which she didn't think was even possible. Now, she had been reminded she was fucked up and old.

  And she couldn't forget alone, but that was by choice.

  Yes. By choice, and the kid tonight was the perfect example of why. Just like the two guys from the gym. She'd told herself she was just waiting for the right kind of man, but if her behavior over the past few weeks was any indication, that wasn't actually true.

  Nope. It seemed more like she'd subconsciously decided it was better to just be alone than take that kind of risk. It was better to be lonely than destroyed.

  Again.

  ****

  Joe shoved his finger against the button beside the front door. He waited. He shoved it again.

  The door yanked open.

  "We need to talk."

  She didn’t say a word. Actually, she didn’t even look at him, just stepped to the side so he could come in, then shut the door and headed to the back of the house.

  Her long dark blond hair was tied up in a knot on the top of her head. A button-up shirt she had rolled up to her elbows was tucked loosely into a pair of dirty jean shorts. Her ratty sneakers squeaked as she walked across the gleaming wood floor.

  He looked closer.

  Droplets of water clung to her ankles and calves. Her shoes left splattery prints and squished as she stepped.

  "Why are you soaked?"

  She stopped abruptly and spun around so quickly he almost plowed into her. "I was watering my garden and-". He could swear he saw her chin make the tiniest, barely perceptible quiver.

  Gwen closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "My faucet broke."

  Joe walked to the kitchen window overlooking a beautifully landscaped back-yard. Sheets of water were running across a large dusty red paver patio and pooling around the edges.

  "Shit Gwen! It's still going."

  Gwen threw her hands up. "You think I didn't notice that?"

  Joe jogged for the back door, yanking it open and rushing out. The faucet was spraying full force and looked to have been going for more than a few minutes if the wetlands surrounding
it were any indication.

  He turned to go back inside. Gwen was still in the kitchen, leaning on the counter, her head in her hands.

  “Basement?” There was an egress window right beside the offending water line so it should be easy to locate and shut off the valve.

  She straightened and opened a door off the kitchen. Thick carpet padded his steps as he followed her down the stairs and into a beautifully finished basement. He stood at the landing, looking around, trying to get his bearings.

  “What I need is that way.” He pointed to the back corner not sure how best to get where he needed to go.

  “You can’t just shut it off from outside?”

  Wouldn’t he have done that while they were just standing out there? “Nope. Shut off is inside.”

  She shifted from one squeaky shoe to the other. Finally her eyes slowly moved to his, the look in her pale green eyes very different from the other times he’d been close enough to stare into them.

  He’d always seen confidence, boldness, and strength. Now, her eyes were filled with sadness, and the way she was looking at him could tear him up if he let it.

  Each time he was around Gwen there were more contradictions, making him wonder if she was just that complex, or just that crazy. It was the reason he was here in the first place and he would have the answer before he left today.

  She nodded slowly and headed for the area he needed to be, hesitating for a second at a closed door before twisting the handle and opening it wide, letting him go in front of her. The light from the window he'd seen outside barely illuminated the unfinished storage room.

  Large tubs in what he imagined were organized groupings filled a large part of the area. He made his way between them in the direction of the window. A few steps in, Gwen switched on the lights.

  He stopped and looked around him, familiar items catching his eye. He turned to look at her, wondering why in the world she would have some of these things, but she was staring at her shoes.

  “Do what you need to do. I’ll be upstairs.” She turned and was gone.

  He went to the valve and shut the water down, the rushing sound of water racing through pipes stopping. One problem down. He turned to face what he was pretty sure would end up being problem number two.