Out Bad

by Janice M. Whiteaker

  "Was that supposed to be an explanation?"

  "Gwen's just been through a lot and I don't know that she's ready for what you're ready for."

  Joe faced the bar and took another drink. Heath wasn't telling him anything he hadn't already heard before. Gwen's been through a lot. She's not ready. She's not what you're looking for. Heath and Gabbi were like broken freaking records.

  And he thought they were wrong.

  Very wrong.

  "I guess I'll find out." He finished off his beer and set it on the bar.

  Heath shook his head. "If you survive."

  Joe laughed as he stood up and stepped around his stool. "I'm pretty sure I can handle this."

  Heath followed him out of the bar. "I said that once too. Now I sleep in a pile of little girls and their Barbie minions."

  Joe slapped Heath on the back as he slid his sunglasses back in place against the brightness of the sun. "You definitely need a night out with your wife."

  "Well I get one tomorrow. Unfortunately, it's a group of women she graduated with and us husbands are lucky enough to come along for the ride."

  "They tricked you into a giant double-date?" Joe climbed on his bike.

  "The shit you do for women." Heath started his engine and waved Joe on.

  Joe pulled out of the gravel lot and onto the road, taking the lead. A few minutes down the road, a cluster of motorcycles appeared over a crest ahead of them. As they came closer Joe held his hand to the side in greeting.

  As the men passed Joe caught a glimpse of a patch on one rider's leather cut. His eyes slid to the side, watching the bikes in his mirror. They slowed.

  Each bike swung around, making a u-turn and fell in behind them.

  Joe held his speed and eased toward the center line forcing Heath to move outside. When he saw his friend's front tire in his peripheral vision, he relaxed a little. Heath pulled beside him and nodded almost imperceptibly before easing back.

  The sound of the bikes behind them roared as they gained very quickly. The road was clear and one by one, each bike flew past them. Joe kept his eyes fixed in front of him, but the sear of each man's eyes burned into the side of his head as they passed.

  When they were finally out of sight, Joe felt like he could almost breathe again. Almost. He made the turn to head back. There was no way he could enjoy the rest of their ride and the best thing after what just happened was to get off the road.

  They pulled up in front of Heath and Gabbi's and cut their engines.

  "What do you think that was about?" Heath squinted at him in the late evening sun.

  Joe glanced up at the house making sure the girls hadn't heard them pull up. "There's no telling."

  Heath rubbed his chin, his fingers scratching over his gingery five o'clock shadow. "We need to find out if it was just peacocking or if there's something going on."

  Joe nodded. It could be nothing. He could have been wrong. Not seen what he thought he saw.

  If not...

  That would be bad. Very, very bad. For him. Maybe for the people around him.

  He looked at Heath. "Be careful."

  Heath scoffed. "I'm always careful." He sobered. "You're the one who needs to be careful." He nodded to the house. "You should stay here until I see what I can find out."

  Joe shook his head. He wasn't the kind of man who hid from his problems and he absolutely wasn't the kind of man who would do something that could bring his problems into Heath's home. It was bad enough Heath had been seen riding with him.

  "I'll be fine. I'm sure it's nothing."

  Heath nodded. "Let's hope so."

  ****

  Joe tried to read Gwen’s expression in his peripheral vision. She sat in the passenger bucket seat of his work van, her purse on her lap, gazing out the window.

  She'd worked late last night while he went riding with Heath and she looked tired.

  A ping came from her purse and she turned to look his way. “Would it be okay if I checked my e-mail?”

  “Sure.”

  He wondered just how attached she was to her job. And her house. And her lifestyle.

  These past few years he’d worked hard to get where he was today. A home, a successful business, good friends. All in the hopes to find the woman he could finish building his life with. Someone he could take care of, provide for. Prove he was nothing like the man who lived in his past.

  But if Gwen was that woman, he could offer nothing she didn’t already provide for herself. And then some. Would she ever consider the life he wanted or would she expect him to fit himself into her world? Could he fit into her world?

  Probably not. No matter what she thought of him, people would always judge him and by default her. He was used to people making assumptions about him. He’d made a career about proving them wrong. He might be used to the judgment of others, but Gwen was not.

  Gwen blew out a long sigh. He glanced her way. Her thumbs were darting across the screen of her phone. “Everything okay?”

  “Obviously I need to delegate more. If I can’t leave the office at a reasonable time a few nights one week without the whole world coming to an end, something is wrong.” She dropped her hand holding the phone to her lap as she let her head fall back to the headrest. Closing her eyes, she took a few deep breaths. “It’s frustrating when you have to hold someone’s hand and walk them through a job they’ve been doing for years.”

  Interesting. “Other than that, do you like your job?”

  “I think so.” She chewed her lip as she looked thoughtfully out the window. “Most of the issues I think I might have created. I might have a propensity to try to control everything.”

  “You don’t say.”

  She jerked her head to look at him, eyes wide. He tried to keep a straight face, but couldn’t stop the laughter fighting to get out.

  “Don’t look so upset. I’m pretty sure it’s genetic.”

  The most beautiful laughter filled the van. “No truer words have ever been spoken.”

  “All I’m going off is that hellion of a sister you have.”

  Her mood suddenly shifted. “I’m pretty sure most people think I’m the hellion in the family.”

  He reached across the van to rest his hand on her knee, giving it a gentle squeeze. “They would be wrong.” He winked at her.

  He’d known Gabbi now for a few years. He hadn’t known Gwen long, but he would bet money most people were wrong in their opinions of her. His best friend included.

  “What about you? Do you enjoy what you do?”

  He almost didn’t hear her. All his attention was focused on the soft stroking of her finger tips across the hand he’d laid on her knee. She brushed across his knuckles, her eyes fixed on his hand. Over and over, she traced the physical scars of his past with her gentle touch.

  He cleared his throat. “I do.”

  Hopefully he could make his work sound interesting enough she would forget about the discovery. It didn't matter that he never started a fight. Violence was violence and it wasn't anything he could or would explain away if she asked.

  “I was pretty limited when I came out of…” He struggled to say the word. Even now, years later with all he had achieved, the shame still gnawed at the corners of each day.

  “Prison.” Gwen said it easily, as if it was just another stop in his life. Too bad it wasn’t as easy for him. Maybe someday.

  “Yes.” He sighed. “Prison.”

  Joe was forced to leave the word hanging in the air as he tried to resume his train of thought. Seconds ticked by as all he could do was focus on the road in front of him as he worked his way through the angry regret he thought he’d moved beyond.

  He felt Gwen’s hand softly stroking up his arm. He’d forgotten his hand still rested on her leg. “So you decided to start your own business.” Her soft voice pulled him from his dark thoughts about the past.

  “Yes. I helped with my family's construction business when I was a kid so I can do most things. I never mi
nded the plumbing part, and I was the one who always ended up doing it so it's what I’m best at.” He left out that most people who need a plumber are usually more worried about the sewage backing up in their basement than they are about checking backgrounds.

  Gwen nodded. “It’s a good profession. It’s something most people wouldn’t tackle themselves and when you need a plumber, you really need a plumber.”

  “I get my fair share of distress calls.” He smiled remembering a certain woman who put in one of her own. Maybe one day he’d have the opportunity to take care of the problem she had the first time.

  “You wouldn’t be laughing at my expense would you?” She pinched the inside of his arm.

  “Ow!” He yanked his hand off her knee and rubbed the stinging spot with the back of his hand. “Now I’m glad I was.”

  “That’ll teach you.” She laughed a wicked little laugh he hoped to hear more of as he snuck a peek at the tender skin she'd assaulted.

  He’d never met a more complex woman than the one who chose the passenger seat of his work van over the sleek high dollar sedan in her garage.

  "Do you live close to Heath and Gabbi?"

  He shook his head. "No. I don't really live close to anyone."

  “Your house is in the country?” Her voice gave away nothing about her feelings on the prospect.

  “Yeah. You could say that. I have a big farmhouse I’m renovating.”

  “Is there a barn?” He thought he detected the tiniest bit of wistfulness in her voice, but it could just be his own wishful thinking.

  “There is.”

  He pulled the van into the driveway at Heath and Gabbi’s. A small part of him was sad he would have to share her attention for the rest of the evening, but mostly he was looking forward to getting to see her with the girls again. Hopefully he would gain a little more insight into how she felt about kids. More than anything he wanted a family. If she didn’t want the same thing, he would have to move on, no matter how difficult that would be.

  “Maybe you could show it to me sometime.”

  He hesitated. Taking her to his house might be a bad idea. If she hated it, he would want to rethink all his plans for the future. If she loved it…

  Well then he was going to have a real hard time keeping himself from trying everything until he figured out how to get her there with him.

  “Sometime.” He smiled at her as he pulled the keys from the ignition and opened his door. He took off for the passenger side, getting to her door just in time to shut it as she got out.

  Without the door between them, Gwen took a step forward and rested her hand on his chest. “Sorry. I wasn't…”

  She looked down at her shoes for a second before looking back up at him. “Most men don’t usually do things like open doors for me.” A hint of regret flashed through her eyes.

  “I’m not like most men.” It was true. In good ways and bad, he seemed different from most men he knew.

  “I know.” She leaned up and brushed a quick kiss across his cheek. “Thank you.”

  Thirteen

  Gwen almost stopped on the sidewalk when she saw the look on her sister’s face as she opened the door. Instead she smiled and forced her feet to keep moving toward the porch. Gabbi did not look happy.

  “What’s going on?”

  The accusatory tone in her sister’s voice did however, stop her. “Um. We came to take care of the girls.” Did she have the wrong night? “Aren’t you going out?”

  "I meant--"

  “Hey Gabs.” Joe placed his hand on the small of Gwen's back, urging her to continue up the front steps ahead of him. He paused as he passed Gabbi and gave her a quick hug. Even having a man like Joe wrapping his arms around her didn’t seem to budge her sister's sour mood.

  Gwen caught her sister whispering at Joe, but before she could even try to make out the words, Heath bolted through the kitchen doorway.

  “Gab, honey. We are going to be l-", he stopped mid-sentence when he saw the group in his living room. His eyes bounced between Gwen and Joe before finally landing, and staying on his wife.

  Was it really that big of a deal that she was here with him? Was it because it was Joe or would they have acted this ridiculous over her showing up with any man? She sighed. The sight of her with any man at this point probably would have elicited the same reaction.

  “Hey Heath.”

  An awkward silence descended on the room as the four of them stood staring at each other. Obviously this was not what they were expecting.

  “Auntie Gwen!” The sound of two small voices broke the quiet of the room an instant before the boundless bundles of energy they belonged to came running in like a tornado.

  “Hey girls!” She braced herself as they hit her legs, both wrapping their chubby little arms around her.

  “Gab, we have to go.” Heath mussed each little head of brown hair before thanking Joe and dragging his wife out the door.

  Now at the bottom of a little girl pile on the living room floor, Gwen tried not to be a little miffed over their reaction. They probably never expected to see her with any man, let alone their friend. A friend they’d been careful to never introduce her to. Realization hit her like a ton of bricks.

  Maybe they didn’t want her to be with Joe.

  The small pangs of hurt at their reaction quickly turned to snarling flames of anger. Why wouldn’t they want her to be with Joe? He owned a successful business, a home, and was easy on the eyes. They were his friends, obviously his past hadn’t been a big deal to them. Maybe it wasn’t. At least until it hit a little close to home.

  Rolling a squealing three-year-old to her side, she looked up to find Joe still standing quietly in the corner where he’d been since his whispered conversation with Gabbi. He was staring out the large front window, his jaw set in a tight line, lost in his own thoughts. What had Gabbi said to upset him?

  “Come on!” Cassondra was on her feet, pulling at Gwen’s hand. “Let’s go play dolls.”

  “Wet’s go play dows!” Little Caroline followed her big sister’s lead and grabbed the other hand, each girl pulling with all her might.

  “Okay. Okay. You girls get set up I’ll be in in just a minute.”

  Her nieces took off down the hall their gleeful laughter bouncing off the walls. She couldn’t help but smile at their enthusiasm. Those girls had brightened more than a few of her bad days over the years.

  She sat up and started to push herself up. Before her ass even cleared the floor, Joe was at her side, helping her up.

  Years of taking care of herself had her starting to tell him she was fine to get up on her own, instead, she let him help her. “Thank you.”

  She expected him to let go once she was on her feet, but the warmth of his hand continued to heat her skin through her sweater. He looked as if he wanted to say something. Before she could find out, their private moment was shanghaied by two loud little girls with armfuls of Barbies in various stages of dress.

  “Are you coming? We’re ready.” Cassondra jutted her lower lip out as she held up a doll with long blonde hair, shiny gold pants and no shirt. “This one’s you.”

  Joe eyed the doll as the little girl shoved it in her hands. “You have a side job I should know about?”

  “Very funny.” She smoothed the matted clump of hair hanging to the dolls unnaturally bodacious butt. “Do you have a doll for Joe?”

  “Caroline has his doll.” Cassondra turned to her sister. “Give Uncle Joe his doll.”

  She gently helped the smaller girl pick a doll out of the five she had wrapped in her arms. It was a brown haired version in a fluffy pink ball gown and matching pumps. She held the doll up as high as she could to Joe. “We kept her the same, just like we promised.”

  The idea of Joe sitting on the floor playing dolls with the girls was not hard to imagine. He might look a little intimidating at first, but it didn't take her long to realize regardless of, or maybe because of where he’d been, the man was one of the gentles
t she’d ever met. It did however surprise her just a little to discover he had his own doll. In the puffiest, pinkest, sparkliest dress she’d ever seen.

  Joe took his doll and spun her slowly, inspecting. “She’s almost as pretty as you two.”

  The girls giggled as they each grabbed one of his big hands and drug him down the hall to their room leaving Gwen to follow behind.

  As much as she loved sitting on the floor playing with the girls, Gwen found herself standing at the door watching as all three sat on the floor and reenacted fairytales.

  Joe was right. He wasn't like most men. He was different from anyone she'd ever met. Never had she imagined to find a man she could tolerate, let alone someone like him.

  She blinked quickly, stopping the tears edging her eyes.

  Watching him with the girls was bringing up feelings she’d ignored and shoved away. Her throat grew tight as a longing she’d convinced herself she didn’t have, tugged at her.

  A man like that needed to be a father. And a husband.

  What would it be like to have a husband? What would Joe be like as a husband? She imagined he was the kind of man who would do whatever it took to take care of his family. Provide them with everything they needed and wanted. Not just in a financial sense, but every sense.

  Joe turned to her, grinning from ear to ear, his eyes sparkling like the night sky as the girls pranced around him, using their miniature brushes to assault the shiny waves of his hair.

  “I think Auntie Gwen needs her hair done too.” He winked at her as the girls abandoned him to drag her into their makeshift salon.

  Ten minutes later the girls had moved onto coloring at the kitchen table while Gwen sat on the couch with Joe behind her carefully unwinding her hair from three different Barbie brushes.

  “Why are they only stuck in my hair?” One brush dropped softly into her lap. She felt his gentle tugging move to free a brush on the other side of her head.

  “Your hair is quite a bit softer than mine. These little teeth grab right onto it.” Another brush joined the first.

  “Thank you for taking care of me.”

  The third brush made a soft plastic click as it fell onto its two friends. “I like taking care of you.”